Child lost nerve

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sjdress

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Young family member has recently got her own pony after riding in a riding school on and off for a year or so. All was going well until she had her first fall. Pony spooked and she went out the side door. She is now extremely nervous to get on and ride. I was tying to think back to my first fall and although I was probably nervous I wasn’t scared to get back on, or in tears at the thought of it.
has anyone experienced anything similar and can offer some advice?
pony is a saint and unfortunately had her off by a spook and child lost her balance. Of course she is probably more forward thanRiding school pony but not whizzy in any way.
I am helping with lessons but can only help once a fortnight or so at the moment. I have suggested going back to lead rein until she feels happier again. Child is 9.
 
Lead rein, patience and possibly a couple of lessons back on a steady Eddie pony again (not the one she fell off, maybe a RS pony?)
Also might help her if she sees someone else ride the pony she fell off successfully.
I also used to play games with the nervous kids. Simon says is a good one - they’re so busy focusing on whether Simon said (or not) and thinking about what you’ve asked them to do (start gently/easy - take a hand off the rein/touch your thigh/touch the ponies neck - and build up to harder movements like holding both arms out, touching ponies ears, touching their toes etc) that they forget to be nervous.
 
in a way ( and I don't mean to sound mean!) she has to learn that falling off is part of the learning process

I taught a child who loved riding but heaven helped you if she fell off. Her parents would give her so much attention for it (not just "are you ok? but once they actually called an ambulance for a really soft fall) that she would burst into tears if the horse moved slightly when she was getting on. it was ridiculous.

so. no fuss if it happens. get her back on and either put her on a lunge (so she doesn't have to worry about control) or lead until she's ready to start again.

I used to say if kids fell off "well you'll be a brilliant rider because you learn so much from falling off. much more than staying on!"

its just a confidence and time thing. it'll come. patience!
 
When I was little my Auntie spent ages telling me that I wouldn't be a proper rider till I fell off 5 times, this meant that the first time I fell off face first into a ploughed field, I was so excited that I fell off I couldn't wait to get home and ring my Auntie to tell her. ? Maybe telling her something similar or is there any popular YouTube people that she likes that shows them falling off and not getting hurt and maybe seeing the funny side.
 
In addition to all of the suggestions above make sure she understands that the pony wasn't aiming to put her on the floor, that he got a fright and she lost her balance and pony was probably a bit upset that she fell off too.
It always seemed to placate my kids a bit. Maybe too much as my 12 year old is absolutely thrilled that she came off on Saturday and has hat-cam footage of her fall! ?
 
DizzyDoughnut said:
When I was little my Auntie spent ages telling me that I wouldn't be a proper rider till I fell off 5 times, this meant that the first time I fell off face first into a ploughed field, I was so excited that I fell off I couldn't wait to get home and ring my Auntie to tell her. ? Maybe telling her something similar or is there any popular YouTube people that she likes that shows them falling off and not getting hurt and maybe seeing the funny side.
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yep we tried the ‘your not a proper rider until you’ve fallen off‘ but she still appeared traumatised!! Really didn’t expect this reaction as she’s usually pretty brave!
 
Does the child want to continue riding? I was helping my neighbour's child who was 7 and having lessons at a local RS. She was quite a rough and tumble sort of child on the lead rein on my sect A companion pony, who was safe but forward going. What I realised is that she liked being at the RS with friends on complete plods (I went to watch a lesson) but riding at home was a different experience and actually she just didn't like it that much and if she'd fallen off, that would definitely have been the end for her. Fortunately, her parents realised it before getting her the super loan pony that was available. The child stopped riding my pony, continued with RS lessons for a few months then gave up completely. If the child is adamant that she wants to continue riding, then she does need to actually get on the pony and I'd set a time limit, focus on just looking after the pony and wait for her to ask, making it clear that she can be on the lead rein if she wants. If she didn't ask by the time limit, then pony would get sold. I think a lot of children carry on riding because their parents (mother) want them to. My older daughter was a serial "giver up" of hobbies, I used to joke that as soon as she got the equipment she lost interest but I'm not sure as parents we invest as much in trying to keep a tennis racquet or a rugby ball in our children's lives as we tend to do with keeping our children on ponies!
 
I think at 9 she is probably old enough that you can talk this through with her. A younger child might be brought round with some platitudes about a great rider falling off all the time but it could be down to something else completely, especially if this seems out of character for her. Maybe she feels pressure because her parents have bought her a pony that she isn't sure she is good enough for, maybe she is embarrassed, maybe it is genuine fear of hurting herself, maybe it just feels like A LOT for her and she is overwhelmed by the whole thing.

I would personally not focus on getting her riding again and let her decide what she wants to do. If she just wants pony to be a pet and a friend for a bit that's not going to do anyone any harm. You could start teaching her some groundwork instead of a ridden lesson? Some stable management? It would be a shame to push her too hard to ride so she develops a complex about it and ends up not wanting anything to do with the pony at all.

Just for context: I have never been put off by hurting myself but I have definitely been the kind of anxious child who let things bubble and build up under the surface until the only solution seems to be running as hard as possible in the opposite direction.
 
Yep, agree with the above. My dad, the kids' Grandad, used to tell me when I was young that you don't become a good horseman until you fall off 100 times. My kids are still counting down from 100 (even though my eldest is out eventing already!), and really enjoy calling Grandad to update him on their current scores.

It also helps them to see other kids fall off, brush themselves off and just get back on again. If you can, take your wee one to pony club rallies or group lessons and they will see others struggling and also enjoying themselves so much that they'll forget their own worries. Our local PC has a fantastic lead rein/FR group that's all about fun and silly games and the kids absolutely love it!
 
What happened when she fell off? Did she actually hurt herself? Did she get back on? Did the adults make a fuss? A lot depends on the reactions of those around them. In my experience, nervous, anxious parents who make a lot of fuss leads to nervous, anxious children who make a lot of fuss. Confident, get on with it parents lead to confident, get on with it children. The sooner they get back on after a fall the better as it is sooner forgotten. Preferably (assuming they are not actually really injured) they should just bounce back straight on the pony after the fall and carry on with whatever they were doing, with adjustments of course to prevent the fall happening straight away again. Finish the session on a good happy note and that is what a child will most remember for the next time, not the fall itself but that, despite the fall, nothing dreadful happened and they finished the ride successfully.
 
My daughter fell off and broke her arm, before that getting on her pony was like riding a bike, after that it was fear of the unexpected.
It took a long time, and I told her we would never sell the pony. Her sister rode, so even though we didn't put any pressure on her, I think she started again so she wouldn't be left out. She would just sit and tremble on the pony, she was about six, but would not give in.
The breakthrough was when she started riding a 14.2 at about eight, he was totally push button, and never did more than asked. I think the big thing was he was a cob type so never did anything fast, and even if he did move suddenly there was enough of him to hang on to. She had the loudest scream, you hear across the PC field, but eventually went hunting on him, with a group of PC friends. She was a competent but not confident rider, and her last horse was a very lazy TB. The main thing is, does the child really want to do it, and now will that ever be the right pony for her.
 
my answer is no matter how much fuss the kid, barring injury, has to sit on said pony standing still might take a week of not moving but then a few steps it is a pain tacking up for a few minutes but the kid has to have confidence in her own pony. Don't trick her and move or up the pace if she doesn't give you permission as it has to be her choice
ETA only if she wants to ride if you are the driving force then let her do her thing
 
sjdress said:
yep we tried the ‘your not a proper rider until you’ve fallen off‘ but she still appeared traumatised!! Really didn’t expect this reaction as she’s usually pretty brave!
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It really is ok for a child to decide that riding is not for them. She may not want to try again.

Though I don't remember it, apparently I fell off when aged about 3 and got dragged along by the stirrup. My (owned) pony was being led by a family member.

That was me terrified of riding til I was about 10, when I cautiously started again. It was a very long time before I was a confident rider. But I did want to ride again, I was never forced back into the saddle.
 
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