Confidence

Mahoganybay

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How do you make yourself confident or can you really if it’s lost?

So, I’m back on board my mare again following a rehab programm after stifle injections. Out hacking today with a trusty friend and we approached a stream down a slope down which she had not been down before.

Friend goes first and I was to follow, I absolutely lost my bottle. Got off to lead her down and at the bottom she tried to spin and not go through the water. Luckily I had a good hold of her and she did go through. Now, I knew she would do this whilst I was on board and I knew I didn’t have the confidence to push her on as I’m scared of what reaction I would get, given the last extreme reaction i got from her involved a bolt/bucking where I came off.

This mare, regardless of any niggling pain issues that has hopefully now been resolved (back at vets on Tuesday) still has a wilful nature and needs ‘riding’ through these episodes.

She is absolutely fine when in her comfort zone, but when it’s something new she really needs me to take over, but to do this I need to be super confident. And this is where I am struggling.

Any useful suggestions, am I being hard on myself, rushing things?
 

JFTDWS

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I think the best way to be confident is to have a good horse (by which I mostly mean an appropriate one), and a strong, appropriate skill set for the job you're doing.

That doesn't help when you're bringing a tricky horse back into work - but if you're not the bravest, I wonder if you'd be better to get someone else to ride her through the tricky stuff and keep her in her comfort zone more while you're not so brave, or try to get your balls back on something more amenable. How long have you been back on her, and do you have others / ride anything else while she was off work?
 

Denbob

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I'd second having someone confident to ride your mare through sticky moments who can help her through coming back into work, while you balance that with having nice pleasant rides without overfacing either of you until you can start taking on more naturally with the tools the pro should help you develop. That's my plan with my boy at least!
 

YorksG

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The old Appy was a pain wit running water, not too bad if given a lead by a horse she knew. Otherwise I would get off and lead her, then turn round and lead her back, then rinse and repeat, until she was bored, then get back on and ride her over it, both ways a few times and then continue on our way. Tedious but it worked and we got so that it was no necessary in new places, cos she knew i would happen anyway :)
 

Mahoganybay

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I think the best way to be confident is to have a good horse (by which I mostly mean an appropriate one), and a strong, appropriate skill set for the job you're doing.

That doesn't help when you're bringing a tricky horse back into work - but if you're not the bravest, I wonder if you'd be better to get someone else to ride her through the tricky stuff and keep her in her comfort zone more while you're not so brave, or try to get your balls back on something more amenable. How long have you been back on her, and do you have others / ride anything else while she was off work?


Todays ride was the first one out of her comfort zone, she has been working in the school/up our lane (this is well within her comfort zone) for the past 4 weeks!

I didn’t have a long lay off her, so didn’t get chance to ride anything else!

Your advice is very sound, and I will pick up riding my friends very trusty gelding. There is also a young girl on the yard who is a good rider/sympathetic but takes no messing! I didn’t realise until your post and I mentioned it to another lady on the yard who informed me she rides for other people!

Next time I see her I will ask if she’s interested, in return for payment.
 

Mahoganybay

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The old Appy was a pain wit running water, not too bad if given a lead by a horse she knew. Otherwise I would get off and lead her, then turn round and lead her back, then rinse and repeat, until she was bored, then get back on and ride her over it, both ways a few times and then continue on our way. Tedious but it worked and we got so that it was no necessary in new places, cos she knew i would happen anyway :)

Thank you for this, I’ve coiled up a long lead rope to attach to my saddle or doing exactly this 👍
 

Mahoganybay

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Don't beat yourself up, congratulate yourself on your intuition that she was going to try to spin, which you prevented and avoided a potential "bad situation" developing. Always more than one way to skin a cat.

Thank you, I honestly never used to focus on the negatives! Think it’s my age 🙈, but your post reminds me to look at the positive. Thank you
 

Carrottom

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Just remembered there was an article on confidence issues in the Feb issue of Welsh Rider Magazine. I'm pretty sure its available online if you fancy a look, Quite simplistic IIRC but might be worth a look.
 

DabDab

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Good advice above. But also, there are many many horses that I have had to get off to tow across a stream/ford. It's not at all uncommon for horses to take a bit of repetition with running water before they stop worrying about it, and the footing by the edge of these things generally isn't the best for having an on board discussion anyway. So I think how you handled the situation was absolutely the best thing to do 👍
 

Mahoganybay

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Good advice above. But also, there are many many horses that I have had to get off to tow across a stream/ford. It's not at all uncommon for horses to take a bit of repetition with running water before they stop worrying about it, and the footing by the edge of these things generally isn't the best for having an on board discussion anyway. So I think how you handled the situation was absolutely the best thing to do 👍

Just need to dry off the wet boots now 🙈 and yes the footing into the stream was unclear following a step down, I just knew we would both be nervous about it 😏
 

Winters100

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Don't be too hard on yourself - it is very difficult to gain confidence - and in my opinion it really takes the right horse to give you that opportunity. If you can ride your friend's easier horse for a while it will hopefully put you on the right track. Also if someone can give yours a bit of training, and then maybe work with the two of you, you might feel better. Always remember that riding should be fun, so no need to push yourself too hard.

Also just think about whether you have the right horse for you. No need to make hasty decisions, but from personal experience I can say that 'trading down' from a super horse who the trainers loved, but who was way above my ability, has given me back the fun that I was missing. No more driving to the yard fretting about how windy it is, because that used to upset him. No more asking people not to put coats down on the bench next to the arena in case he 'suddenly' noticed one and did a cat leap to the side (usually after passing it 10 times, just to catch me unawares). My new bombproof 14 year old schoolmistress is never going to set the world on fire, but I have had more fun in the last 2 months with her than I had in 6 years owning a lovely and super horse who was way above my skill level, and my old horse is very happy in a new home with great care and the right level of rider. I'm not saying that you are in the same situation, but if you are you might find that getting a better match is the best thing for both of you.
 

DabDab

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When I first moved here I merrily set off down a bridle path, that as it turns out, is so badly maintained that nobody ever goes down it. My horse has a lot of hacking miles under his belt and is generally pretty rock solid, but as we came to a piece of track that was merrily subsiding into a gushing stream on one side with a barbed wire fence on the other side I felt him turn into a ball of tension under me and as I checked my aids I realised I'd got nothing. So I hopped off and tiptoed with him along the disintegrating track, up to the spring loaded gate at the end, managed to squeak me and horse through, and then got stuck in the bog on the other side just as he spun with anxiety over the gate and I went flat on my face in the mud :oops:.

So it was a muddy ride of shame back up the road home :cool:. So soggy boots seem a bit amateurish to me!
 

Mahoganybay

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Don't be too hard on yourself - it is very difficult to gain confidence - and in my opinion it really takes the right horse to give you that opportunity. If you can ride your friend's easier horse for a while it will hopefully put you on the right track. Also if someone can give yours a bit of training, and then maybe work with the two of you, you might feel better. Always remember that riding should be fun, so no need to push yourself too hard.

Also just think about whether you have the right horse for you. No need to make hasty decisions, but from personal experience I can say that 'trading down' from a super horse who the trainers loved, but who was way above my ability, has given me back the fun that I was missing. No more driving to the yard fretting about how windy it is, because that used to upset him. No more asking people not to put coats down on the bench next to the arena in case he 'suddenly' noticed one and did a cat leap to the side (usually after passing it 10 times, just to catch me unawares). My new bombproof 14 year old schoolmistress is never going to set the world on fire, but I have had more fun in the last 2 months with her than I had in 6 years owning a lovely and super horse who was way above my skill level, and my old horse is very happy in a new home with great care and the right level of rider. I'm not saying that you are in the same situation, but if you are you might find that getting a better match is the best thing for both of you.

You are completely right, and I’m still not 100% convinced this horse is the right fit for me, she is nearing the end of her rehab (back to the vets on Tuesday) and then is going to 3 weeks schooling/sales livery at the end of April.

I’ve asked for an assessment to see how they find her, I will be going to have some lessons and I trust the lady who she is going too, will give me an honest opinion.

I do at times feel I have over horsed myself, but I also accept I have bought a mare and a warmblood at that 😳. However, if we can work through it then I am willing to put the time and effort in, just need to find my confidence along the way.
 

Mahoganybay

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When I first moved here I merrily set off down a bridle path, that as it turns out, is so badly maintained that nobody ever goes down it. My horse has a lot of hacking miles under his belt and is generally pretty rock solid, but as we came to a piece of track that was merrily subsiding into a gushing stream on one side with a barbed wire fence on the other side I felt him turn into a ball of tension under me and as I checked my aids I realised I'd got nothing. So I hopped off and tiptoed with him along the disintegrating track, up to the spring loaded gate at the end, managed to squeak me and horse through, and then got stuck in the bog on the other side just as he spun with anxiety over the gate and I went flat on my face in the mud :oops:.

So it was a muddy ride of shame back up the road home :cool:. So soggy boots seem a bit amateurish to me!

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you 😊
 

DabDab

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I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you 😊

Oh definitely laugh! The thing is that for whatever reason I don't find such ridiculous capers even slightly unnerving, whereas a dressage test has me melting - I have to a bit careful with my confidence with respect to competing, so if I had a horse that would tow me round the competition ground, refuse to go in the arena and then attack the judges box I would have absolutely no hesitation in saying that it was too much for me.
 

Winters100

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You are completely right, and I’m still not 100% convinced this horse is the right fit for me, she is nearing the end of her rehab (back to the vets on Tuesday) and then is going to 3 weeks schooling/sales livery at the end of April.

I’ve asked for an assessment to see how they find her, I will be going to have some lessons and I trust the lady who she is going too, will give me an honest opinion.

I do at times feel I have over horsed myself, but I also accept I have bought a mare and a warmblood at that 😳. However, if we can work through it then I am willing to put the time and effort in, just need to find my confidence along the way.


Sounds like you are doing all the right things - good for you. Give it a try, get as much help as you can. Remember that there are 2 outcomes, either you find that you are indeed well suited and can carry on and have fun, or alternatively she is not the right horse, in which case you can find her a lovely new home and find the right horse for you. Both outcomes have happy endings, so try to enjoy riding and don't be too hard on yourself.
 

Carrottom

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Reading the above about crossing water has just reminded me of an experience about 20 years ago on a horse I had owned for a few years and done loads with - shows, sj, cc etc. fun rides and a mock hunt.
We moved to Wales and I took him to a local meet. We followed hounds up the hill onto the mountain (local term) and the field went down a steep slope. Some riders dismounted and lead their horses, as mine wasn't familiar with the country this seemed a good idea. Near the bottom I slipped on the wet heather and let go of my horse who turned tail and headed back up the slope. A kind young man went back up the hill and caught my boy and lead him back for me. At the bottom was was a stream to cross so I thought to lead him across before remounting. Although he was fairly go through water he slipped (or did something) in the middle causing me to loose my footing and sit down in the freezing water. I certainly wasn't going to let go of the reins again.
Bit of an irrelevant post but it mad me smile typing it.
 

Annagain

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Personally, I wouldn’t get off in those circumstances for two reasons:
1 My boots aren’t waterproof
2 I’d struggle to get back on. My two are 16.3 and 17hh and I’m not springy any more!

However, I think you did exactly the right thing and dealt with it really well. The chances are, next time it won’t be new and scary to her and you can stay on board. I’d congratulate yourself on getting out of a potentially sticky situation in one piece, if a little soggy.
 

hairycob

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Find Karl Greenwood on Face bookman get his (very cheap) book. He runs a Rider Confidence course as well that is very good. Reading his stuff has helped me change my mindset from "I'm a nervous rider" to "I'm a rider who gets nervous in certain situations (which are decreasing) but I have a plan to deal with those".
 

ycbm

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What are you wearing? I find wearing an air jacket gives me that vital bit of extra confidence and that transmits through to the horse and it behaves better.
 

Mahoganybay

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What are you wearing? I find wearing an air jacket gives me that vital bit of extra confidence and that transmits through to the horse and it behaves better.

Note to self, must hack out in air jacket and not leave it hung up in the tack room 😏😳
 
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