Disillusioned with the Horse World

[ElectricChampagne]

I'm living in an area where there are a few livery yards but most are expensive and quite a few don't give the service they say the do.

I decided a few years ago to travel to a yard that was an hour's journey from home, but had good facilities, good hacking and decent enough care. The liveries there were friendly and helpful and no nastyness.

The yard owner became quite fond of me and the trainers at the yard used to ask me to organise events and trips for the group of liveries.

Anyway between the jiggs and the reels - I became involved in what can only be called serious stalking and character assassination to the point of violence and bullying - from the fiance of one of the liveries at that yard. he tried to cajole me into having an affair with him behind the fiance's back and didn't take too kindly to me telling him where to shove it. So basically even though he is not horsey, turned everyone on the yard against me and made up some horrendous stories about me, which spread like wildfire. I was isolated and backstabbed, by people in the preceding weeks were very good friends. He was telling people that I went around saying really nasty things about them when I wasn't.

So I moved on advice of the local police. And ever since then I have actually been struggling to find decent care.
The yard I moved to ended up having one of the liveries from the original yard move into and the lies and bullying started again, so I had to leave. I got on well at that place but had to go as I just felt unable to manage it, and the liveries there turned against me and stopped talking to me. It since closed down.

I've ended up moving to several yards, because even though I pay top dollar, the care I've been getting has been sadly lacking. One yard was rationing hay so much I thought my horse had a serious disease and looked like a rescue case. So I had to leave there too, but this was for bad care and an underweight and very unwell horse. Another yard lied to my face about turnout and wasn't feeding my horse.
The next yard I had massive issues with care again. leaving headcollars on 24/7, substandard muck out, left standing in crap and the floors of the stables so worn away that old floor tiles, broken bottles and trampoline springs started coming out. Hay was rotten and the feed never fed. I was lied to repeatedly to my face.

So I did my research and found another place that was well recommended. And moved. Its expensive enough but despite that has good facilities, and fantastic hacking and its close to home. When I moved in it looked like the ritz carlton. I had been here before under different ownership.
Except its steadily gone downhill. Horses not fed, texts sent out about feeding too much hay, bedding rationed and muckout not done properly. White, blue and black mould has started appearing on walls. The banks in the stables are black and rotten. Spare stables are packed to the rafters with household rubbish and old feedbags and the rats have moved in. The tack room isn't secure either and breakins have been happening in the area. Liveries have to pay extra for beetpulp and chaff if they want it fed and the cheapest of the cheap feed is used otherwise.

The entire livery clientele complained to the owner and they said they would pull up their socks. Except its just gotten worse.

I had a complete meltdown after this and I'm now at the stage where I am sick of livery yards and livery and am wondering if I should just sell up and be done with it.
That said I would miss the horses something rotten, but I just don't know what to do.

BTW the stalking and character assasination has continued, 4 years later. He finds someone at the yard I am at each time and starts off on them time and again. Shows up unannounced if he can get in and kicks off. Although I think the police thing has stopped him at this current yard.


anyway sorry for such a long post - I just wanted to get it off my chest more than anything.

 

[ROMANY 1959]

Goodness, I think I would have sold up and gone ages ago.. sounds such a bad time you are having.. hope something turns up to give you hope.

 

[ElectricChampagne]

thats what I am hoping too. I adore my horses dearly, and I actually don't know what I would do without them. I genuinely think i would be 6ft under if it wasn't for them.

I'm so lucky in that the people at my current yard are great and supportive but very pissed off with the care, so I worry that they will all leave! I've been looking at other options but I am just so sick of moving yards too. Only to find I have to move again because care is atrocious!

I'm not fussy, just expect that I don't get lied to and am happy to jump in and help out with muck out and yard chores. I'm usually quite easy going!

 

[AFB]

Do you need to be on a yard? Or could you find yourself a field/stables and do it yourself? (Perhaps with outside help if necessary)

 

[ElectricChampagne]

Do you need to be on a yard? Or could you find yourself a field/stables and do it yourself? (Perhaps with outside help if necessary)

unfortunately yes. There is no yard close enough to home that I can rent and get to before work. I typically start at 7.45am/8am and don't get out until some stage after 5pm and has been 8pm on occasion and with traffic may not get to the yard until after 6pm. I'm expected to be contactable at all hours too so thats not working.

Looking for a new job on top of all this too, as the current one is thankless. Had a really crappy birthday in here the last time with my new micromanaging boss.

Renting a few boxes is few and far between in the area too. DIY is a rarity and only offered on yards with others.

 

[canteron]

It’s is horrible ..... long shot but you could try looking to share a small private yard.There are people (like me) who have room in their yards for more horses but don’t need the money particularly so anyone who comes has to be personable tidy and have things to offer (holiday cover and dog walking does it for me) Crazy places like the local rugby club or young farmers or with your Farrier are good places to advertise as well as the more obvious feed stores and tack shops !

 

[conkers]

You sound so like me. I have had horses for 30 years and need to keep them on full livery due to work commitments and I just can't find a yard that provides even the most basic of services well. By basic, I mean providing enough bedding, haylage and turn out. This is not because I am unwilling to pay in order to get good service. I just can't find anywhere that will look after my horses well, regardless of the cost.

It has gotten so bad that I am now in the process of giving up. I have sold my youngster and will not be replacing my old horse when he has to be put to sleep.

OP you have my full sympathy.

 

[ElectricChampagne]

Thanks C - been trying to look into that option but most people here are not really open to that option as the culture here means people tend to take the proverbial, not pay and not help out, so people offering such a thing are few and far between.

I have been offered a place in a friend's small private yard but its literally 5 minutes drive from where my stalker lives. As she has a young child I'm wary about bringing that issue into her home. He's ruthless and I'df fear for her safety there. Its also near that original yard but an hour's drive from home.

I don't think I am comfortable with that, I'd always be watching my back and would worry he will do something to them and my horses there.

 

[ElectricChampagne]

You sound so like me. I have had horses for 30 years and need to keep them on full livery due to work commitments and I just can't find a yard that provides even the most basic of services well. By basic, I mean providing enough bedding, haylage and turn out. This is not because I am unwilling to pay in order to get good service. I just can't find anywhere that will look after my horses well, regardless of the cost.

It has gotten so bad that I am now in the process of giving up. I have sold my youngster and will not be replacing my old horse when he has to be put to sleep.

OP you have my full sympathy.

Thanks Conkers - I am actually glad I am not the only one. I'm actually at the end of my tether with it all.

I need to win the lotto.

 

[abb123]

I think I would take the nuclear approach and move house to a totally new area and new yards and not tell anyone associated with the stalker where I had gone and have a longer commute to work.

 

[ElectricChampagne]

I think I would take the nuclear approach and move house to a totally new area and new yards and not tell anyone associated with the stalker where I had gone and have a longer commute to work.

I've thought of that, but unfortunately there is no work outside the area I live currently - people move here to get a decent job and traffic is a nightmare at the best of times. I just couldn't handle the commute time. I can't really afford to move from where I am too

I've been to most yards in the area too and the horse community here is so close knit that everyone knows somebody - which is how it got out where I have been each time.

 

[TPO]

Sorry to hear what a bad time you've been having.

I can empathise with the yard issues. I have all the questions and assurances to get down to a tee and yet it's never been what it's said on the tin once you are actually there and the current liveries who have claimed to be happy suddenly start telling different stories! It's an absolute nightmare, I'm just beyond lucky that my parents have now bought a place and while they are still to put in a school it's definitely worth it.

I'm guessing you don't want to reveal too much info due to the stalking issues that you've had but perhaps if you let users on here know a vague area/county they could offer suggestions? It might also be worth "getting in first" with the information about your stalker so that you are not left open to people being manipulated by him at a later date. I find it strange that he has such an "in" with so many people to be able to turn them completely against you; do you have a police liaison that you can speak to because surely the other people who go on to cause you distress because of him are liable to some degree?

 

[conkers]

Thanks Conkers - I am actually glad I am not the only one. I'm actually at the end of my tether with it all.

I need to win the lotto.

Me too. I feel that the only way that I can continue with horses is have my own place and look after them myself but that will only be possible with a lottery win.

I don't really want to give up but feel so back into a corner by the lack of good quality livery yards that I feel that there is no other option.

 

[Sussexbythesea]

How is this man allowed to continue this campaign against you? I don’t think the Police are doing their job. Have you got any kind of restraining order? I’m no expert but why did you have to move and not him?

Do you continue to report his harassment of you?

 

[Leo Walker]

There are always yards you dont know about. Ask everyone you know. Farriers, instructors, vets, physios etc and then get in your car and drive round. Knock on every likely looking door you see. I've lived here about 4yrs now and am still finding out about yards I didnt even know existed.

In the mean time I would turn the ponies away. Find good full grass livery and let them and you have a holiday while you get sorted. The break will put a bit of time and space between you and the nutters and give you chance to look into prospective yards properly before committing, and will give you chance to sort the job situation.

 

[redredruby]

You need to tackle the stalking as that seems to undo any progressyou make on yards - have you looked into getting an anti-molestation order? If you've not done it already make sure you've got notes of all incidents.
https://www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline
There is a national helpline who should be able to advise.

The police should really be being much more proactive about this

 

[SEL]

There are always yards you dont know about. Ask everyone you know. Farriers, instructors, vets, physios etc and then get in your car and drive round. Knock on every likely looking door you see. I've lived here about 4yrs now and am still finding out about yards I didnt even know existed.
.

Google Earth is helpful for spotting arenas from the air too.

OP - have you got legal cover with house or car insurance? If so, give them a call and see if they can help get something more formal in place. There are some very nasty people out there but the police aren't taking this seriously enough for you.

 

[cauda equina]

You need to tackle the stalking as that seems to undo any progressyou make on yards - have you looked into getting an anti-molestation order? If you've not done it already make sure you've got notes of all incidents.
https://www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline
There is a national helpline who should be able to advise.

The police should really be being much more proactive about this

Absolutely this
If he's as persistent as you say, giving up horses might not help; what's to stop him switching his attention to, say, your workplace?

 

[laura_nash]

I've thought of that, but unfortunately there is no work outside the area I live currently - people move here to get a decent job and traffic is a nightmare at the best of times. I just couldn't handle the commute time. I can't really afford to move from where I am too

I've been to most yards in the area too and the horse community here is so close knit that everyone knows somebody - which is how it got out where I have been each time.

If you're looking for a new job is it a possibility to move away completely?

I wanted to keep mine at home (no issues like you have experienced, thank goodness, but he has a severe dust allergy which is hard to manage without 24/7 turnout most of the winter) and where I used to live that meant a lotto win. OH and I were also both looking for new jobs at the time. So we relocated to Ireland where houses with land are much more affordable, and although it was a bit scary at the time I now have masses of land at home (haven't fed any hay at all this winter!), have a great job with no commute, everyone has been really friendly and my daughter has settled into her new school really well.

 

[southerncomfort]

I'm surprised the police haven't given him a harassment warning. I had to resort to this once and if they ever contact me, my family or friends or work colleagues they'll be arrested and charged with harassment which I'm told the courts take very seriously.

 

[Jill's Gym Karma]

OP, the laws on stalking have been tightened up considerably over the last few years, in recognition of how debilitating it is for the victim. If the behaviour persists, you need to keep a log of all incidents concerning this man, and continue to seek police involvement. Keep a calm, concise, factual record of all encounters.

You should not be allowing this to dictate where you keep your horse. Try the friend's small place that's near him; why should you be bullied out of it?

 

[DD]

can you rent a field from a farmer and keep the horse there and just ride at weekends ?

 

[ElectricChampagne]

thanks for all the replies. I'm based in Ireland in the capital. The way Ireland works is there is very little job opportunities in my field outside of this area. Most people spend hours commuting from rural areas to here to work. for me this just doesn't work.
Theres also very little land and very little decent livery, so renting land and stables is nigh on impossible. Most land has been sold to developers and everything is expensive. A bit like London I suppose.
With regards to the police, they are pushing me to close the complaint and don't see how they can help with anything as he hasn't been violent towards me, but has to a friend. So the laws here differ thank from the UK, and the force here is severely underfunded and I actually get the impression they think I am the crackpot. I could move down the country but would mean me taking a lesser paid job and I couldn't afford my livery.

The reason I don't want to try the friend's place is because I can't stand his face and will see him around alot. Plus its an hours drive without traffic - up to two on bad days which is nearly every weekday.

I did approach the yard owner of the yard that the stalker is on (in fact after he threatened my friend on the yard we both did) and he didn't see an issue and thought that we had been having an affair that turned sour, such were the rumours. Stalkers Fiance keeps two horses there that he pays for, and despite that he didn't step in. Other clients also complained and nothing was done. Which is why I left. I didn't feel safe nor was I happy that something would have been done if he did get aggressive again.


I probably sound like a right moan, and I am sorry. Just feeling very trapped by it all.

 

[cbmcts]

Your location explains a lot. Dublin is a big city but a very small town. And yes, there is very little land left that isn't built on. I grew up in South County Dublin when there were literally farms on the doorstep and really don't recognise it now. Keeping horses there is just like trying to keep a horse on the edge of Central London but without the Home Counties available.

I think that if I were you I would find a way to loan out or turn away the horses for 6 months to a year - you could send to retirement livery or a stud in the country - and take a deep breath and relax away from the toxic atmosphere you are living in. Start thinking about what you can do to change things. Do you have family in Dublin? If so, can they deal with the nasty man? I think if you had visible support and he may be held accountable to others, he would bugger off. Social pressure is still a big thing in Ireland. Or retrain so you can work outside of Dublin or remotely? You might then be able to afford property in an area with plenty of land. Another admittedly nuclear option is to move over here (Brexit won't affect Irish citizens) because while the South of England has its issues, most types of jobs are available in London and commuting from a horse area is feasible. It's expensive but so is Dublin.

What would work but probably would make things worse before they got better is to play him at his own game. Start telling people about him long before he gets a chance to slag you off. Don't hold back, make it as salacious as you can and let word spread and it will. See how he likes a taste of his own medicine. Bonus is that he appears to be the bitter one when he tries to defend himself. I'm evil though and always had backup from a large family with influential friends so I'm aware that it is easy for me to say and do. Thing is, that still won't improve horse keeping standards in an overcrowded, expensive area. I've been known to say that the tethered horses in Ballyfermot and Tallaght have a better life than the posh horses in yards around the southside, Howth and Wicklow.

 

[ElectricChampagne]

Thanks CB. I'm lucky that I have fantastic friends and a wonderful family supporting me, so my friends have actually been (quite happily) blackening his and the fiancés name and warning the parents of the children on the yard I left about them both. The fiance begged me to come back round to talk to him because she couldn't bear to hear him talk about how much he misses me to her. It's completely bizarre. she knows and has been told by several people what he's done.
I did lose what I thought was a good friend over it who has now sided with them and was being used to fish for information on me to twist and spread rumours. but of course they didn't see it that way. I know it happened because I had suspicions and fed them something that wasn't true, but only told them and heard a very twisted version of it back from someone else.

On the horse side, I've been looking for somewhere to try out them on retirement livery but I have little options. There's not much grass livery if any at the moment. That said I think I need to see their little faces as much as possible because I adore them and they keep me sane. I love going off on little hacks on my own with them because they both just lift my mood and help me through it all. I'd miss them terribly.

I'm still looking for a livery option, and I'm praying something will come up soon. I just need to stay positive as much as I can..
Things always work out...


Thank you all again do much for reading my ramblings and offering support and options. I greatly appreciate it

 

[Goldenstar]

Now I understand ,Dublin .
I sympathise but I where you I might well come out of horses for a while and try to work towards renting a small yard or getting a place of your own .

 

[honetpot]

So apart from the mess you and all the other liveries like the present yard. How about getting together and have a spring clean. Say to the YO, I know its hard over the winter so we thought we would do a 'make over', and start one area at a time.
I have my own yard and space lets you store rubbish, then you have no space but loads of rubbish that you no longer see. If every one took some rubbish home or did a tip run, would they notice? They could be hoarders , but mouldy banks need shifting, say you don't want banks, the vets advised it because of your horses breathing.
You sound very honest, but you have to learn to be a bit more assertive, and not rely on people to be nice. Make a plan, and work out how to make it work.

 

[dogatemysalad]

I totally sympathise with you. Over the years, I've seen the harm that a bully can do on a yard. Its also so difficult to find a great yard at the best of times, but they do exist. I really hope you get a lucky break and things improve soon.

 

[ElectricChampagne]

So apart from the mess you and all the other liveries like the present yard. How about getting together and have a spring clean. Say to the YO, I know its hard over the winter so we thought we would do a 'make over', and start one area at a time.
I have my own yard and space lets you store rubbish, then you have no space but loads of rubbish that you no longer see. If every one took some rubbish home or did a tip run, would they notice? They could be hoarders , but mouldy banks need shifting, say you don't want banks, the vets advised it because of your horses breathing.
You sound very honest, but you have to learn to be a bit more assertive, and not rely on people to be nice. Make a plan, and work out how to make it work.

We did actually do this, and literally within a week it's gone back as bad as it is.

Not helped by the owners new dog taking liveries numnahs out if the tack room and shredding them, and the remains left for days all over the yard. It's also taking the rubbish and doing the same.
Muck out is a disaster and feed has been cut without owners being told.

I had very stern words with the owner, one evening, and said the place was a disgrace. There's a stable packed to the rafters with old rubbish quite visible and it smells foul.feed room is full of it too with vermin and mould in the feed bin.
It's quite expensive to dispose of rubbish in a household here, so I don't think liveries should take that upon themselves to remove and dispose of.

We've all as a group of livery clients sat down and had a meeting with the owner and they rolled their eyes and interrupted people. Didn't want to listen.
Cleaned up the act for a week and now its resumed as normal. Rubbish all over the place and beds left badly done.

I've actually not met anyone that couldn't give two ..... As badly.

I can be a dragon when I need to but I prefer not to. I tried the nicely nicely approach and it hasn't worked, nor has the stern words from me or several other liveries.

Unfortunately this is a common theme in my area.

 

[Goldenstar]

No you should not have to be a dragon .
I know Ireland and around the cities especially Dublin is no horse keepers nirvana and it can be very hard if you don’t own or rent your own place .
It’s also surprisingly difficult to get about quickly so going farther away from the city is hard .
I don’t think you can change the mindset that you are dealing with at the current yard .
I don’t know the answer but having a horse is supposed to fun and when it’s not I think you have to question if it’s worth it .