Coping Strategies: Help please

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mickey

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I am putting this on here because I am really sruggling to cope at present.

I have been on part/full livery at current yd for almost 5 years. Over the last few months owner has not been around much and the staff have been slacking and standards have fallen. I have been raising specific issues with the owner, as have other liveries. Now the owner has decided that liveries are too much agro, and we are all to go, except me, whom she has offered DIY (because we are good friends and I do things to help the family - house sitting etc). I am not convinced she really wants a livery tho. I suffer with depression on occasion which is why I found it hard to commit to DIY every day in the past. She says that they could help me on the odd day. One member of staff there is consistently rude to me and making me uncomfortable and worried in the yd. I thus am getting worked up about this and not sure if I want to stay, the member of staff is also bringing on my anxiety/depression, making it more difficult to commit to staying on DIY.
I could look for another part/full yd but that in itself is stressful. My horse is not that easy on the ground and he is worse in the winter.
On top of this we are having to sell our house and rent which will be a massive ordeal. (Due to credit crunch). Horse's budget is safe-guarded though.
What would you do? how would you cope?
I know I am prob going over the top, but I am finding this all really unsettling.
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I'm sorry to hear you're really down just now, I think these things always feel worse in winter too with it being so cold an dark all the time!
If you don't think you can commit to DIY then my suggestion would be 'don't then'. Maybe you could just browse for a more appropriate yard (with more professional an pleasant staff...) An if you find somewhere you like then move, just sort of keeping yours eyes open rather than making a huge effort to look an move. It may take the pressure off a bit?
As for the 'rude' staff member, I may be inclined to have a 'discussion' with them, aka a piece of my mind, no-one should be mean an make you feel uncomfortable if it is undeserved/unprovoked which is what I am assuming? You're supposed to enjoy your horsey time!
Wrt 'coping ideas', you can google techniques an advice for anxiety an the related which should result in some good advice for you emotionally.
Take care and keep your chin up! Hopefully things will look brighter as the weather does!
 
It saddens me to read this . Bless you it sounds like you are having a tough time at the mo.
We all spend lots of time and money and the time you have with your horse should be enjoyable. I hate yard politics..after all horse ownership is only a fraction of our day to day lives and we all have other things going on.Such a shame that every one has to move. If you dont feel up to talking to your yard owner could all the liveries get together and try and resolve what the problems are and try to put it right. Why is the member of staff rude to you...thats not right and is surely making you feel worse. Are they aware of how they make you feel.
 
Depression is a very real condition so dont feel you have to apologise for it. My first thought was on reading though - was - will the staff member you dont like still going to be there if the yard is no longer? thats worth a conversation!. And if you are on such good terms with your YO, and she obviously understands your issues, then why not suggest you could try something a little more concrete in terms of caring for your horse so that you dont have this as a daily worry? Finally everyones horses seem to be playing up at the moment which is hardly surprising - so its not just yours being a bit OTT - and a proper yard will not have a problem. Last Sunday (seeks like a lifetime ago) on the way back, a passerby actually stopped to admire my "stallion". Not a stallion, says I, just a gelding who is not getting enough to do and is insisting on snorting the entire way round with the odd piece of passage thrown in for good measure. And he is really straightforward normally!
 
If the staff member who is rude will be remaining at the yard, and will be involved with your horse, I think I would sit down and write a list of what is important to me in a livery yard ie school, turnout, etc etc, and then go yard shopping. Get yourself and your horse settled into a new yard before the house move if possible. Hope you work it all out soon.
 
there will be light at the end of the tunnel. things seemto have a habbit of happen at the same time, just to keep you on your toes.
with yard situation, maybe you should mention to YO who u said is a friend, that the member of staff makes you feel uncomfortable and that you are thinking of moving because of this. i don't see why that member of staff should be allowed to get away with being unpleasant to people who pay her wages.
Hope things get better for you x
 
if you do stay on DIY could you hire someone as a freelance groom for your horse a few days a week (if you were on full before i am guessing you could afford to) just so you get a break. Or find a sharer until the weather picks up at least then look for other yards? Good luck with sorting this out anyway. As for the member of staff - politley remind him/her that you pay their wages and are going to be having a word with the YO about them if their attitude towards you doesnt become more pleasant
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If all the other liveries are going then at least your tormentor will be out of a job and going too. If you are friends with the YO then why not stay? Sounds like a mutually beneficial situation and it's somewhere that you and your horse know.
 
The member of staff in question has been offered (and accepted) 3 days/week helping with other horses (not liveries). I don't know if she will stay in reality tho as she could be looking for something else and not saying anything.

I am meeting with YO tomorrow to discuss terms if I were to stay as DIY. I have made a list of my own requirements/queries.

I am not good at living with an atmosphere and find it hard just to go to a yard and ignore it.

This came about because I apparently said something about her which got fed back to her. I think there must be more to it given that this was one comment. I guess I have also corrected their work myself or raised it with the YO as the standards have been poor recently. This may well have ruffled her feathers as you can imagine.

Well, will go to mtng tomo and see. I thought about doing a trial month and if it wasn't working and/or her attitude not improving then I would move on.

BTW I have discussed this situation with her but she constantly denied that there was any problem until YO forced it out of her. This was months ago, so if she hasn't got over it now I can't see her improving.
 
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