Confidence with new horse

[FabioandFreddy]

Is it normal to have a confidence crisis with a new neddy despite them doing nothing wrong?

I had to retire my horse the end of last year and unfortunately he took a turn for the worse and had to have pts at the start of this year. I had been looking for a while for another ridden horse anyway but typically - timing wasn't perfect, but perfect horse came along in between Fab having to be pts. I was convinced by OH not to pass him up and disteraction might be a good thing. Have now had him just over 3 weeks. He's awesome in the school - puts a huge smile on my face! Have hacked him out with OH, last week i took him out on my own - he didn't put a foot wrong. He's a lot faster than i'm used to which i was worried about - but let him blast and he came back to me (got a bit emotional! Part adrenalin i think and part 'yes! i done it!'), took him again the next day for a longer hack and other than being a bit keener in canter on the way home (possibly could do with slightly stronger bit) he was great.
Monday had fitting for jump saddle - was nervous about this. Only popped him over a few jumps when i tried him but he gave me a nice feel. I haven't really jumped properly in over a year as had to stop jumping my old boy, although he wasn't the most confident giving jumper anyway! Was always hit and miss if he'd jump and he wasn't brave at all! Anyway i popped a few jumps on Monday when trying saddles - only x poles, but all ok. But the past week i'm getting more anxious. And once i start getting anxious its like a vicious circle of getting more anxious just from being anxious! Like an overthinking thing? I have had this happen before for not much reason. I'm booked to go for some NLP and hypnotherapy next week. Its so frustrating as new boy is brill, his temperament is fantastic and every time i ride him he gives me more reason not to doubt him. I don't know if maybe i'm subconsciously putting pressure on myself to do everything straight away because i know he can and i have done before rather than take it a bit slower? And maybe unfairly doubting my ability a bit. The silly thing is that when i'm riding i'm fine, then feel daft for getting myself like that, but then next day i'm the same again.
Has anyone else had this lack of confidence for no reason? Its so frustrating!!!!

 

[Damnation]

Give it time, with a new horse you need to build your relationship and get to know him. Take your time, there is no rush I think you are putting pressure on yourself to be as at home on him as you were on your old boy and that takes time. Especially since you have had the horrible and very recent situation of your old boy being PTS. Perhaps you are still grieving a bit which I would say is fine and normal.

Deep breaths, no pressue, just enjoy him

 

[madlady]

Firstly congratulations on new horse (where are the pictures!!!)

I think it's perfectly normal to not feel confident straight away with a new horse - it's a bit of fear of the unknown IYKWIM? You had Fab a long time and you get to know them inside out, you know how they will react to pretty much everything and even if those reactions aren't always good ones it's reassuring because you know in advance what they will be and can deal with it accordingly.

With a new horse you don't know so sometimes you are on pins wondering what they are going to do. I've got multiple horses of my own but still feel most confident riding Dandea as I know her

The more you do with him the more you will get to know him and understand him but you don't have to push yourself. Just take it nice and easy and enjoy

 

[FabioandFreddy]

Thanks. I think thats half it - even though Fab could be a spooky twit, i knew him inside out. And don't get me wrong, its lovely having a non spooky horse (i've a few times seen stuff that Fab would have had a meltdown over and anticipated a spook and Josh hasn't even batted an eye at it!) but also a bit odd to not have to be looking out 100 yards ahead for a crisp bag in the verge which could cause a big spook! lol

Here's a few pics - this was my second time in the school with him and my first hack. Like i say, he's been awesome. I just need to stop being such a twit.

 

[OWLIE185]

It takes me at least 2 years to get used to a new horse.

 

[applecart14]

If anything I would be more confident with a new horse as they have not put a foot wrong. I took mine out competing the second weekend of having him and took him round his first filler course and then went straight in and did a SJ derby in the next ring!

I would rather crack on with things and start as you mean to go on. But thats probably just me. I did put a lot of pressure on myself at the time to cram everything in and hardly came up for breath as each weekend I would compete, week after week and month after month, year after year, not particuarly enjoying it that much either, sometimes it felt a bit more like a chore, and I would feel guilty for NOT going out as I had the disposable income, transport and time to do so, so felt I was lucky and quite honoured. I feel like that now when I don't ride in the evening after work - I feel incredibly guilty even now, as I think I could lose my precious boy tomorrow and would hate myself for not enjoying every minute I had with him. At the time I was also very worried I was giong to lose my horse so with that anxiety came a feeling of doing as much as I could, whilst I could. I felt like that because Bailey came at the end of seven years of hell during which time I had lost four horses (through no fault of my own) so it was understandable that I felt that time was very precious. I didn't actually calm down until I was told by the Reiki lady that my horse would live until he was 21 and then i slowed down slightly but by that time I was having too much fun and so the cycle started again. Difficult for some people to understand I know....

Maybe think about having cognitive behaviour therapy, I had that for my competition nerves as I had a sucession of nasty falls with visits to A&E and it really did help at the time......well... until I fell off again!

Anxiety can be a horrid illness, the awful thoughts that sit in your brain, the shortness of breath, the numbing in your arms and legs, the hammering in your chest. So imagine how all that feels the horse stood under you! So hard I know.

 

[Red-1]

He looks fab!

I would take it easy, do whatever you feel happy to do.

Come the warmer weather it will all seem easier anyway.

IME, once you have got into a few different circumstances, and your horse has helped you out, that is when you get confidence in them. "Circumstances" could be anything small, such as meeting a crisp packet, meeting a tractor, going for a lesson somewhere new - it does not have to be dramatic.

Good luck, and love your matchy matchy!

 

[Bernster]

Sweet looking boy! I hope you have lots of fun.

In my experience, yes, def'y a thing. I was surprised how nervous I felt with my new boy this time last year. Like you he never did anything to justify my fears but he was new, I was unsure and there was the 'what ifs'. I am also not the most confident at times so it shouldn't have been a surprise really.

However, it's good to recognise this early so you can deal with it and not have things spiral out of control. Who cares if you're over cautious, it takes longer, you don't progress as fast as you could etc etc and all those annoying thoughts that we plague ourselves with! In my case I was really careful, although part of that was because the timing meant I wasn't around right at the beginning so I left him with my instructor for a month! I rode only in the school, lunged first, went out in company, had lots of lessons, had the yard hack him out first of all.

In hindsight, massive overkill as a year later he's steady as a rock, but hey it worked for me and maybe that helped him to stay steady as a rock. Whatever works for you

PS Sounds like a great idea the NLP and hypno !

 

[LHIS]

Congrats on your new horse - he looks very handsome and quite the ginger beast!

Confidence takes time to build, and can be so easily shattered (I speak from experience and am on a long journey trying to get mine back). Spend time with your new boy, build a bond. There's no quick fix to confidence other than to get to know him and vice versa. You say he's done nothing to make you doubt him - so don't forget this. When you're feeling anxious take deep breaths, I find it helps me so much. If you find yourself feeling anxious when you're onboard ask yourself what it is that's causing it - think about what you do want and not what you don't - I think there's a lot to be said about having a positive attitude.
If on occasion your anxiety gets the better of you then that's ok, have a plan b, plan c and even a plan d.
Most importantly enjoy your boy and enjoy building that bond with him.
Good luck x

 

[madlady]

Oh he's lovely

 

[debsflo]

Its difficult with a new one when you have to start again. I am a worrier and overthink and havent even found my new horse yet due to catastrophising and talking myself out of it. I would take pressure off ,you have loads of time ,have some lessons,do lots of ground work ,i have husband on standby to ride out with me on his bike and although i have stables at home am considering part livery for a few months to have arenas and people to ride with to help.

 

[oldie48]

He looks really lovely, lucky you! Unless you are a pro getting on different horses all the time, I think it's quite natural to lack a bit of confidence with a new horse. You don't know him, he doesn't know you and it takes time to build trust. My trainer tells me all the time, you can buy the horse but you can't buy the partnership, you have to make that yourself. Every time you do something new with him and he's fine make a mental note and at some point you'll realise he's pretty rock steady and stop worrying. I'm nearly 2 years into owning Mr B and it's taken me a long time to completely trust him even though he's never done anything silly or nasty, but I am a very slow learner, I'm sure you'll be a lot quicker than me!

 

[HashRouge]

I didn't realise you had lost Fabio, I'm sorry to hear that . I always used to love reading your posts about him way back on the other forums.

Your new boy looks and sounds like a super star. I think you just need to give it time, like others have said. Don't expect too much of yourself too soon. I'm sure you will be going from strength to strength soon enough though

 

[RhaLoulou]

He looks lovely OP. I've had my new horse since August, he is great, but it has been an emotional roller coaster (and my oldies are still with me!). It has also been a lot of fun, even the bits that have made me nervous!

 

[Annagain]

Sorry about your old boy. But yes lack of confidence with a new horse is natural. When I lost my old boy, he'd been semi-retired for 4 years, just hacking. I got a new one after he died and getting going again was awful. I hadn't jumped properly for a while, just the odd pop on my friend's and to make matters worse my old boy had become a saint overnight in my head and I was constantly comparing my new boy (unfavourably) to him. He couldn't win, and as a result, neither could I.

I had to give myself a good talking to to stop myself always looking back and from that point on we started making progress. 10 years on I know him inside out, as I did with my old boy and I know I'll end up going through it again when the time comes.

You new boy is bound to be different, but that doesn't mean he's bad. Take things one day at a time, push yourself when you're happy to, but if you don't feel comfortable, don't. It doesn't matter if it takes a year or even 2, you've got plenty of time ahead of you. You'll get there.

ETA - Oh and never stop looking ahead just in case . Not so long ago, mine went past a JCB, a bus, a lorry, and ambulance with siren and lights on the main road in the space of about 3 minutes, then turned off into a quiet lane and did a massive spook and spin which left me on the floor. The reason for this was a very suspicious looking beer bottle lurking in plain sight. My fault for chatting to my friend and not sweeping for potential monsters I think!

 

[old hand]

Just take small steps to start with and put little exercises up in the school with poles, turns, cavaletti etc to distract you. I have had a good few purlers and a spectacular knocking out off a much loved horse that I lost last year. I too have had problems with confidence, my new chap is forward going and very safe, unlike his predecessor yet I felt totally safe on the rodeing one! It is about knowing them backwards I think and it takes a while to get to that stage. But what a smashing trot he has I bet he is really comfortable.

 

[AceAmara]

I agree it is very difficult with a new horse , we mourn still for what we have lost and that relationship takes a long time to develop, with that comes trust. Set a small goal for yourself each day and a bigger one each week; when this happened to me for example one of my small goals was to make myself ride, whatever the weather.. which meant getting on one day in a blizzard in the school but afterwards, it was another little box ticked. I also invested heavily in lessons and clinics and tried to get to something each week. Good luck, take the pressure off yourself, you cant replicate the level of confidence you had in your previous horse in a short space of time with a new one, be nice to yourself and tell yourself what a good job you’re doing.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

So sorry to hear about Fabio Love how you already have matchy matchy on the new boy!

Have you pinned down what's making you nervous? For me, it was linked to the death of a previous horse. I think a brilliant instructor would help, I hope the NLP works.

 

[FabioandFreddy]

Thanks for all your helpful comments. And also those who knew Fabio. It wasn't a shock as such but I did expect his retirement to be longer and for him to be with us welcoming a new addition To say I was devastated would be an understatement. He was my baby.

I'm not sure exactly what is causing the anxiety - the silly thing is that I've worked myself up all day being anxious...and getting worse as soon as it starts...but when I get home and bring in, tack up, ride - I'm fine! It's completely irrational and so frustrating that I am doing this to myself
Josh as ever was perfectly behaved (he's so lovely, not stereotypical TB at all!) and I feel bad for being so unfair as he is a lovely boy.
I do have a brill RI, I always finish a lesson with her feeling awesome. Was due to have our first lesson tomorrow but he's got vacc's so had to put back to next week. Been having lessons on hubby's horse for the last year since semi retiring Fabio and made Raz into a dressage diva from the XC machine he was! Before lessons on him I wouldn't have jumped him for £10k! He is feisty to jump and knows his job....but did before viewing Josh as I needed to jump to reassure myself before jumping potential new horse. So I guess it is just knowing the horse and I'll get there with Josh...just need to stop pressuring myself I think.

 

[Sukistokes2]

So sorry that you lost your boy!

Yes it takes time, I had to semi retire my lad, only walks around the block for us now, I tried to transfer on to my young horse but really hit a brick wall. It didn't help that he had a small problem with his stifle , which meant there were periods I could not ride. To be honest I never felt safe or happy. I keep trying until I realised I was facing another summer without a horse I wanted to ride. Last week I bought home Kevin, apparently a 16.2 hh shire X , I think he is bigger and I think he is actually Clydesdale . I am currently slowly taking my time to get to know him and learning to ride him. Yes it's difficult and yes at times list like I'm starting again but each day I make progress. I have a lesson booked for tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it , it's been ages since I felt like that.

You will get there, take your time, do what you want to do, if you don't want to do something, don't. It will all come in time!

 

[Hepsibah]

Good idea re the NLP and hypnotherapy. I had it myself to stop smoking about ten years ago and it worked immediately so I'm very much a fan.

 

[MrsMurs]

Try not to worry or over think about what you've done in the past, or what you feel you should be doing now with your new one. Just keep going - your anxiety will drift away in time the more you do together and with the trust you develop in each other.