Dear Horses - How to handle a naughty owner - By Lottie the horse!

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Sunny08

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My name is Lottie and my Mummy has been really naughty recently so i needed to put her back in her place. She has not ridden me since last thursday, she got rid of most of my beautiful mane that I've grown all winter and the worst bit (I can hardly even write it!) she called me a donkey the other day because apparently I was being so quiet out hacking! Well today I showed her! A DONKEY - I am a well bred sports horse I'll have her know!

so all you horses and ponies who need to teach your owners a lesson here are my following tricks.... (I tried and tested them all today with great success! :-) )
1) When the owner is trying to mount jump about lots and lots (standing on the human feet is a bonus!)
2) If you quietly walk past scary things every day i.e. like pigs at my farm, suddenly pretend it is the scariest thing ever! (snorting helps! ohhh and roll your eyes!)
3) When walking down the road pretend you are a giraffe and stick your head right up in the air (still rolling the eyes!)
4) Pretend you can see something obviously very scary about 10 miles in the distance, stop dead and refuse to walk anywhere - the owners hate this! :)
5) Snort lots and lots and lots and lots
6) Find any excuse to leap skywards (birds, bags in hedges etc!)
7) When trottting along suddenly sprawl to a complete stop (again with the snorting) and pretend there is a tiger in the hedge about to bite you!
8) Spook at every opportunity and I don't just mean a side step, cat leap sideways like you mean it! Its great fun!

I think that is all my tips for now. It obviously worked well with Mummy as she got home, patted my on the neck and said I was a little devil today - Better than a donkey I say!

So if you have any naughty owners - do the above and they will soon start behaving themselves again!
 
Dear Lottie,

I will have to try these with my human once she starts riding me :) She was mean to me today >:( She made me run around in circles on the end of a long rope and every time I went to go and speak to her she chased me away!! She had better hold on tight when she tries getting on me!!

Thanks for the tips :D

love Ethel =]
 
Dear Lottie
I taught my owner a lesson today too i waited for her to get her foot in the stirrup and then i trotted off with her it was fun he he.
From Orchid
 
Dear Lottie
My favourite trick is to yank the reins out of mummies hands, THEN spook! Mummy loves the balancing game with no breaks. Hehe
Love Meg
 
Dear Lottie,

Thanks for the tips! My Mommy will be dead impressed when I try them out! :D

I found a good game today, it's called "squash her against the wall"! I discovered it when she was trying to put some cold gel stuff on my legs. She keeps telling me it'll make my scabby bits better, but I know different, I KNOW it's going to melt my legs off! My plan was foiled when she tied me up though :( I'm now practicing untying my leadrope so I can squash her some more!) lol.

Love and carrots,
Jasper. x
 
Dear Lottie
On Sunday, thelwell_girl came to my riding school to have a lesson on me. I contemplated being my usual evil self, but decided she needed a break, so I only tried to sink my pony fangs into Dawi's bum once (he is a very yummy cob!). I also didn't really feel like cantering, so decided to be big and laaazzzyyyyy and not canter and got thelwell_girl in lots of trouble with her instructor!

That was a fun day :D

Love from Bonnie xx
 
Dear Lottie,
Well done, they need telling sometimes. I had to sort out my naughty owner last week too, so I decided to stop dead from a fast canter at a ditch I usually just go over and I sent her flying into bottom of the wet muddy ditch hehehehehe. We were about a mile from home so I decided to add insult to injury and thought I wouldn't stand still for her to get back on for a bit and make her hop around in the mud on one leg for a little while:D She called me lots of funny names and said she wasn't speaking to me. That serves her right for riding me before breakfast ;)
Love Patrick
 
Dear Lottie,

My most favourite thing in the world to do is, after she's made me work really hard and I'm all sweaty, I wait until we are going down a steep hill, then I stop and have a really good shake. It always catches her unawares, and she makes this really funny squeaking noise. It's dead funny!
roflmao.gif


Love Magic
 
Dear Lottie,

You really do need to train your humans better! They tend to respond best to "whicker training" Its a bit like clicker training, but using whickers as our hooves wont work clickers!
I have trained mine well......or at least I thought I had. The mothership has only put me on blooming low cal! LOW CAL!!!!! Anyone would think I was getting podgy! I would try that foot stomping thing, but I am lacking in the energy department at the moment.....lack of food (or at least the decent stuff).
Cant even nick Ollies bucket now as she ties him up too far away for me to grab the thing! Seriously unfair!
Anyone got any spare carrots???
Love Little Stig
xxx
 
Dear Lottie,

This is a good trick that I learned yesterday - when you get to a place that you usually nap, pretend you're going to stop then take off like a rocket! Mum was very surprised and swore lots, she said she almost fell off over my bottom :p

Dylan x
 
Dear Lottie,

Can I recommend that if none of the above get the message across that you are a Princess and should be treated as such that you add the following to your list of tricks.

9) Demonstrate that you meant your spook by standing on your hind legs.
10) If Mummy is still clinging on after the rear I recommend a combination of spinning and bronking.

The above techniques should demonstrate that horses are pets to be ketp in a field and fed, riding is to be discouraged.

Love Lil
 
Dear Lottie I is well impressed.
Yesterday after mine had worked me for 35 minutes and was trying out her new canter posishun I waited until she was dreamin a bit and the spooked at nuthin much. I did my best270 degree spin and gor her out the side door in seconds and then just to wind her up I turned around and casually strolled back to see why she got off so quick.

I would have whistled nonchalantly like but me an Humphrey Bogart could be twins I cant whistle.

Anyhow today mine was forced to ride in my favourite spooking arena and I thought having done the spinning around thing yesterday I would vary the agenda a tad and while I was cantering around in a bloomin circle I threw me head down and did the bucking thing. It was great except the eejit Dutchwoman that teaches her how to bully me also appears to have taught the Dorkmistress to stand up and wiggle her fingers when I buck.

How on earth am I to train her how to fly properly if she doesnt hang on to the strings for grim death and sit on the ejector seat.

Ah well there is always tomorrow!!
 
Oh thank you!
I will try all of these new tricks. I am only a baby and my mummy often says she is glad I haven't learnt the really naughty tricks yet.... wait till tomorrow!
As long as mummy still gives me my dinner every night and a kiss on the nose, I'm a happy horse!
I've tried standing on two legs in the field, maybe I can see if mummy wants a go to! :)
Love Lottie! xx
 
Dear Lottie,

Oh you are just a baby, so many tricks to teach you. One that I used to do to make my owner really cross while hacking and almost cry on occasions is to make your neck go rock hard, this takes practice, get your head up and canter like your life depends on it, really fast. If you have your head high enough she can't steer, nor brake, I used to get shouted at quite a bit for that :rolleyes: There is also an art to spooking, it do it really well you have to spook and spin all at the same time, but, as you spin, drop a shoulder, 99.9% of the time they come flying out the side door, often landing on their feet so they don't get hurt......just reminds them every now and again who's boss ;) Ditto the snorting, for some reason it makes those stupid humans think that there is a monster somewhere, hiding, really scares them :D keep trying them all and let us know how you are getting on

Cropi
 
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