Otis
New User
Dearest Mummy,
Thank you so much for sending me some clean socks. Here in prison they have the most peculiar system of laundry - you have to do your own! I'd been tossing my knickerbockers onto the floor every evening for the staff to clear up - just how you showed me before I went to prep school - but they were always still there in the morning. I couldn't believe it!
It's absolutely beastly here in the cell, Mummy. I'm having to share with someone from somewhere called Birmingham. He's not a bad chap but he's terribly untidy and I can hardly understand his accent. He says he's a "plummer", which I think is something below stairs. I doubt whether he's a hunter, but I think he may be fond of hounds because he says he's going to make me "his bitch", which I think is Birmingham patois for friend.
How I miss the country! By the way, could you possibly ring Hugo at the stables and remind him to put some carcasses out for the foxes in the earths we built near Penelope's farm? We didn't have nearly enough foxes last year, and I'm damned (sorry for effing and blinding Mums!) if that's going to happen this year.
I bet the chaps can't wait for the season to kick orf in November. Do you know if Rory has contacted his uncle who's a judge to get me a "fair hearing" (wink wink!)? I tried to give the Governor a masonic handshake when we met but the guard thought I was trying to attack him and hit me in the privates with his baton. I told them in no uncertain terms that they could kiss goodbye to ever joining any of the top clubs in London, so that showed them.
Yes Mummy, I'm doing my number twos properly! Honestly, I'm not a child any more.
Could you possibly send me some nice quilted loo paper? The stuff here is unspeakable, sort of like tracing paper and I'm worried it'll spoil my botbot.
Bye bye for now. Please write soon,
Otis
Thank you so much for sending me some clean socks. Here in prison they have the most peculiar system of laundry - you have to do your own! I'd been tossing my knickerbockers onto the floor every evening for the staff to clear up - just how you showed me before I went to prep school - but they were always still there in the morning. I couldn't believe it!
It's absolutely beastly here in the cell, Mummy. I'm having to share with someone from somewhere called Birmingham. He's not a bad chap but he's terribly untidy and I can hardly understand his accent. He says he's a "plummer", which I think is something below stairs. I doubt whether he's a hunter, but I think he may be fond of hounds because he says he's going to make me "his bitch", which I think is Birmingham patois for friend.
How I miss the country! By the way, could you possibly ring Hugo at the stables and remind him to put some carcasses out for the foxes in the earths we built near Penelope's farm? We didn't have nearly enough foxes last year, and I'm damned (sorry for effing and blinding Mums!) if that's going to happen this year.
I bet the chaps can't wait for the season to kick orf in November. Do you know if Rory has contacted his uncle who's a judge to get me a "fair hearing" (wink wink!)? I tried to give the Governor a masonic handshake when we met but the guard thought I was trying to attack him and hit me in the privates with his baton. I told them in no uncertain terms that they could kiss goodbye to ever joining any of the top clubs in London, so that showed them.
Yes Mummy, I'm doing my number twos properly! Honestly, I'm not a child any more.
Could you possibly send me some nice quilted loo paper? The stuff here is unspeakable, sort of like tracing paper and I'm worried it'll spoil my botbot.
Bye bye for now. Please write soon,
Otis
