claireandnadia
Well-Known Member
Dear Horse,
I love you very much, and I truly cherish your presence in my life. I would never wish to criticise you in any way. However, there are a few trivial details regarding our relationship that I think might bear your consideration.
First of all, I am already aware that horses can run faster than I can. I do not need you to demonstrate that fact each time I come to get you in from your field. Please remember that I work long and hard to earn the money to keep you in the style to which you have become accustomed, in return, I think you should at least to be glad to see me, even when I'm carrying a headcollar instead of your favourite treat!
I understand I cannot expect you to cover your nose when you sneeze, but it would be appreciated if you did not inhale large amounts of dirt and manure prior to aiming your sneezes at my face and shirt. Also, if you have recently filled your mouth with water you do not intend to drink, please let it dribble from your mouth BEFORE you put your head on my shoulder. In addition, while I know you despise your wormer, my intentions in giving it to you are good, and I really do not think I should be rewarded by having you spit half of it back out onto my shirt.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you are confused about the appropriate roles you should play in various situtations. One small bit of advice: your stone-wall imitation should be used when I am mounting and your speed-walker imitation when I suggest that we proceed on our way, not vice versa. Please also understand that jumping is meant to be a mutual endeavour. By 'mutual', I mean that we are supposed to go over the jump together. You were purchased to be a mount, not a catapult.
I know the world is a scary place when your eyes are on the sides of your head, but I did spend a significant amount of money to buy you, and I have every intention of protecting that investment. Therefore, please consider the following when you are choosing the appropiate behaviour for a particular situation:
When I put your headcollar on you, attach one end of a lead rope to the headcollar, and tie the other end of the lead rope to a tie ring, or rail, or whatever, I am indicating a desire for you to remain in that location. I would also like the headcollar, lead rope, rail, etc., to remain intact. While I admit that things like sudden loud noises can be startling, I do not consider them to be acceptable excuses for repeatedly breaking new lead ropes (or headcollars or rails) so that you can run madly around the yard creating havoc in your wake. Such behaviour is not conductive to achieving that important goal I know we both share ... decreasing the number of times the Vet comes to visit you.
By the same token, the yard was not designed for the running of the Derby and is not meant to serve as a racetrack. Dragging me across the yard in leaps and bounds is not how 'leading' is supposed to work, even if someone happens to drop a fork on the ground as we are passing. Pulling loose and running off is also discouraged (although I admit it does allow you to run faster).
I can assure you that flapping pieces of plastic do not eat horses. While I realise you are very athletic, I do not need a demonstration of your ability to jump 25 feet sideways from a standing start while changing direction in mid air, nor am I interested in your ability to emulate both a racehorse and a bucking bronco while escaping said piece of plastic. Also, if the plastic were truly a danger, it would be the height of unkindness to dump me on the ground in front of it as a sacrificial offering to expediate your escape.
When I ask you to cross a small stream, you may safely assume that it does not contain sharks, nor will it be likely to drown you. (I have actually seen horses swimming, so I know it can be done). I expect you to be prepared to comply with the occasional request to get your feet wet. Since I would like to be dry when we reach the other side of the stream, deciding to roll when we're halfway across is not encouraged behaviour.
I give you my solemn oath that the trailer is nothing but an alternate means of transportation for distances too long for walking.. It is not a lion's den or a dragon's maw, nor will it magically transform into such. It is made for horses, and I promise you that you will indeed fit into your assigned space. Please also bear in mind that I generally operate on a schedule, and wherever we're going, I would really like to get there today.
For the last time, I do not intend to abandon you to a barren, friendless existence. If I put you out in a paddock, I promise that no predators will eat you, and I will come back in due time to return you to your stable. It is not necessary to run in circles, whinny pathetically, threaten to jump the fence, or paw at the gate. Neither your stable mates nor I will have left the country. The other horses standing peacefully in adjacent paddocks demonstrate that it is possible to enjoy being turned out for exercise.
In order to reassure you, my dear horse, I have posted the following message on your stable door
"Notice To People Who Complain About My Horse"
1. I like my horse a lot better than I like people who complain about him.
2. To you, he's an animal; to me he's a big hairy, four-legged friend -- and you know what they say about coming between friends.
3. This stable is his castle, and you are expected to treat him as the king he thinks he is.
4. If you don't want him to steal your carrots, don't walk by him with the carrots sticking out of your pocket.
5. Horses are better than husbands or kids. They eat grass, don't smoke or drink, don't expect an allowance, don't voluntarily get their body parts pierced, don't hog the remote, don't waste the whole weekend watching football with their friends, don't talk back to you. don't compare you unfavourably with their friends owners, don't keep you awake with their snoring --- and no horse ever left the toilet seat up after going for a pee...
Finally, in closing, my strong and gentle companion, I would like to point out that, whatever might happen between horses and their people, we humans will always love you. In fact, our bonds with you help create new bonds among ourselves, even with total stangers. Wherever there are horses, there will be "horse people", and for the blessings you bestow upon us, we thank you.
Most sincerely yours,
Me
(OWNER)
I love you very much, and I truly cherish your presence in my life. I would never wish to criticise you in any way. However, there are a few trivial details regarding our relationship that I think might bear your consideration.
First of all, I am already aware that horses can run faster than I can. I do not need you to demonstrate that fact each time I come to get you in from your field. Please remember that I work long and hard to earn the money to keep you in the style to which you have become accustomed, in return, I think you should at least to be glad to see me, even when I'm carrying a headcollar instead of your favourite treat!
I understand I cannot expect you to cover your nose when you sneeze, but it would be appreciated if you did not inhale large amounts of dirt and manure prior to aiming your sneezes at my face and shirt. Also, if you have recently filled your mouth with water you do not intend to drink, please let it dribble from your mouth BEFORE you put your head on my shoulder. In addition, while I know you despise your wormer, my intentions in giving it to you are good, and I really do not think I should be rewarded by having you spit half of it back out onto my shirt.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you are confused about the appropriate roles you should play in various situtations. One small bit of advice: your stone-wall imitation should be used when I am mounting and your speed-walker imitation when I suggest that we proceed on our way, not vice versa. Please also understand that jumping is meant to be a mutual endeavour. By 'mutual', I mean that we are supposed to go over the jump together. You were purchased to be a mount, not a catapult.
I know the world is a scary place when your eyes are on the sides of your head, but I did spend a significant amount of money to buy you, and I have every intention of protecting that investment. Therefore, please consider the following when you are choosing the appropiate behaviour for a particular situation:
When I put your headcollar on you, attach one end of a lead rope to the headcollar, and tie the other end of the lead rope to a tie ring, or rail, or whatever, I am indicating a desire for you to remain in that location. I would also like the headcollar, lead rope, rail, etc., to remain intact. While I admit that things like sudden loud noises can be startling, I do not consider them to be acceptable excuses for repeatedly breaking new lead ropes (or headcollars or rails) so that you can run madly around the yard creating havoc in your wake. Such behaviour is not conductive to achieving that important goal I know we both share ... decreasing the number of times the Vet comes to visit you.
By the same token, the yard was not designed for the running of the Derby and is not meant to serve as a racetrack. Dragging me across the yard in leaps and bounds is not how 'leading' is supposed to work, even if someone happens to drop a fork on the ground as we are passing. Pulling loose and running off is also discouraged (although I admit it does allow you to run faster).
I can assure you that flapping pieces of plastic do not eat horses. While I realise you are very athletic, I do not need a demonstration of your ability to jump 25 feet sideways from a standing start while changing direction in mid air, nor am I interested in your ability to emulate both a racehorse and a bucking bronco while escaping said piece of plastic. Also, if the plastic were truly a danger, it would be the height of unkindness to dump me on the ground in front of it as a sacrificial offering to expediate your escape.
When I ask you to cross a small stream, you may safely assume that it does not contain sharks, nor will it be likely to drown you. (I have actually seen horses swimming, so I know it can be done). I expect you to be prepared to comply with the occasional request to get your feet wet. Since I would like to be dry when we reach the other side of the stream, deciding to roll when we're halfway across is not encouraged behaviour.
I give you my solemn oath that the trailer is nothing but an alternate means of transportation for distances too long for walking.. It is not a lion's den or a dragon's maw, nor will it magically transform into such. It is made for horses, and I promise you that you will indeed fit into your assigned space. Please also bear in mind that I generally operate on a schedule, and wherever we're going, I would really like to get there today.
For the last time, I do not intend to abandon you to a barren, friendless existence. If I put you out in a paddock, I promise that no predators will eat you, and I will come back in due time to return you to your stable. It is not necessary to run in circles, whinny pathetically, threaten to jump the fence, or paw at the gate. Neither your stable mates nor I will have left the country. The other horses standing peacefully in adjacent paddocks demonstrate that it is possible to enjoy being turned out for exercise.
In order to reassure you, my dear horse, I have posted the following message on your stable door
"Notice To People Who Complain About My Horse"
1. I like my horse a lot better than I like people who complain about him.
2. To you, he's an animal; to me he's a big hairy, four-legged friend -- and you know what they say about coming between friends.
3. This stable is his castle, and you are expected to treat him as the king he thinks he is.
4. If you don't want him to steal your carrots, don't walk by him with the carrots sticking out of your pocket.
5. Horses are better than husbands or kids. They eat grass, don't smoke or drink, don't expect an allowance, don't voluntarily get their body parts pierced, don't hog the remote, don't waste the whole weekend watching football with their friends, don't talk back to you. don't compare you unfavourably with their friends owners, don't keep you awake with their snoring --- and no horse ever left the toilet seat up after going for a pee...
Finally, in closing, my strong and gentle companion, I would like to point out that, whatever might happen between horses and their people, we humans will always love you. In fact, our bonds with you help create new bonds among ourselves, even with total stangers. Wherever there are horses, there will be "horse people", and for the blessings you bestow upon us, we thank you.
Most sincerely yours,
Me
(OWNER)
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