Depressed / grieving dog?

[chestnut cob]

I don't usually post in here so please be gentle with me And bear with me, it might be a bit long...

Potted history... at Xmas last year (ie, 5 months or so ago) my mother went into hospital and only came home for maybe two weeks between then and her death at the end of March. My parents have a dog, a 12yo dalmatian bitch. She is really my father's dog (the old dog who was PTS two years ago was my mum's dog, IYSWIM), as in he's the person she "chose". Things were obviously very stressful while my mum was in hospital, lots of visiting and everyone being generally upset and stressed. The dog had what we initially thought was a few accidents in the house (not pee) although I thought/think it was a stress thing. Since my mum's death, the vet has commented that the dog is depressed and she's has several more "accidents". She doesn't do it in the same place, the area is thoroughly cleaned after and we are in the process of doing puppy-style toilet training all over again to reinforce everything.

To add to this... my dad is clearly still very upset about having lost his partner of 45 years and quite depressed (good and bad days, as you would expect). He is doing a lot with the dog, walks two or three times a day, he goes out walking with the dog and friends once or twice a week too. Essentially he's doing the same thing I do with my horses! He works from home so is with the dog for a significant proportion of his time. Two months down the line since my mum's death the dog is what I can only describe as *obsessed* with my dad. She won't settle if he isn't in the house, walks around looking for him (I think this is what she's doing anyway), goes nuts at every noise outside (presumably in case it is him coming back), and spends most of her time waiting by the back door while he's out. When he is in the house, she follows him like a shadow and spends a lot of time staring at him (it's quite odd).

So... the main question I suppose is "is it normal for a dog to grieve when a person has died"? Or is she responding to his grief and picking up on his feelings, as she is *his* dog? What can we do to settle her down/ cheer her up, and any suggestions regarding the pooing in the house thing?

Thanks

 

[stargirl88]

I would start by distancing them both while they are both in the house, teaching her that it's alright not to follow him around.

So I would start by reducing the assess she has to him while in the house. Possibly with one of those baby gates across doorways to begin with - so she can see him but not be so close. While doing this, teach her to settle down, I'd probably train her to go to her bed on command and stuff a kong with something yummy to occupy her and chill her out. When she learns to settle, the other side of a gate, you can progress to your dad shutting doors etc. She does sound extremely attached and she's no doubt picking up on his stress.

Does you dad do everything like feed/walk her or do you do it sometimes? Will she leave the house if he's in the house? I'm thinking if you could begin to also take her for walks and feed her, it will "devalue" him (sounds mean but I can't think of another way to put it!!!)

 

[chestnut cob]

Yes, she will do things with my sister and I as well. She comes running with me sometimes, she is fed by whoever is in the house at dinner time (not always my dad). She is functioning normally, she's just a bit obsessed with my dad. She'll go to her bed on command, she will do things with other people, she does sometimes get a treat ball to occupy her. I do realise I'm making her sound utterly nuts which she isn't. It just seems she doesn't want to let him him out of her sight, maybe in case he doesn't come back either (which is more likely to be me anthropomorphosising than anything else). She's always been quite a clingy dog, she's just even more so now. If she isn't following him, she's sitting/lying somewhere listening to what he's doing and waiting for him.

I suppose I really just wondered if this sort of behaviour is normal after everything that has happened.

 

[Maesfen]

I've found it to be completely normal behaviour for any animal which has a big bond with anyone, they just want to be with them especially when their world has been turned upside down like yours has.
My son's lurcher, Gromit is absolutely distraught if he is left at home during work hours as he always goes with him to work unless it's somewhere not safe or too hot for him to sit in the car then he usually stays with me. He doesn't do anything but he mopes about, is at the door when any car goes down and slinks back on a chair when the boss doesn't appear again whereas when son comes back he is delirious and won't leave his side. He always has company if at home and he never bothers if they go out at night but he thinks he's a work dog and he should be with his boss during the day, nothing else will do.
I'm sure, given time your dog will get back to normal but she'll also be picking up vibes from your Dad too which will make her uneasy and feel safer when she can be with him.

I'm so sorry CC, I didn't know your Mum had died; heartfelt condolences from us here.

 

[stargirl88]

Ah sorry oops I thought you wanted her to stop! My bad. Yes I think it's normal, especially with what your family has just gone through. She will be aware of it (not aware in the same way that people are, but she will know something isn't right). I would still probably try and teach her to relax a bit more when your dad is around, and not under his feet all the time.. as I'm thinking her attachment to him + his stress = worried dog, which links into the accidents she's had in the house. I'd go back to basics (like you sound like you're doing anyway) and let her out often to relieve herself, and reward her for doing it outside.
Very sorry to hear what has happened. It's not easy xx

 

[ChesnutsRoasting]

I don't usually post in here so please be gentle with me And bear with me, it might be a bit long...

Potted history... at Xmas last year (ie, 5 months or so ago) my mother went into hospital and only came home for maybe two weeks between then and her death at the end of March. My parents have a dog, a 12yo dalmatian bitch. She is really my father's dog (the old dog who was PTS two years ago was my mum's dog, IYSWIM), as in he's the person she "chose". Things were obviously very stressful while my mum was in hospital, lots of visiting and everyone being generally upset and stressed. The dog had what we initially thought was a few accidents in the house (not pee) although I thought/think it was a stress thing. Since my mum's death, the vet has commented that the dog is depressed and she's has several more "accidents". She doesn't do it in the same place, the area is thoroughly cleaned after and we are in the process of doing puppy-style toilet training all over again to reinforce everything.

To add to this... my dad is clearly still very upset about having lost his partner of 45 years and quite depressed (good and bad days, as you would expect). He is doing a lot with the dog, walks two or three times a day, he goes out walking with the dog and friends once or twice a week too. Essentially he's doing the same thing I do with my horses! He works from home so is with the dog for a significant proportion of his time. Two months down the line since my mum's death the dog is what I can only describe as *obsessed* with my dad. She won't settle if he isn't in the house, walks around looking for him (I think this is what she's doing anyway), goes nuts at every noise outside (presumably in case it is him coming back), and spends most of her time waiting by the back door while he's out. When he is in the house, she follows him like a shadow and spends a lot of time staring at him (it's quite odd).

So... the main question I suppose is "is it normal for a dog to grieve when a person has died"? Or is she responding to his grief and picking up on his feelings, as she is *his* dog? What can we do to settle her down/ cheer her up, and any suggestions regarding the pooing in the house thing?

Thanks

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss, it must be a very difficult time for you.

Your dad is depressed due to grief, his dog is depressed because she senses his sadness. It would be a good idea, whilst your dad is grieving, for the dog to have others, who are in a good place, to interact with. Can someone else walk her, with other 'happier' dogs for company? To be in the company of a depressed person day in, day out, can be demoralising. To be in an environment where there is joy, even if for only a few hours, can lift the spirit.