Do I sell / persevere...

[MissGee]

So here's the story:

2 years ago I sold my 15 year old SJ mare as she wasn't enjoying it anymore - with a view to buying something younger to carry on where she'd left off. I have no great ambition, just want to jump happily round 90/1m BS - not even bothered about winning - just want to enjoy it, be safe and have fun!

So I bought myself a gorgeous 17h coloured mare (5 yrs old) was told she'd been jumping unaff and ready to jump BN. (yeah yeah before you start - I should have tried her more).

But anyway I liked her and bought her - she started off very very green but we've come along way and in our lessons will happily jump round 1m+ and we've XC schooled round BE90 fences. In fact we've done loads together in the last 2 years, loads of lessons, training clinics, camps, shows etc.

The problem is now, she's well, fit and strong and turned into a bit of a stroppy teenager at a show (spooking in the arena). She's fine with my OH jumps round no problem but because I'm a bit of a yellow belly and just sit there, she's started taking the P*ss with me.

So the morale of the story is... 2 years down the line I'm still not where I left off... so...

Do I carry on and preserve; or
Do I admit defeat, realise I'm not a strong enough rider to take her any further and sell up and buy a more schoolmaster type?

Please be nice - feeling fragile ;-)

 

[MissGee]

Forgot to mention I also have a 24 year old semi-retired horse as a big pet... (plus my OH has 2 horses)

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

So here's the story:

I have no great ambition, just want to jump happily round 90/1m BS - not even bothered about winning - just want to enjoy it, be safe and have fun!

Mmmm...... just wondering whether you've just answered your own question here OP???

If this is what you REALLY want, and this horse isn't ringing your bells, and you suspect won't at any stage in the future, then the decision would be clear-cut, for me.

You've had lessons, and yes have come a long way, but when it really matters i.e. at a show, she's being a real Madam and I suspect you're rapidly losing confidence.

So for me it would be an easy choice. She doesn't suit you, period. Whereas there's doubtless something else out there which you could enjoy competing on.

Your OP however I suspect really likes the horse and gets the best from her, so then (if finance permits??) perhaps you could always let OH continue to compete her and look around for something which would suit you better??

 

[SpringArising]

It's not about being strong - all horses and ponies are stronger than us -, it's about if you have the confidence and competence to deal with her. Ask yourself that honestly and you'll then have your answer.

 

[Goldenstar]

Of course you can train ,work hard learn to ride her .
The question is more along the lines of do you want to .
You don't have to do anything you don't enjoy so I would sell on your mare and buy a horse who you find easy and fun .

 

[PorkChop]

I would view it that she has taught you a great deal over the 2 years you have had her, and sell.

She sounds very saleable, lifes too short, if you don't look forward to competing her then she isn't the right horse for you at the moment. You could sell her to your OH

 

[Equi]

Agree with LJR. You don't come across as having an incredibly strong bond with the mare. She sounds very sell able and is at a perfect age to take that next step so to speak, and im sure shes benefited from being with you for the last two years doing what shes done.

Would OH actually want her though or would getting yet another horse be a no no for you both lol

 

[MissGee]

Agree with LJR. You don't come across as having an incredibly strong bond with the mare. She sounds very sell able and is at a perfect age to take that next step so to speak, and im sure shes benefited from being with you for the last two years doing what shes done.

Would OH actually want her though or would getting yet another horse be a no no for you both lol

No, having another isn't an option... he has his retired competition horse and his current competition horse (who he adores) so OH having mine isn't feasible.

I either persevere with her or sell to buy something different.

I do love her to bits and we have certainly come a long way but I think you've all answered my questions... I don't need a nice hacking horse, I have my old mare to do that. I need a competition horse that I enjoy competing...

 

[spookypony]

What does your instructor say about it?

I think Goldenstar sums it up well: enough time and effort could probably get you where you want to be, but will you enjoy the journey? If the mare is one that can easily find a more compatible home, then you can weigh up what it is you want out of having a horse, and if she and you are the right fit. You're not being paid to ride her; you're paying to ride her!

A few years ago, I took a warmblood mare on loan, with a view to bringing her back into work after foaling. She is a really nice mare, but we weren't well suited, and she was bullying my pony in the field. My instructor advised that I give her up, saying that while I wasn't out of my depth and could certainly work with the mare, I was meant to be doing this for fun---and it wasn't fun at that point. (She also advised me to take her along next time I was considering a horse.)

So with a heavy heart, I decided to phone the owner and tell her that it wasn't going to work (we found the mare a good home, where she is much appreciated and hopefully much happier). That very same day, another friend told me that a mare she had viewed some months before was still available...She had been on my mind, and I phoned up that evening, and a few days later my friend and I went to see her. And then I had to explain to my instructor why another horse was arriving without the instructor having been consulted!

...and that's how the Ballerina Mare arrived here! She's sweet and kind and athletic (in a Lipizzaner kind of way), except when there's food around, when she turns into a Great White Shark (not to me; to the companion pony). Best decision ever!

 

[rachk89]

You did like her though that's my issue with this. You only don't like her now because you are letting her take control. This will happen with any horse like that any horse you want to do that level needs to be fit and they will all act the same way if you let them off with it.

They will always try and get their own way on something and she knows now that by spooking and scaring you she doesn't have to work. Any horse will figure that out too so you probably will have the same problem with a new one. She knows your OH won't let her off with it so doesn't try. I think persevere and try to be more confident.

My horse has done the same with me and he knows that by spooking he used to be able to get out of work. Now he doesn't but we still have moments of when my horse has a tantrum but i handle it better now and make him get back to work. He is a very strong horse and knows exactly how to unbalance me so that I can't ride him properly but I am learning how to ride him correctly so he can't do that. Sometimes you just have to work really hard with horses like these they aren't your average horse they are powerful and talented. You can't ride them the same way. I say about my horse that he is only dangerous if I let him think. If he is allowed to think I will lose against him so I have to keep his mind on work. There is rarely a relaxing moment but if you want talent that's what you deal with.

It's up to you if you want to carry on but remember the next one may do the same. You did like her before but she knows you better than you know her now. You needto learn more on her and react quicker if you keep her. It's really difficult and I still struggle with my horse but for the good times I find it's worth it.

 

[blackhor2e]

So here's the story:

2 years ago I sold my 15 year old SJ mare as she wasn't enjoying it anymore - with a view to buying something younger to carry on where she'd left off. I have no great ambition, just want to jump happily round 90/1m BS - not even bothered about winning - just want to enjoy it, be safe and have fun!

So I bought myself a gorgeous 17h coloured mare (5 yrs old) was told she'd been jumping unaff and ready to jump BN. (yeah yeah before you start - I should have tried her more).

But anyway I liked her and bought her - she started off very very green but we've come along way and in our lessons will happily jump round 1m+ and we've XC schooled round BE90 fences. In fact we've done loads together in the last 2 years, loads of lessons, training clinics, camps, shows etc.

The problem is now, she's well, fit and strong and turned into a bit of a stroppy teenager at a show (spooking in the arena). She's fine with my OH jumps round no problem but because I'm a bit of a yellow belly and just sit there, she's started taking the P*ss with me.

So the morale of the story is... 2 years down the line I'm still not where I left off... so...

Do I carry on and preserve; or
Do I admit defeat, realise I'm not a strong enough rider to take her any further and sell up and buy a more schoolmaster type?

Please be nice - feeling fragile ;-)

So you have done lessons, clinics, camps and shows with her? Doesn't she act silly in any of those places or is I think just literally in the SJ arena?

If you suspect the only reason she behaves like this with you is because you are not firm enough, I guess the question is are you willing to become firm? If you are then she is obviously capable enough to be an enjoyable horse, if not then I think the only decision for you would be to find a smaller, perhaps schoolmaster.

If it's any consolation, my 3* horse is pretty quirky and I've had to personalise if you like my riding to get the best out of him - result being happy horse / happy rider.

 

[Abi90]

I feel for you. I have an 8 year old that has only been backed for 18 months. He's a careful and talented jumper but not confident at all and not becoming braver and jumping is a fight with him and often not that enjoyable but when he goes well he's super. I can't get out and do what o want to do and what I bought him for though so I'm trying to weigh up whether o can hang on waiting for another 2 years and hope he continues to improve or sell him to someone who would rather to dressage and hack and pop the occasionally cross pole and find something else... it's difficult to decide!

 

[oldie48]

TBH I think that when someone puts a post on here asking if they should keep their horse, they probably already know the answer. You've had the mare for two years, you're clearly not enjoying her and she's not what you went out to buy. It's an expensive hobby and you should be able to enjoy your horse. A friend has recently sold a show jumper because he played up at competitions, she's having a lovely time with her new horse and has no regrets other than she wishes she'd done it sooner!

 

[Sukistokes2]

As someone who tried for several years to fit a square peg in a round hole I'd say sell. I loved my little pony but I simply never loved riding him, we just didn't get on. He is now in a good loan home with a teenager to play with, who he loves and I have my Clyde , Kevin. We are both happy and I wish I'd done it sooner but then of course I would not then have the wonderful Kev

 

[MissGee]

UPDATE

Things got worse, I went to another show, she was worse, my instructor was there and also rode her and she was naughty for her too... in my honest opinion I just don't think she enjoyed the job.

So I part-ex'd her at my instructor's yard....

Coloured - now has a new life on the hunting field as whip's horse, absolutely loves it, looks brilliant and so happy. I'm so happy for her!!

I - have a nice straightforward grey mare that's done a bit of everything. Only had her 2 weeks, been out SJ twice and jumped 2 lovely clear rounds.

Alls well that ends well - fingers cross it continues

 

[Goldenstar]

Good too many people struggle on miserable with the wrong horse .

 

[oldie48]

Well done, doing the right thing takes courage. I'm so happy that things are workin out both for you and your old horse. My rather expensive dressage schoolmaster who had lost his enthusiasm for schooling is now in a mainly hacking home and is his new owner's "horse of a lifetime"(quote from recent FB post). I now have a horse who is enthusiastic to school. But it took me 5 years to make the decision!!!!!!

 

[MissGee]

Thank you - it did take lots of courage.

Dealing with everyone else' opinion is the hardest... "oh no, don't sell her", "you've come such a long way" "she's such a lovely horse" etc etc

But I knew deep down neither of us were enjoying it....

 

[Dr_Horse]

Ah! glad to yhear this had a happy ending! I had a horse for 5 years that i didn't gel with. 2 broken backs later i sold her and bought a 17 month old colt. He has grown into the most wonderful young horse and is now backed and he is simple and straight forward!

Well done and may you have many happy years together

 

[j1ffy]

That's fantastic OP Well done on making the right decision for you and the horse, and best of luck with the new one!!

 

[PorkChop]

Fantastic thanks for the update

 

[Vodkagirly]

UPDATE

Things got worse, I went to another show, she was worse, my instructor was there and also rode her and she was naughty for her too... in my honest opinion I just don't think she enjoyed the job.

So I part-ex'd her at my instructor's yard....

Coloured - now has a new life on the hunting field as whip's horse, absolutely loves it, looks brilliant and so happy. I'm so happy for her!!

I - have a nice straightforward grey mare that's done a bit of everything. Only had her 2 weeks, been out SJ twice and jumped 2 lovely clear rounds.

Alls well that ends well - fingers cross it continues

Nice to hear. Sometime you need to give a horse time and lessons to settle, other times your never going to gel. The struggle is to know the difference. Glad your happy now.

 

[Asha]

Great stuff. Now you can crack on and have fun, and lots of it x

 

[MissGee]

Great stuff. Now you can crack on and have fun, and lots of it x

I intend to!

Thank you all - sometimes you just need to write things down to see the wood for the trees ;-)