Confidence Crisis

[Tinker_Belle]

Ok. I've never been the most confident of riders, never been one that is scared to go beyond walk but have had a few bad falls in the past & those coupled with replaced joints/joint problems have reduced my confidence. I think the whole confidence issue stems from my joints & the risk of being badly hurt in a fall/if I was ever to fall really badly.

I love my horse to bits & am confident around her on the ground & trust her implicitly but once I'm on her back I just feel as though my confidence deserts me.
It isn't that I'm scared of her but I do feel as if I'm constantly on edge. She is strong & although not nasty in any way she does have a mind of her own & she is quite fizzy at times.

When I'm riding her I just feel as though I constantly have to have my wits about me & sometimes it would be nice to just be able to have a ride & not have to worry about holding her back etc.

It's got to the point where I'm considering handing her over to my sister completely & getting a quieter, smaller pony that is just happy to go out on a hack, is utterly bombproof & doesn't mind the odd show in the summer.

The only thing with this is I feel guilty, I know it sounds silly but she really is lovely & I almost feel as if I'm letting her down by not being the sort of rider she deserves, not being able to do her credit I guess. As I say, I'm not scared of her but my confidence has taken a bashing & as lovely as she is she does get moments of thinking she is Nijinsky the 2nd!

I've tried having lessons on her but nothing seems to be slotting together somehow

Not really sure why I'm posting this, just looking for some reassurance I guess

Have any of you had this sort of problem & how did you overcome it if you did?

What would your advice be?

Thanks & double chocolate cake for ploughing through this!

 

[GinaGem]

Hi ya,

yes I've been through something similar and i did get my confidence back. I had a fall and over time became more and more nervous. my horse hadn't put a foot wrong since (and the fall was purely down to him being spooked). It got to the point that i just didn't want to ride any more.

My instructor who has known me for years started riding him for me in the hope that i could re-gain some confidence watching him but after a month i was prob in a worse place even though again my horse had been a saint. It was a completely irrational fear and so between me and my instructor we decided i had to get back on, my instructor was quite cheeky in that she knows me so well she knew how to get me confident again. Slowly over time we built the confidence up just doing very small rides at first and she'd just push me a little more each time i rode. I don't think i'll ever go back to riding any old nutter like i did as a kid but i think that's just part of getting older anyway.

Anyway from what I've been through I'd say if you really really want to ride this horse and you can see some future together however far away then it may be worth persevering but don't push yourself, have someone confident to help you that knows you and your horse. And if you really don't want to continue, then don't, riding is supposed to fun and you've got to enjoy it. If that means getting something that you feel happy on then do it! You won't be letting her down.

xxx

 

[angiebaby]

Hi, I'm a bit like that with my new horse; I've only had cobs in the past,( not that these can't be just as fast and strong!) and now have a TB X! He is brill, absolutely bomb proof but, very strong when cantering and even trotting, we start off fine, then he just gets faster and faster.
I have a lesson once a week which has helped, my RI just says to me eveytime he gets strong and quick, make him walk, turn him around in small circles, or even make him go back the other way.
This has helped loads, on Weds my friend and I went hacking over some fab countryside and we even cantered, and he was great! Its the first time I have ridden him with someone else in a snaffle, so I was chuffed to bits, and the first time my friend had cantered with someone else!

 

[spanishmustangs]

Hypnotherapy can help and there is someone in this area and part of our endurance group who runs confidence workshops.
If everyone is honest, we all go through phases of being nervous and the older we get the more our confidence suffers from falls.
I have butterflies before every ride, but tend to relax once I'm in the saddle. You could try some relaxation and breathing techniques.
Thing is, though riding is a dangerous sport, you could get hurt falling down the stairs, getting run over by a bus, etc. I am a fatalist I guess, and figure if your time is up, it doesn't matter if you are having a heart attack sitting watching telly, or if you are galloping along a beach yeehhaa-ing and having a blast.
Live every day to its fullest and if it were your last...we will all die one day, just make sure you enjoy yourself before you go!!

 

[Box_Of_Frogs]

Hi CM. I've been in your space too. One thing you might try is the Confident Rider CD series. There's one on confident hacking and (total truth) I've never been aware of listening to it all the way through coz I ALWAYS fall asleep, totally relaxed, about 15 mins into it. Wake up when it's finished! Anyway, when my wonderful Highland x had to be pts, I bought a Haffie, sold as total plod and confidence giver. Ha ha. He put me in hospital with an almost broken neck - not really his fault, just too much horse for me. I adored him on the ground but on his back...scary!!! After the hospital incident, I was soooo fortunate to have the perfect confidence giver come my way as a horse I already knew from the riding school part of my livery yard. I am back enjoying riding again and would say don't feel you are giving up on your current girl just because you recognise the ridden partnership isn't working for you. Both you and she will do better with different partners that can bring out the best in both of you. I'd trust your own feelings, pass your ned onto your sister and start the hunt for the perfect confidence giver for yourself to bring back your joy of riding. Out there somewhere is a horse with your name stamped on him, just waiting for you to find him.

 

[dawnpetenathshir]

I've never been a confident rider and got my first pony 4 years ago. He was a Highland and very clever, he needed more work than I could do at the time and as a result became very difficult to handle. After much deliberation I sold him to a lady who thinks he is the bees knees and does loads with him. They are both very happy together. with my confidence in complete tatters my husband and my friend persuaded me to look for another pony and after rejecting countless possibilities I found Pete. He is as near perfect as you can get and after a lot of riding out with people on a lead rein (yes I was that nervous!!) I am now doing dressage and considering trying a Hunter Trial. That is an incredibly big deal for me so don't feel guilty about your horse - you have both got to be happy and I'm sure you will find the horse for you.

 

[Tinker_Belle]

Thank you guys. That has helped me think it through a little more. TBH I've been persevering with this for around 6 months now & I just don't seem to be making headway, if anything it's worse & although I love riding, sometimes I feel as though it is a real chore because I don't enjoy it like I used to or I should do.

I've tried lunge lessons on her, all sorts & it just doesn't seem to be slotting into place. On the ground I'm absolutely fine with her & lunging her I'm fine with, sometime she'll throw in some bucks & be a bit silly on the lunge but that doesn't worry me in the slightest. It's once I get on board I feel as if my confidence deserts me & I literally feel sick sometimes.
I love her to bits & I feel terrible because the problem lays with me, not her & she is really good as in she isn't terribly spooky & she doesn't rear or anything like that but she is strong & if she gets excited she will jog/break into trot or start pulling & then I really have to fight not to just dismount & walk home.
I suppose really I don't want it to get to the point where I fall off or she gets hurt because of how I am with her as I'd never forgive myself. I think getting something quieter will build my confidence back up & maybe in the future I'll feel ok to ride her again.



Box of Frogs; Thank you hun, that's exactly it, I don't want it getting to that stage & if it ever did, it would be entirely my fault & not hers. My sister is fearless & she'll take her for a good blow out over the fields or jump her & they really have fun together so it probably is the right thing to hand her over to my sister & Sunny would have lots more fun with her than with me. I just can't explain how I feel really, it's silly because she'll be just as loved & still be in the family & all that but it just feels hard, almost feel as though I've failed her which I know is not true at all. If anything, carrying on what I'm doing would be more of a let down to her. That has made me see it more objectively though & made me feel better about the whole thing so thanks hun xxx


Happybus; I think if I carry on the way I am that is where I'm headed. Congratulations on the hunter trial, that's brilliant.

I think getting something quiet & building my confidence back up is the way to go. Thanks for all your help & advice & congrats to all of you that have managed to overcome it! I might get there eventually!

(sorry, another essay

)

 

[Nickijem]

Can I join the not very confident club too?! My previous horse didn't really do much for my confidence as he could put in a terrifying fly buck when cantering in company out on a hack.
I perservered with him because I loved him and couldn't bear to sell him and I just avoided company who would want to canter when we went on hacks. I didn't compete him nor have lessons on him, we just had a quiet life.
When he was sadly pts last year I bought my present horse. He is such a confidence giver - despite being a 17.1hh!
I have slowly regained my confidence out on hacks and have actually galloped twice in stubble fields! I intend to have some lessons on him this year and maybe do a bit of dressage!
I think I am trying to say that you could perservere with your present horse and try to stay in your comfort zone, be that working from the ground or just walking or, if you want to get more out of your riding again and regain some confidence then maybe a change of horse would be more beneficial to you.
Good luck with your dilemma.