Dementia and dogs

Clodagh

Clodagh

Playing chess with pigeons
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Please no sanctimonious nagging posts! Just some support or ideas.
I went to MILs this morning at about 8.30 to make her shopping list and found the house all locked up and curtains drawn. I didn't have her key with me so knocked on the door, the dogs barked and she came and let me in. So she was dressed (an improvement on many mornings) but the dogs had not yet been let out in the garden, she let me in, they went out and both were desperate to wee and poo. I asked her if she had just got up and she said no she had been up for ages but had sat down to watch television. I said the dogs really need to be let out first thing and she just said 'Oh they are OK, they haven't messed in the house'.
Now at the moment she is coping, to a degree, with looking after them. They get a short walk most days and she has a decent sized garden. They are very fat, I suspect they tell her she hasn't fed them and she does it again, but that is not the end of the world. I do their waterbowl when I go over.
BUT I am pretty sure this is the third day running she has not thought to let them out when she gets up, so she needs a reminder. (OH let them out the previous two days, but that was earlier). Short of sticking a piece of paper to the tv remote does anyone have any ideas? I have written 'let dogs out' on her whiteboard but if she doesn't get as far as the utility room she won't see that. No I cannot go over every morning before work and do it myself, I just happends that I am off today.
I envisage the point where she won't be able to keep them, but although she shows them no affection at all she would really miss them.
 
What about something like Amazon Alexa? It would actually tell her what to do, somebody I know has just got one for her elderly father in law, it's going well & he's enjoying the interaction with it.
I know it's tough I had to take my dad's dog away from him as he was forgetting to feed her & let her out, she was a clean dog who ended up using the bath room floor as her toilet, I know I left her with him for too long, to the detriment for her welfare but he loved & she was company fro him. He also strongly denied neglecting her.
 
Could you ring her up to remind her to let them out? And if you did, would she do it? Tbh, short of physically doing it yourself, or OH doing it, I'm not sure that you can be certain that they will get out. Am I right in thinking that she lives very close to you? Could OH just add a short detour to hers to his daily routine?
 
turkana said:
What about something like Amazon Alexa? It would actually tell her what to do, somebody I know has just got one for her elderly father in law, it's going well & he's enjoying the interaction with it.
I know it's tough I had to take my dad's dog away from him as he was forgetting to feed her & let her out, she was a clean dog who ended up using the bath room floor as her toilet, I know I left her with him for too long, to the detriment for her welfare but he loved & she was company fro him. He also strongly denied neglecting her.
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She has no internet so Alexa would be too high tech. I think once they start going in the house they will have to be rehomed but she has had dogs all her life. I rehomed her chickens before Christmas and usually she forgets she had any (well, she did that while she had them) but occasionally gets sad about it. Its a toughie, no doubt. How did your Dad cope with the loss of his? Did you keep the dog yourself? (I couldn't have hers).
 
Pearlsacarolsinger said:
Could you ring her up to remind her to let them out? And if you did, would she do it? Tbh, short of physically doing it yourself, or OH doing it, I'm not sure that you can be certain that they will get out. Am I right in thinking that she lives very close to you? Could OH just add a short detour to hers to his daily routine?
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She doesn't answer the phone but good idea. OH does go over there every morning when I am not around but not first thing. When I go to work I could hammer on her kitchen window!
 
angrybird1 said:
Could you have a dog flap fitted?
A neighbour call in every morning?
Does she look after herself?
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That is a great idea and something I will certainly suggest. They are border terriers so would only need a small one.
I am her nearest neighbour, apart from my Mother (just don't ask!) and some tenants, who do look out for her but would not want to be responsible for a daily chore.
No she doesn't look after herself, which is why worrying about the dogs is a bit trivial really but I have to do what I can.
 
It does seem to me that taking the responsibility upon yourselves will be easiest in the long run - and it will mean that you don't keep wondering all day whether the dogs have been out. it will mean, too that she is able to keep them with her for longer - and dogs/pets in general are known to be good for one's well-being.

Older parents can be a dreadful worry.
 
A dog flap might help as long as the garden is completely secure. You would also need to train the dogs to use it which shouldn't be a problem if they are foody dogs.
You can get food bowls that work on a timer so open set times but if shes feeding them too much that might not help.
Otherwise a dog walker to come in every day?
 
Sandstone1 said:
A dog flap might help as long as the garden is completely secure. You would also need to train the dogs to use it which shouldn't be a problem if they are foody dogs.
You can get food bowls that work on a timer so open set times but if shes feeding them too much that might not help.
Otherwise a dog walker to come in every day?
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No one else is allowed to walk them, not even us. Suits me, I can't walk them with ours so it is a pain doing them. The garden is secure but I imagine she would want to lock it at night, which would defeat the opbject. Definately something to consider, I bet you can get them with timers on.
 
I’ve been considering a controlled dog flap for my MIL but with her dogs, peeing/pooing on the kitchen floor is more preferable than going outside in the cold! It’s a nightmare.
 
Would just an old fashioned alarm clock reminder work? With alarm then next to a big piece of paper saying to let the dogs out?

I feel for you. My grandma has recently been diagnosed with dementia. She no longer has any pets. But loves when I bring my dogs round. They are such good company, but of course you don’t want them to be neglected.

My MIL has a dog room with a dog flap into garden. The door to the room is like a front door with multiple locks. They stay in there at night so they can go out whenever and house remains pretty secure. Just dog room if you crawled in! Could work with a utility room?

Although it isn’t ideal, they are probably content with what they know
 
Is there a way to hire someone to come in in the early morning and take care of the dogs, maybe fix her meals, that sort of stuff? In the USA there are companies that specialize in providing help to the elderly with either age related physical problems and/or dementia.
 
Clodagh said:
She has no internet so Alexa would be too high tech. I think once they start going in the house they will have to be rehomed but she has had dogs all her life. I rehomed her chickens before Christmas and usually she forgets she had any (well, she did that while she had them) but occasionally gets sad about it. Its a toughie, no doubt. How did your Dad cope with the loss of his? Did you keep the dog yourself? (I couldn't have hers).
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I kept the dog myself & took her to visit him regulary,she was always pleased to see him but also very keen to leave with me!
She got out a couple of times & headed back to where they used to live before he went down hill, I think in her mind she was going back to happier times, so I used to excuse that she wasn't safe where he was living, he wasn't happy about it but accepted it better than when I tried to tell him he was neglecting her, which he strenuously denied, although it was obvious he was forgetting to feed her.
Hope you manage to sort something out for her & the dogs.
 
Clodagh said:
She would be most outraged at the suggestion, sadly, although it would be a good idea.
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Yes that is often the trickiest part isn’t it?
My grandma keeps getting cross at my dad and aunt ‘interfering’ just to keep her safe. She can be really nasty, although we know it isn’t her fault.
 
If you can find a carer who will brush off the seeming nastiness (if she's likely to react this way) and will just carry-on, then you've found a gem. My mil had one who just ignored the lunacy and marched on. She was great.
 
I'd definitely go with the dog flap. I have one for my dog as I'm out at work all day. She's only a small dog and I leave it unlocked all the time. It works brilliantly.
 
Clodagh said:
Oh that is interesting, I heard they were very expensive. Not that we need them anyway, but good to know.
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No, they absolutely don't charge a penny. One of my clients uses them as it was too expensive for me to walk their dog every day (she's terminally ill so struggles to walk the dog). They also offer foster care support.
 
I had a dog flap for my first dogs (2 jrts, inherited from my brother when he emigrated). It was great, I didn't have to worry if I got held up at work or anything. It was easy to train them to use it, I just held the flap open and threw treats through it so they'd jump through to get the treats. They did pretend at first that they hadn't worked out how to use it, but then I caught them red-handed - one of them was literally mid-jump through the flap as I entered the house - so after that, they stopped pretending!
 
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