Can you make a yard more social

[Mary3050]

Hi Guys,

My niece is struggling to find the motivation/enjoyment at the yard as most of her friends have left . She is based on a yard with an amazing trainer who she adores, the facilities are great and the care is top class.

In the last year 3 very good fiends have left another 2 people she rode with have also left in the last 6 weeks.

The yard has 32 horses but 14 owners . She said she goes days only seeing grooms and the coach .
3 only come for lessons, 4 are mums with kids they all are really socially together they have a kids kinda pony club. There’s a mother and daughter who are older they only do stuff together ride, jump poles etc . There are two women who are good friends they hack together but are to whizzy for my niece. They gallop about and jump ditches .

Then there are 3 girls who are a similar age to my niece (20 -25) two are very close but are only interested in competing not hacking or jumping. There’s another girl she only comes up with a parent or boyfriend.

My niece has asked if anyone wants to hack in the group chat she even said that if someone wanted to take a different horse they could ride one if her’s . Lots of competition/ dressage horses which many don’t want to do anything but school . Nobody was interested. My nieces friend try’s to get every other week to hack . She talks to everyone etc but nobody is interested in more than a hi it’s a nice day kinda thing

Is there anything else she could try ? She misses her old friends they would hack even just around the farm, one would do poles/jump on my nieces horse etc . She said it’s even just the chatting whilst grooming or hand grazing talking about how the ride went or there last competition etc.

Is there anything she could do ? She even said she may her older one up for part loan just to find someone to hack with/ do stuff together etc

 

[paddi22]

yards tend to have their own dynamics and it comes and goes as people change. what age is your niece?

 

[Jenko109]

Mega corny, but the magic of the yard when I was a youngster wasnt just the horses, it was having friends of similar ages to hack out with and form lifelong friendships with.

Can she move to where her friends have gone??

 

[Mary3050]

yards tend to have their own dynamics and it comes and goes as people change. what age is your niece?

I have updated as it posted early. She’s 23 there are 3 others of a similar age. I suggested that she may get someone new who’s great but she said that the YO said one of the mums are having the stables for another kids pony and the other one of the girls who’s isn’t only interested in competing is having.

 

[Bernster]

Can’t add much as she’s posted on the yard chat and sounds like she’s generally trying to be friendly with little luck. Can she box out and meet others, or join a local riding club or hacking group? She may just have to wait for different liveries to come along as yards do always seem to have some turnover.

It’s funny how things can change, we’ve had a couple of new liveries arrived who are very quiet and self contained. One close friend has gone and the other isn’t around as much so it isn’t nearly as social for me as it has been. But there are two others on the yard who want to hack out at similar times, just not as often. It can take time .

 

[st_marks]

Sometimes it can take a while for people to warm up to someone they don't usually chat with, especially if two of her friends only left 6 weeks ago. The two girls near her age never go out on a little casual hack? And the whizzy folks never have a more relaxed day? I'd be focusing on trying to make inroads with them and if it doesn't work in another few months, maybe consider moving.

I generally have great luck making friends at the barn/yard - even with people who initially seemed really standoffish. It can take a bit of time, especially if you don't see each other every day... and you never know when someone will move out, or move in, and totally change the vibe. I will say that there was one place that just socially didn't work for me - I was the only rider who focused on my discipline, one of very few riders in my age group, and I just always felt like the odd one out. I moved and ended up a lot happier. I work from home and am at the barn daily so it's a social outlet for me... I don't need actual riding buddies, but I like a little chat while grooming/tacking up and it just got lonely eventually.

 

[AntiPuck]

In my area, they have an FB group that shares routes and does guided hacks around local bridleways for a small monthly fee, to help bring people together as hacking buddies.

People also do occasionally post their location and ask if anyone from nearby yards wants to meet up and hack part-way. That might be an idea to try, whilst continuing to persist with people on the yard.

A like-minded sharer who will hack a few times per week on her other horse might also be worth looking for.

 

[Glitter's fun]

Can she invite the ones her own age to do something socially, like a night out or a visit somewhere? Even if they say no she will have given a clear signal that she wants to be friends.

 

[Widgeon]

In my area, they have an FB group that shares routes and does guided hacks around local bridleways for a small monthly fee, to help bring people together as hacking buddies.

People also do occasionally post their location and ask if anyone from nearby yards wants to meet up and hack part-way. That might be an idea to try, whilst continuing to persist with people on the yard.

I do this - I'm on a much smaller yard but have the same problem of not really having anyone to hack (properly) with. We do have lovely hacking so sometimes people come to me and other times I'll box out to them. And we do lot of small group organised rides. Tbh I'd probably advise to give up relying on on other liveries to hack with as your niece sounds like a nice friendly person who's tried pretty hard and it's still not working out. If she can make enough contacts to be able to get a decent ride at least every week, it's not so bad filling the gaps by riding alone or doing shorter hacks. Does she have transport? I found that was the critical thing really.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

If she has another horse how about trying to find someone to hack out with her a few times a week.

Does she have any friends that ride but don't have there own?

I did similar and found 2 really lovely local women who have been riding with me for years now.

 

[JGC]

Yes, I would think about advertising a sharer for hacking out with in these circumstances.

 

[sarcasm_queen]

Just be careful not to be too pushy. She’s asked the other girls on her yard and they’ve said no, which is perfectly fair.

 

[dorsetladette]

we have a local 'hacking buddies' FB page. lots of new friendship have been created via that page.

 

[Kat]

I think getting a sharer to hack with her a few times a week sounds a good plan.

I think it would be worth her trying to ride occasionally with the whizzy riders. Surely she could ask them to join her with a warning that she tends to go a bit steadier but it would be lovely to join them.

The other person I would think about is the person who comes up with a parent. Does she know why? Could she get chatting to them and/or the parent? Perhaps the parent comes with her because she doesn't like being alone on the yard and arranging to meet up would be really welcome, or perhaps she needs transport or there is something she can't manage alone and an offer to help would mean your a new friend. Also the fact they have a parent with them doesn't mean you can't be friends with them and chat on the yard.

Could she try joining in with what others are doing rather than trying to get others to do what she wants?

Could she try organising something social on the yard or with the liveries? Drinks at the local pub? A clinic from a visiting coach? An off horse session like the weigh bridge and nutritionist or equipilates? A trip to a big horsey event like HOYS? A joint table at the local equine car boot/table top sale?

It is tough, I am missing my yard friend at the moment so she has my sympathy