Considering selling Sam

[LauraBR]

Can feel tears welling in my eyes just typing that title

I'm really not sure what to do. I have an 11 week old baby and I'm finding it almost impossible to get anything done with Sam. He's living out for the summer and happy as larry but I need to face up to the fact that in a few months he will need to come in and will demand more of my time.

My son is very clingy and won't sit and sleep in his pram for half an hour while I'm at the yard trying to muck out etc. I have tried timing yard visits with his naps but he just wakes up and screams and I find it far too stressful!

My husband gets home from work at about 7pm by which time I'm so exhausted after my day with baby I can't face riding and want to spend time with my husband.

I guess lack of sleep makes everything seem worse too.

Am I kidding myself hoping that things might get a bit easier as he gets older? Is it worth persevering or do I need to get real and realise I'm going to have to give it up for a while?

I'm so attached to Sam now, I'm really not sure I could sell

Loan/share would be an option if the right person came along but not sure how likely that would be.

Any experiences from mums out there? I was so determined to make things work but I just don't see how right now

 

[BigRed]

You are choc full of baby hormones right now, so its not the best time to be making decisions like this. An 11 week old baby is a very demanding creature. Yes, it will get easier when the baby gets older and you have "trained him" too.

Unless you have really soggy ground, there is no reason your horse can't continue to stay out, the rugs you can buy now are fantastic, there is no reason for a horse to be cold or wet these days.

Give yourself a little more time. You may well end up selling your horse, but don't make a decision yet.

 

[Hippona]

Sounds like you are struggling at the moment...things do get better as your children get older and you can get them involved..perhaps loan/sharer may be the option at present and give you a bit of respite.. I know its difficult but I think you may regret selling your horse in time to come when your son is older. Also, you need the escape your horse can give you. I have 2 children, they are 10 and 5 now and yes it was hard when they were little , sometimes it still is when they are in moods and fighting all over the yard!! What does yoy hubby think? Is he happy to bathe little one while you go off for a ride and a bit of 'me' time?

 

[scotsmare]

I had the same problem when my little one was wee. I ended up selling the horse in question as my husband went awol about the same time!!

I think it might be worth considering a loan for Sam if you can't bear to part with him - see if you can get someone who will keep him at the same yard so that you can keep an eye on him.

It will get better

 

[DipseyDeb]

Have you tried getting a more open pushchair (you can get them suitable form newborn) then you can turn it round so baby can see you all the time when you are mucking out. I found that when I needed to get things done in the house etc, that singing to my children while they faced me in their chairs, worked, that way, they still feel they are getting your attention. he will also get used to it the more you do it. However it will get a bit tougher when he starts to toddle, then will get easier again, If you can afford to keep Sam, then I would say stick at it. Try loaning him out for a couple of years, then when babs is old enough to start playgroup then you will be able to have more time to yourself!!

 

[0]

you are kidding yourself that things will get easier [sorry] james is 22 weeks old now is NOT clingy in anyway shape or form just needs entertaining,its easier the younger they are.
He never cries or screams and i have managed to get to my lad twice luckily he is living at home now as fi has her own place now near BH.

Like i say this stage is easier they dont really do alot and tent to sleep more james has about 2 naps a day now thats it.

I think put him out on loan until your little one is going to nursery you wont want to ride now as you will be tired all the time the riding part is actually fine its grooming,tacking up,mucking out that takes all the time up.

 

[_April_]

I wish you were closer to me L!!

I have just been emailing people in London who are looking for sharers and am going to see one tomorrow

I wouldn't rush into making any decisions at the moment. If it's not a money issue then perhaps you could find someone to come and ride him at your yard so you can keep a beady eye on him.

Hope you are ok, these decisions are so hard to make, I know how you feel xx

 

[LauraBR]

Thanks Tracey. I guess finding 24x7 grass turnout would be an option, not something available at my current yard but definitely worth considering, thank you.

 

[0]

im amazed how many people think babies get easier as they get older,i think its the other way round when they are little they sleep most of the time and dont needs as much interaction.
I find james harder now as he is so playful and once they start crawling then toddling you cant turn your back for a second.

 

[LauraBR]

[ QUOTE ]
Also, you need the escape your horse can give you.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is sooooo true. At the moment when my husband gets home I go off to check Sam in his field... even those 5 mins stood in the field with him while he chills in the evening sunshine are so precious!

[ QUOTE ]
What does yoy hubby think? Is he happy to bathe little one while you go off for a ride and a bit of 'me' time?

[/ QUOTE ]

Never thought I would hear myself say it but I think he would rather I kept him, he understands how important having a horse is to me esp re ecape point above!). He's happy for me to pass the baton on as he comes in the door, it's just me who feels too exhausted to get up and go at that time!

 

[LauraBR]

Thanks Scotsmare

 

[fairhill]

Oh no

You were my hope that it's possible to combine horses and babies. I'm think I'm going to have such a shock in November

I'd definitely look at getting a loan/sharer for him, and think about grass livery for the winter as well.

I'm probably being very naive here, but what about using a sling or carrier for your son so you have your hands free for doing yard jobs but he's kept close to you?

 

[weevil]

Oh No

I understand how hard it is for you, and I know that Oliver is very demanding atm but it would be such a shame if you had to sell the orange one

As others have suggested is there no possibility of finding somewhere with more turnout over the winter to make things easier for you. Failing that I would advertise him for loan rather the putting him up for sale straight away.

 

[Boodle]

Never had a baby (thank god, not yet!), but had firsthand experience, when my YO at the time had her first baby she considered selling all her horses and not going back as she began to resent both her horses and her baby for not being able to dedicate her time to either.

I think the 24/7 turnout idea is a good one. Also, I don't think you will find it at all difficult to find someone who wishes to loan or share him, he is a fantastic horse and if you were near to me i'd bie your hand off for him!

Good luck, I really hope you don't sell up, you two make a great pair.
x

 

[0]

now see im like a rabbit dog with james i wont let anyone look after him not my mum or my sisters who have young babies/children themselves i let G watch him if i want to nip to the shop or have a bath.I think all together i have spent 1-2 max hours away from him in 22 weeks.There are days i wish i could let go a bit and go ride jay but i dont actually miss riding at all,i miss grooming jay and mucking out doing all the hard work.
I could do it anyday i wanted to but i refuse to take james onto a yard enviroment for any long ammount of time,i will take him on to just look at the horses for ten mins and thats about it.

 

[LauraBR]

Thanks Debdeb. His carseat clips onto his travel system wheels which lets him see better, doesn't seem to make much difference though sadly!

 

[CracklinRosie]

Persevere just now. I had problems when my little one was that small too. I'm having different problems just now as I've no one to babysit during the day, so every evening at 5 when my OH comes in from work all 3 of us go and do our 2 horses. Get home at 8 tired but happy!
I'm considering a child minder for 2 mornings a week just to make life easier!!!
and yes in my opinion kids do get easier as they get older, at 19 months mine is alot easier than at 3 months, I don't have to feed her for a start!
Lots of deep breaths required!!!

 

[LauraBR]

There are lots of people on here looking for rides who I would love to ride him but you all live too far away!

 

[0]

what would you think to putting him out on loan say 5 days of the week keep him where he is now,you can keep an eye on him.And on your husbands days off work he could give you a sleep in then watch the baby while you go off to the yard,would that be possible at all.

 

[piggyinablanket]

I had a youngster when my second was born, with the first My mum in law had the horses at home and it was easier, but with the filly on livery and a clingy daughter, I too made that decision. it was very hard to make, and I have only just got back into horses after 2 more kids and almost 10 years! I was tough but it freed my time to concentrate soley on my children, they have had me 24/7, and I have devoted everything to them. They are such good kids it was worth it. I therfore dont regret selling her, even if I had loaned her it would have been some time before I could commit to her care and work properly. Even now its hard to ride with a very busy 3 year old, even with the others in school. You cant just ride around a school and let the toddler wander!

I have to ride eve's and not be with the OH. And I share, which is easier.
Some people do succesfully juggle it though, but I agree it will take a lot of thought on your part, dont rush in to it, as you say, Sam is happy at the moment, could you wait till autumn and see how you feel.? I know exactly how you feel.

and I'm sure you will make the best decision. Good luck

 

[wellybob]

im sorry but my little girl is now 16months old and she has only got easier to take up the yard with me just take a bucket load of toys juice biscuits etc and its not so hard i get a little break from her and she loves being out in the fresh air watching all the animals and the fresh air tires her out so she sleeps better so it can be possible to manage i cope with 3horses plus my lil one so try giving it a few more weeks and see how your coping when your less full of baby hormones lol xx

 

[DipseyDeb]

[ QUOTE ]
im amazed how many people think babies get easier as they get older,i think its the other way round when they are little they sleep most of the time and dont needs as much interaction.
I find james harder now as he is so playful and once they start crawling then toddling you cant turn your back for a second.

[/ QUOTE ]

As I said before it gets harder when they get more mobile, but the years go really quickly and before you no it they are starting nursery, what you don't want to do is regret your actions, if you don't really want to sell him, then try putting him out on loan for a couple of years!

 

[LauraBR]

[ QUOTE ]
im amazed how many people think babies get easier as they get older,i think its the other way round when they are little they sleep most of the time and dont needs as much interaction.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't worry I'm not totally deluded lol!

I think it probably depends on the baby though, you have said on many occassions how well behaved James is and how he has always very rarely cried- sadly Oliver is the opposite lol!

 

[0]

yeah i must admit that james not feeding himself does take up alot of time as my nephew can feed himself his bottle which leaves my sister to be able to get on and do more,but now ashton is crawling too my sister finds him very hard as she cant take her eyes off him for a second.I imagine once they can walk they would be bit easier,but i honestly found my lad easier as a new born up to 3 months.

 

[Hippona]

Well, my kids deffo got easier - when my daughter was 2 she was 'mucking out' with her own kids spade and sitting on top of the wheel barrow on the way to the muckheap and back ( v smelly children, but hey, they come clean!!) IMO- kids and horses can mix, my kids have been brought up around horses and farm life ( not our farm, where our horses live) and if they're not helping with stable chores ( for a fee, that's my son!) they are getting mucky in the fresh air and I can school my horse in the arena and keep an eye on them at the same time..if I want to hack out they stay at home with hubby..it can work, you just have to find a way that works for you. Also, you have half the battle won if your OH is supportive, perhaps just 'force' yourself to get out and ride, I know you an feel completely knackered after a day with babies, but a bit of fresh air and equine company may perk you up.
All the best!!

 

[LauraBR]

[ QUOTE ]
Oh no

You were my hope that it's possible to combine horses and babies. I'm think I'm going to have such a shock in November

I'd definitely look at getting a loan/sharer for him, and think about grass livery for the winter as well.

I'm probably being very naive here, but what about using a sling or carrier for your son so you have your hands free for doing yard jobs but he's kept close to you?

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL!!!!!!!!!! Well, I have a friend on my yard who copes brilliantly with her very well behaved sleeping baby! Oliver just isn't as cooperative! You can live in hope!

The sling is actually a very good idea for mucking out etc... wouldn't want to be handling horses with him in it or going into fields of horses with it on though.

Good luck for November!

 

[Holly27]

hi I'm 6 months pregnant at the mo and have a 3 year old and I'm a single mum , i have my own yard which i will be opening when my baby is 4 months old , when i had my daughter nothing stopped me i did more to be honest, i had a baby sling and that was it got on with it ,

i think when they get older its a tad harder as they are crawling and trying to walk etc

i will be running a diy assisted yard to start with as i know i cant count on coping to muck out etc with baby but by then i will be renting the cottage on site so it will be different and my sis helpsout

id loan him out or grass livery until you get over the first year maybe ?
as your hubby will give you time to ride etc
when you look round in a year to come you will wish you still had him , the thing with baby's is they never stay the same for long it just feels like it and before you know it they have a routine and you arnt so tired and they don't constantly cry when they cant see you that stage is a nightmare
but it doesn't last forever

trust me I've done it on my own and you come out the other side , and you will have SAM to ride and look after etc
good luck
its a real personal thing to be honest and what makes you happy and less stressed is by far the best option

 

[MarinaBay]

lzt where are you based? Hang on in there, i think it will get easier, like someone has said you are full of baby hormones. You definately need your own time to have a break and enjoy Sam, that is what he is there for. Is there anyone at your yard that needs a horse to ride if there horse is injured or something?
I definately think you should keep him or share him. If you share him you will really look forward to seeing him, appreciate the help and it won't be so much of an effort as you won't worry as much.

 

[0]

oh i am so completely lucky an i know it blakhawk was saying a couple of weeks bak she was looking forwar to hers after spending so much time with james,and i said to her just dont be deluded yours will be like this i have a one in a million baby here he is a one off.

But i think its because james is so good i dont want time out my mates and family are always getting at me you need you time and time on your own.I think if he was more of a ''baby'' i would be happy to hand him over and run but because he is so so easy i dont feel like i want to get out [does that make sense?]

 

[LauraBR]

Thanks Boodle and DrWeevil