Confidence crisis- Riding in front of people

McNally

McNally

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My boss has very kindly arranged for me to be the first one to view 3 horses at his friends yard before they get advertised next week. All 3 are free permanent loan all ex racers although one she has loaned out before for 4 years and its just come back to her (money issues not the horses fault)

So this is great, I had to re-home my slightly mad TB a few weeks ago as although i had put up with him for years he was not safe to hack with my daughter as her pony gets excited with a fizzy hacking companion (and mine was more than fizzy tbh)

Instead of being really excited i am so nervous i'm on the verge of saying i don't even want to look at them??
I dont like riding in front of people anyway but especially not my boss and his friend (also a trainer). He has told her i'm very competent and highly recommended to take on one of her horses. My job is non riding so i am very competent on the ground and really am confident riding (ie- if she just gave me the horse and sent me off across the fields to try it that would be fine!)
I am just so scared of them thinking i'm rubbish- I cant remember the last time i rode in a school forget about on unknown horses and with someone i don't want to think badly of me watching!

On one hand i did ride my horse for years and stayed on him (which is more than can be said for some people) but on the other the new people who have him have done well in just a few weeks which has also affected my confidence
sorry rambling on here!
 
And breathe... I know just what you mean, it can be daunting riding in front of others. But don't let it stop you potentially finding the horse of your dreams. Imagine yourself all on your own just having fun with the horse. And good luck, hope this works out for you and you find "the one".
 
if he commended you he probably thinks you are a great rider already, especially if you managed a difficult horse for years.

i got a similar lack of confidence a few years ago and a trainer really helped me when he said 'other people's opinion of your riding is absolutely none of your business, they are entitled to think you are either good or bad compared to them, and the split will be 50/50 each time depending on their experience. that is their perogative and is absolutely nothing to do with you and your situation. most people don't particularly care how you ride anyway. the only thing to concentrate on is what you are trying to achieve on your horse at that moment in time, everything else is just distractions'

i found it really helpful at the time as i was feeling a bit self conscious
 
Thank you!
The thing is he hasnt really seen me ride, well I do hack the bosses hunter out but i just take him alone and he is fairly quiet. The few times i've ridden the racers Its not gone great tbh I find them a bit strong!

What your trainer said is very true I suppose.
People all seem to have a high opinion of my riding without seeing me ride- this i suppose is also part of the problem! Since my horse went i have been offered several to ride including difficult ones! I generally say "thanks i will do" cheerfully but never do as again i'm worried the the owners are expecting me to hop on and fly over huge fences!

I'm not sure where this opinion of me comes from? maybe the horror stories that everyone knows about my old horse but that was him and he didnt bother me anymore at the end i knew him too well and no-one else would get on him so i didnt care what i looked like ;-)
 
McNally said:
On one hand i did ride my horse for years and stayed on him (which is more than can be said for some people) but on the other the new people who have him have done well in just a few weeks which has also affected my confidence
sorry rambling on here!
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If I were you I would take the fact that they are doing well with him as a confidence boost - they are doing so well because of hard work and time that YOU put into the horse.
:)
 
A bit of mental imagery goes a long way.

Just think of a time when you felt amazing riding, everything was really good, you were confident and skillfull and felt brilliant. Keep that image playing over and over in your mind.

Another thing which helps is to talk yourself through everything. Out loud or in your head. For example; OK we're in walk at the moment, in the next corner I am going to ask for trot, I will do a lap and then a few circles, now change diagonals and in the next corner a nice canter etc.

I did the above for my advanced motorcycling test. I was SO nervous having a police motorcyclist behind me watching my every step. Talking myself through everything helped me concentrate as my mind was occupied "on the job" and didn't have a chance to drift off into worrying.

Just take things easy, have a nice long walk around to get yourself settled and remember to breathe nice and deeply from your belly, don't want you fainting ;)
 
OMG aarrgghhh, I could faint while riding??? thats a new fear for me!

haha I am joking! Thanks thats a good idea, now you mention i did similar on my driving test. Years ago but i passed somehow!
 
I fainted during a stressage test. I was so nervous I forgot to breathe... don't worry I am sure you are much more intelligent than me :D

I am sure you will be fine, nerves are the worst thing ever but 99% of the time, you get it done with and afterwards take a deep breath and say "ohhhh okay, it wasn't that bad" ;)
 
Oh bloody hell......it really is possible then!

How scary that must have been, take it you didnt win!
 
I really wouldn't worry about it, it was a combination of a lot of things. I was so nervous I didn't eat anything that day, it was VERY hot and I hadn't drunk anything either (as I was so sick with nerves) and yes I really was tense so I actually wasn't breathing properly, I think hyperventilating or something they call it.

My instructor was watching me and she said "I wondered what you were doing because on my test sheet it didn't say, lie on Charlies neck at K" :D

Such a good boy, he put his head up and stopped so he didn't lose his rider.

I got eliminated :p

When are you thinking of going to view the horses? I'll make sure I send positive confident vibes your way that day and PLEASE come back and let us know how you got on! :)
 
Umm, I dont know he kind of dropped it on me this morning. The plan was i would have my favourite horse on the yard when he retires- when they are roughed off for summer i would hack him out from work first (thus not riding him to try as such!) but its been decided to run him all summer.
So... if i chicken out i will just go back to plan one but be horseless over the summer, I have my daughters pony i can ride but we had wanted to ride out together.
I think this week will be out the window as everyone i know is glued to the TV being Cheltenham Festival!
Maybe early next week?
 
I guess you just need to look at the positives to give you a bit of a push. How nice it would be to go hacking with your daughter, it's only going to cost you, what, 30 minutes of nerves to potentially have 4 months of wonderful hacking out in the summer with your girl which would equal really big smiles!

Don't worry I know how hard it is :)
 
Dear McNally

I tend to agree with Dunlin - about imagery - I just call it something different: mental rehearsal. When this sort of unreasonable fear overcomes one, one of the best ways to get rid of it once and for all is mental rehearsal. It means you sit down somewhere quiet and see, hear, feel and smell you way through the ride - exactly the way you want it to go. The more detail you put in - like the sound of the wind in your ears, the smell of leather, the horses movement under you, the people looking at you - the more successful this strategy is. Your unconcious brain can not distinguish between imagination and reality, and immediately set to making this "dream" reality. Powerful stuff.

There is another technique I find very useful called an anchor - this means you "anchor" a feeling like happiness or contentment or calm to a certain movement -like touching your right ear with your left hand. When you have anchored calm to this movement, every time you do it, it induces a feeling of calm and contentment. Very useful.

Bon courage
A
 
I feel your pain. I hate riding infront of others.

What works for me is forgetting they are there (if they MUST watch - most people will go away if you ask them nicely - even if its for a few moments for you to compose yourself) and then just deep breaths and concerntrate on the horse. Even if it's down to singing/humming in beat with its pace or noticing a really wonderful point on its ears :)

Don't miss out on these neddies and they miss out on you - over this! x
 
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