Confidence - how to get it back again.

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black_horse

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I need a boost. It seems that my confidence has taken a hit of late. I thought me and Dee were doing really well together, yes we had a bit of a way to go but still we were headed on the right path. But it seems i might have been a bit deluded as to how well we were doing.

CC is such a good tool when used constructively, but sometimes there are issues more pressing then though easily visable. I have issues with how i ride steming from a serious injury that has led to a disability. I lost all my confidence when i was injured 5 years ago and it has been an uphill struggle to get it back. I have written reports of late, expressing my gratetude in my horse and how well we are doing. But it seemed my last did not go down all that well and i was hit with a lot of critisim, a lot of which stemed from my choice to ride in a double and not a snaffle.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and i am in awe of a number of riders on this forum and so, naturally, i wished to post so i could learn more, gain knowledge to help both my horse and I to progress well in the appropriate manner. This was last saturday. On the sunday i tried some of the techniques offered to me. After tanking off with me delicia seemed to do ok(ish). But i noticed that i was not riding her as such. I wasnt being exact in my aids and i was a little hesitant.

I think delicia has picked up on this, unfortunately due to work, she has been lunged rather then ridden every day this week. Today i went to ride and for the first time in ages, wasnt looking forward to it, contemplating lunging rather then riding her.


But i did ride. I tried everything everyone taught me. I had her stretching to reach the bit etc. All went well till she spooked. I immediately tensed up, delicia paniced and bolted with me. Not out of fear. I have never been so scared.

I managed to get her back but she was a bit up on her toes. I tried runnign through a few tests with her as i am ment to be competing tomorrow but i couldnt canter, i was too scared too. I tried dropping my curb rein a little and as soon as i did she shoved her head between her front legs and bucked. I think my determination not to fall off was all that stopped me. So the remaineder of my ride was in walk. After a while she relaxed and so i did and she did some fairly good work.

Delicia is a very hot horse and a tricky ride, she has a lot of issues i have had to rectify. Im supposed to be competing tomorrow but i dont know how i can. I am a nervous wreak and i was relieved to dismount her today. My leg now hurt, my back hurts. But i know this will get better, what i had is that feeling of unending nervousness that seems to have returned.

I know i have to compete tomorrow, for if i dont, i dont think i will get back on top of her again. I need some help please. I need to regain my confidence. She has been going beautifully but i dont feel i am good enough to ride her anymore. I know in her video she seemed to be a little unbalanced but i wish you could have all seen her two years before.

I need to get back onboard, because i know me. I have been in this place in my head before and if i do not get on her tomorrow, i might as well sell her now.

I appologise if this post seems a little emotional. But i need a little help. I didnt think i was that bad a rider.

This is the problem when asking for CC, it can sometimes bite you on your @ss
 
I didn't watch the vids on your last thread and just skim-read the responses you received, so forgive me if this reply seems ignorant of the facts. Why are you asking people you don't know for advice, particularly if your confidence is fragile at best? I would have thought that a trainer or just "eyes on the ground" that you trust would be a better way to move forward with your horse.

I have no suggestions as to how to cope tomorrow, other than a liberal dosage of Rescue Remedy for you both ;), but you know youself what your gut feeling is telling you to do. Perhaps set your expectations relatively low and see it as something you need to do for you, not for Delicia and progression in her training. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
 
Hiya, I remember reading your last post, however did not comment as I don't feel I am experienced enough.

If I was in your position I would take my husband/OH/best friend, whoever you trust, preferably not horsey. Explain what you are feeling to them and they will put it into perspective, I am sure you will feel better. They will look at it in a different way than a horsey person.

You should go tomorrow, even if you don't end up competing, it sounds like you are putting yourself under un-necessary pressure - you do not have to do anything you don't want to do.

If only for a placibo effect take some rescue remedy, and give your horse some calmer if you have any. Good luck x
 
@baydale - indeed, hence why i wont be asking for CC anymore, but i dont think dee needs rescue remedy, i think she needs a valium ;)
 
I have to start by saying I don't do criticism, constructive or otherwise, because I don't ride and am in awe of all of you who have the guts to get on a horse let alone compete.

I do think you might need some one to one support though rather than advice from the people on here who are undoubtedly very knowledgeable but don't know you or your horse. I think in your position I would be looking for a trainer who could assess both you and Delicia and get you back on track.

Don't despair, you can and will beat your demons I promise :).
 
Rosiefan said:
I have to start by saying I don't do criticism, constructive or otherwise, because I don't ride and am in awe of all of you who have the guts to get on a horse let alone compete.

I do think you might need some one to one support though rather than advice from the people on here who are undoubtedly very knowledgeable but don't know you or your horse. I think in your position I would be looking for a trainer who could assess both you and Delicia and get you back on track.

Don't despair, you can and will beat your demons I promise :).
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I have a wonderful trainer, but unfortunately havent got a lesson booked till 29th of this month :(

The biggest problem is my continuing need to prove i still have it, to my mother who i think still finds it hard that 5 years down the line what happened to me. I love my mother and she loves me, she would be happy if all i did was ride in circles, bare back facing dee tail if it made me happy :D (which i might just do for the hell of it lol)
 
Black_Horse said:
@baydale - indeed, hence why i wont be asking for CC anymore, but i dont think dee needs rescue remedy, i think she needs a valium ;)
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:D Don't we all! Joking apart, Crossgates AAA spray is good for "focus", for horse and rider, I find it better than Rescue Remedy or any calmer, although I have also used Blue Chip Karma for a particularly cheeky one who needs no excuse to get excited. :rolleyes:
 
I read a bit of your last posts, but not all, so also forgive me if I'm a bit out on facts as well.

We all go through highs and lows with horses, it is the nature of having a partnership with such an incredible animal with its own mind. Sometimes, yes, it is truly scary and the last thing you want to do, to get back on.

At the end of the day though, ask yourself, do I still want to do it? If the answer is most definitely 'no' then you will probably be happier selling and reaching the end of your road. If however, there is a little tiny tiny piece of you that thinks, actually no, I'm not ready to give up, then all there is left to do, is bite the bullet and DO IT. Yes it WILL be scary as hell and while battling through that initial ride it will be horrible, but when you come out the other side, you will have your confidence back, IMO it is as simple as that.

We all have doubts about our abilities, and some of us are better than others, but who cares? If your horse is happy and progressing, (and I think you both are after your recent posts!) then keep doing it.

Look back on your profile page at the posts you were telling us all about a few weeks ago when you got picked for the regional squads etc, and how buzzing you were! You will eventually get back there. Have faith.

Just go for it tomorrow, and best of luck. This is the life we all choose with horses, and god knows we are all a little crazy for doing it, but would any of us have it any other way?

xxx
 
Or, as Al's instructor recommended recently when Al despairingly pointed out that all the competitive SJ issues come from her having no confidence in herself as in training/ the warm up it was all hunky-dory, you could have several glugs of something very strong before you get on!
 
hayleyshep88 said:
I read a bit of your last posts, but not all, so also forgive me if I'm a bit out on facts as well.

We all go through highs and lows with horses, it is the nature of having a partnership with such an incredible animal with its own mind. Sometimes, yes, it is truly scary and the last thing you want to do, to get back on.

At the end of the day though, ask yourself, do I still want to do it? If the answer is most definitely 'no' then you will probably be happier selling and reaching the end of your road. If however, there is a little tiny tiny piece of you that thinks, actually no, I'm not ready to give up, then all there is left to do, is bite the bullet and DO IT. Yes it WILL be scary as hell and while battling through that initial ride it will be horrible, but when you come out the other side, you will have your confidence back, IMO it is as simple as that.

We all have doubts about our abilities, and some of us are better than others, but who cares? If your horse is happy and progressing, (and I think you both are after your recent posts!) then keep doing it.

Look back on your profile page at the posts you were telling us all about a few weeks ago when you got picked for the regional squads etc, and how buzzing you were! You will eventually get back there. Have faith.

Just go for it tomorrow, and best of luck. This is the life we all choose with horses, and god knows we are all a little crazy for doing it, but would any of us have it any other way?

xxx
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:) thank you for your lovely response :)

I know i am just being silly, but i think i needed to vent to see how silly i am being...
 
Lolo said:
Or, as Al's instructor recommended recently when Al despairingly pointed out that all the competitive SJ issues come from her having no confidence in herself as in training/ the warm up it was all hunky-dory, you could have several glugs of something very strong before you get on!
Click to expand...

I like this idea :D
 
I don't think you are being silly in the slightest, we've all been there, and we know how frightening they can be :) I think this forum is great to ask the advice of loads of people who know exactly how you are feeling. My OH is completely non horsey and he wouldnt have a clue about how i was feeling!
Don't forget your comp report tomorrow :)
 
I lost confidence with Dela, I don't know if any of what we did would help your situation but you never know!

A few winters ago Dela scared me by being spooky for no reason and I didn't want to trot or canter as I was scared of her. This was when it was very cold so that didnt help much! Eventually after a few days she exploded and I fell off her. Things went from bad to worse, my instructor didn't know what to do with us, I would be in tears because I was afraid of trotting her.

My instructor asked her new groom to get on her. She had the confidence I didn't have and rode her through the spookiness. Dela almost had the groom off on a few occassions that day, but getting on her after she was behaving was the building block to getting my confidence back. Since that she has been naughtier and I've been able to ride her through it myself. We gained each others trust by hacking a bit in the summer that followed. Now she rarely misbehaves and if she does I can just laugh at her... she managed to buck me off a few months ago but I got back on without even being a bit scared :)

Is there anyone really brave you could ask to ride her through it and help you start to become more confident like my instructor's groom did for Dela?

Good Luck xx
 
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sorry to hear that you are going through a low spell- if its any consolation it happens to us all! i post quite a few videos on here as i find many of the comments/CC i get really useful...but i'm not the type of person to take things too much to heart- i think if you are a bit more sensitive/ at a particularly less confident place then its not good to open yourself up on a forum. i genuinely think that everyone was really trying to be helpful but sometimes it can be a bit much hearing it from people you don't know/ don't know you very welll. good luck tomorrow :)
 
Can't really offer any advice but from what I've seen you do brilliantly with a gorgeous but obviously tricky horse. Hope tomorrow goes well for you x
 
I didn't read your previous post although, to me it sounds like you have achieved a lot since your accident so well done so far :)

Regards loss of confidence, been there, done it and got the T shirt :D

I overcame my loss of confidence by asking a good friend who I trusted to help me. She gave me lessons, hacks out with me, encourages me in every way and makes me believe I can :)

Everyone on the yard is also very supportive so I'm growing in confidence all the time. If I want to hack out and just walk that's what we do, if I fancy a canter that's what I do. :)
 
It's so easy to lose confidence and so hard to build it back up. I have massive highs and lows with mine and while I've never been scared to ride, I seriously doubt my ability at times. I posted the other day about stuff going on that has affected it and people told me to take a step back and to do something I enjoy. I did that and you know what I felt better for it. For that reason I would say give it a go, I know you have a show tomorrow but try and take the pressure off yourself. I've heard rescue remedy helps so it worth giving that ago but just go do what you feel comfortable with and don't force yourself.
As for posting up here I would agree it can be the worse thing for you confidence. No one really has the full story so only goes on what they see at that time. I'm not to fussed but it does get my goat more when people comment when not asked. I put post up when someone asked about lunging a certain way with pics, someone felt they would comment on how I did it and tell me how I should be. They don't know my reasons or who has told me to do it that way or if I have already tried it that way and found it didn't work. While I understand what they are saying and know it might be the better or correct way but its not always that black and white. What I'm trying to say is if you feel something might work then try but don't take to heart what people say when you know different. If you feel at a low ebb then definitely don't post as it can go one way or the other and its not worth the risk.
If you have a people you can trust then stick to them and don't listen to us weirdo's on a forum ;)
 
My advice would be to go to the show and dont pressure yourself too much. Try her in the warm up and see how she feels. If you are too apprehensive, dont ride the test. If you dont feel up to getting on her, dont. There's always another day.
For your next ride I would hire out an indoor school where there is nothing to spook at and no where to bolt to. Do lots of walk and trot and maybe forget the canter until you feel in control again.
Also, try doing some ground pole work - I find distracting myself is a good way to get over fear. If you canter on a circle with poles, you focus on controlling her round a circle rather than getting to a long side and thinking she might run off so you tense up.
Good luck today I hope it goes well. We've all been there at some point, I can remember the uncontrollable shaking and dry mouth! Btw, Rescue remedy now does a chewing gum which is brill. I pop some in when I get to a show and it eems to work!
 
Can you find a confident, experienced friend to be your eyes on the ground when you are schooling at home sometimes and come with you to competitions between your lessons? Someone with a very down to earth and practical approach who will give you an appropriate kick up the you know what as and when required but can also give you support through tricky moments? I realise this isn't a total solution, just something that may help boost your confidence in each other.
 
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