Dazed and Confused Advice Please

J

Jane1706

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Hi from a long time lurker!

I am sitting here pissed off, angry and unsure of exactly what to do,

I thought I had found yard Valhalla! But recently a few things have happened that have to be honest left me wondering.

Ok long story short;

Moved my horse to yard for training livery as he needed re-starting, all going brilliantly, trainer doing wonders with him, I am having lessions with trainer to learn how to handle and we are making great strides.

Recently the following has happened;

1. I am sitting at yard one day talking to trainers GF who announces" oh your horse is such a sweetheart my friend who is nervous of horses came over and I did some ground work with him and her and he was lovely.

Ok interesting should have said there an then thats great but as he is in training I would rather he just worked with Pete but being a total wimp said nothing.

2. Went to lunge him a week later on a Friday evening and poor little sod was knackered I find out not only has he had his training but also GF and scared mate have been waving a carrot stick at him for an hour.
I hate to admit to all you people that I was still a total wimp and siad nothing!

3. I get to yard a couple of weeks ago to have trainers gf say to me "your horse ran off with me last night" apparantly she has asked if she could ride him had taken him into the big school with some other horses he had had a bit of a panic and bogged off with her.

OK I am at this point totally shocked this horse although green has never given the bog off signal, if something scares him he will stop you then have the window of ppportunity to say "its ok poofy pants on you go" trainer and I have never missed this so the bogging off is totally new.

4. Trainer is away for a few days - one of his staff members is taking over the training, lovely girl handles my horse brilliantly so I go down to watch. She lunges then pops up all is calm and collected till GF of trainer arrives and says" I told you to wait for me", orders her off the horse and then proceeds to lunge him using so much pressure the poor littlse sod is going round like a crab with his head bent in the opposite direction, she then says to me"oh look he hates me lol" at which point my husband restrained me else I would have been in there saying GTF off my bloody horse. She hands horse back to other girl who stokes his neck and he instantly settles and she pops back up. All is fine.

5. I am walking down to the field with my horse and the GF she suddleny looks at my horse and says" oh you are holding him far to tight he has to walk on his own feet put a much bigger link in the rope" ok granted I was talking to her and not 100% concentrating but horse was walking calmly and nect to me and when I told him to stop he did so instantly!

6.Husband and I spent 30 mins sitting outside listing to GF giving a diatribe about every other livery in the place, the trainers daughter (the yard has a policy of no bitching as it makes things unpleasant, strange that in 6 monthes the only person I have heard bitch about everyone is the Trainers GF!) As we left I said to Husband "bloody hell makes you wonder what she says about us behind our backs"

7. Tonight I have been torn off a strip by the trainer for not leading my horse properly and getting him back into bad habits all in front of two other liveries. Been made to feel like a complete numpty (I am not I am a 35 year old with a fair bit of experience)...Strangely the GF stayed right out of the way during this!

When you consider that trainer has been on vacation for 2 weeks, various people have been training him and I have probably led him in or out a total of 5 or 6 times even if I was behaving like a complete idiot when I did this surely this would not undo months of training?

I am right royally pissed off at everything that has been going on and can see the common thread the GF!. I want to go down tomorrow and say the following;

1. OK last night you made me feel like a total idiot in front of people, please do not do that again.

2. I do not want anyone other than you or me touching this horse from now on ever!

3. Your GF does not have my permission to use my novice horse who needs confidence giving to him used as a therapy for your GF's scared mate if she wants to do this use another horse preferably her own.

I will then give the GF a very wide berth!

My only concern is like all men has a total blind spot over the GF and I am afraid I will be told to Piss off or GF will make life hell.

OHHHH Knickers!

I see the normal is hot choccy and cake.....I will bribe you with whatever it takes and thanks for reading my I can't sleep rant:D
 
Er, who owns the horse, you or the trainer! I take it you're paying him a fortune to abuse you too. I would make it very clear to him that you want him and no-one else to deal with your horse in future, not every tom, dick and harry that rocks up.

Can you not move to a regular livery yard and employ a trainer that you can have a one-to-one relationship with?
 
id have it out with trainer, if he values your custom then he wont let anyone else get involved with him! if he doesnt comply then move him!
 
Thanks guys,

I was seriously wondering if I was having an over emotional over reaction:mad:

Poor non horsey husband has had to put up with a woman in floods of tears tonight who had convinced herself that she was too much of a numpty to handle her horse and was ruining him.

Now I am simply ANGRY!
 
Point out you employ him to work for you and pay him! Not the other way round. You will not tolerate being spoken to in front of people in such a way. Personally one of the things I hate about yards is the bitching and I would point out that his GF has slagged off everyone on the yard so what does he inted to do to enforce his rules! That no one touches your horse other than him and you. If you can find somewhere else move him. GF is always going to be a problem!
 
I would definitely move him asap. Even if you talk to trainer and resolve issues you won't be sure that either him or GF might bear a grudge, which might come out against your horse when you're not there. You have been v nice and trusting and they have been unprofessional.
 
I would move your horse if possible. They don't sound professional, friendly or the sort of people that can be trusted with a valued possession and friend like your horse. Even if the trainer is good then he is obviously incapable of keeping his GF out of his business and the horse is yours, not theirs, and they can not simply do as they please with him. I am the same as you and would not have said anything to begin with as I hate confrontation, but I think now that I would move the horse and tell them your reasons for leaving.

There are people out there that would work wonders with your horse and would respect your wishes, just as someone should when you are paying them for a service! It's just a case of finding someone to suit. :) Good luck with it whatever you decide.
 
Wow! She sound like a....well, you know. I would speak to trainer and say that you are concerned about other people apart from you, him and the other girl who was nice working with him. You shouldn't need to give a reason, if he asks then just say that when you saw "her" handling him you thought he didn't go as well for her and that should be enough. Also I would definately mention the yelling at you bit, that is uncalled for! If it doesn't stop then move him.
 
The first two comments are spot on. It's YOUR horse not hers! The GF sounds like a complete pain in the backside. Like Bitlessbill said, you're paying money for your horse to be trained properly. You need to stand your ground!
 
Hi all and thanks for the responses;

So Update

First thing I did yesterday morning was to ring very good frined of mine with who owns a superb yard (only problem is it is a 45 minute drive away:rolleyes:) just to check if push came to shove she had room for us, she said anytime just call and come.

I had a lesson booked for yesterday morning so rocked up and told Trainer that I thought I was in all probability not going to be the best "mirror" for my horse and we would be better off using the time to talk about the way forward.

So I said and we agreed the following;

I was very angy at being ripped a new one not only as it was unfounded but also as it was done in front of other liveries, in future I would appreciate it if he had someting to say to me he does me the common courtesy as I am doing to him now of talking to me privately and checking his facts first.

At this point I struck gold in that his daughter pointed out that she has often seen me lead the horse with no problems and that i use every time I do anything with him as a training excercise, i.e he gets asked to whoa at least 3 or 4 times and if he does not do so immediatly he gets to back up! she also pointed out that both she and the other staff had often led him with no problems (I think I owe her a beer!)

I brought up the fact that I was frankly shocked at being glibly told "your horse ran away with me last night" by the GF, pointed out that as he and I both knew horse has a window of opportunity to correct his fear reflex and I can only presume it was missed! (was waiting here for but she is an excellent rider speach which did not happen....strange)

Pointed out that as we both agreed that horse was one that at the moment is one who very much needs confidence from whoever is handling it was probably not ideal that GF used him as a way to help scared mate over her fear of horses! I suggested that maybe for a horse who had confidence issues that having to give someone else confidence was a very big ask! (he agreed!!!) and that maybe gf would be better off using her own horse from now on.

That on a go forward basis I want only him and I to train/ride/interact with the horse (apart of course from feeding,turining in and out etc) that way if something does go tits up it has to be one of us who has caused it. I accepted it would in all probability be me and that he then had liberty to in the confines of a lesson see what it was and correct it. (agreed 100%)

We agreed that we would put a training programme together on a weekly basis and would sit down and have another of these "touch base" sessions in a months time.

I told him that whilst I want only him and I to deal with horse i did of course realise that there would be times that he maybe ill or other things may crop up in that case my expectation would be that either Carol (nice girl who handles him brillantly) or his daughter (really good with him) may of course undertake that session but with clear instruction of what is to be done! (I deliberatly left out GF's name). Any deviation fronm this and I would expect to be called and permission sought. Agreed again.

At the end of this chat I told him that I valued him as a professional, was delighted with the way that the horse was going but needed to have this conversation as things seemed to be going wrong and I wanted to catch them before the situation got to one that I had to leave. However I do a bloody stressful job and my horse is very much rest and relaxation for me so frankly I do not need and am not prepared to put up with any angst, or hassle, and if anything like this happens again I will move him, immediately with no notice or warning.

Well I got an apology and we ended up with a plan for the horse. I have also out a letter together stating our conversation which I have given him. My gut feeling is that he knows he has screwed up.

As far as the GF from hell is concerned I shall do the following;

Avoid as much as possible, whilst remaining polite, and keeping the conversation to generalities

If we are in a situation where she starts to bitch about other people we will pointedly remove ourselves.

Hopefully this will sort things out, I somehow think I will never feel as relaxed as I have done in the past down there which is a shame but at least I now know that if I need a "place of safety" I can simply call my friend and say "he is coming over this afternoon get a box ready".

Thanks everyone hopefully I can now get back to enjoying my horse!
 
Well done on the assertiveness front.

Sounds like a way forward just keep on top of it!. The "place of Safety sounds great and must give you great peace of mind.

Well done!
 
It sounds like you did the mature thing by explaining everything to him in a calm and professional manner - hope you can still relax there, maybe when the girlfriend isn't around. And at least if she starts making life hell you have the option of moving him without feeling guilty about not giving him reasons - he'll know straight away what/who the problem is!
 
And who has lost him his training/livery fees which should make for a wonderful cosy evening
a056.GIF
 
Well done you for staying calm and sticking to the points...and maybe a stiff drink to calm the nerves afterwards?!!?

Just remember that your the client and you can take your horse and money elsewhere as the service he has allowed to happen with the GF isn't acceptable.

Good luck and i hope it all works out for you.
 
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