Dear Starzaan,

F

Festive_Felicitations

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I think it is offical that horses, hot males, and looky sexy are a combination that will never work for us mere mortals.

On my way home from the stables this evening I stopped for petrol and was filling up my trusty little rust bucket when a very nice Porshe Boxster pulled up next to me and disgorged a Very FIT young man.

Having 'subtly' checked out him and his car as I finished filling I went to pay. On the way out as there was no one else around, and my life has been lacking fit males recently I struck up a conversation based on the car. Had a very nice chat with said fit male (who looked a tad bemused) and drove home feeling rather chuffed :) :)

This lasted till I got home and looked in the mirror and realised that some how I had managed to scatter chaff liberally through my hair :o, had a black streak across my forehead :o, and Beau had wiped his nose on me in such a way that it highlighted (in a bad way) one morang :o I had thought I'd managed to escape realtively clean for once.

I'm now sitting contemplating a bucket and wishing I had some whelks at hand :(
Trying to comfort my self with the thought that that my johds are farily flattering (apparently), it was dark and maybe the dodgey lighting hid some of the dirt but I haven't much hope <sigh>

Yours dispondently,

Embaressed Morang.
 
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Thank you F09.

My client's IT department will be contacting you to find out if you know how to get a mix of yoghurt and tea out of the laptop keypad.

My client's Accounts department will be contacting you arrange where to send the invoice to.

My dentist will be contacting you to advise you of the permanent damage done to my top teeth when they hit the cup (just before the disgorging of said yoghurt and tea combination over the laptop - see above).

My husband will be contacting you as I only bought this top two days ago and it is now ruined. My cry of "But I have nothing to wear!" now sadly rings true.

No doubt various others will be lining up.

Me? I'm off to dump the whelks out of their bucket so as I can put it over my head.
 
MrsM,

Why on earth are you mixing tea and yogurt? I think I did you a favour, and by law am excused from all invoices as I was being a Good Samaritan.
I suggest you hold the bucket in front of you to catch what tea and yogurt you swallowed when your stomach (sensibly) rejects the combination rather then over your head.

I also take it this is not the time to bring up the story about the guy in the corner shop and an inability to tell a box of hard boiled sweets from '6 extra strong ___ with ribbing'.

Yours untracably,

F09.
 
Dear Felicity 09,

I can barely type due to the fact that I am green with envy, having noticed where you live.

We now have our respective Morags heavily disguised under jumpers,scarves and a hefty jacket. This means that our chances of attracting a 'fit' anybody are drastically reduced for the next 5 months!
We will even have to chip away at the ice on our whelk buckets.

Mrs M. I hoovered my keyboard following a Starzaan moment. I do not recommend this as I lost the letter P permanently :)
 
F09 - are we related or living in a parallel universe??? :p

When said baby Friesian- who is not baby Friesian any longer (rather a hulking black beastie) was a baby, he was very sick. When I first picked him up (from a stud... :mad: ) he had lice, long feet, a splint, oooo and strangles (abscesses bursting under throat :mad: ) and looked like a hat rack.

All that aside... Towards the end of the traumatic experience, for us both, I had to go and pick my parents up from the airport (Heathrow). I was living in Sheffield at the time so it was going to be an early start. OH had been instructed in the ways of the lil Panji monster so was to administer meds while I was away. :D

So I got to the field, dealt with the other 4 legged beasties and started the fun and games that was the medication of the lil Panji (thank goodness only 13hh of him then) This involved a mixture of Anti b's, fenugreek, top spec and a few other bits. This had to be syringed down his throat as he still had no idea of hard food / treats etc. I thought I was well prepped and covered up as was going straight from field to the airport...

Got to the airport in time, made sure I didn't smell horsey, stripped layers off, check makeup and wandered into the airport. I was a little early so thought I would grab a coffee. While I was waiting in line I thought I would let my (freshly washed in morning) hair down, ran my hands through it and hit a "knot". Withdrew hand and saw... :eek: Panji gloop - bright yellow and v pungent (fenugreek!) :eek: . I then heard a really nice, soft voice say behind me - "theres more love" Turned round to see that the really nice soft voice was owned by a really nice, good looking young man. :eek: I nearly died of embarrassment. :( :(

At what point in my life do I NOT get to smell of horse / get covered in slobber / goo etc, etc...
 
Come on now have you no sense of taste. A Porshe YUK!! now a good 4x4, think of the bales of hay,straw and bags of food in the back, a yuppie car you couldn't fit a small bag of carrots in and I bet he was a little bit poncie as well.:D:D:D:D
 
Felicity_09 said:
MrsM,

Why on earth are you mixing tea and yogurt? I think I did you a favour, and by law am excused from all invoices as I was being a Good Samaritan.
I suggest you hold the bucket in front of you to catch what tea and yogurt you swallowed when your stomach (sensibly) rejects the combination rather then over your head.

I also take it this is not the time to bring up the story about the guy in the corner shop and an inability to tell a box of hard boiled sweets from '6 extra strong ___ with ribbing'.

Yours untracably,

F09.
Click to expand...

Accountants were last seen rummazing through Laws and stuff type things looking for a loophole big enough to drive a keyboard through. They do not believe Good Samaritan is a true and valid defence.

The tea was to help wash the yoghurt down - and by down I mean down the throat, not down the front. At least that had been my aim.

Little known fact: whelks do not like tea and yoghurt. They are going to sue.

I have never heard of ribbed mints. I shall enquire in the local haberdashery, they have most things.
 
Echo Bravo said:
Come on now have you no sense of taste. A Porshe YUK!! now a good 4x4, think of the bales of hay,straw and bags of food in the back, a yuppie car you couldn't fit a small bag of carrots in and I bet he was a little bit poncie as well.:D:D:D:D
Click to expand...

Totally agree with you on this :D
My problem is my friends feel the need to set me up with their single male friends
:confused:
I wouldn't mind but most of them look like they hit every branch of the ugly tree on their way down. 50% can barely string two words together and the other 50% can't spell two words and to date not one of them had a job. :mad:

Am I asking for too much.......All I want is a good looking guy with his own car who doesn't live with his mother and has a job. Oh and doesn't know how to say NO :D:D:D
 
Dear Despondant Post Readers,

I'd like to say I feel your pain, but I am quietly very smug as I have indeed bagged myself A Miracle Man. He has a six-figure salary, is tall, dark, handsome, funny, doesn't mind that I turn up with haylage in socks, feed in my hair, constantly look dog-rough and even lets me take his £40,000 BMW to the stables from his £400,000 house. I am a mere 27yrs old and he is older. . . Hahaha!! Get a grip - he's only 34yrs old!

In light of everybody's pain, I am now thanking my lucky stars I have him, even if we do argue about curtains and appliances for the kitchen we don't have yet as the extension isn't built!!

Chin Up Girls - do what I did and stalk one until they give in!!!!

Yours,

Whoopit.


P.S - A lot of Miracle Man's attraction to me has something to do with my barely size 8 figure and 30E boobs. But i'm sure :rolleyes: it's my personailty he loves. . . . . . . !!!!!!!!!
 
Dear all,

DH1 - save your envy, it willl soon hit 40C here and my morangs will develop a heat rash, and camomile lotion and sweat is apparently not sexy.

Crazyfresian - we must have a psychic conection in this universe and parrallel universes! However why did you not use the situation to your advantage? Make some comment about sick horses and ask for his help in removing said gloop (in return for a coffee) - the parents can just wait ;)

EchoBravo - not at all poncey, just looking very hot in a very nice pair of jeans and t-shirt. I agree that a 4x4 would be more useful, but despite being a ranging environmentalist :) I do like sports cars (they're fun to drive ocassionally) and any way if he can afford a Porche he can afford a 4x4 :)

LL - no wonder you are single! Setting such incredibly high standards really woman! Be greatful they are straight.

Whoopit thank you for ruining my friday morning, I was feeling some what uplifted by everyone elses support now I'm just going to 'go stick my head in a pig'. However I'm sure he loves your personality as I'm a size 8 and single so obviously lacking some where.
(PS I think something has been lost in translation of bra sizes)

Yours dispondantly,

Unfindably anon.
 
Dear F09,

I feel your pain, but I'm afraid I am more riddled with idiot disease than you at the moment...


As some of you may know, I have been blonde for a few years... and the other day I decided that a move back to brunette city sounded like a plan. The hair is FANTABULOUS....



the MASSIVE allergic reaction I'm having to the colour is not.


One eye is swollen shut, my scalp is actually bleeding, and my neck is so swollen I can't move my head. It's half 3 in the am, and I'm watching "Keeping up with the Kardashians" and looking for some glass to chew to make myself feel better.

To make matters worse, FF will be coming in a week and I'm sure I'll still have elephant head going on.

I am drowning in a mixture of whelk juice and self pity.

Love,
Starzaan
PS - a porsche... my darling, the only man in a sports car worth a second glance is one who drives an Aston Martin. Sort yourself out snotty morag!
 
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