Confidence boost needed

M

mar2505

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 January 2007
Messages
276
Visit site
Hi, need some help with my confidence please. I have recently moved to a new yard and with it being winter, not many people are hacking out. I seem unable to hack out on my own and my confidence levels are taking a nose dive. The very thought fills me with dread even though other people hack my horse out alone and return saying how bombproof he is. The mad mad thing is that I offered to hack someone elses horse out the other day, whether i would have gone through with it or not I dont know but the very thought that I offered is bad enough. I found myself crying in the stable with guilt. If anyone has any advice to offer please offer it. Thanks
 
I don't have my own horse so have never been in this situation but here are a few suggestions....

Could you arrange to go out hacking with someone else but have them set off a while before you and then you catch them up? I guess this depends on your hacking routes. That way they could be out of sight so it would be like you were riding on your own for a while but you would know you won't be doing the whole hack by yourself.

Or maybe go out hacking with someone else but then take different routes for part of the hack. Again this depends on your hacking routes.

Are there any really really short hacking routes you could try?

Could you arrange for a friend riding a bicycle to come out with you so you knew there was someone to help but there would only be one horse (if you see what i mean).

Do you know anyone from nearby yards that you could arrange to meet up on a hacking route so you do a bit alone and then meet up?

Try not to feel guilty about being nervous. Think about all the good times you have had hacking and maybe try some positive visualisation.

Good luck!
 
Thanks for responding. I am ok with someone walking beside me but have realised that friends are getting sick of this situation and it cant go on forever. Now seems the time to bite the bullet and start getting the confidence to go out on my own. Trouble about arranging to go out with someone is i spend the whole day worried to death and by time the ride starts i am being physically sick. i know it sounds pathetic but i never used to be so bad.
 
Why don't you just set yourself a target of going out for 5 mins and then turning round and coming back and then extend it each time until you are able to do a loop. You will need to make sure your horse is sensible though and not likely to nap when you try to go further.
Is there a reason for your fear...have you had a bad experience on the roads or something?
 
Spent a lot of time on my own so did not hack for ages. i know this sounds really corney but think i quite enjoyed relying on everyone for help and had a low self esteem. The five minute thing is a good idea. Its so strange but even sitting here typing makes me feel like major butterflies with nerves and i am not even going to visit my horse yet. i reallyadmire these people who just tack up and go. Wish i was like them.
 
I know just how you feel, but this is what has worked for me. Work out a short route (preferably a loop, so your horse doesn't get in the habit of turning round and coming home). Imagine yourself riding along that route, relaxed and happy. Take some rescue remedy (Bachs flower remedy - brilliant for calming the nerves). Get a friend to come with you on foot to start with, gradually leave your friend behind so that perhaps on the wayback you are someway in front. Each time you go out, stick to the familiar route to start with and get your friend to stay with you less and less until you go out completely on your own. Once you have done that, gradually increase and alter the route. If you feel yourself tensing up, sing!
smile.gif
, it helps with the breathing and relaxes you. Hope this helps, it worked for me after a really bad accident when I didn't ride for 18 months. I now hack out on my own regularly and am enjoying it again.
 
Its so strange because there is a short 10min hack i could do to start the ball rolling but even though i know i can cope with the unexpected, my rela fear is being bolted with. i imagine that on our way home he is going to get scared and bolt with fear even though he has never done it before and does not even speed up going home.
 
Rescue Remedy.
After a really bad fall last year I couldn't get off the loo long enough to tack up, let alone ride out of the yard! It really has made such a difference and its not the placebo effect as I'm the biggest cynic going!
I still use it now occasionally, if its windy or I haven't ridden for a few days. Its not expensive and well worth a try.
 
I think I have kept Bach remedies in profit. As well as mixing my own I have tried rescue remedy but think my fear goes a lot deeper. Now on some relaxant from the doctor , think they may be beta blockers it has got that bad. Only problem is cant drive as they make me so whoozy.
 
I felt like this a few months ago, but mine is a little different....When i got my horse he was un fit so i didn't see his true colours until about May when he was fitter.... He saw a motorbike, reared up, spun round and ran of in the other direction bucking, I had no control and this was on the road (i was sh** scared, all i could do was sit and use my body weight to get him to stop) He did eventually stop but after that i was too scared to take him out on my own....It lasted for 2 months I always hacked out with someone by my side (on a bike..etc) Then one day my mum said she wouldn't come....I went over to him crying cos i was so scared i wondered wat would happen if i fell off, what would happen to him, would he go home or would he stay with me or worse...almost everything went through my head....I must have sat for about half an hour, my mum came out and asked what I was doing, she kept asking what was wrong so i blurted it all out....We came up with a plan...

Our plan:

days 1 + 2 : she would come with me and stay by me
days 3, 4 + 5: she would stay about 40m behind me so she was always there if i needed her!
days 6,7,8 + 9: she would stay about 100m behind me
days 10 + 11: she would come with be beside me then about half way round the ride she turnde round and went the other way (back home)
day 12: urm i think she came out for 1/4 of the ride then went home
and by about day 15: I was hacking out on my own!!

I do take the dog with me and my mum comes when she wants to but this plan really helped me....It may help you
 
That sounds so good, your so lucky to have your mum to walk with you. Its funny but offered to pay an instructor to pay to walk with me and guess what they refused. They did not want to walk anywhere. I think some people find these fears so hard to understand.
 
I know what you mean...everyone thought i was just being silly cos i'd been hacking him out for 3 months and then just stopped taking him out, got very nervous when someone said that they wouldn't come with me, but then my mum listened...have you tried explaining it to people?
 
If your fear goes deeper and is irrational - you say you are frightened of being bolted with, even though your horse shows no signs of even speeding up on the way home - you might give TFT (thought field therapy) a go. Have a look at www.jocooper.com Quite a few people on here have tried it and it has worked for them (me included).
 
try asking a friend to walk with you. I had a nasty fall once and this is how I got my confidence back. And I was the same, I would hack every other horse, metal, safe, sktty whatever but did not want to hack my bombproof cob x out. People thought I was mad - but they did not realize, he is bombproof with others but not so much with me !!! Although confidence back now after a couple of times with friend walking and love is querky devilness again !!

Dont rudh yourself - take your time - you have to want to do it for yourself not be bullied into it or cause you think people expect you too
 
Does Jo do it over the phone. How much could I expect to pay. Must admit have tried NLP and hypnotherapy to no avail so a bit cynical if the truth be known although if anyone can convince me i am so willing to give it a go.
 
I emailed her a few times to give her a background idea and then we talked on the phone. I live in Argentina, so there was really no other way!
smile.gif

I was rather sceptical myself, but the results were immediate for jumping, though I needed a 'top up' to deal with residual show nerves (specific problems I'd overlooked; everything from being late to BOF (my instructor) bitching in the car on the way to the show!)
I suggest you email her for a chat. She's very approachable and friendly
smile.gif
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top