Child present for pony pts??

McNally

McNally

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Its been suggested that my daughter should be with her pony at the end- what does everyone think about this?

Surely not, I do try and protect her maybe a bit too much but surely this is not necessary? A few other livery owners have told me it will help her accept it easier.
When i lost my horse a few years back she just came for a hug and goodbye after and i think this is better? Obviously i want to make this as pain free as possible for her.
I've already screwed up, I hadnt told her and it got mentioned by my y/o this morning when we went to do the horses- ouch

I really dont want to be here, doing this- Its the hardest thing i have ever had to do, last time (and only other time) it was colic so out of my hands- this is awful
 
How old is your daughter ? not that it would change my opinion because personally if they are "children" I don't believe that its something that they need to see, I would not want my son around if his horse had to be PTS, I would let him have his hugs and goodbyes and that would be it, that may be contrary to most peoples views but personally if I can protect them from hurt then I will. Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Why don't you ask your daughter what she wants to do? I'd have a talk with her about it, explaining why and what's going to happen, then discuss with her whether she wants to be there or not. She might just want to say goodbye before hand.

Very sad - sorry that things are difficult for you right now :(
 
You poor thing (hugs).

But well done for thinking of the pony, if you've made this decision it must be the right one for the pony. I would let your daughter come for a cuddle afterwards, and maybe have a day spent making the pony beautiful beforehand. I had a pony with chronic arthritis when I was about 10, and he had to be PTS because he was just in constant pain and so unhappy.

My mother explained to me that where he was going he could jump as high as he wanted to every day, he would never have a sore knee again, and would spend all his time showing off to the other ponies because he was so special. He loved to jump and compete, so on the day we got up early, bathed him, plaited him up and made him gleam. His last thoughts were of eating polos and going to a show.

Good luck, here if you need to talk about it
xxx
 
Thanks- tbh I have no intention of letting her be there but then wondered if i was wrong?

It is the right decision, she has become worse over the last week and its just not fair, I have photo's of her last year cantering across the stubble so obviously its going on longer each year now :-(
 
Absolutely not. Bad enough the child has to lose her pony, but to watch the actual deed??
When we lost our old boy my eldest daughter was 12 at the time. Youngest child on the yard was 6. They had all learnt to ride on the old boy, and the emotional attachment was huge.
They all spent the afternoon before grooming him, and saying their goodbyes. The morning of him being PTS daughter and the lass who had loaned pony for a few years, came and took a snip of tail, and said their final farewells.
As an adult, I found it awfully difficult to take in and deal with. Its not something I would want to put a child through.
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Nothing worst in the world than for a child to lose his or her best friend......even if it is all part of growing up.
 
I wouldn't, as PTS isn't a peaceful, pretty thing to see. Do what Starzaan said- let her see this beautiful, happy, gleaming pony. Let her say goodbye. Then tactful removal. I wouldn't have wanted to see that. I'm 18 now, and I won't be present when my current horse is PTS. I couldn't cope.
 
I think the idea of discussing it with your daughter is a good one, depending on what age she is? I know that, even as a child, it would have hurt me more if my mum had prevented me being there, had I wanted to be, if that makes sense?

Incidentally, (and this is purely a personal opinion and not meant to cause offence to anyone who has been in such a horrible situation) I don't think using euphenisms for death helps either. I think it helps the grieving process immensely if everyone has a clear idea of what has happened. :(

Thinking of you at such a difficult time.
 
So sorry you are in this position.

I had to have my daughter's lead rein pony pts earlier this year. I had to book it in advance and then await the day. It was awful enough for me without having to worry about daughter dreading it too. I told my daughter (10 at the time) that the pony died in the field. It was the easiest thing for me to tell her, and as she had known what had happened to my mare (pts by vet) previously and she was so upset about why we couldn't do anymore for the mare etc, I didn't want to get into it all over again. This may have been selfish of me but I'm sure it was easier on my daughter to be faced with a done deed than to dread it and worry about it before hand. Although it was very peaceful when the pony went and on many levels it would have been a 'positive' experience for my daughter to have been there, I know it could have gone a different way (it isn't always peaceful and quick) and then my daughter would have experienced more than I would have wanted.

It is very unfortunate that your daughter is aware of the impending passing of her pony, but I seriously would advise against her being there. You can edit the story as much as you need afterwards to make it less upsetting for your child if you have to. If she can face it then yes let her go and say her goodbyes afterwards if she really wants to.

Big hugs x
 
We had Minty pts in april this year. It wasn't pre arranged but i had a good idea that his cancer was back and if it was, I had decided to have him pts then and there. I discussed it all with Kyle who is 11, as he was his pony and he totally understood the reasons for it and he agreed with the decision to pts if it was cancer. He came up to see him the night before the vet was coming and spent loads of time with him, grooming and talking to him. It was so hard for him to leave him and he was so upset. He knew it was the last time he would see him. He did say he wanted to be there but I explained that it wasn't something he needed to see and that his last memories of Minty should be the nice eve in the stable. He accepted this. He has really struggled with it to be honest, but i think he would have struggled more if he had been there on the day.
So sorry for you and your daughter having to go through this. It is such a hard thing to deal with. Kyle keeps his headcollar and lead rope in his room, it seems to help a bit.
 
I would let her spend time with the pony beforehand, grooming, making it beautiful etc, but wouldn't advise her being there. perhaps she could see the pony afterwards depending on whether she wanted to or not. Good luck. Thinking of you x
 
If you feel your daughter is old enough - all you can do is explain what the sequence of events is likely to be and then let her make her own decision. No death is pretty, but I am sure that even from a very young age, a lot of people feel such a level of responsibility for their animals that they would want to be there in their final moments. After all, it's your daughter's pony. If she's at an age where she can rationalise and make her own decisions then maybe you could ask her what she feels is best. Her answer may surprise you.
 
My daughter is 10 aswell, Its something she knew for a long lime now could have been approaching as i didnt want it too suddenly be sprung on her.
I will be with the pony at the end- sadly her brother is also being pts at the same time as he suffers with laminitis and the farrier has said its time for him aswell (although in my eyes not much has been done at all for the poor old boy, his being pts will be a mercy for him)
This has made it slightly easier as i did pony's voice (yes i know thats weird but fab for a childs confidence when out horses are chatting rubbish to each other as we ride!!)
and she was bossing her brother round in heaven- this actually got a small smile!

Thank you all for your kind words- its much appriciated esp as my o/h really cant understand the horsey bond
 
Kittykins said:
Why don't you ask your daughter what she wants to do? I'd have a talk with her about it, explaining why and what's going to happen, then discuss with her whether she wants to be there or not. She might just want to say goodbye before hand.

Very sad - sorry that things are difficult for you right now :(
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This is what I'd do. It depends how old and mature she is.

Which method have you chosen? Injection might be less traumatic for her to watch? I know that the pony is the priority for the choice of method but if she wants to be there then I would think about that as well.

Good luck, and sorry to hear about your pony x
 
I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this ((huge hugs))

I would never consider it, particularly if the horse is going to be shot. It is a horrible thing to even here, let alone see. I'm not sure I would want to actually be there if any of my boys were to be pts, but then I would be such an emotional wreck.

Good luck, I know how it feels :(
 
Let your daughter decide. If it's being shot - then no, I don't think I would want my child to see it, but by injection - I think it may be a good idea. My reasoning: a friends daughter who was 10 years old had to have her pony put to sleep and wasn't allowed to be there for it. A year later, her friend came up for school holidays with her pony and tragically had an accident and had to put to sleep. I was actually there at the time - five minutes after the accident happened (with my vet who had gone to do yearly booster for friends pony). There was nothing that could be done for the pony and the child was told very gently that the pony had to be destroyed. My friend took her in and told her own daughter to go inside as well. She was hesitant and I asked her if she wanted to watch. Friend wasn't very happy about this, but I said to allow her daughter to see if she wanted to, and vet also agreed that she could watch. He explained to her what was going to happen, how he would inject, and how the pony would slide down as if she was going to sleep. Friends daughter watched it and afterwards said how relieved she was at watching it, as since her own pony had been put down, she'd had nightmares imagining how it all happened, but this had shown her that her pony hadn't suffered. There is no way we allowed her to watch the pony being dragged into the box to be taken away, and to be honest, when we've had our own horses put down, we never watch that bit either, but even my friend admitted to me afterwards, that it was the best thing that could have happened in allowing her daughter to see it. It put her daughters mind totally at rest that is had been a peaceful end to her pony's life. Good luck with whatever choice you make and hope she enjoys the last days with her pony.
 
Hi, sorry you find yourself is such a horrid situation. I don't know what to suggest to you but I know I wouldn't want to watch my horse me pts and I am 22!

My little sister was 10 when her pony got colic. Pony was 17 at the time and a very quiet, gentle pony who was nervous around strangers. My little sister adored her and always referrerd to her as her best friend. My mum let her stay up all night at the yard with the vet as she was completely distraught. You couldn't have left her at home wondering what was going on she would have just become histerical. I stayed with her all the time and took her away for walks when it became too unpleasant to watch. For various reasons we didn't want pony travelling to Liverpool to have an op. When she was put down she was in the menage and she was already heavily sedated. The vet explained that she was not going to get better (even the vet was in tears at this point). I took Sarah for a walk and when we came back she had had the injection and just looked like she was asleep. Sarah came and said goodbye and gave her a hug. I think it helped her to see her at peace after watching her be so distressed before.

She has a keepsake box with her hair, shoes, photos etc in there. We made a star with her photo in to go on top of our christmas tree as it happened on 13th Dec (we still have it 5 years later). To start with she said she didn't ever want another pony but luckily we have a semi-retired pony who was 25 at the time and Sarah took over looking after her.

Maybe it is differed when it is pre-planned but I have no experience of that. I would say definately don't shut her out of what is happening but I probably wouldn't want her to see the actually deed as I have heard it isn't nice.
 
I was present when my pony was put to sleep when I was about 13. It was by injection and wasn't planned so there wasn't much time to think about it, I can still remember it. To be honest, I'm not sure whether it was a good idea or not - I am glad that I saw it and could understand the process, but it was very upsetting of course.

I was more upset by this pony being put to sleep than by another pony (who I had had far longer and was much closer to) because I didn't see the other one. It happened when I was at school. I think it really depends on your child and how you think that they will cope. If in any doubt then I would suggest her not being there, simply because the memory will stay with her and maybe she would rather remember the happy times.
 
Reading these with tears rolling down my cheeks as it brings back so many memories of my beloved pony who had to be shot after breaking her back leg while at stud. :( What made it worse was that she had a 5 week old foal at foot who 3 weeks later also died of a brain haemorrage (I still believe caused by a broken heart). This all happened over 27 years ago when I was 17 but I was forced to make the decision by myself (no support from my non horsey parents) and I wish I'd been there in her last minutes as I still feel so guilty even though she was in tremendous pain.
Depending on your daughters age depends on wether she should be there. Under 14 I would say absolutely not. Let her remember the good times. I remember the good times but also remember exactly how my mare looked with a broken leg and that spoils it. If I'd seen her PTS and could see that she was no longer in pain I think it would have helped.
Good luck with whatever you decide and I really feel for you and your daughter.
 
I had my first pony pts when i was 13 he came in from the field another horse had kicked him in the eye, my mum said that it wasn't good and will probably have to be pts so i went in said goodbye gave him a pat and a cuddle, i got my other pony and rode him in the school because i didnt want to be around when the vet got there and everyone was in such a flap i thought i dont really want to be here. Then 18 nomths later 2nd pony was pts he had colic i went in said goodbye to him then went in after to see him, then 8 years later in may this year my old boy was pts and the same thing i said goodbye to him then went off round the corner with my 3 year old son tried to make out it was all fine happy happy happy for my son then went back round after to see him again.

I told my son that mojo was old and he got a bad belly (colic) the vet gave him some meds but they couldn't make him better so the vet made him go special sleeps so he's belly wouldn't hurt him anymore but its ok because we can still see him if we think about him in our heads. I don't think he really thought about it until a few weeks ago in the car he started crying so asked what was wrong and he said can we go get mojo bring him to the yard to see lara (our shettie) so i said no and explained that he wasn't well so he is special sleeps now and he replied is mojo dead? so i don't quite know where he got that from none of us have put it like that to him but i just said yeah thats right mojo died and he stopped crying and carried on like nothing had happened, but he does still ask sometimes is mojo still in the sky and shouted at the new pony on the yard in mojos field he stood at the fence shouting no fiddles mojo lives there! so i said no its ok mojo said fiddles can share it. now anything that happens its all mojo now the other night we had thunder so we told him it was mojo in the sky moving he's jumps. i was doing house work yesterday and we have got a picture of mojo on the wall so as i was going round with my duster i got told clean mojo!

I think you would be best to ask your daughter what she would like to do.

I have never wanted to be there when my horses have been taken away either.
 
Can't really add to the brilliant advice and suggestions above.

Kids are extremely tough but have vivid imaginations which can run riot without an anchor based on reality. I'd allow as much as she wishes and you think she can handle. Avoid the actual moment, I'd think, but demystify the afterwards. Let her see the pony at peace and go a bundle on the happy, pain free in heaven with all the other ponies (mine included) galloping about again.

May I wish you all the best and a heartfelt (hug) for you and your daughter. I hope the passing is smooth and quick.
 
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no, i was 20 when i held mine to be pts - theres no way in hell would i have allowed a child to watch that....i still see mine on the deck 2 years on, and cant ever get his face out of my head. awful

very sad time, and im sorry for your loss, but a hug and a carrot then walk away imo is the best way for a child to say goodbye.... (and to remember).....
 
It is a difficult one. As a vet I'm often asked whether children should be present for PTS, in small animals as well as horses. I find older children (>10yrs) cope fairly well with small animal PTS because it is far less dramatic than horse PTS- the cat/dog is usually lying down and just rests their head. We then spend a bit of time stroking the pet after he/she has gone and maybe talking about good times with them, if the child wants too.

With horses, on the other hand, I would be more reticent about children being present- just because the pony falling to the ground is quite dramatic and many adults find it a bit alarming. As much as we do everything to make it go as smoothly as we can, sometimes it does not (for reasons out of anyone's control) and may look a bit different from your daughter's idea of her pony going quietly to sleep.

I would have a special day with your pony, with lots of tasty food, lots of brushing and plaiting and lots of talking about special memories, take a lock of hair,then get a friend to take your daughter off for a little while. Sometimes seeing the pony afterwards can help acceptance, sometimes people would rather their last memory was of their pony standing. It's worth remembering that animals do not close their eyes once they are gone, so if she comes back to see him, or decides to be present, then warn her beforehand.

It's always a sad time, more so I think when children are involved- good luck with your decisions, I hope it all goes well on the day x
 
I don't think I'd let my child see that -- I was lucky in one way with my pony (he dropped dead in the field) which was easier in some ways...

How about arranging a 'good bye ceremony' for afterwards, plant a tree or a bush in the pony's memory... you could go and choose it together... I remember doing this with my mum still and see it as a positive experience... (at a very negative time)

Might help a bit

Blitz
 
Crikey. My daughter is nearly 30 and if I could save her from seeing her horse PTS I would do so! It doesn't matter what age they are - we will always prefer to save them from unnecessary distress.
 
We are getting our boy PTS on Monday. He's not suffering and I want the weekend with him. (He is 35, and lost so much weight, we decided it's his time...)

My son is away with his dad and is back on Saturday. I'll tell him then, I'll also give him the choice to be there, he is almost 13 and lost his own lil pony almost 2 years now, I don't think he will want to be there, but I'm letting him chose....
 
I would give her the option but not let her see the actual event, if thats right?

Worst thing I ever did was not be there for my dog being pts when I was about 14. I regret it every day.
 
Angelbones said:
So sorry you are in this position.

I had to have my daughter's lead rein pony pts earlier this year. I had to book it in advance and then await the day. It was awful enough for me without having to worry about daughter dreading it too. I told my daughter (10 at the time) that the pony died in the field. It was the easiest thing for me to tell her, and as she had known what had happened to my mare (pts by vet) previously and she was so upset about why we couldn't do anymore for the mare etc, I didn't want to get into it all over again. This may have been selfish of me but I'm sure it was easier on my daughter to be faced with a done deed than to dread it and worry about it before hand. Although it was very peaceful when the pony went and on many levels it would have been a 'positive' experience for my daughter to have been there, I know it could have gone a different way (it isn't always peaceful and quick) and then my daughter would have experienced more than I would have wanted.

It is very unfortunate that your daughter is aware of the impending passing of her pony, but I seriously would advise against her being there. You can edit the story as much as you need afterwards to make it less upsetting for your child if you have to. If she can face it then yes let her go and say her goodbyes afterwards if she really wants to.

Big hugs x
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ditto, wouldnt let my kids be present ive held animals to be pts and i feel like a murderer after sorry, get child to spoil pony and have pony pts and kindly say he went in his sleep , its hard enough x
 
I am crying reading this, I personally wouldn't because I am 15 and when I did my work experience in a vets I saw lots of animals being PTS I also saw a shettie and I still have nightmares about his face. Also I worked on a farm during lambing and the amount of death that I saw there has given me nightmares as well
 
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