COPING WITH A LOSS

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kendra2705

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How do you cope with loss , Ive had my mare for 9 years she is 16 and I dred the day shes gone , being silly really as shes fit and well but i know one day i wont have her , and it worries me , as i feel i could never replace her, have you lost one and bought another or can you not move on from you much loved pet, cause we really love them dont we.
 
I have a 25year old Arab that I have had for 18years and the way I cope is knowing that I give him the best life a pony could wish for, I have planned what is to happen when the inevitable dreaded day comes along and until then I will continue to love and care for him and know that I do best by him. I don't dwell on what would be to come as that is time I should be enjoying him wasted by saddness that is not yet necessary. Pets are difficult to get over, its a lose and you grieve just as you would for any other loss.
 
There is an old saying, that time is a great healer, and believe me there is nothing more true. I have had a lot of bad luck with my horses, having lost four in 6 3/4 years. Unfortunately there are a lot of things horses can have wrong with them, and sometimes the 'blooded' horses like TB's and WB's seem to have more than most! And of course theres the accidents like broken legs from messing in the field. When my first horse Biggles was 3 weeks at a hospital and had to be put down as they couldn't save him I remember feeling totally devastated as if my world had ended. Although I'd only had him 2 1/2 years I loved him to bits, he was a lovely horse and taught me so much. He was only 14 when he was PTS and the hospital had tried so very hard to save him, but it just wasn't meant to be. My second horse aged 6 broke his leg (compound fracture of tibia) playing in the field and had to be PTS, my third horse dropped down dead of a heart attack whilst turned out in the field aged 11, and my fourth developed Wobblers and was put down aged 10. I try not to tempt fate and celebrate how long I've had my present horse for, I just take each day at a time and enjoy every second. If you can honestly say that through your horses life, right up to the moment of his death (whether this death is elected by you, ie due to injury or natural causes) you have done the very best for your horse and loved him as much as you could, then you will know that you have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. There are organisations that can help and Blue Cross do a website where you can leave some words and memories. I had to have antideppresants and considered counselling after the death of my last horse Rommy, his death haunted me for many years, due probably to the misdiagnosis and because he was the only horse that I had been with minutes before dying, and he was also the only one that I had given my consent for him to be PTS, so I had had to make that decision. For me it was about losing the horse first, although it was also the loss of the friendship of the other liveries, people not knowing what to say to you and how to treat you. I missed being around horses so much that each time I've had another horse within six weeks of the death of the previous horse. It's not because I'm callous, or uncaring, but it really helps you concentrate on your new horse and gives you something to 'live for'. You have to move on, but there is no length of time for grief, for some it takes weeks, others years, and sometimes the odd few people never get over losing a horse. It is hard, I wont pretend its easy but this is a link to a poem that you should always remember, its called "He belongs to God" but I call it "For the Love of a Horse" and what it implies is very real. http://rivermontfarm.com/fritz.htm
 
the best advice I can give is enjoy the now, your time with them is all too precious, by all means plan for the day you have to say good bye and be brave enough to do the right thing when the time is right. its the most difficult decision to make, but you have to thing of them. I lost one of my ponies last week to cushings and laminitis, but I know he had a great last two weeks and had discussed the right time and what I felt was the right thing. I had him put to sleep at home in his own environment and the vets were great, they sorted everything out and treated us both with dignity.
most importantly look after them to the very best of your ability whilst you have them, and make the most of every day. They are truely one of the worlds most wonderful creatures, they give so much and ask so little. - Enjoy your horses
 
Thankyou to everyone for their views and kind words on this one, and Im sorry for your losses , but happy you have moved forward xx
 
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