Disappointed at friends attitude to me

ROMANY 1959

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I have lost a lot of weight, and still have 4 stone to go to be comfortable with myself, my friend asked me if I would share her cob gelding. So I said I would go for a try , she is liveried where they have an indoor school, so I went friday, the cob is heavyset 15-2 and she assured me he would carry my 15st 10 weight .. I am 5ft 10.. she had a big mounting block, so I just put my leg over, and I walked round the school twice, but the horse was very joggy, spooking at corners, and I did not feel at all safe. Short trot, that didn’t go well, so I got off.
I rode competitively till I got pregnant 20 years ago, and gained weight and gave up riding..I seem to have no confidence or balance now.. also her saddle was too small for me and was uncomfortable.
I told her I would not be happy sharing, and she needs to find someone more confident, and I want to loose at least another few stones to reduce the size of my bum and thighs..
Well...she let rip at me..wasting her time...just wanted a free ride...and I could P*** off. She begged me to try him out.. in my heart I knew it was too soon for me, and I don’t think it’s my sort of cob, it was too tensed up... spooking all over place... wouldn’t stand still..
have had six messages off her since Friday night.. I suspect she is desperate for a sharer to lighten her costs this winter.. but it’s not the right horse for me.. I think I’ve now lost a friend, I know some will think I didn’t give it a long enough trial, but I knew it was not for me.. now she is calling me a time waster and such... wish I had never got on the horse...
 
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Shooting Star

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It really sounds like you did nothing wrong, with her behaviour I’m not sure I’d want her as a friend at all.😡

Big congrats on your weight loss and chin up as I’m sure it wont be long before you get to a weight that you are comfortable to ride at, just don’t let this experience put you off 🙂
 

{97702}

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Wow she doesn't sound like much of a friend :( I am a great believer in your first instinct always being the right one, I have always known if a horse is for me or not! I remember going to see one for sale and I didn't even see it being ridden, I knew it wasn't right.

Congratulations on your weight loss, that is a fantastic acheievement! I exoect your "friend" is stressing about the commitment of having a horse over winter (cost/time) if I'm honest, but that isn't your problem and she is being really horrible taking it out on you :(
 

JFTDWS

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She sounds bonkers, tbh. It sounds like a recipe for disaster - a rider coming back into the saddle after a very long break, with a lack of physical condition for riding, and a tense, spooky (possibly ill-mannered, or incapable) horse. She should be pleased you recognise that this won't work out and aren't pushing it until someone gets hurt. If she can't cope with having a horse over winter, she shouldn't have one :rolleyes:

Well done on the weight loss, and good luck with the rest. I'm sure you'll find a more suitable nicer mount when you're ready.
 

Carrottom

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Well done for your weight loss and at least you gave it a go. If it is not right you did the right thing and hopefully your friend will see sense.
To improve your balance and confidence you may like to try pilates, it has certainly helped me.
 

ROMANY 1959

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It wasn’t best weather either on Friday , windy and rainy, and to be honest I didn’t like the cob anyway... she had to persuade me to get on... come spring I am sure I will find a nice quiet cob or plod ! To rise once or twice a week... but I am not ready yet... she will probably apologise in the next few days or so...
 

Allykat

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I would be so much happier that someone had said "sorry, your horse is not for me" rather than sticking with it and it becoming an issue all round. It sounds like she's taking her problems out on you and that doesn't make her a good friend.

Well done on the weight loss. There is a horse out there that's right for you and you will find it when you are ready.
 

Pearlsasinger

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She doesn't sound like a very good friend! She should be congratulating you on your weight loss and encouraging you to continue, not pushing you to ride before you are ready.
It really isn't your responsibility to contribute to her costs because she has got a horse that she can't afford.
 

splashgirl45

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well done on the weight loss, your friend doesnt sound very understanding and you may be better off without her. when you are ready why not go to a riding school to have a couple of refresher lessons, that should boost your confidence as well. good luck
 

ROMANY 1959

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Must admit. It’s knocked me back a bit... talk about running before you can walk... I now realise I am not quite ready to ride again ...that’s a good idea a riding school... when I get under the 14st weight limit I will book a few lessons.
 

ozpoz

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Well done on your weight loss and recognising the horse wasn't for you and that the saddle didn't fit you either.
Pilates is a really good idea, so is the lesson booking. Good luck and keep going till you are ready.
 

Cinnamontoast

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Blimey, what a cow! She should be looking for the best fit for her horse, not desperately shoving a square peg into a round hole! My first instinct when I was looking for a sharer was to find someone confident rather than watch them looking uncomfortable. Poor you, I hope this hasn’t knocked you back.
 

EventingMum

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I think you've had a narrow escape, imagine how difficult she could have been if you were loaning her cob and things weren't to her liking. She really doesn't sound much of a friend, being generous perhaps her judgement is clouded due to some unknown financial problems but it's still no excuse. Well done on your weight loss, that's a tremendous achievement and you should be very proud of yourself, keep going and look forward to finding a suitable horse.
 

Tiddlypom

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Well done on your continuing weight loss, that's brilliant! Your friend's reaction was out of order, it is entirely natural to be apprehensive about getting back on a horse after such a long time off riding. However, if the horse had been suitable I bet you'd have been grinning from ear to ear in minutes and would not have wanted to get off. Maybe she will come to realise how ridiculous she has been and will apologise.

I echo the suggestions of having a few sessions on a riding simulator before going to a RS for some 1:1 sessions. I have been down that route myself, including losing the weight partly in order to ride :). I went to Rocky the riding simulator at New Barn, nr Knutsford and then to Berriewood Farm for 1:1 sessions, and between them they revived my riding nerve, my position and my mojo. Don't let this blip put you off.
 

Vodkagirly

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How sad. There is nothing wrong with trying a horse and realising its not for you. Least you realised quickly, often it takes a few rides. In someways I think you had a lucky escape, she sounds like a nightmare. some people don't realise their horse isn't everyone's perfect horse.
Follow your plan and I'm sure you will find the right horse when your in the right place for it.
 

Northern

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Sounds like this "friend" decided it was a done deal before you even got on! Well done on your weight loss and I would lose her IMO, people like that are a waste of time and effort.
Wishing you all the luck in finding a suitable horse :D
 

sky1000

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She asked you to try her horse with a view to sharing - you did - realised it was not for you and she is letting rip at you, calling you a time waster just wanting a free ride and telling you to p off. You might want to rethink if she is a friend. But fantastically well done for your weightloss!
 

Mule

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Well done on your weight loss. That's a great achievement. Regarding your friend, I'd say she was stressed out, in a bad mood already and she overeacted and exploded at you.
 

Nasicus

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Sheesh, what an absolute witch! If she came crawling back I'd probably tell her to pound sand after treating you like that!
Seriously though, massive congratulations on your weightloss so far, I've been trying to shed a bit myself and it's bloody hard work! Keep up the good work :)
 

silv

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Doesn't sound much of a friend to me, you are well out of it in my opinion. You could always turn the tables on her and tell her she is the time waster asking you to try an unsuitable horse! Personally I would strike her off my friends list.
 

Walnuts

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I have lost a lot of weight, and still have 4 stone to go to be comfortable with myself, my friend asked me if I would share her cob gelding. So I said I would go for a try , she is liveried where they have an indoor school, so I went friday, the cob is heavyset 15-2 and she assured me he would carry my 15st 10 weight .. I am 5ft 10.. she had a big mounting block, so I just put my leg over, and I walked round the school twice, but the horse was very joggy, spooking at corners, and I did not feel at all safe. Short trot, that didn’t go well, so I got off.
I rode competitively till I got pregnant 20 years ago, and gained weight and gave up riding..I seem to have no confidence or balance now.. also her saddle was too small for me and was uncomfortable.
I told her I would not be happy sharing, and she needs to find someone more confident, and I want to loose at least another few stones to reduce the size of my bum and thighs..
Well...she let rip at me..wasting her time...just wanted a free ride...and I could P*** off. She begged me to try him out.. in my heart I knew it was too soon for me, and I don’t think it’s my sort of cob, it was too tensed up... spooking all over place... wouldn’t stand still..
have had six messages off her since Friday night.. I suspect she is desperate for a sharer to lighten her costs this winter.. but it’s not the right horse for me.. I think I’ve now lost a friend, I know some will think I didn’t give it a long enough trial, but I knew it was not for me.. now she is calling me a time waster and such... wish I had never got on the horse...
 

Walnuts

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Keep working on your fitness as that is going well, and come back when the time is right for you, as for the " friend " it was in Blackadder when he used the line, I lost closer freinds the last time I was de loused ! Remove her from our Christmas card list😄
 

zaminda

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Firstly, well done on the weight loss. I would also recommend pilates, and lessons on a mechanical horse. If you have an army saddle club near you they are likely to have a higher weight limit, ours is 18 stone.
As for your friend, I would be saying she needs dropping. If a friend of mine was hoping to get back into riding, I would be letting them ride mine for free if any of them were suitable for them. I certainly wouldn't be looking to get paid for it!
 

MiJodsR2BlinkinTite

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OK so it was HER idea for you to share the horse, yes?

And it was HER idea that you rode him on the day in question, yes??

You did your best to dissuade her on both counts bus she still persisted even though you were obviously not happy and was trying to tell her "no".

Her reaction is NOT the action of a friend, it is the reaction of a bully. Friends do not cajole others into doing what they want them to do, then react angrily when that person is honest and says how they're feeling about the situation.

Agree with others that this "friend" just wants the money that is in your pocket in order to keep her horse for the winter!! That would be my feeling too.

Losing weight is never easy; you are doing well and should be rightly proud of yourself. Yes you recognise that your weight loss is a "work in progress" - and well done you for sticking to it and keeping at it. Methinks that when you've achieved the weight & size you want to be and are happy & healthy at, "friend" will have every reason to be jealous of your new-found figure and vitality! Perhaps this is the problem, jealousy........ it often rears its nasty little Green-Eyed head in the most weirdest of guises......

I feel for you OP in this situation: I have a (non horsey) friend who I've posted about on here before, who's gone into a "Chameleon" phase with me right now and I have to accept the "friendship", such as it ever was, is over. Time to move on! Time to surround myself ONLY with positive people who even if they do give negative feedback about me, can be KIND with it, FFS is that too much to ask from a friendship?

I would strongly suggest that you walk away from this "friendship". It sounds toxic, and has the potential to get more so I fear. Ignore the communications from her, she'll soon get sick of not getting what she wants from you i.e. attention-seeking, and will cease contact soon enough I suspect.

So sorry this has happened, its very hurtful when so-called friends behave this way.

But move on would be my advice.
 
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