Confidence vibes and tips please

Emilieu

Emilieu

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Since we moved to our new yard I have gradually lost more and more confidence about hacking out. There is rarely ever anyone to ride out with and since we addressed the pain in his feet and spent more time schooling Deano has gotten fitter and fitter and more and more prone to leaping about like a loon. When I first got him i would slope off anywhere just the two of us on nice long hacks but for some reason the thought of this now reduces me to a shakey mess :( We managed to bag someone to ride with on Friday night and went a nice hack which I hoped would give me the confidence to get back out on my own. Tried last night and ended up turning and coming home before we even got out of the lane :( I don't even know why, poor Deano did nothing wrong - he was just bouncing along happily looking at everything (which he has always done) and I just honestly couldn't go on :( I'm going to try again tonight so please share your confidence giving tips - i already sing and took a double dose of rescue remedy before last night's attempt - and send me some brave vibes. If nothing else i am hoping that posting this will shame me into making sure i do it!
 
Have you tried schooling him and then walking out on the trail to cool him out? Even just a short wee walk? This is my routine nearly every day I do dressage because it is a lovely way to cool down and stretch out your horse after schooling. I started doing it this way many years ago when Gypsum was younger and sillier and prone to leaping about like an eejit on hacks. If she'd been schooled first, she was much more relaxed and less likely to get sharp. When she was about Deano's age, I went through a phase where I would only hack without schooling first if she had been ridden for three or four days straight. Would never go out after a day or two off.

If you can get Deano to that relaxed and slightly tired place we got him to the other week, you might find that he feels less "looky" and more relaxed if you take him out for a wander up the road.
 
I bought a confident rider hypnotherapy download because I was nervous about cantering my young horse in the school (I got the schooling one), however since listening to it a few times, I've taken him out hacking on his own (well, just with the dogs, and only round the village - about 40 minutes ride), and taken him out on a longish hack through the woods (accompanies), where I had to get off and unlock the gate, then get back on him - I just thought "Well, I can always get off and lead him if he's silly" - but he hasn't been!

I think the hypnotherapy route is well worth a try!
 
Caol Ila said:
Have you tried schooling him and then walking out on the trail to cool him out? Even just a short wee walk? This is my routine nearly every day I do dressage because it is a lovely way to cool down and stretch out your horse after schooling. I started doing it this way many years ago when Gypsum was younger and sillier and prone to leaping about like an eejit on hacks. If she'd been schooled first, she was much more relaxed and less likely to get sharp. When she was about Deano's age, I went through a phase where I would only hack without schooling first if she had been ridden for three or four days straight. Would never go out after a day or two off.

If you can get Deano to that relaxed and slightly tired place we got him to the other week, you might find that he feels less "looky" and more relaxed if you take him out for a wander up the road.
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I haven't tried this, I usually do one or the other - he was a bit of eejit in the school on Thursday (nearly span me out the side door after i'd relaxed and let him walk on a longish rein) so I was thinking i'd try giving him a bit of a break from schooling and hacking instead. I meant to hack him Saturday morning but he ended up having the weekend off so I guess that was playing on my mind when i headed out. I suppose it wasn't really a great idea all round :o It takes him so long to chill out in the school that by the time he has i'm just relieved and ready for a lie down!
The hypnotherapy couldn't hurt so i'll give it a go - in my head i was thinking 'honestly what is the worst thing that could happen in the lane?' but my whole body just seized up :( definately need to get my mind over matter!
 
That's how I was - and once you seize up, the horse thinks that we need to be alert for danger - and then you're in a vicious cycle! The hypnotherapy thing definitely worked for me - I'm still worried if I think about it before I get on, but once on board I seem to just be getting on with it without working myself up now!
 
Triskar said:
That's how I was - and once you seize up, the horse thinks that we need to be alert for danger - and then you're in a vicious cycle! The hypnotherapy thing definitely worked for me - I'm still worried if I think about it before I get on, but once on board I seem to just be getting on with it without working myself up now!
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Exactly - i know i am terrifying my poor horse and I wish to hell i could stop it!

Good idea CobsGalore - i'm sure i can convince someone to come and babysit us - probably won't be a horsey person but that hopefully won't matter - just having someone to talk to will calm me down!
 
Emilieu said:
Exactly - i know i am terrifying my poor horse and I wish to hell i could stop it!

Good idea CobsGalore - i'm sure i can convince someone to come and babysit us - probably won't be a horsey person but that hopefully won't matter - just having someone to talk to will calm me down!
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Exactly, once you get chatting you'll forget what you were even worrying about. And if your horse is at all spooky then you have someone to lead him passed things if needs be - you don't need to be horsey to be able to do that :)
 
CobsGalore said:
Exactly, once you get chatting you'll forget what you were even worrying about. And if your horse is at all spooky then you have someone to lead him passed things if needs be - you don't need to be horsey to be able to do that :)
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In the good old days when I wasn't a wimp I used to wait until a passer by arrived at the spooky spot then just follow them. Ha ha, poor unsuspecting joggers who found themselves with a spooky horse on their tail...
 
Emilieu said:
Good idea CobsGalore - i'm sure i can convince someone to come and babysit us - probably won't be a horsey person but that hopefully won't matter - just having someone to talk to will calm me down!
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That's what I did when I started hacking Ned alone :)
Mum would walk with me the whole way to begin with (A nice 20min walk) then after the first few goes, she would cut across a field (no horses allowed) and I would go through the ford. We eventually got him walking in front of her, then going away from her earlier and earlier :) Good luck!
 
Lol at the joggers :D I'll remember that, sounds like a good idea.

Vibes, I know that feeling. I freeze/seize up too. I'll be watching this with interest, I hope you find something that works.

Do you get nervous in the school? Or just generally in life? I don't think I'll be able to say anything helpful but I'm sure you'll get your confidence back once you'be found something that works for you.
 
PleaseVenus said:
Do you get nervous in the school? Or just generally in life? I don't think I'll be able to say anything helpful but I'm sure you'll get your confidence back once you'be found something that works for you.
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Yes in the school but very very rarely in life in general or when doing other 'scary' things like abseiling etc - seems to be exclusively horse focused! (Good choice of hobby there Emilieu...)

Have a few lovely volunteers to babysit us so I will keep you updated. Thanks for the suggestions.
 
As well as the good ideas that others have suggested, just don't beat yourself up, get frustrated or put yourself under too much pressure to achieve some goal that will one day achieve itself, you have all the time in the world.

I too have had recent confidence issues (having lost my horse of 20 years last September, and taking on my new 5yo challenge), but have now started to make progress, some days are good, others not as good. I am now falling into the trap of having a really good day, and then expecting the whole problem to be fixed as though it was just a bad dream, but realistically, it is going to take longer than that.

I had my first dressage lesson on Sunday and it went really well, I think where I was concentrating so hard on what my instructor was telling me, the idea of my horse doing anything daft went right out of my head, and so in turn went out of his head too!! I was a little frustrated last night however when I rode on my own but didn't quite achieve the same results that i did in the lesson, so now I am debating whether I want to ride tonight at all or not!! :(
 
Emilieu said:
Yes in the school but very very rarely in life in general or when doing other 'scary' things like abseiling etc - seems to be exclusively horse focused! (Good choice of hobby there Emilieu...)
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Hehe :) well i'm sure horses are more rewarding when you overcome things :D it will be good.

Hmm then maybe just the more you ride and the more small goals you reach the better you will feel :) there's no rush and hopefully if you go out with someone walking with you you'll just have fun and chat and then be distracted enough to enjoy it without worrying.

Damn nerves though :mad: so frustrating.
 
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