Can't face looking for my soul mate again

[Serephin]

Just a pity post really. Lost my superstar cob 2 weeks ago and I feel bereft without him. I think I am still in shock as I just feel numb when I think about him.

Really want another horse but the prospect of trying to find another like him fills me with dread. I found him through here, as a share to begin with before I bought him and had 5 fantastic years together. He gave me my confidence back and I trusted him completely. Rode him up to 37 weeks pregnant without a single worry. How the hell am I going to find another like him? We had such a bond but it took a good couple of years to form.

I have an 11 month old baby and if I were sensible I would wait a couple of years until I have more time. But my horse was my time, my space to breathe. I fear I might go insane without him.

I rode a coloured cob in the new forest the other day, we cantered through the woods and it was fantastic. I need horses in my life!

But just looking online at horses makes me fret. Saw a lovely cob on Faldingworth Equestrian's site, but after a bit of digging it turns out they were connected to Bombproof and Crack On. Can anyone be trusted???!

Please can someone just magic me the perfect horse, so this gaping hole in my heart might go away! 😢

 

[Supertrooper]

I really feel for you, when I lost my mare in 2008 it took me along time to come to terms with losing her, I promise you though it will get easier and you will be ready to share your love with another.

Only you will know when the time is right and I'm a huge huge believer that our animals find us if you just wait for them to come along.

In my case I said I'd never have another of my own after Amy, it wasn't until last year when I was left some money and spotted my boy on WHW website and I knew he was going to be mine

Give yourself time to grieve and you'll find your one again xx

 

[Shay]

Hate to tell you.... it doesn't go away. You'll never replace him. But what you will do is find another soul mate to fill that hole. I so completely udnerstand how you feel right now. I suspect many of us do on here. And everyone will have their advice about how they coped when this happened. But none of them are you. All I can do is offer you re-assurance that this will ease and you will find another. It may be the same as your beloved boy; it may be different from him.

Having said everyone has their own solutions and because none of us are you they don't mean that much.... try not to rush into anything. Like relationships a new horse on the rebound is not necessarily the right answer. Perhaps try a share or two first? Safety matters obviously because of your child - but don't rule out things that are not your boy. Your next soul mate might be a bay mare - you never know.

Best wishes - you are not alone.

PS> Other poster had a good idea. What about looking to the rescue / rehome sites?

 

[touchstone]

I agree that you'll never replace him, so you need to get your head into a space where you aren't looking for one like him, judge each horse on its own merits and you'll find one that suits you just as well, but is different and unique.

I think waiting a while is a good idea so you can think more clearly, after two weeks the loss will still be very raw. x

 

[blitznbobs]

I agree don't look for one like him. I wasted 10 years of my life doing that... I only found my new soulmate when I went looking for something totally different.

 

[Bertolie]

I lost my beautiful boy in February. He was my first horse and was a superstar. I took up riding later in life and as I'm a nervous rider he really looked after me. I knew I wanted another horse in my life and because my daughters horse was so attached to my boy and wasn't coping alone, I decided to start looking straight away. Three weeks later a 5 year old mare came into my life, she's tested my confidence on a few occasions but we are just taking it slowly. I still miss my boy and my mare can never replace him, and although I don't love her quite the same as I did my first one (yet) we are slowing building a bond, and I'm sure it won't be long before she captures my heart in the same way he did.

 

[BlackRider]

I'm sorry for your loss, its so hard.

I'm sure one that is right for you will turn up when the time is right. As the others have said, there is no right time, just as we all grieve differently, its what is right for you.

If you have any horsey charities or RDA groups nearby, perhaps helpng out at one of those will give you your horsey fix, until the right one appears for you. x

 

[Tern]

I lost my little pony in February, he taught me many things and was loved by many (Including some people on here who knew him but not me!) Anyway, I always said we would never find another horse like him. A couple of months later through a friend we now have the most wonderful 16.2 (pony was 13.3!!) 15 year old Clydesdale x TB called Derek D) He is like my pony down to a tee, spooks at the same things but goes past tractors! We had a little joke that he was a re-incarnation on my little man. I know that my little man is looking down on us and telling us that we have made a good choice!

Derek will never replace my little man but I say don't stop looking.

Also, I would be looking through private homes, you may have more luck. I find HorseQuest is a nice place for nice horses.

 

[skint1]

So sorry for your loss, I am in a similar situation, lost my mare on 28 April, she was so very special to me and looked after me so well. I have so many emotions attached to her loss that i am trying to process, things that make me wonder whether or not I am a suitable owner at all, but at the same time i would like to eventually have a new equine friend.

I have lots of great horsey friends who regularly tag me in in ads for suitable horses, (must be a confidence giving weight carrier mainly just for hacking with a numpty rider owner ) and I really appreciate it, there have been a few that have tempted me but then I talk myself out of it, I just think I could look at a million horses and not see the one my heart longs to see.

For a lot of us on this thread maybe it's just that more time is needed, I hope so

 

[cobgoblin]

So sorry about your cob, I'm sure many of us on here have been through this and it stinks.....but...you will find another horse, and you will love him just as much. You won't ever forget your boy and in more morbid moments will probably dwell on it a bit - I know I do occasionally. One day you will look into a horse's eye and he will pick you.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Rather than actively looking for another horse, OP, perhaps you could spend some of your 'horse time' just browsing the websites. Check them all out, including the ones that you don't think will have the kind of horse that you would like. Eventually at least one will catch your eye and you will feel that you must go and have a look at it in the flesh.

 

[Wagtail]

I felt just the same as you when I lost my beloved mare in 2013. I bought a young filly quite quickly afterwards who was, and still is, unbroken. Mainly because I did not want to have to feel compelled to do anything for a long while, but at the same time, wanted a horse there if I felt ready to start a new bond. I wanted to feel totally unpressured and so having a youngster has given me that space to grieve. I am still not quite ready to put my heart and soul into her, and am hoping that I will do soon, but I'm glad I have her; she's a darling little thing.

 

[skint1]

I think sometimes the impact of losing a horse (and other pets) can be under-estimated. We spend such a lot of time caring for them and thinking about them, when they die they leave an all encompassing hole in our lives that takes a while to be fully accepted and absorbed

 

[Serephin]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I feel so confused and odd. I adored him and I can't process how I feel. I nearly lost him 2 years ago and the pain was horrendous, our bond was intensified due to the trauma we went through together. Now I just feel numb and confused. I don't want to go and collect my stuff either as I love my yard and don't want to give up my space. Plus it'll make it more real.

I felt just the same as you when I lost my beloved mare in 2013. I bought a young filly quite quickly afterwards who was, and still is, unbroken. Mainly because I did not want to have to feel compelled to do anything for a long while, but at the same time, wanted a horse there if I felt ready to start a new bond. I wanted to feel totally unpressured and so having a youngster has given me that space to grieve. I am still not quite ready to put my heart and soul into her, and am hoping that I will do soon, but I'm glad I have her; she's a darling little thing.

I said the exact same thing to my OH, that I quite liked the idea of a yearling/youngster as I wouldn't have the pressure of having to do anything, but would be building a bond over the next few years and when I was ready to break it in I would have more time as baby would be older and at nursery. That was the theory anyway, not sure if I am just kidding myself though.

I do love to ride, and would miss it terribly.

Man this is so hard, my head is all over the place. Need to try and find some peace about it all.

 

[Merrymoles]

When I lost my last horse to colic, I was in the process of moving home, didn't know where we going to end up and could not have coped with a new horse. Instead, I shared a friend's for a few months and it was the right thing to do. I didn't have a deep bond with her but was still with horses and riding and getting my "fix".

Two years on and we had moved and settled and I was pushed into looking by a friend who kept emailing me with links to ads. It took six months and I found one. It wasn't easy, he was very wary of contact to the point of fear, but now we have a strong bond and he comes to the gate the minute he sees me. I would not be without him for the world. He's not my old boy but he is as firmly in my heart.

 

[skint1]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I feel so confused and odd. I adored him and I can't process how I feel. I nearly lost him 2 years ago and the pain was horrendous, our bond was intensified due to the trauma we went through together. Now I just feel numb and confused. I don't want to go and collect my stuff either as I love my yard and don't want to give up my space. Plus it'll make it more real.



I said the exact same thing to my OH, that I quite liked the idea of a yearling/youngster as I wouldn't have the pressure of having to do anything, but would be building a bond over the next few years and when I was ready to break it in I would have more time as baby would be older and at nursery. That was the theory anyway, not sure if I am just kidding myself though.

I do love to ride, and would miss it terribly.

Man this is so hard, my head is all over the place. Need to try and find some peace about it all.

I can so relate to so much of what you've written, the last year with my mare we went through a lot of foot related issues and we looked after each other in that time, then no sooner had she recovered from that, she ended up in the hospital with a respiratory infection which was terrifying, and then 5 months later, she got EAM and died.

 

[Luci07]

Take some pressure of yourself. There is no "right" way to deal with this. You are suffering a bereavement and need to treat it like that. You don't replace a much loved friend, same as you can't replace a loved dog, but at some point you can make space in your heart for another. If you don't feel up to horse hunting, don't but maybe book in lessons or try something different like a dressage or side saddle lesson. If you want to keep your box, ask about paying a retainer but most of all, don't be harsh on yourself because you can't come up with all the answers immediately.