Confidence Crisis

[helm]

Hiya
I've had a bit of a bad run. I bought a lovely horse two years ago - just after she'd been backed. I made the mistake of many and thought she wouldn't grow too much - she did to over 17hh. She spooked one day and threw me out of the school onto concrete - I was getting my confidence back then she was injured - we never got going again. I sold her and she's doing mega well in showjumping classes but simply got too big and talented for me (i'm only 5ft!).... So I bought a TBX that turned into a total nutter, rearing, bucking, running off - after 6 months and 3 instructors saying get rid he's going to kill you i did! Trying out a new horse in January I had a long over due fall and broke my arm! Did I give up... no.... i love riding and remember a time when it bought me the biggest smiles.... i love horses and used to be an alright little rider. I now have Ern, the most beautiful honest Connie ever. i still suffer from my nerves though and have panic attacks - he hasn't put a foot wrong. Has anyone else been through this and come out - is there anything more I can do. We're doing really well but the slightest setback seems to floor me - I want to be the fearless rider I used to be!

 

[Abbeygale]

I know exactly what you mean on the confidence front. Just over 2 years ago my mare bucked me off and managed to kick me on my way down - don't ask how! Now I had fallen off a hundred times before in a hundred different ways - but for whatever reason this completely battered my confidence. I then said that I wouldn't ride my mare again - I put her in foal and she produced a gorgeous gorgeous filly - and the plan was to sell her once the foal was weaned. Unfortunately I just love this mare too much - and she is back with me again. I am trying to just keep an open mind - and I am not making any plans of things I want to do with her - but I have managed now to go out hacking with her - and that is all I want to do with her at the moment.

I used rescue remedy on me and her to start with when we went out - but now its just me that I rescue remedy. Abi is such a star - and she does worry sometimes - but in the last few days we have been to new places on our own - and even with the horse eating signs in the hedge have managed to get past them - on our own!

Try using rescue remedy - oh and singing as well! I was singing twinkle twinkle to start with evey time I got on Abi - much to the amusement of my neighbours! But its just something to get you breathing. I rode yesterday - and forgot to sing! I was well chuffed with myself!!!

Don't put too much pressure on yourself - and come one here and celebrate every little triumph - no matter how trivial it might seem - it is still a triumph. If you have a bad day - don't worry - the next day can only be better. Good luck!

 

[Dressagebabe]

I dont think you are the first person to be nervous, we have all been there, since having a child I have become more cautious and won't ride anything that is dangerous anymore. I had similar experience 3yrs ago with a nutty chestnut mare that would be cantering along totally calm & collected leaving me to think we were on the right tracks and then she would just leap up onto her hind legs for no reason!! that has left me with memories everytime I sit on something new. I try to not read into their body language too much now and if I am riding something new I tend to sing as it regulates my breathing!. A cautious rider tends to make a sensitive rider so its not always a bad thing to feel anxious as it keeps us safe. Your confidence will grow everytime you get off your horse having had a lovely scare free ride or lesson. Keep it up.

 

[Box_Of_Frogs]

Hi Helm. Been there and done that. For me, the answer was simply the RIGHT horse. They ARE out there...the kind, generous, unflappable, bombproof ones. Often they will be into their teens coz they've been there, done it and got the t-shirt. The only tips I can offer is to trust your ned and make sure you ride him as often as you possibly can. The more we do things, the more "normal" they get. I STILL find that if I haven't ridden for a week or 2 a few butterflies hatch out in my innards just before a ride! Be kind to yourself and set you and ned up for success every single time you ride. Ie do something different with your ned on windy days if high winds bother you/ned, or on bin days or hunt passing days, or if it just doesn't feel right, or if ned seems a bit off. See what I mean? Set things up to win every time and you will. You sound a lovely person and it seems you have found a lovely horse - good luck with your riding and hope to see you at HOYS soon! xxx

 

[Llwyncwn]

No wonder you have lost your confidence after so many bad experiences.

I am helping a couple of people who have confidence issues atm, one of them physically shakes before she gets on! We have tried a number of things which have all helped in their way. If you have someone to help you and is understanding, get them to lead you around the school first working up to working gently on the lunge line just purely in walk. After a few days of this, you will be so bored that you will want to trot. Another tip is to get yourself a shock-proof personal CD player and listen to some relaxing music while you are tacking up and riding. Set yourself small achieveable goals and try to do something every day with him and before you know it you will be flying high as before.

What I would add is that you must not put yourself under pressure or allow anyone else to. There is no rush for you or him so you must go at your own pace and only step out of your comfort zone when you are ready.

Welcome to the forum by the way, and please do keep us updated on how you get on. There are lots of people on here who suffer with similar issues and your story can only help

 

[MACCIMOO]

Hi new to the forum,i to have lost my confidence completely, i now have a sharer for my lovely boy 16'1 irish as i fell off about 8 months ago and really hurt my back (thank god for a big bum)i wish he was 14'3 and then maybe i would get back on him,i need to start again even though i have been riding since i was 3 and am now 48

 

[yvonne36]

Don't know if this will help but I'm an older learner. I have my own horse and riding her is the one thing that I really, really wanted to do but as soon as I got on her back I just froze. I used to feel so let down by myself but I couldn't help it. Tried all the rescue remedies etc but nothing worked until my friend put me in touch with a hypnotherapist. After two sessions with her I can now (try to) ride my horse with all the confidence in the world. I can't believe the difference in me. I look forward to riding now whereas before I would get myself in a real state.

Worth a try - it worked for me!

 

[Serephin]

I know exactly how you feel - my confidence is practically non existent! I have a new horse after owning a TB for two years who was lovely but did chip away at my confidence until I just didn't really enjoy riding any more. I was put under a lot of pressure with my new horse, by the seller, what started as a weeks trial turned into two days and lots of pressure from her to give an answer, which put me into a flat spin and major panic attacks and no sleep for over a month! I bought him though and it has ended up with him going to my trainer for selling, although I do have the option of keeping him if I want to. I didn't feel like I had any help or support and felt pressured by other liveries at my yard and it was all too much. and I couldn't cope and made myself very ill.

Confidence is a very fragile thing, especially as you get older, the sense of self preservation is much stronger! Don't let anyone pressure you, which is easier said than done - just someone asking me how I was getting on with my horse felt like pressure to me! Although I think I had gotten to the extreme and just couldn't cope at all.

Now the pressure has been taken off me completely, I feel so much better. And am even warming to the idea of getting to grips with my new ned, I am taking one day at a time - If I do keep him I am considering going back to my old yard (where he has gone) as I felt more supported there and was never judged and we all helped each other.

My advice would be, take it at your own pace, rely on your instincts to let you know how you and your horse feel about things and it doesn't matter how little you do as long as you feel happy.

Good luck!

 

[kazs]

i lost my confidence 3 yrs ago, i had a horse on loan, both ended up on car bonnet, that was it confidence gone, i bought my 1st horse last yr but couldnt get my confidence back on her, after 10 months of trying i realised i was never going to get my confidence back on her, so i went back to riding school where progress was coming along nicely, i made the heartbreaking decision to sell my horse, and i ended up buying the horse that i was riding from the riding school, things are progressing slowly but at least they are progressing, just take things slowly, and do things when you feel you are ready, it wont happen overnight, but if you look back every month you will be able so see what you have achieved. good luck and welcome to the forum.

 

[LizGooch1]

I'm there too! It amazes me how fragile my confidence is now - i used to be fearless and i know that horses pick up on fear but i still get the nerves when getting on! I had to sell two horses before deciding on an older horse (17 year old) trouble is she is forward going (but never spooks or does anything!) but this worries me that it will turn in to bolting which my last horse did!!! Why do we put ourselves through it?!