Daughter nervous around the horses after a fall

asbo

asbo

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My oldest is 14 this year, she has always been around the horses and is normally fine , but after a fall 2 weeks ago she has become super nervous. It wasn't a bad fall, few scrapes and she got a big fright, but she went super hysterical and made herself much worse than she needed to be.

Last night was the 1st time she would get back on after the fall, pony didn't put a hoof wrong, but my daughter was super tense and not happy. She did relax towards the end and I though all was well. Going back to the field another pony got loose and bolted up behind us, daughter screamed, dropped her ponies lead rope and legged it into another field while crying her eyes out, her pony stood still and did nothing.

Her pony is quite sensitive, she had a really bad past and can get scared easily by screaming hysterical children, but she did nothing wrong, just stood like a angel.

Any ideas on how to get my daughter to calm down and not get so stressed, she was horrid to her little sister who fell off last night, laughed and got back on, I know she's embarrassed as the whole yard was watching her crying, she's a hormonal wreck just now anyway.
 
Don't have any advise but lord knows this wont be easy with a hormonal screaming 14 yr old girl! Maybe she needs a break from the yard and horse duties? It would be a shame for her to start making the wrong impression on the pony if she is sensitive!

Maybe send her away until she is 21 or something? ... Are parents allowed to do that? Dunno! :confused: :rolleyes:
 
Antw23uk said:
Don't have any advise but lord knows this wont be easy with a hormonal screaming 14 yr old girl! Maybe she needs a break from the yard and horse duties? It would be a shame for her to start making the wrong impression on the pony if she is sensitive!

Maybe send her away until she is 21 or something? ... Are parents allowed to do that? Dunno! :confused: :rolleyes:
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Lol, I have a short temper with the screaming hormonal child, sending her off was top of my list but husband said no haha.

Thing is, she wants to be at the yard, she wants to ride and do what the other kids are doing.
 
asbo said:
Lol, I have a short temper with the screaming hormonal child, sending her off was top of my list but husband said no haha.

Thing is, she wants to be at the yard, she wants to ride and do what the other kids are doing.
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I'm so glad you said that because I thought maybe my post was insensitive, lol ... I have a very low tolerence when it comes to children in general so the screaming would make me headflip I think! :o

Do you get any kind of feeling she is hyping this up and being attention seeking or did the loose horse really freak her out? Its a difficult one asbo!
 
Lol, I have 3 children and feel the same way!!

She has become quite hormonal at the slightest thing lately, bad tempered and arsey to boot. She does like a little drama to herself, but I know she did get quite a fright, she gets herself so worked up over what would be nothing to me, so I find that difficult.

I am quite different, I get up and get back on, even with a metal jump cup sticking out my leg which needed over 100 stiches, I was trying to get back on. Shes not like me, shes sensitive and I need to remember that
 
Can you send her to a riding school for a few lessons, just so that she is away from the people who saw her fall off and being taught by a neutral person? You could maybe buy her a series of lessons and give them to her as a 'special gift' if you think she'd fall for that ;)
 
DabDab said:
Can you send her to a riding school for a few lessons, just so that she is away from the people who saw her fall off and being taught by a neutral person? You could maybe buy her a series of lessons and give them to her as a 'special gift' if you think she'd fall for that ;)
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Was actually something we were thinking of doing during the summer holidays.
 
I sympathise I have a 13year old and although 90% of the time is a joy to be around, wow can the smallest thing become a drama. I would say mine is quite sensitive so she tends to take things to heart when things don't go right and she worries if something happens. To be honest I'd ignore it as best you can like it never happened, she will be back to normal in no time, she's probably taken a confidence knock and hurt her pride a little, she will get over it.
 
My daughter was jumping her pony last July, pony did nothing wrong, she did nothing wrong, pony over jumped the jump, daughter fell off awkwardly and broke her elbow badly, displaced blood supply compromised and surgery and pins 2 weeks later... anyhow, she became VERY nervous, but she liked handling the horses, I didn't say anything or push her at all. She would have days when she wanted to ride, and then have a melt down, like hysterics, then she would be cross with herself!

Last winter we were hacking and we bumped into the stag hounds, I had only had my horse a mth, so was nervous and daughter was crying, we had to deal with it as we were literally hunting with them, very bad day lol

This summer she has been nervous, have even told her shes not cut out for it, then suddenly we went on a long ride, 15 miles in total and we literally hooned everywhere, was all off road, challenging riding, up and down , jumping galloping, we laughed and laughed, and now shes unstoppable again, she even wants to go hunting!!

Seriously, just put no pressure on her, bite your tongue when shes being unreasonable and let her build her confidence up again :-) Make sure her pony is angelic, because if she keeps getting knocked regards her confidence it will scar her forever x
 
Are there any small ponies as in Shetlands etc available that she could handle, groom etc? Maybe she can build up slowly with something that's less scary? It's horrible to lose your confidence, I did when I was 12 and can remember getting so annoyed with myself but I just couldn't help it
 
Maybe she's got a mate the same age that can come along, who will be unimpressed at the less than cool behaviour? It's essential to be cool at that age, apparently (I was only cool for a week, and then because I had a jacket with a drug reference on it, which I didn't understand). My best friends and I used to egg each other on to jump bigger and gallop faster, and I did achieve more as a result (it was all tempered by sensible adults!). My friends would have laughed if I'd been afraid, and being the butt of a joke is more scary than anything else in the world, ever, at that age. Even now I feel far more confident with those same friends around me!
 
Mmmm if she likes being at yard i would just encourage to do what she feels happy with. be there ready if ness and support her. take each day as it comes. confidence is a hard thing to get back and affects people so differently. as said by others lessons elsewhere may help. As an adult whose list her confidence after 44 years of riding i know how it feels and mine wssnt from a fall either but nasty people :( x
 
DreamingIsBelieving said:
As a young teenager myself, how your daughter is acting seems a bit bizzare:confused:, but then again I'm not a nervous rider/horse handler. What caused the fall? Is it her first fall? If it is I'm guessing she hasn't ridden much (either that or she's extremely sticky:p)?
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Yeah, same with me. I would just not mention riding, or horses, and only ride if she wants to.
 
oh bless you both! My first thought on reading your post OP was hormones. Pity you can't give the offspring Regumate isnt it?! Think the advice to ignore is really sensible. I sometimes wonder if the fact that I am usually with my daughter when she rides, is not that helpful as if there isnt an 'audience' sometimes they just get on with things! Obviously being safe is the main thing but if your daughter can be left to chill as much as possible without pressure then that seems like the sensible thing.

I think it is more than likely that she will get her mojo back but equally she is at the kind of age where sometimes they just go off riding. At least you have the summer coming up as an encouragement rather than the freezing mornings and pitch dark nights! Good luck to all of you :)
 
it's not just teenagers. I'm 25 and I screamed during my lesson today because my horse was pratting about and scared the hell out of me. :o

I had 5 months off after breaking my leg last year and my confidence has been shattered.
it will take time - all you can do is be supportive and push gently when it's appropriate.

good luck
 
I feel for you both, my son had a nasty fall when his horse was jumping and got a pole between legs, they both fell, and when horse was getting up she trod on his arm, we ended up in hospital , no lasting damage, but he will not jump now, most he does is poles. Has a new horse now, who is more forward and he plays Polocrosse with her, he has got over it now but it's took a year or so. He still won't jump though!! It's a shame as new horse is quite talented, so his sharer does the jumping he does the fast PX stuff.. He thinks nothing of galloping down a pitch after the ball though! I would take it slowly, let her get her confidence back.
 
What a difficult situation, I think I would be so frustrated also if it was my daughter. Bless her, it sounds as if all her confidence has been zapped and that she overdramatising slightly due to her age/hormones. As others have said, I would just move on from the fall, it happened, it was a little painful/embarrassing but people fall off every day. Don't make a big thing of it. If she wants to ride then fine, if not then that's fine too. When she sees others on the yard having fun with their horses/ponies she will soon start to forget about the fall and the hysterics and want to join in. There's no rush, she's got all the time in the world to get her confidence back, just let her enjoy taking baby steps for now and don't pander to her drama. Hope she's back on form soon!
 
My granddaughter was terrified by a bolting horse hitting my car and writing it off She was in the back seat and strapped in but it hit the side she was sitting. It has taken months of ignoring her fear and taking her to the field fence out of necessity to get her touching the ponies to riding again it will be a year next month and last week she learned to have a few canter strides so it does come back but very slowly. Mind you she is only 9
 
Thank you everyone for your posts xx

She's had many a fall off her Welshy, been stood on etc and, although she cried she didn't do the all out screaming, but she was younger.

I would pop her back on the Welshy who is now her younger sister's pony, but she's around 5'8 and her feet almost touch the ground on her so she has zero balance on her lol.

She wants to be up at the yard and she wants to ride her, but when she gets on she's like a plank and the pony starts to get tense because she is, so going to ask a few ppl at the yard if she can have a plod on one of theirs if they ride her pony for her, good thing on my yard is that its small and has 3 PC children with their ponies, their mother and 2 happy hackers, so sure they will let her have a wander.

She is VERY hormonal just now, school issues etc, so hoping a summer of playing around the yard/washing ponies etc with no pressure will help her. I find it hard as I was total opposite as a child and teen, I would ride anything, jump anything and all my ponies were out and out nutters lol
 
Triskar said:
Try one of the Confident Rider hypnotherapy downloads? Worked for me after a nasty fall and while she's listening to it she will at least be quiet!
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You have a point lol, quiet in my house with a near 14 year old, near 10 year old and a 2 year old is hard to come by.

One of my husbands friends does hypnotherapy, will see if he can do a disk for her, her does them for individual people using their name and doing it exactly for their problems etc.
 
Sometimes the 'nothing' falls are the ones which give you a nasty shock, maybe it took her unawares and knocked her at a difficult time. School and peers can be awful at that age - constant pressure. She may be making it into a drama/hysteria to cover up genuine fear/anxiety. I just wouldn't mention it again and if she wants to ride then she will do in her own time :)
 
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