Coping with his loss

C

Cas1979

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21 May 2013
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Poole, Dorset
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The bottom line is, I'm not coping well at all.

I wanted to apologise for posting depressing threads, but as you guys are pet owners, you would understand the sadness Im going through.

2 days later. After losing my baby boy Joey to CDRM the feeling of emptiness has grown bigger that I can't handle.

You were this amazing dog that brought to my life happiness and laughter.

As a puppy

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You were this adorable furball with the biggest ears I've ever seen (the vet said you would grow into them, but you never did - they made 1 of your so many lovely features that I won't forget)

Then you grew into this amazing dog,

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Who lit up every day of my life. Your cuddles, smiles, bendy ear (that meant you were happy), sweet eyes, big fat body are in my mind like Im seeing you now.

Despite of your quick deterioration, I did the best I could to give you comfort,

I bought you nappies,

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You only wore them for few days before the tragic day came. I could see you were embarrassed that you couldn't control some your wee coming out, this would helped you sleep sound and get up without any issues.

I bought you shoes,

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Because you were dragging your paws so much that they were covered with bruises and cuts. You went through 4 pairs of shoes in 4 months, that's how quickly your condition deteriorated.

Re arranged the house to make sure you weren't sliding all over the floor, repositioned your bowl of food and water so was more comfortable for your to eat.

But none of these will ever pay back for the happiness and love you gave me. You were in every minute of my life and that is because you were my life. I have lovely memories that at the moment bring tears to my eyes, but soon will bring smiles again as they intended.

Your 8th birthday

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Playing in the snow in Jan 2013

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Playing in the river on your 4th birthday

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Walking on the beach, you favourite place in the whole world

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Opening your xmas presents

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Sunbathing in the garden with smile on your face

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Or simply laying on the bed

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Your very last hour, you remained quite and tranquil. You were so brave and for this I'm the most proud dog owner in the world

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If you asked me what I miss the most it would have to be our 10 minutes in the mornings after waking up when we cuddled up whilst I tickled and stroked you as I'm telling you the plans for the weekend or that evening. This was always the best moment of my day and the fact that I got it every day made it more special.

Sometimes you were laying in the garden and would hear when the alarm went off or I woke up and you would come marching and plotted on the bed right by my side waiting for my cuddles and hugs. Im pretty sure this and your afternoon walks were the most special moments for you.

Now my baby boy, you are playing with other dogs by the rainbow bridge and my only comfort is that you aren't disabled or in pain any more, you have all your energy back and you are running around playing with your football.

You can always come back to my side in the mornings when I wake up, although we cant have cuddles anymore I will always talk to you, to tell you how things are going and what plans I have for the weekend.

I love you so much and miss you like mad
Your mummy xxxxxxxx
 
Im so sorry for your loss. It sounds as if you were a great owner and did your very best for him right up to the end.

Anyone who has ever lost a much loved dog will know how you are feeling.
It hurts, but that is the price we pay for loving them. It will get better slowly. Just take care of yourself and let your self grieve, maybe plant a tree or shrub in his memory. Or sponser a dog at dogs trust or something. It takes time but it does get better. Just remember the good life you gave him.
 
I really feel for you OP :( I hope you have some support at home, someone you can talk to and who understands how you are feeling.

As everyone says, time does help but right now it won't feel like it will ever get better.

I take it Joey was your only dog? So I guess the house feels very quiet and empty without him.

Planting a tree in his memory sounds like a lovely idea.

I at the moment have a dog who is just that extra bit special to me, like Joey obviously was to you. I feel for you as I know when it's his time, it will devastate me as Joey's death has you. I have lost dogs before but have always had more than 1, so the total emptiness feeling has never been there.

Don't feel bad for how you are feeling, cry as much as you need to, talk about Joey as much as you need to, it's all part of the process of grieving for him.

One day, even thou that day seems a long way off, you won't cry when you remember him. If only all dogs could be as loved as he was xxx
 
God I'm in floods of tears reading that!!!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely boy, it's obvious how much you loved each other x
 
Cas1979.......don't apologise, just post away if it helps in any way at all. Everyone copes with grief in different ways; I'm sure you have a good support group of family and friends but just in case they struggle to understand your grief and you would like to talk to someone else do be aware of the Blue Cross pet bereavement line http://www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/Pet-Bereavement-Support-Service.html

The tel no is 0800 096 6606. Unfortunately, it's only manned 0830-2030 and not 24 hours, but they are very supportive indeed.

Take care of yourelf.
 
gunnergundog said:
Cas1979.......don't apologise, just post away if it helps in any way at all. Everyone copes with grief in different ways; I'm sure you have a good support group of family and friends but just in case they struggle to understand your grief and you would like to talk to someone else do be aware of the Blue Cross pet bereavement line http://www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/Pet-Bereavement-Support-Service.html

The tel no is 0800 096 6606. Unfortunately, it's only manned 0830-2030 and not 24 hours, but they are very supportive indeed.

Take care of yourelf.
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Thanks ever so much...

Well to all of you!

Somehow it helps me post things about Joey.

I made a memorial in the Blue Cross site and have chatted to some other people.

Found a site that has a candle light ceremony every Monday, which I think I'll do from tomorrow.

I have my husband who's been very supportive!!

He is my 1st dog and 1st loss too, so I'm not sure how to handle it. I tried to prepare myself for this moment as I knew it as coming, but nothing I did made it any easier or better.

Just trying to think and tell myself that Joey would have wanted me to continue and be happy as he made me for those 8 years, even though he isn't here to be the one who makes me happy....

What I've found the hardest is my mornings and when I get back to find an empty house... Once I get over these moments, I'd be able to say that I have grieved and moved on to a better place.

In the meantime, there will be lots of this from me....

I thank you all sooo much for reading, commenting and understanding! xxx
 
I totally understand, the loss leaves you feeling raw. As I said in another post, I have never been left with an empty house when one has gone, I cannot begin to imagine what it feels like. Don't feel bad about posting on here if it helps you, we all understand.
 
That made me feel so sad :(

There's not much anyone can say really. Many have been through it before but I don't think it gets easier losing a loved pet. I guess it's something we all know is inevitable when we own a pet but we put it to the back of our minds and we don't expect it to come so soon sometimes.

Time does help - it won't feel like it now but it does and maybe, when you feel ready you could look at giving another deserving dog a loving home. There are so many out there who haven't been as lucky as Joey was.

I know it probably sounds odd (and I've never done it myself but sometimes wondered about it) but have you considered even talking to an animal communicator type person? I know many people find this helps. When I lost my pony I was devastated as (a) I wasn't there and (b) I felt it could have been prevented. However, one night I had some very vivid dream that stays with me now where I saw him galloping in the field towards me and away. I can still see it now. It was so surreal but after that I felt sort of calmed and reassured that actually he was ok and not suffering any more.
 
ladyt25 said:
That made me feel so sad :(

There's not much anyone can say really. Many have been through it before but I don't think it gets easier losing a loved pet. I guess it's something we all know is inevitable when we own a pet but we put it to the back of our minds and we don't expect it to come so soon sometimes.

Time does help - it won't feel like it now but it does and maybe, when you feel ready you could look at giving another deserving dog a loving home. There are so many out there who haven't been as lucky as Joey was.

I know it probably sounds odd (and I've never done it myself but sometimes wondered about it) but have you considered even talking to an animal communicator type person? I know many people find this helps. When I lost my pony I was devastated as (a) I wasn't there and (b) I felt it could have been prevented. However, one night I had some very vivid dream that stays with me now where I saw him galloping in the field towards me and away. I can still see it now. It was so surreal but after that I felt sort of calmed and reassured that actually he was ok and not suffering any more.
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Well if I could get some closure like that one you described about your pony would be amazing. I never remember my dreams, but hubby says I speak when Im sleep, if I had a dream about Joey and he was happily playing as he used to before condition took its toll, I would probably sleep easy...

Thanks all for your kind words xx
 
I never know what I believe and don't believe but sometimes these odd things do happen and can give us some comfort. When my dog was PTS after an accident, I swear I heard her come in to my room one night as well. I was inconsolable after that incident and it took me a long time to get over that but you do. You don't forget but you do find it easier.
 
I'm sure I hear joey's whining. He used to do it when I was in the lounge and he was in bedroom, or viceversa, to get my attention, hubby says he was too spoil, I'd do anything for him and Joey knew it lol .
I'm sure he is around, at least his spirit is. I feel that as long as I think that way he will be by my side.... I would always miss our cuddles though :(
 
I hope you take comfort from the fact that a lot of us know exactly what you are going through. I have cited this before but it really stuck. Julian Clary on the 101 show chose dogs as a "get rid of" much to Paul Merton's surprise. When asked why he said it was because it hurts too much when they die. It does get easier but dear god, it is so painful to lose a dog you really love.
 
Luci07 said:
I hope you take comfort from the fact that a lot of us know exactly what you are going through. I have cited this before but it really stuck. Julian Clary on the 101 show chose dogs as a "get rid of" much to Paul Merton's surprise. When asked why he said it was because it hurts too much when they die. It does get easier but dear god, it is so painful to lose a dog you really love.
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I Luci, thanks for your words.

I've only found comfort since my darling boy left me on Friday by posting my feelings and reading all of your comments. I think a large portion of members have gone through this and would understand.
 
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