Ambers Echo
Still wittering on
The trees are: good days and bad days, relaxed behaviour, aggressive behaviour, ears pricked ears flat back, walking freely, dragging her feet, off the leg, behind the leg, lame, sound, back loose, back tight, girthy, not girthy, jumps clear, plants at first fence and won't move, gallops freely, plants during hack and won't move etc etc etc throughout the whole time we have had her.
The wood is: 15 months of a pony who has never seemed quite right physically or contented and relaxed mentally. She has either been stressed and unhappy on the ground but willing under saddle, better on the ground but very unwilling under saddle or (as now) neither relaxed on the ground OR under saddle. She has been investigated repeatedly from head to toe and all vets can say is she was lame in all 4 limbs, had a stiff back and was clearly in pain but can't pinpoint any particular pathology. She is thousands over her £5K limit with no answers.
We have looked at: physio, massage, diet, holistic health & wellbeing, farriery, lifestyle and management as well as the most exhaustive set of veterinary investigations which includes scoping, blocks, xrays, scinitigraphy & MRI.
I have invested more time, energy and money into her than all my others put together to try and understand what is wrong and how to help and am no nearer an answer.
We have had a few weeks here and there when she seems like a normal pony: relaxed, willing to work, happy and healthy - but those weeks have been few and far between.
She is 10 weeks into a 12 week walking rehab programme but nothing has really changed: she remains defensive, stressed and unwilling to move off the leg. She remains cautious and guarded in her movement though "sound". She still seems unhappy.
My daughter came to me yesterday crying and said "I know Ginny is unhappy. I don't know how to help her". I started saying about how we were almost at the end of the rehab but she saw the wood more clearly than me and said 'but she's no better". And she's right if you look at the whole pony as opposed to just focusing on one issue at a time as I have been doing.
I spoke to my Yard Manager who handles Ginny quite a lot and has a real soft spot for her. She said "in all honesty I think she is stressed and unhappy. There are times when she is so sweet and gentle that I think the times when she isn't is because something is wrong".
I bought her from a dealer who I now know to be an out and out crook. (I have direct, first person knowledge of her neglectful and fraudulent behaviour relating to 2 other ponies). So anything is possible in terms of her history before me.
So now what? She has not crossed any red lines that make a PTS decision feel right...... She has a better few days and I feel really positive and then she goes downhill again. And that has happened for 15 months now. When do you know that it is kinder and safer to just let go. When do you give up on the idea that there is a solution and an improvement just around the corner when there is no diagnosis or prognosis? People say better a week early than a day late, but how do you KNOW! How do you make such a drastic and final decision when it is not barn door. When she's not THAT bad.... How unhappy is too unhappy? I did speak to my vet and all he said was PTS would be 'reasonable' in these circumstances, - mainly because of her demeanour. He can also see she is not a happy pony.
I really do want some advice. Please try to be constructive and kind. I have been accused in the past of "just killing ponies who won't jump for me' by a troll. (I have never put any animal to sleep in my life! Nor have I ever sold on any horse or pony who was not young, fit and perfectly sound & healthy). So even posting this feels very threatening but I have had such good advice in the past from HHO and really need some now.
The wood is: 15 months of a pony who has never seemed quite right physically or contented and relaxed mentally. She has either been stressed and unhappy on the ground but willing under saddle, better on the ground but very unwilling under saddle or (as now) neither relaxed on the ground OR under saddle. She has been investigated repeatedly from head to toe and all vets can say is she was lame in all 4 limbs, had a stiff back and was clearly in pain but can't pinpoint any particular pathology. She is thousands over her £5K limit with no answers.
We have looked at: physio, massage, diet, holistic health & wellbeing, farriery, lifestyle and management as well as the most exhaustive set of veterinary investigations which includes scoping, blocks, xrays, scinitigraphy & MRI.
I have invested more time, energy and money into her than all my others put together to try and understand what is wrong and how to help and am no nearer an answer.
We have had a few weeks here and there when she seems like a normal pony: relaxed, willing to work, happy and healthy - but those weeks have been few and far between.
She is 10 weeks into a 12 week walking rehab programme but nothing has really changed: she remains defensive, stressed and unwilling to move off the leg. She remains cautious and guarded in her movement though "sound". She still seems unhappy.
My daughter came to me yesterday crying and said "I know Ginny is unhappy. I don't know how to help her". I started saying about how we were almost at the end of the rehab but she saw the wood more clearly than me and said 'but she's no better". And she's right if you look at the whole pony as opposed to just focusing on one issue at a time as I have been doing.
I spoke to my Yard Manager who handles Ginny quite a lot and has a real soft spot for her. She said "in all honesty I think she is stressed and unhappy. There are times when she is so sweet and gentle that I think the times when she isn't is because something is wrong".
I bought her from a dealer who I now know to be an out and out crook. (I have direct, first person knowledge of her neglectful and fraudulent behaviour relating to 2 other ponies). So anything is possible in terms of her history before me.
So now what? She has not crossed any red lines that make a PTS decision feel right...... She has a better few days and I feel really positive and then she goes downhill again. And that has happened for 15 months now. When do you know that it is kinder and safer to just let go. When do you give up on the idea that there is a solution and an improvement just around the corner when there is no diagnosis or prognosis? People say better a week early than a day late, but how do you KNOW! How do you make such a drastic and final decision when it is not barn door. When she's not THAT bad.... How unhappy is too unhappy? I did speak to my vet and all he said was PTS would be 'reasonable' in these circumstances, - mainly because of her demeanour. He can also see she is not a happy pony.
I really do want some advice. Please try to be constructive and kind. I have been accused in the past of "just killing ponies who won't jump for me' by a troll. (I have never put any animal to sleep in my life! Nor have I ever sold on any horse or pony who was not young, fit and perfectly sound & healthy). So even posting this feels very threatening but I have had such good advice in the past from HHO and really need some now.