Confused and don't know what to do(long sorry!)

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teach

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I have a rising 4yrold WB who was backed last autumn and then brought him home and had mastered walk and trot in the school and was about to start hacking when the snow and ice arrived! He then had about 6weeks off in Dec and Jan til the weather improved and could use the school again. Last few weeks had been doing well when I had a bad fall from him 10 days ago because one of the other liveries scared him by trotting her horse passed the school and I came off as he spooked. Have been long reining him since then as thats what my trainer said to do as he wanted to be there when I got back on (he backed him).

However....trainer comes tonight and decided that he wasn't gettin on first(as we had agreed) cos its my horse and I have to do it(which I understand but when I spoke to him he said he would get on first) and long reined hoim first then when went to get on trainer saw I was scared (having spent 10days hobbling!) proceeded to tell me that he wasn't the right horse for me and I should sell him. He spent 20 mins telling me that I should sell, and I'm very confused because he's been involved with me and B since last July (when he first went to be backed but had to come home because he was lame) and has never said anything like this before.

I would hate to sell him because it would feel like failing and I dont believe that it would be the right thing to do, but now it will always be in the back of my head that trainer doesn't think that B and I will succeed and will never compete.
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Sorry for it being so long, there's a little Pinot left but its going quickly!!!
 
Well i think that it's understandable to be nervous after falling off
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but as this was imo a freak accident because of spooking that you will be fine once you get back on
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You know the old saying if you fall off you got to get straight back on (obviously not possible if you hurt yourself)
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but I would try again and see how you go before you make such a quick decision
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As you said you were going well up to that point
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Thanks
That is my gut feeling too, but he has always been so positive and this came out of the blue! Surely any(normal) person would be wary of getting back on after being hurt and ending up in A&E cos their leg went numb???

Have just spoken to a good friend who is gona come down to the yard tom and help me get back on him, can't belive this has upset me so much!
 
Hi,
I think if it was me, I would give it a while and see.
Im sure you will regain your confidence. I have had a fall of all my horses at some point, alot of the time because they have spooked, and I have competed 2 out of the 3, the 3rd was a broodmare, who I have backed and will be competing this year, (had a couple of horrible falls of her!!!!!), but you have to try and put it behind you and move forward.
i dont think it was particularly helpful that he wouldnt ride him for you first, ( on the basis that you have been keeping him going with lunging, etc, he shouldnt have been unsafe to mount. I think if you had seen him riding him first you would have been more much more confident when you got on.
Think a change of trainer might be helpful,
dont give up yet!!
 
I think that you obviously seem to care about him (the horse) and have spent time and effort on him etc and therefore i feel you owe it to yourself and him to have another go.
I get that you are nervous (I fell off just before xmas for the first time in 4years!!!!) and I was terrified but i hopped straight back on (and it then bronked with me, but i stayed on!!)

If your friend is coming then id say do your long lining etc and then hop on (obv i mean gently, calmly etc!:) hehe) and even if all you do is walk round with your friend walking next to you and talking to you and him at the same time then thats still a step in teh right direction!!

I think you should keep doing what you feel is right, even if your instructor doesnt agree right now, its always nice to prove people wrong!
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i can TOTALLY sympathise with you feeling nervous and i think it's only natural. perhaps your trainer thinks that's the best way to motivate you? to make you feel crap?

i had a driving instructor once who was very similar. sadly, it wasn't the best way to teach me, and after arriving home in tears for about the millionth time, i changed instructors...

if you trust and like your trainer, talk to him (maybe he was having a bad day?) when you're not having a lesson. so the pressure/emotion isn't so much.

otherwise, get a new trainer...

good luck! i'm sure it'll be fine. xxx
 
It's probably upset you because you were nervous already, and because he said something you totally did not expect.

Unless you are very attached to said trainer, I would try someone else hun. I had an instructor, who I love as a friend, but he made me feel bad about my ability and almost bad about my then horse. Made me sad and I nearly gave up riding. Friend held me up, propped me up, booted me up the bum on numerous occasions. She was there when I lost that horse, when I bought a new horse, when I came off and cracked my arm, when I came off and sustained a bleed on the brain. Every single time she believed in me. That belief is what has got me this far
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My new instructor, whilst being reknown for being firm and to the point, gives praise to both my horse and to me. She knows, and I know, that I'm no world class rider, and she might not be convinced that my horse is the right one for me, but she'll do her absolute best to give us both the benefit of the doubt for as long as I need her to.

Whilst all of the above is true, if either Friend or instructor said that Dizz was not the horse for me, it would be after much issues, discussions, debates, etc. and I would fully understand the reasoning behind their thoughts.

Have a hug and a large hot choccy
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Thank you to you all for your kind words(wine and choccy!). Am gona sleep on it and calm down a bit first, and then hopefully turn it on his head and do my best to prove him wrong!!! Will let you know tomorrow whether I had the guts to actually get back on-think friend may well be giving me a lead rein lesson!!
 
Look Love nothing wrong with you or Horse, yes he spooked and who wouldn't?, I find these days other riders are in a world of their own and have no respect for others, but I am getting on abit, as several other posts have said get rid of trainer as they are not doing your confidence any good and that passes to the horse. I think you both will do really well.
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[ QUOTE ]
Thank you to you all for your kind words(wine and choccy!). Am gona sleep on it and calm down a bit first, and then hopefully turn it on his head and do my best to prove him wrong!!! Will let you know tomorrow whether I had the guts to actually get back on-think friend may well be giving me a lead rein lesson!!

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Get on, then get straight off again. You'll know in your gut whether you wanted to stay up there or not
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And don't be afraid to go dressed for how you feel - when I first got back on Dizz I had on a jacket with body armour in and a BP over the top - don't care if I looked a prat, it was what I needed at the time
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At first I was going to say that although letting go is tricky (we had a horrid time with a youngster who started broncing until my little sister off then pouncing- understandably, sister got a bit nervous but still took some persuading that this one wasn't for her). BUT on second reading I'd stick at it a while longer. He spooked and you had a really nasty fall- but he wasn't out to hurt you. If you stick at it but find that you're still nervous and scared then have another think. Until then, I'd grab my body armour and get an understanding friend and instructor to nanny me along a bit.
 
Have you been sharing all your confusion/worries/fear/insecurity with the trainer, big style, over a number ofmonths and made trainer totally fed up with you? This statement can't have just come out of the blue.
 
maybe me being suspicious but trainer didn't by any chance offer to take him off your hands did he? Seems an odd thing to say in that situation I think, would have been more supportive to get on and just check all was ok and then get you on. If he still thought it wasn't the right horse, maybe after seeing you ride a few times then ok but it doesn't sound right the way he did it.

Hang in there for a bit longer and get a new trainer, good luck
 
Find another trainer! If this one knows the horse (and he does, he backed him for you) then I don't see why he wouldn't have willingly jumped up on him for you and ridden him in the school first. Why wouldn't he do this for you? If the youngster was likely to show high jinx after being off work for a bit and with you feeling anxious after your recent fall, surely the trainer would have been happy to work him in for you. Just to get him going again in a settled manner before you were expected to get on and continue.

I know it's your horse, etc, etc... but after hurting yourself it's understandable you'd be feeling a little anxious and I assume the trainer is an experienced rider if he is selling his services as a horse breaker and trainer. If you were 'as good' and 'as confident' as him then you wouldn't have used him in the first place! It's a pity the trainer didn't show a bit more empathy and help you through this minor blip in the training your youngster. And truly, with the right trainer and encouragement this WILL only be a minor blip. Your horse is still very young and very green, so don't beat yourself up. Have your friend come out to help you, don't rush things and don't feel bad if it takes a little while for you to feel 100% confident riding your boy again.

Meanwhile..... find another trainer with whom to continue your horse's education!!! x
 
Jeeze... hope he didnt charge you for that session
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Unless he knows something about the horse hes not telling you - he doesnt does he? - Id want to find someone else to help me. Are there other trainers in your area that could help you instead. Even if you only got a second opinion?
 
When you have had a freak accident with a youngster after doing so well I can't understand why a good trainer would suggest selling him
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Not sure of your ability but you need a trainer who will motivate you, not demoralise you.
Your boy is a baby who is still learning so I wouldn't sell him just because of trainer's comments.
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It sounds like you had a freak accident with your youngster which un-suprisingly has knocked your confidence.

I'd echo the others and ditch the trainer if he isn't prepared to help you overcome this.

Do as others have said and take teeny tiny steps - there's nothing wrong in having a lead rein lesson if that is all you feel you can cope with.

I can recomend you take some rescue remedy before you drive to the yard and again before you get on... it really helps me with my nerves..
 
It sounds a bit strange to me, maybe he is hoping you'll sell your horse to him?!

I wouldn't give up - your horse is young and was upset by something, it's not like he flipped and deliberately tried to hurt you? Maybe have a word with the other liveries and ask if they could maybe avoid rushing past the school when you're working..I think it would be enough to distract most horses.

Good luck on getting back on and getting your confidence back
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