Dealing with fear (in me, not the horse)

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soloequestrian

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I had a nasty fall off my young horse a few months ago, early in the backing process and entirely due to my own stupidity. I now have a responsible adult in charge of the process but I am still nominally the rider. We've done heaps of work where I'm up on her back but not actually sitting in the saddle - I can happily lie over and be led around, have one foot in the stirrup and stand up etc., but when it comes to putting my leg over and fully committing to being in the saddle, I'm just plain scared. My rational brain says to just get on with it - the horse is level headed and we can both read her well. She's relaxed about my being up there, to the extent that she will rest a hind leg when I'm hanging off her. I know she will probably be more comfortable when I'm sitting astride rather than on one side. My emotional brain is totally getting in the way though. I know I could get another person to help, but I'd really prefer to conquer this. Any tips?
 
Oh hello fear!!!
I can’t give you any advice on the backing side of things but what I can say if keep going small steps everyday and don’t give up

I too had a bad accident and I’m petrified to get back on when I do I stop breathing tense up blah blah
I can’t even lunge with out being a little frightened

I had lots of super comments when I write my post about this so I’ll share with you
Don’t give up
Small steps everyday
Work with the horse on the ground more and more
And trust your own ability
I hope you get over your fears and I am sure you will
I hope I do but with nice people who have been in similar situations giving really positive advice I’m now excited to take on the challenge again
(With a body protector this time :))

Good luck keep trying and keep smiling you are not alone ;):)
 
Probably not what you want to hear, but I would have someone to help.

I totally get wanting to conquer it, but having someone to help is conquering it, you are doing the decision making and arranging. It is similar to having the farrier or trimmer to do feet, someone to do teeth, someone to vaccinate. Having people help with those specialist roles does not mean you are a lesser owner, just one who gets specialist help when there is a specialist job to be done.

For me, backing is best done by someone who is not feeling scared, and once there has been one mishap, it is imperative that there is not another. In short it is about what is best for the horse. With your horse accepting people walked round on the back or standing in a stirrup, assuming all the long reining etc has also gone well, someone will be up and riding around the arena within a week. The other factor is the weather, it is just going for the winter now, so if it is a baby I would have her off to a yard with an indoor to start with so the work can be smooth and progressive.

However, if the horse will allow youi to be led round whilst standing in the stirrup from both side, the first time you sit on would be leg over and leg back, so a matter of seconds with not even sitting heavy I the saddle the first time. This can be progressive until you really feel confident.

I usually find that if someone is not confident than something needs more work or to change. In this case I would have a different rider who is a backing specialist, do the initial rides. I would still feel as if I had brought on my own horse.
 
Having just been where you are-I had a fall off a newly backed horse which resulted in a plated collar bone 18 months ago. Hindsight says he wasn’t ready to be ridden by me yet..
I had ridden him possibly 4 times in the past 18 months..he has been being ridden by someone else.
Anyway, I found myself telling someone how good he was, and the questioning my own sanity at paying someone to ride something I was describing as good in every way.
I looked around, and contacted ‘equine consulting clinic’ on Facebook. Very sceptical, however, it was a very well spent £45!! I have now hacked twice, with no fear (and previously i was petrified-no other word for it!) can’t recommwnd Kerry highly enough!!
 
Thank you for your kind replies - I was half expecting an avalanche of 'step away from the horse'.... The idea of getting someone else involved is always there but is logistically very difficult and less attractive than getting on with it myself. Thankfully she is fairly impervious to the weather, and things are probably easier now than they were in the hot bit of the summer - she is quite an itchy horse and was bothered by the flies so was very twitchy in the school then. She is far more influenced by the horse-eating sheep that have arrived in the field next to the school, though I'm learning that once she has settled on the lunge she actually goes into a very relaxed frame of mind. It's not helping me that she regularly starts off looking like a fire-breathing dragon - tail on a flag pole, a million hands high and 'terrified' of the sheep - that image is often in my brain when we go to do work in the saddle. I will definitely look in to getting some therapy type help for me.
 
just done the confidence day at the centre of horseback combat - absolutely brilliant and totally worth the money. Gone from shaking wreak walking a school horse round the indoor school to cantering in open fields and excited about getting on on my young horse. Not sure where you are but would totally recommend
 
ew0855 said:
just done the confidence day at the centre of horseback combat - absolutely brilliant and totally worth the money. Gone from shaking wreak walking a school horse round the indoor school to cantering in open fields and excited about getting on on my young horse. Not sure where you are but would totally recommend
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That sounds fun, but I don't think it would help me. I've done trick riding in the past and would happily do it again - it's specifically my young horse that I'm fearful of getting on!
 
It's not advice as such and especially with a baby there is nothing wrong with knowing your own limits, but I overheard something that has helped me on occasion and it was along the lines of "Sometimes the fear won't go away so you'll have to do it afraid". It sounds silly but made something click in my brain where instead of thinking "I'm scared so I can't/won't do that" I can just say "I feel a bit scared" and accept it. As is the case with many things, the worst-case build up in your head often isn't as bad when you're in the moment (i.e. the XC start box!).
 
I would have someone with you and let them back the horse. If you're scared, you may overreact and send the wrong cues/aids to the horse.

I do understand you want to conquer it, but I think your reaction is 'rational'. Backing a youngster is a high risk situation, where the rider needs to be confident and more importantly, doesn't overreact to any 'flight' behaviours that this horse may throw at you. As you're sensitised to the situation, you may unwittingly grab or exert too much pressure at this stage. Your youngster WONT react to this pressure in a normal way, like an experienced trained, habituated, horse would.

Can you not then sit back on when the horse is used to rider pressure, contact etc, where you will be less nervous. Maybe conquering your fear, at this stage, should take second place to you both being safe.
 
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Agree with the above.

I am not being flippant, because I know totally where you are coming from, but I read once that in the past people used to pick an Elderflower tree and put a small stick in their pockets when riding newly broken-in horses to ensure they behaved (isn't elderflower connected to witches?).

Anyhow - I did this, even though I knew it was rubbish. It is all about the confidence thing! By that time my horse had been backed and broken in, but I had him home and had no-one to help so I just had to get on and start taking him out by myself on the road and school in the field. And no, he didn't misbehave, he was a saint.
 
I am not being flippant either as I've had some recent confidence crises with my new horse. I am not sure it would help with your youngster, but when I start dithering about 'normal' scarey riding situations, sometimes I think (if actually already riding), what would Mark Todd do? (Usually stop being so wet & kick on) and I try to do that. And sometimes I think (if contemplating riding), what would I LIKE to do if only I wasn't afraid? And then I do that.

But I agree about maybe getting help with the youngster. I've asked for help where needed lately - equine behaviouralist, help from a friend who is a very fearless rider etc - and just having that little bit of support & backup has been enough for me to get a grip & crack on. There is no shame in getting help!
 
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