Daughter Lost Confidence

[StowfordPress]

Hi, sorry if this turns out really long! Non horsey mum here, asking for advice about my daughter and her horse, as I don’t know how to help her or what to do with the problems she’s having.

My daughter is 16 and has had her horse for 18 months, on loan for a year, then when the owner wanted to sell, my daughter begged me to buy her as she loved her so much; it’s been a struggle financially but it seemed worth it as they were doing so well together and had really bonded. She’s a lovely horse; a total sweetheart on the ground; even I can easily handle her, bring her in, rug her, etc. She’s not an easy horse to ride as she can be lazy/stubborn/opinionated and needs a confident rider to push her on, but my daughter was completely fine and rode her with no problems.

They had a really good year together, going from jumping 60/70cm to 1m 10 in lessons at home, out competing 70/80cm at local shows, going clear and placing every time, did BS Novice on a ticket and would have placed 2nd if they’d been affiliated, they qualified for and went to Trailblazers champs in August, as well as pottering around in the school at home and getting pony out hacking, just having fun riding.

Since the middle of October last year, it seems to have been one problem after another. Pony suddenly started bucking and bronking, resulting in a couple of nasty falls. Back and saddle were checked and it was found the saddle was completely wrong and a new one was fitted/bought. The pony went lame for 3 weeks, then by this time the dark nights/bad weather combined with lack of confidence after the falls have meant she hasn’t ridden for months, basically from mid-October through to January this year.

She’s been trying to bring the pony back into work since January but pony she seems to have had a personality transplant during her time off and has turned into a sharp, spooky, nappy idiot. She’s scared of both indoor and outdoor schools, too spooky to hack, and has had my daughter off 3 times in the last week from spooking/spinning. She’s extra awful if it’s cold or windy, (don’t know if this makes a difference but she was clipped in the autumn - she wasn’t the year before last and there was none of this).

Her instructor has ridden her and said she’s fine, just very fresh and the cold weather is making it worse. Since January she’s tried to get back on by herself with me with her but almost every time it’s ended after a few minutes because the pony has been so ridiculously spooky she hasn’t had the confidence to keep going and I don’t know how to help her. However with help from her instructor she started having a proper go at riding again last weekend. We also cut out hard feed (she was on a scoop of Happy Hoof every day) and my daughter is giving pony a good lunge before she gets on and it seemed to be working. She had a lesson last Monday with her instructor in a different arena and was happily cantering and jumping small crosspoles with no spooks. That gave her the confidence to try riding in the school at home, and although pony was still a bit spooky/jumpy, there was none of the reversing, spinning and silliness, and she was riding round and doing small jumps in there all last week. However yesterday has set her all the way back again. She did some loose schooling and jumping in the morning and pony was fine, not worried about being in the school at all, she even trotted by herself all the way round the scary end. We came back in the afternoon so my daughter could ride her and she was awful! Tense, spooking at everything, refusing to go forward and doing a weird stiff trot, it was kind of as if she’d got the handbrake on…? My daughter got off in tears, said she can’t do it anymore, pony has changed, she hates this pony, they don’t click and she wants to sell her and buy a horse she’s able to ride (to be fair she’s been saying this the whole time, but then has a good day and she’s the best horse ever again).

I don’t know what to do or how to react when she gets like this. I tell her she can get through these problems and once the weather starts getting warmer things will get better, she needs to keep having lessons and trying to build her confidence back but she says my opinion doesn’t count because I’m not horsey and I don’t know what I’m talking about. Her instructor is really supportive, offering loads of extra help on her own time, and has also told her she’s more than capable of riding this horse and they’ll soon be back to jumping where they were again.

I don’t want her to be unhappy; riding is such a huge part of her life and she should be enjoying it; but on the other hand, I think she will regret selling this horse, maybe she should try and give it a bit longer before she gives up She says she does love her horse and doesn’t want to sell her if she doesn’t have to, but she’s been trying for months to sort out the problems, and won’t have it that it’s really only been a couple of weeks actually trying to ride it through.

I guess what I’m asking is do I accept that she feels done with this horse and go ahead and sell her, or do I encourage her to keep trying? She was so excited for another summer with pony being all hers, is there any other help I can get for her or anything else we can try to get her confidence back? Thank you for reading if you’ve made it to the end of this very long post!

 

[OldieButGoodie]

As this sounds like a pain issue I'd also be checking teeth / bridle fit as well as having the back and legs checked again (you mentioned lameness - what was the cause?).

 

[Merlod]

We came back in the afternoon so my daughter could ride her and she was awful! Tense, spooking at everything, refusing to go forward and doing a weird stiff trot, it was kind of as if she’d got the handbrake on…? !

If you have completely ruled out pain then to me it sounds like the pony is reacting to your daughters nerves - a tense rider won't create a relaxed horse! I would be tempted to get instructor to school for a few weeks and daughter to watch to see that the horse can be fine and for your daughter to only ride if having a lesson. Sounds like it's going to pot when daughter is trying to ride by herself.

Perhaps even pop pony on a calmer - even if just a placebo to relax your daughter if she expects calmer behaviour from the pony!

 

[ester]

The pony went lame for 3 weeks, then by this time the dark nights/bad weather combined with lack of confidence after the falls have meant she hasn’t ridden for months, basically from mid-October through to January this year.

what was the cause of this lameness?
has the pony been turned out or stabled during this break
is pony currently getting turnout?

It is hard to tell really whether the pony has an issue (what breed?) or the daughter is unhelpfully - but understandably tense. But if daughter is talking about selling a physical MOT for the pony first probably wouldn't be amiss. But if pony is currently stabled and will be turned out soon then it would seem sensible not to make any decisions until it was seen how she was behaving then.

 

[Cortez]

Can you have a word with the instructor? It rather sounds as if your daughter needs to woman-up a bit, put in a bit more work and generally sort this pony out. Yes, of course make sure that everything is AOK with the pony's tack & soundness, but with the cold weather it is not unusual for horses to be quite fresh and sharp. Cut the feed and increase the work (this can be lunging if need be, and I would be working twice a day).

 

[HeyMich]

If you have completely ruled out pain then to me it sounds like the pony is reacting to your daughters nerves - a tense rider won't create a relaxed horse! I would be tempted to get instructor to school for a few weeks and daughter to watch to see that the horse can be fine and for your daughter to only ride if having a lesson. Sounds like it's going to pot when daughter is trying to ride by herself.

Perhaps even pop pony on a calmer - even if just a placebo to relax your daughter if she expects calmer behaviour from the pony!

Yes, this.

Pain - have you had vet out to discount ulcers? They can cause spooking, stressing and reluctance to move forwards (recently been through this with my mare). Worth a question. Other sources of pain - hocks, SI joint etc? I also had eyesight mentioned to me - has the vet checked that?

Schooling - If all pain has been discounted, I would maybe suggest getting the pony re-schooled professionally. Then, IF you do decide to sell the pony on, it won't be so fresh and green. Ideally though, the re-schooling would give your daughter the confidence to get back on and start enjoying the pony again.

Calmer - Great idea, and might be just the thing to get your daughter over this wee hurdle (once pain discounted).

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

 

[ihatework]

It would be worth a Vet check before going any further

 

[Moggy]

Agree with all of the above but just wanted to add you may not be 'horsey' but your post showed far more common sense and understanding than many people that have horses for years!

 

[Equi]

I can absolutely be testament to the "nervous rider nervous horse" My boy is the most laid back big blob of a horse the kind you can throw your granny on when hes in a good mood. Which is why i as a rock bottom confidence rider took him on - but approx 4 months later i was given the news he was leaving and i was in a bit of a melt down and my mood was awful, and i had really bad nerves and anger because of this..said horse was a total nightmare and had me in tears thinking "Im glad he is leaving i can't handle this anyway"

Fast forward another year or so, he didnt end up leaving cause of this and that..and i ended up buying him. Now he can still have moments, and i usually put it down to my hormonal phases as my confidence tends to plummet then anyway and sometimes its just he is genuinely scared...but the point im trying to make is i have grew in confidence with him so i can tolerate if HE is scared and push him on, and i now know when its me who has the issue and on those days i either don't ride, or i do a 10min walk abut and get off and call it a success. Your daughter can only go with how she and the horse are feeling on that day. If neither are up for it, it will be a disaster. If the pony is being good, she can get on and have a small ride and end positively. If shes having a confident day, and pony is not then she will be able to push it on a bit. Always end positively...if either is getting too wound up call it a "not today" day.

I know my horse inside out and im confident in him and my ability, but i will still have "not today" days cause there is no point trying to work with a horse who is not on the planet, esp if i am having a bit of a wobbly myself due to other factors.

Also, to add, you sound as if you COULD be horsey! You dont have to ride to be a horsey person.

 

[attheponies]

Agree with all of the above but just wanted to add you may not be 'horsey' but your post showed far more common sense and understanding than many people that have horses for years!

Agree with this, you seem to be approaching the situation with a very sensible head! Negotiating with a teenage daughter is not always the easiest and you seem to be really trying to encourage her as she was doing so well with this mare. As the others have suggested, have a chat with the instructor for advice and I would also recommend a vet check for ulcers or other possible problems. A friend's mare recently went through a personality change which was found to be due to ulcers (due to a genetic condition rather than feeding or stress issues). I would also add that almost every horse on my yard is being spooky and silly at the moment through weather and reduced turnout/workload. Hope you manage to get everything sorted.