Comparison with others and frustration with my physical limitations

[Bex85]

Hello everyone. I rode from 9-12 and started again two years ago at 36. I fell off when i was ten and landed on my coccyx and couldn't move well for two weeks. I think that's why I have very tight hips and lower back. I've been doing pilates and exercises recommended by my physio for a year now and have seen a huge improvement. Last year I had to sit out No Stirrups November aside from a few minutes at walk, whereas this year i've done the whole lesson with long periods of trot without bouncing.

However, last night I had a private lesson on a horse who tries his best but is an old many just learning his schooling so needs a skilled rider. I just couldn't get him into canter for more than a few strides. My friend who rides in my group is so flexible and physically finds things easy so has no problems with him, although i've cantered him before.
We did do some lovely leg yields and he was nicely collected and bending on 20m trot circles.
My instructor is excellent, and she told me I should be really pleased with my progress but that because of my physical problems I will find things ten times harder than everyone else, although she said my theoretical knowledge and feel is great.
I can't help but worry i'm a bad rider. I love horses and riding and want the horse I ride (and I hope next year, own) to be happy and comfortable and I don't want to hold my group back. My flexible friend reassures me I'm a great rider and my instructor said my physical limitations don't mean i'm a worse or better rider than anyone else... I know i shouldn't compare myeslf to anyone but my self but i'm struggling not to, and I feel quite down about it.

Does anyone have any words of advice or been in a similar situation? I think it's my mindset that's the problem as i'm doing everything physically I can manage to do.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Hello everyone. I rode from 9-12 and started again two years ago at 36. I fell off when i was ten and landed on my coccyx and couldn't move well for two weeks. I think that's why I have very tight hips and lower back. I've been doing pilates and exercises recommended by my physio for a year now and have seen a huge improvement. Last year I had to sit out No Stirrups November aside from a few minutes at walk, whereas this year i've done the whole lesson with long periods of trot without bouncing.

However, last night I had a private lesson on a horse who tries his best but is an old many just learning his schooling so needs a skilled rider. I just couldn't get him into canter for more than a few strides. My friend who rides in my group is so flexible and physically finds things easy so has no problems with him, although i've cantered him before.
We did do some lovely leg yields and he was nicely collected and bending on 20m trot circles.
My instructor is excellent, and she told me I should be really pleased with my progress but that because of my physical problems I will find things ten times harder than everyone else, although she said my theoretical knowledge and feel is great.
I can't help but worry i'm a bad rider. I love horses and riding and want the horse I ride (and I hope next year, own) to be happy and comfortable and I don't want to hold my group back. My flexible friend reassures me I'm a great rider and my instructor said my physical limitations don't mean i'm a worse or better rider than anyone else... I know i shouldn't compare myeslf to anyone but my self but i'm struggling not to, and I feel quite down about it.

Does anyone have any words of advice or been in a similar situation? I think it's my mindset that's the problem as i'm doing everything physically I can manage to do.

I could almost have written this! I have no real advice other than you are improving, your improving better than me! I worry constantly and have thought about gibing it up all together many times.
I had a Faldenkrais session last night which I'd really recommend.
I've always thought my problem was my left hip, According to this lady its a point in my lower back which transfers to my right hip and I'm compensating with the left hence the pain!
Not comparing yourself is really difficult i know! I do it all the time. I figure i could give up or I can keep trying to get better, so that's where I'm at right now!

 

[Bex85]

I know the feeling! But the thought of giving up is unbearable, and I think so long as the overall trend is improvement and our horses don't suffer then surely we should continue.
I'm spending all my money on riding after having had quite a few physio sessions, but i'm hoping if I keep up with the off horse exercises I will be able to keep progressing. Before yesterday I didn't see myself as a poor rider but now I do. Which is difficult.

 

[poiuytrewq]

I agree, and one thing I'm really bad about is doing the exercises at home. I just loose track of time and forget but they do make a big difference. You definitely will keep improving if you keep at it. It does seem really unfair thought that some people hop on and ride perfectly with little effort!
Some one got on my own horse a few weeks ago and rode him so perfectly! It was hideously lovely to see him go so well but depressing at the same time!!

 

[AutumnDays]

Don't be so hard on yourself, you've got back in the saddle and are progressing, that's great! I'm the opposite end of the scale, been riding since the age of 5, and now mid 30's and have had to accept that I can no longer ride and keep daily mobility due to damage from various accidents inducing degenerative conditions. I am lucky, I still have my horses (who have just been most definitely confirmed non ridden at their most recent vet check), but my riding days are done, even a hack at walk leaves me unable to move for a few days after. The fact you can and are getting better is amazing, don't diminish that achievement! There are always those fortunate (annoying!) people who make things look effortless, but their chapter is not part of your story. It is hard to make peace with what you perceive as a fault in yourself, I know. Don't give up, enjoy your riding journey, as it hasn't come to an end, it's just a steadier pace than you anticipated x

 

[smolmaus]

I can't help but worry i'm a bad rider. I love horses and riding and want the horse I ride (and I hope next year, own) to be happy and comfortable and I don't want to hold my group back.

You can't possibly hold your group back! They can focus on themselves as much as you are focusing on you, what you're working on won't be the same as the things they're working on and that's fine.

ETA: your future horse won't be comparing themselves to any of the other horses who have naturally flexible riders either. If your canter left and canter right cues are always slightly different (I'd guess almost everyone's are) they will figure it out with a bit of help, it won't hurt them!

 

[MereChristmas]

I am in my 70’s and have ridden since I was 10
but
even though I was never a good rider after various small injuries and age related gradual lessening of mobility I am more sure that enjoyment is the main thing. You do the best you can with what you’ve got. I know improvement won’t happen much for me now so I no longer compare myself to anyone.
I am quite often told I hope I can still ride when I’m your age.
Go to your lessons, if there is improvement celebrate it and if there isn’t think how many folk would love to be in your place.
Enjoy

 

[Hallo2012]

i really wouldn't' worry.

i have rheumatoid arthritis, have broken my coccyx, shoulder and collarbone, and can barely bend one way but it doesn't really impact what i do at all......i've competed to inter 1 and trained to GP with no left bend lol!

my own horses adapt and i've never noticed a negative impact on the ones i school for other people. I have backed and ridden away my last two, numerous for others as well.

it more likely to affect you mentally if you get hung up on it.

 

[ihatework]

To be honest you aren’t going to find many riders out there who aren’t harbouring a multitude of physical ailments, unfortunately it’s part of horses!

I worry a lot that I’m not a good enough rider and mentally it has completely limited me. To some extent it is not a bad trait, if you are aware of your weaknesses then you can work on them, the horses will thank you! But try not to also get drawn too far down that hole

 

[Cowpony]

Don't compare yourself with anybody else. Everybody is on their own journey and it's not a race! There will always be people more flexible/more experienced/ with longer legs/better hands.....I bet even Charlotte and Lottie look enviously at other riders sometimes! The only person you are competing against is yourself. As long as you are better today than you were last week/month/year you're doing fine.

 

[nikicb]

As others have said, you are certainly not alone in this. I have tight hips, especially my left one. Regular riding definitely helps a lot - I am not sure how often you ride, but the more often you can each week, the better. I try and open my hips before I ride by doing some standing 'clam' exercises - hopefully you will know what I mean if you do pilates. You can do them lying down as well, I just find it cleaner to be standing up!! If you are riding different horses each time, are some horse/saddle combinations more comfortable than others? You may find when you have your own horse, that it becomes less of an issue as your saddle will be fitted to you and your horse. At the moment, it sounds as though you are in a RS environment, so have to ride with what is provided.

Lastly, I have also found this saddle chair has really helped. I use it at my desk. In fact when I first got it, it was actually quite tricky to balance on, so I know it's made a difference! It might seem expensive, but it's probably only the price of a couple of lessons, so not that much in the scheme of things.

Human Tool Saddle Seat

The Humantool is for those who want to beat back pain by getting fitter rather than by supporting their back. It's a modern ergonomic approach for reversing the damage that static ergonomic sitting is known to cause. from Back in Action - leading back pain experts. Never beaten on price!

www.backinaction.co.uk

Don't give up! x

 

[ramsaybailey]

I haven't read all the replies yet but didn't want to read and run - I think there are many of us that have this comparison problem! I'm trying so hard to work on it.

I also have an old coccyx injury that resulted in tight hips. I highly recommend yoga to help. It's not dissimilar to pilates but the focus on using specific parts of your body independently and the breathing to movements has really helped with my awareness of what I'm doing with my body while stayinh relaxed. After my injury I think my body was much more preoccupied with looking after itself than riding effectively- yoga has helped me focus on moving my body correctly in a relaxed way again. Also surprisingly the breathing and focus has helped me push those comparison thoughts out of my head when they creep in! Highly recommend yoga with adrienne on youtube

 

[Tarragon]

Try doing some other exercises off the horse, like Pilates. It allows you to improve your general flexibility, core strength and balance, in a safe way. It will most certainly help in everyday life as well as helping your riding.

 

[Ratface]

Fifty-plus years ago, I broke my sacroiliac area on my left side, whilst riding a big young mare. A wasp stung her neck, she reared, lost her balance and fell backwards with me trapped underneath her. She scrambled up, ran off and was quickly caught by the YO.
The gloomy GP who supervised my recovery said that I would never walk again. I proved him wrong and was running half marathons within eighteen months.
I'm still lopsided but don't care and, until six months ago, was still riding. I've stopped now as Old Horse is still acting like a four year old, and M E has affected my balance.
Still, 75 years of riding all sorts of hot, determined horses and ponies isn't bad. Furthermore, Madam Carrie Cat would do her "We Are Not Amused" act if I wasn't around to fulfill her every need, 24/7.

 

[Abacus]

Everyone is compromised physically to a greater or lesser extent - if para riders with limited movement and sometimes missing limbs can get horses to go as well as they do, it's absolute proof that you don't need to be perfectly symmetrical, balanced and flexible to ride well. (Yes admittedly, the top riders have great horses and training). One of the best riders I know personally is very twisted and has a massive limp walking (think 60% lame) but you wouldn't know it on a horse and her horses are beautifully schooled.

I hope this makes you feel better rather than more despondent - the point being that your insecurities are in your head and not in your body. You absolutely can do it, and try to remember you've only been riding for 2 years after 26 years off - there is still massive scope for more. Hours in the saddle are the best, for flexibility and feel, and concentrating on one horse when you have one will really help as you don't have to figure out a different one with every lesson. Best of luck, and do remember to enjoy the good bits and any improvement as well as looking at what you can improve.

 

[Bex85]

Thank you everybody, so much, for your compassion and knowledge. I'm genuinely moved reading people's experiences and I feel really heartened and encouraged now to keep working on my off horse strength and flexibility, and to be grateful for what I have and can do, and to recognise my progress. I think another big takeaway from everyone's advice is that my mind is my biggest barrier if I let it be, and that when I am able to ride my own horse regularly rather than be in a RS twice a week max I will be able to progress much more.
I do, like all of us, adore horses and riding and am very grateful I have the privilege to ride at all, and as Abacus and others have pointed out, most riders have a degree of inhibition and plenty of world class riders are dealing with much greater physical difficulties than myself.
Thank you, everyone.
I'm going to look into the saddle seat because I work from home and I think that might help a lot! I'm also going to do some pilates after I finish working today. Happy horsing and thank you one and all.

 

[TPO]

Agree with all of the above. With your pirates etc you're probably already doing more than most riders.

Like IHW has said, if you've spent a y time around horses you're probably broken in some way. Mucking out is the worst for making us one sided.

To help your head get out of the hole maybe some confidence coaching/reading might help.

I can recommend this-

Tame the Chimp, Shoot the Parrot and Silence the Mouse: How fear, negativity and doubt get in the way of our riding and our life: Amazon.co.uk: Ivings, Dr. Krissie: 9781739590314: Books

Buy Tame the Chimp, Shoot the Parrot and Silence the Mouse: How fear, negativity and doubt get in the way of our riding and our life by Ivings, Dr. Krissie (ISBN: 9781739590314) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

amzn.eu

 

[rabatsa]

Due to age I had got to the stage where riding was painful and my hip would spasm, making it difficult to dismount.

In January I discovered deep water aquafit at my local leisure centre. It is unbelieveable how flexible I am now and how much my core muscles have strengthened up.

 

[Kirstd33]

Comparison is the thief of joy

 

[HopOnTrot]

As there are countless para-riders who ride significantly better than me, I don’t think physical issues are all that relevant.

Most jockeys are held together with sticky tape and a fair wind.

 

[black and brown]

I don't think your instructor's comment is particularly helpful by saying that you will 'find it ten times more difficult than other people'. I do wish people would be more mindful of the effect a comment can have. This is your journey and there is no need to make comparison with other people, enjoy your successes.

 

[WBGG]

With your pirates etc you're probably already doing more than most riders.

Aaarr, me hearties!! Sorry, funny typo, couldn't resist

Seriously though, enjoy your riding and try not to overthink it...your future horse certainly won't!!

 

[Skib]

Good enough for what? I am not athletic nor particularly fit. OH and I walk a lot, but that is all.
I have never compared myself with any other riders. I dont even know any other pensioner riders. I think of the three proper riders on our yard who go out together as the grown up riders. They are very polite when I meet them out hacking and kindly refrain from cantering away, lest it set my horse off too. I do canter alone, out there on the track which some people apparently think brave. But I am not brave. I know the horse may buck when excited, but she never gets excited with me. So comparing myself to her other riders would be hopeless. If she feels like a canter and I feel like it, then we do it. Sedately.

 

[Bex85]

Thank you! I've ordered the book!

 

[Winters100]

I can't help but worry i'm a bad rider. ........................................... My flexible friend reassures me I'm a great rider and my instructor said my physical limitations don't mean i'm a worse or better rider than anyone else..

In my opinion the problem you have is that comparing ourselves to others just does not work. You are worried that you are a 'bad' rider, your friend says that you are a 'great' rider. Compared to what? The reality is that we are just all somewhere on a spectrum. If I would like to compare myself to beginners I could say that I am very skilled, but if I would like to compare myself to professionals then I would have to say that I am dismal. It makes no difference, I am still at the same level whoever I compare myself to. It is just the same as comparing yourself to others in any other area of life - money, intelligence, language skills, car ownership - there will always be those with 'more' or 'better' and those with 'less' or 'worse'.

Assuming that, like me, you do not intend to earn your living by riding, then in my opinion you need to look at it differently. It is a hobby, and so should be fun. There is enjoyment from attaining goals, but they need to be your goals, not tied up with the performance of others. If your friend is learning faster than you great - be happy for her. To me a successful day with the horses is one where we have great fun and there are no injuries to horses or humans - any improvement in skills is a bonus.

Riding is your hobby, it should not be something to worry about. I would say just focus on enjoyment, and in time you will develop your skills without stress.

 

[nikkimariet]

You’d be surprised how many people who just ‘get it’ (riding) have limitations either mentally or physically.

I still struggle to tell anyone where the letters in the arena are, competing at Inter 1… The letters have always profoundly confused me and I can only learn from the sheets with diagrams and memorise from an ‘A’ POV.

Additionally I’ve back and hip issues and the same underlying condition is creeping into my wrists and hands. I liken my flexibility to that of an iron girder.

I think my worst injury was breaking my sternum, I’ve gotten off pretty lightly otherwise.

If you’re out there even trying, you’re doing better than anyone refusing to even do so.