Can you get a stronger deeper bond with a mare?

Wagtail

Wagtail

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I used to be a geldings person, until my lovely mare who I sadly lost a month ago. I have never known such a deep bond with any other animal before her. A few people have commented to me that you get a stronger bond with a mare, but that it is harder to get that bond in the first place. i.e. geldings are generally easier to get to know and get a bond with, but if you get a bond with a mare it will be much stronger and deeper. I have had geldings in the past that I have loved and lost, but none have affected me as badly as losing my mare. What do others think? Is it just me? I know some people just don't get on with mares, and I have known a few in the past that have been very bland and aloof.
 
I'm not sure to be honest. I only every had one horse and that was a mare and by the end I swear we could read each other's minds. However it was years before she could bring herself to let down that last barrier of self-protection and show outward affection to me. I could find nothing about her past but suspect she had more owners than I've had hot dinners and she felt that humans were not to be trusted and that they just sent her away every time :( She didn't like me trying to make a fuss of her and would turn away if I tried. She did enjoy playing tricks on me and had a great sense of humour, plus quickly learned how to communicate with me (she was highly intelligent and observed EVERYTHING) and enjoyed hanging around with me but cuddles and the like were out. It wasn't until I'd gone away for a few days, about 10 years after I bought her, and when I got back I went to the field and called her. She came over and stood with her head pressed against my chest and in that moment that last barrier fell away. From thereon she loved to sleep with her chin on my head, me sitting on the ground, or if she was in the stable I would sit against her shoulder and she would put her head in my lap and snore peacefully, and I could fuss and cuddle her as much as l liked, front or back end.

I do suspect that gelding form a faster bond, more like a dog, because you feed them, whereas a mare takes longer but it is less superficial. As she got older my mare got incredibly motherly (she was a maiden mare) and would adopt anything that was old/young/small/vulnerable, showing great care and concern for them. I think ultimately she adopted me. One thing for definite though - you have to have the patience of Job with mares and you can't argue with them. They will ALWAYS have the last word!
 
I think its time and experience, ive had mares and geldings but this mare is the longest ive owned so I would expect that bond to be the deepest
 
I have had both and currently have three geldings. I have to say that I agree that the bond with the mares I have had was deeper. They take longer to allow you in but when they do its a strong bond. The mares wicker when they greet me whist the geldings will do occasionally, when they want food! Also my first mare that I had when my children were little seemed to understand that they were my children and needed special care. I adore my boys but I do agree that there is some sort of sixth sense when it comes to mares.
 
I think its a different kind of bond. I adore my gelding but the mare's I have had have been different. Hard to win over and reluctant to give up their desire for self determination, even though their training makes them compliant.

I find mares fascinating, they gradually let you in if you prove worthy of respect.

We have to create our own personal history of events where we both learn to trust each others decision making. We also both have to acknowledge the times when we got it wrong and the occasions when a mare shows remorse for a difference of opinion, is the time when my heart melts.

Geldings seem to operate in a much more straight forward level. They may be loyal, affectionate and protective but they don't seem to have the same inclination for dialogue.
For a gelding, he seems to ask., just be fair, make sure I'm fed and comfortable and you'll be my best human friend. Easy.
 
fatpiggy said:
I'm not sure to be honest. I only every had one horse and that was a mare and by the end I swear we could read each other's minds. However it was years before she could bring herself to let down that last barrier of self-protection and show outward affection to me. I could find nothing about her past but suspect she had more owners than I've had hot dinners and she felt that humans were not to be trusted and that they just sent her away every time :( She didn't like me trying to make a fuss of her and would turn away if I tried. She did enjoy playing tricks on me and had a great sense of humour, plus quickly learned how to communicate with me (she was highly intelligent and observed EVERYTHING) and enjoyed hanging around with me but cuddles and the like were out. It wasn't until I'd gone away for a few days, about 10 years after I bought her, and when I got back I went to the field and called her. She came over and stood with her head pressed against my chest and in that moment that last barrier fell away. From thereon she loved to sleep with her chin on my head, me sitting on the ground, or if she was in the stable I would sit against her shoulder and she would put her head in my lap and snore peacefully, and I could fuss and cuddle her as much as l liked, front or back end.

I do suspect that gelding form a faster bond, more like a dog, because you feed them, whereas a mare takes longer but it is less superficial. As she got older my mare got incredibly motherly (she was a maiden mare) and would adopt anything that was old/young/small/vulnerable, showing great care and concern for them. I think ultimately she adopted me. One thing for definite though - you have to have the patience of Job with mares and you can't argue with them. They will ALWAYS have the last word!
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She sounds like a real character. What a lovely bond you had.
 
When I was recently looking for a new horse, I noticed that there seemed to be more geldings for sale than mares. I wonder why that is? I had always thought that more people preferred geldings.

I have just checked on H&H and there are still almost twice as many geldings as mares for sale. So not just a blip in the figures whilst I was looking.
 
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I had one fantastic gelding, and then three mares. The mares have been just as friendly as the gelding, and no "winning" over!
 
Wagtail said:
When I was recently looking for a new horse, I noticed that there seemed to be more geldings for sale than mares. I wonder why that is? I had always thought that more people preferred geldings.

I have just checked on H&H and there are still almost twice as many geldings as mares for sale. So not just a blip in the figures whilst I was looking.
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When you get a good mare, you don't sell her.
 
Some people do seem to think the bond you get with mares is stronger, and some people think that sex does not matter, it is the individual horse and people concerned that matter. Does anyone think that you get a stronger bond with geldings? My first ever horse that I loved was a gelding. He wasn't mine, but if I had been lucky enough to own him, I am sure our bond would have been even stronger. I have always owned geldings before my late mare but had loaned two mares for a short time (around a year) that I didn't really bond with. That is why when buying, I always went for geldings. But my late mare completely turned that around.
 
yes i do.

i have had geldings before my 2 mares. Then bought the first mare 4 year old... knew her inside out and trusted her 100% - she took me from being a nervous wreck with scars and a bad back to show for my gelding ownership to going to competing at trailblazers / dressage and winning. She was incredible.
I will never get over loosing her.


My current mare, i absolutely hated her for the first couple of months (i think i used the word vile at one point?)... she was horrible.... but totally misunderstood... i eventually realised the error of my ways as i just "react" without thinking (as does she obvs being equine)!, so we utterly clashed.

So now in a morning, i read what mood shes in (generally good) and we have a nice day :) I dont argue with her.... shes female after all! She will leave her hay now and come over for a cuddle, which is a huge deal as she was very very food aggresive - the point when she floored me in the field in the first 2 months of having her....

So yes, i do think the bond is deeper as I trust her more than I have trusted any of my geldings in the past, and we have really clicked (only took 18 months.................)!

she is also 100% a one person horse....i wouldnt sell her :) my back up plan is grass livery if worse came to worse...but she really dosent cope without human interaction (me!)....she will tolerate other people handling her but she does play up more for other people but will not tolerate no human company :)

:)
 
I have 2 mare who have definitely given me some testing times! It took well over 2 years for my older mare to let her guard down but in return I trust her implicitly! She's my best friend who's listened to me laugh and cry many times over the last 10 years, we've been through so much together. My youngster tried me in a completely different way! Talk about attitude!!... But again she's fantastic and I love my bond with both my girls, although it is different with each one (suppose like it is with children)
I've never had a gelding so can't compare, although I have seen friends with geldings who never semt to have to work as hard to get their bond, but that's coz maybe I'm a little bias towards my girls lol.
 
I think as mares are entires and therefore more strong willed and independant - and like us governed by hormones - they are a bit more free 'thinking' than geldings. My absolute horse of a lifetime, who made me look like the bees knees out hunting as she was so amazing, would have done anything for me and I for her. We had an amazing bond.
I have two geldings now and I do think they are much easier, they are consistent in their behaviour and nice and straightforward. Both are nice, friendly, well mannered horses who I love, but I don't feel for them what I felt for Clodagh.
Equally, I had more time for horses in those days and did a lot more with her than I do with my boys now, so it might just be that.
 
Mares are entires like stallions so you either love their temperaments and bond better with them because they are offering far more trust and devotion or you hate them because their hormones get in the way.
I love mares I have always loved their slight differences mare (for me ) Mares are hard to get to bond but have an unbreakable dedication to pleasing and giving They can be very funny we have one here that wont talk to strangers wont take a treat of someone she doesnt know and will turn her head away if she doesnt know you and you insist on her being near you Once she knows you she is no longer suspicious a will be forever your friend trying to get as closse a possible to you. She depends on you looking out for her and trusts implicitly so if you ask something of her she says ok mum I am a bit scared but if you think it is ok we will do it
 
Wagtail said:
She sounds like a real character. What a lovely bond you had.
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Oh she was! The most exasperating thing in the world at times (well, she was part Welsh D :) ), but I wouldn't have changed her for the world. I miss her so much. No doubt though she is now gateman at the Rainbow Bridge and showing the latest crossers where everything is to be found, reassuring them and generally welcoming them the same as she did to all new horses who arrived in her field. A unique and kind soul.
 
I think it's the individual horse, rather than the sex.

The horse I have been most deeply bonded to in my lifetime is a gelding. Nothing has come remotely close until about a year ago when I took on a mare. It has taken a while to bond with her, but she is now a close second to the gelding. But I don't think it has anything to do with her sex, just her personality - a real thinker and a right old extrovert!
 
Fatpiggy your ex mare sounds just like mine!

She doesn't like cuddles either or displays of affection, even after 8 years, but she likes to sniff my hair when I come back from a trip and listen to my voice. She also plays games and tricks. They are often loose on the yard, and when I open the doors for them to go in at night she won't go in if you're standing there (telling her to go in) but if you turn your back she goes straight in (because she decided!). Its the same with catching her, you can't walk up to her and catch her or she will turn and shoot off, but if you walk nearly up to her and stand still she will come to you! Despite her coming across as really bad tempered, she is the horse I trust most out of over 40 years with horses. Despite not showing affection I know that I can trust her 100% even if she is scared or something the vet is doing hurts etc. Our gelding is the softest, sweetest horse ever (one of my fave things is our late night cuddles when I go to check them before bed, he is so soppy and kisses your face!) but he will put himself first in a crisis - he put me in hospital once when having his teeth done. They are the same to ride, I have a relationship with my mare, if something is frightening, be it traffic, plastic or a jump, if I ask her to go past she does, we trust each other. My gelding will go but will not be as honest about things!

I love them both, but think that I've always had more of a relationship with the mares I've had over the years (similar to a relationship with a man, love them but want to murder them sometimes!).
 
Honey08 said:
Fatpiggy your ex mare sounds just like mine!

She doesn't like cuddles either or displays of affection, even after 8 years, but she likes to sniff my hair when I come back from a trip and listen to my voice. She also plays games and tricks. They are often loose on the yard, and when I open the doors for them to go in at night she won't go in if you're standing there (telling her to go in) but if you turn your back she goes straight in (because she decided!). Its the same with catching her, you can't walk up to her and catch her or she will turn and shoot off, but if you walk nearly up to her and stand still she will come to you! Despite her coming across as really bad tempered, she is the horse I trust most out of over 40 years with horses. Despite not showing affection I know that I can trust her 100% even if she is scared or something the vet is doing hurts etc. Our gelding is the softest, sweetest horse ever (one of my fave things is our late night cuddles when I go to check them before bed, he is so soppy and kisses your face!) but he will put himself first in a crisis - he put me in hospital once when having his teeth done. They are the same to ride, I have a relationship with my mare, if something is frightening, be it traffic, plastic or a jump, if I ask her to go past she does, we trust each other. My gelding will go but will not be as honest about things!

I love them both, but think that I've always had more of a relationship with the mares I've had over the years (similar to a relationship with a man, love them but want to murder them sometimes!).
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Your description of your gelding made me laugh honey08. He sounds exactly like my mare was! She was the most affectionate, soppy horse, but definitely put herself first in a crisis. If I fell off her, she's p*** off! Though she would come to her name in the field, if she was frightened then it was 'you're on your own, mate!' But I absolutely adored her. She had such a strong personality.
 
I have had a lot of horses and to be perfectly frank I've never had a deep relationship with any of my geldings. They are fabulous horses, do the jobs asked of them without question and are very pleasant and enjoyable to be around but I don't have that extra special feeling about them. All of my mares on the other hand, yes I have a very strong relationship with all of them. For me, mares are something quite wonderful but then I definitely have a preference towards female animals; all 7 of my dogs are female, all 3 cats are female and my little parrots are female and the other is a male but I was sold him as a female. So maybe it's more in the mind of the person keeping them rather than the animal itself.
 
Wagtail said:
Your description of your gelding made me laugh honey08. He sounds exactly like my mare was! She was the most affectionate, soppy horse, but definitely put herself first in a crisis. If I fell off her, she's p*** off! Though she would come to her name in the field, if she was frightened then it was 'you're on your own, mate!' But I absolutely adored her. She had such a strong personality.
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Lol, yes that's what I meant about him going past something frightening - he will go if you make him, but given an inch would dump you and bog off!
 
No, I dont think you get a deeper bond with a mare in general. I think it purely depends on the horse rather than its gender. Deepest bond I've had is with my grey gelding, but then I've only ever had 2 mares in the past as I'm a "gelding person". Saying that, I have a new horse coming in about a fortnight who is a mare... so we'll see.
 
I think you do have a stronger bond with mares but it would be interesting if anyone here had a stallion, whether it's being female that's different or being entire.
 
Had two mares and two geldings and had the strongest bond with one of each. Though to be fair to the latest boy, I've only had him a couple of months so it's too early to say.

I think it does come down to personality, both the ones I think I had the strongest bond with were one person horses. Frankie in particular can be quite grumpy and generally prefers other horses to humans but for some reason decided from the start he liked me.
My mare was very friendly generally but again decided I was her human.
 
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