Desperate Confidence Help Needed

[Spellbound]

Hi All
Am feeling so desperate this morning and just need to get some things off my chest.
I am struggling to get my confidence back with riding, and I get terrified riding in front of people, so I do anything to avoid doing it which means I ride late evenings on my own.
A few years ago I had a horrific riding accident on my previous horse that turned out to be highly dangerous. I broke my neck, shoulder in 7 places, 4 ribs and 2 teeth when she stood up and threw herself over onto me and the gate.
I now have a 16.3 Oldenburg mare who I love and I feel have come a long way. She is sharp and spooky but not a bad bone in her. First two years plagued with injury so has only been last 2 years have been riding. I am fine in fields and am working on my fear of the school (had our first canters in there the other day). We also have started hacking (she has never done it before).
I just get bullied all the time for being deemed a wimp and it really hurts. I have a handle on front of my saddle as my girl is hypersensative in her mouth from years of harsh bits and being tied down and I get laughed at.
I have the most amazing friend who visits me and I owe her everything for getting me riding and always being there (sadly lives miles away). I recently meet a horsey guy who came down from Newmarket. Rode my friends horse and just ragged it around badly. He spent a week with me and refused to get on mine (thank god) as she pranced in from the field and is high in season and it was windy.
He watched me lunge her (never seen me ride) I only ride in front of my friend happily or if she is there am not bothered about others (she holds my hand kind of thing).
This guy has totally picked everything I do apart blames me for not letting him ride cause I am over protective of her. I thuoght I was doing so well. I was so afraid I couldn't even tack up without turning blue and being sick. He just picked it all apart laughs at me for being happier to ride my horse in a natural hackamore than a bit (this is only because I can't hurt her mouth if I loose my balance).
So please guys any ideas I so want to get over riding in front of people. The last yard bullied me so badly I just am freaked out that I look so bad that I best do it in privite
Any Ideas????? (sorry for the length)

 

[ForeverBroke_]

Ignore the arrogant ponce from newmarket for starters

It sounds to me like you've come along way and i wouldn't worry about what other people think. I'm the same as you in a sence because i absoloutly refuse to ride infront of this one woman on my yard as she pulls me and Darcy both apart and i just cant be bothered with her criticism. I can't offer much advice i'm afraid , but chin up!

Don't listen to other people, as hard as it is. x

 

[CharlyOscar]

Yes, some people do not believe in this but throughout my life (well im only 15) I have struggled with nerves since I was 8 after riding a nutty 122cm SHP and being galloped off with round Kent County! So my mum dragged me round to loads of hypnotists and they all scared me and stuff.

The last few years I have been show jumping and I went to this man called John about 3 months ago and he has worked WONDERS, i literally think he is a miracle worker!!!!! The women who I could not ride infront because I would literally shake with fear I did the other day. He doesnt in effect "hypnotise" you, just talks to your sub-consicous mind.

His website is

www.johnglanvill.com

Some people I know have been to him and I have seen them jump since and it is amazing what difference just one session makes.

Good luck

 

[CharlyOscar]

Oh and just ignore everyone, I know its hard but just try to. Just think to yourself everything is going to make you a stronger and better person.

I had that the other day after I had an awful day in front of the one person I cant ride infront and I fell off at the 5th fence which I just laughed off. When we got back to the yard she stood there and ripped me to pieces even though she knows I struggle with self-confidence, and the whole of that night I cried. Then my mum spoke to me and she said it should make you more determined to suceed.

Is your current yard full of nice, confidence giving people??

 

[Bowen4Horses]

i think it sounds like you're winding yourself up and making things worse. and relying heavily on your friend. take a step back, take a very deep breath and look at things honestly. firstly, you have a 'sharp' mare... who you are teaching to hack out... it doesn't sound to me like you have no confidence! i wouldn't DARE own a sharp horse, or a mare....

ask around (people on here are ace) for an instructor in your area who specialises in confidence building. if the guy came from newmarket, does that mean you're quite local to me (Ely) cos i was recommended someone a while ago when i suffered a confidence knock (shattering)...

and maybe you need to think about changing yards if they are making you feel that bad? start somewhere afresh and brave! xxx

 

[Lollii]

It sounds to me like you are getting there with your nerves, please don't listen to these other people as they have no idea what it is like.
I was the same a couple of years back, I brought an Oldenburg gelding (they are the loveliest of horses) who I was terified of, but it has taken 4 years and now we are out competing at RC level, you just have to rise above it and have faith in your horse.
Stick with it - you will get there - promise!

 

[Spellbound]

Thanks Everyone
The yard I am at now is very nice
I don't have any problems with anyone
Am just known as the one with the competative horse but non competative rider ( I do take it as a joke)
They all have coffee and breaks by the school which is why I sneak off to fields to ride, so they can't see.
Sadly I am based near Windsor not Newmarket
It is just so hard and so so many people don't get it. As if you want to be nervous and afraid of something you love so much.

 

[CharlyOscar]

I am completely with you, people down my yard just don't understand and scream at me for it (she used to give me lessons) and now the family whose yard it is has a problem against me for it and always makes snide comments.

I think most people like though because apparently 90% of people who ride horses are nervous, so I think people just lie and the ones who admit it are the ones more likely to overcome it

 

[Rana]

Sorry to hear you're having confidence issues. I have the same problem following a few nasty falls (no serious injuries, thank god, but the sort that make you think!). I've recently returned to riding after a 4 year break.

Do you think it might help to have lessons on a schoolmaster, at a riding school? That's what I've done - I ride a lovely safe horse who improves my confidence every time I get on him. My instructor is brilliant with my confidence crisis - very patient, but quietly reminds me that I can do it.

PM me if you'd like details of the place I go to - it might be a bit of a trek from Windsor, but not a million miles away (J12 of the M4). It's quite busy in that there are a lot of people around, but no one watches the lessons. I was worried about people watching me ride (I'm rather overweight and was worried people would think I'm a pony-squisher, although I do ride a horse appropriate for my height and weight!), but no one takes any interest at all - and there's certainly no coffee breaks taken by the school!

x

 

[Grumpy Herbert]

I've found over the years that everyone is an expert at telling you how to ride/care for/deal with your horse! You sound like you're doing just fine with your mare, and if you don't want to ride in front of other people, don't. As for a "competitive horse with a non competitive rider" - so what? Your horse doesn't know that she's "competitive" and if you don't want to compete, that's your choice. So long as you and your horse are happy, that's all that matters. The "experts" can all go and get stuffed!

 

[Hedwards]

i definitely think finding an instructor you can trust would be a good idea, and also maybe consider going to hire a school with your friend at another yard every now and then and have a lesson, hopefully you wont know anyone there and they will be less likely to sit, watch & whisper about you (something that i'm afraid is a common occurance). I've never had the same problems as you, but did go through a phase of completely freezing up infront of other people - i found an excellent instructor who now works me so hard i dont have time to think about anything other then riding my horse - and stuff what anyone else thinks!

 

[trundle]

As for being bullied for having a handle on your saddle - pish on those people. I think having a handle is a VERY sensible idea. The only reason i don't have a handle is because i cant find one...i have a piece of baler twine tied between the D-rings to grab in emergencies, and an old stirrup leather as a neckstrap. I don't care if people laugh at me, i'd rather be safe than sorry.

 

[megwan1]

i use my martingale strap to hang onto when things start going tits up..... every1 does it so dont worry
plus i hav found those that are most vocal bout what ur doing "wrong" are those that dont do anything at all with there horses.....
i told one lady on my yard that i'd do it the minute i'd seen her do it!!!! she went quiet quickly lol
well done u for havin a go and doing so well!!!!!

 

[canteron]

I haven't checked to see if anyone else has recommded this, but I think you need to do something completely different, that will hopefully them mean that you can move forward.

Check out the Ashen Equestrian Centre website (in Suffolk but look anyway). PM me if you want more details.