Do you ever feel under pressure to do more?

[Gorgeous George]

I am beginning to wonder if my confidence issues are being made worse by me putting pressure on myself to do certain things, I don't know if it is because I am a relatively new owner but I find myself having these sort of thoughts:

I must ride / lunge George tonight because I didn't ride / lunge yesterday (George doesn't get lively if he isn't ridden).
I must do more cantering otherwise George will be unfit and will get ill.
When I go for a hack I must be able to canter or I can't be much of a rider.
If I turn round on a hack because of something scary I am giving up.
I must hack out at least once a week or George will get bored (he is turned out for least 8hrs every day).
I must go to shows or George will forget how to deal with them and then when we go I will get in a panic.
I must manage to canter in company hacking (never have with George) or we will never be able to.

And so on and so on!

Am I being a complete idiot

or do other people think mad things like this to themselves? More importantly do any of these things really matter?

Thanks

 

[catembi]

Yes I feel like this quite often! For me, riding has an element of 'use it or lose it' -eg the less I jump, the less I feel like jumping!

So I try to stretch the envelope to make sure it doesn't shrink instead...

I don't always canter out hacking eg if it's windy or if A hasn't been out for a bit. I think sometimes you have to be pragmatic re your safety.

 

[Ellies_mum2]

I think what matters most is that you do what you are comfortable with and that you enjoy George. After all you waited long enough for him.
Seems a shame to put so much pressure on yourself and take the fun out of it

 

[hadfos]

I do...we went x country schooling the other week and i can honestly say it was a horrible experience,lol
my lad was ok,but i put myself under sooo much pressure to do it i had tears at 1 point coz i felt useless

,horse has never done it and every time he refused i blamed myself,however he jumped it 2nd time every time and i was chuffed to bits,but those solid jumps scare the hell out of me,lol

however on the plus side...his showjumping was fab after the day out,lol,wonder if he thought same

 

[Jingleballs]

I don't feel too under pressure with the general riding although sometimes when his weight creeps up it's hard to know that you have to ride/lunge.

I'm quite a perfectionist when it comes to schooling so again I enjoy doing lots of that but do feel a bit of pressure when it comes to showing.

I have never been to a proper show and my RI keeps asking when am I getting out and about! The others at my yard are also really into jumping as opposed to flat work so do push me to jump a little out of my comfort zone (which as the moment is around 60 cm's)

I also feel under pressure to hack on the roads but the only person putting that pressure on is me because I know I'm reluctant to do it and therefore I feel I have to address that issue which is sometimes not a nice feeling.

 

[Natch]

Oh bless you. You're only saying those things to yourself because you care about him and want the best for him. But yes, you are being waaay too hard on yourself!

The only one I think there is any sense in is hack him at least once a week - is he counting the days!?

Yes getting him out hacking is probably a nice change for him but he probably won't mind if 10 days go by or even

2 weeks sometimes!

Had to laugh at your cantering things - please give up worrying like that, its just plain silly and completely unfounded!

So chill out lady! If you can't do it for your own good, do it for George - worrying won't do him any good either!

And no, you're certainly not the only one. Even "confident" riders have their moments!

 

[0]

[ QUOTE ]
I am beginning to wonder if my confidence issues are being made worse by me putting pressure on myself to do certain things, I don't know if it is because I am a relatively new owner but I find myself having these sort of thoughts:

I must ride / lunge George tonight because I didn't ride / lunge yesterday (George doesn't get lively if he isn't ridden).
I must do more cantering otherwise George will be unfit and will get ill.
When I go for a hack I must be able to canter or I can't be much of a rider.
If I turn round on a hack because of something scary I am giving up.
I must hack out at least once a week or George will get bored (he is turned out for least 8hrs every day).
I must go to shows or George will forget how to deal with them and then when we go I will get in a panic.
I must manage to canter in company hacking (never have with George) or we will never be able to.

And so on and so on!

Am I being a complete idiot

or do other people think mad things like this to themselves? More importantly do any of these things really matter?

Thanks

[/ QUOTE ]


dont think your mad your a first time owner like im a first time mummy always worried im not doing enough for my baby.
Its refreshing to see someone new to this been so cautios and putting there horse before themself.

as far as your worries if he does not get over excitied by not been worked dont stress about it he gets plenty of turn out.
I as rule of thumb give mine 2 days off a week,you dont have to go to shows but it is a good idea to keep them intergrated into the showing and comp side of things.
Turning around at something scary on hack is not so much as giving in as avoiding what could be a dangerous situation if you push your horse too far im all for let them have a look give them a pat and turn the other way its less scary for next time and bulid them up gradually push them too far too soon and you get fearfull horses.
Hacking once a week is a good idea as it gives the horse a change of scenery and you aswell and helps to keep them good in traffic.
Cantering in company is fun but you have to watch they dont try race each other but your lad sounds pretty relaxed so if you get a chance just have a gentle lope along next to someone nice and calm dont turn it into a race just let them enjoy the wind in there manes :

was that any use at all pmsl

 

[nikkiportia]

Oh GG, your post has made me a bit sad. You sound lke you're giving yourself a really hard time for no reason.
You don't HAVE to do any of those things, and you are piling the pressure on yourself far too much.
Not everyone has balls of steel, and I'm one of them of course!
Why don't you have a couple of weeks doing only what you feel happy doing. Even if it is just a walk and trot about. Take the pressure off yourself a bit and see how it makes you feel.
Having goals is great, but not every rider HAS to canter out on a hack, go to shows, ride every day etc. It really is supposed to be fun and not as stressful as you're making it for yourself.
PM me if you fancy a chat hon xxx

 

[flowerlady]

Are you afraid of cantering? I may be wrong but reading what you have said seems that the main issue is cantering that you are a little afraid of when out hacking? Does George get very excited when out in company, as you say you have never cantered him in company? What do you think he will do? Gallop off with you and you will be unable to stop him? Or is he spooky? and you fear you will fall off? Is he good on the roads with and without company? Sorry lots of questions.

 

[amzy]

I think you're putting far too much pressure on yourself. You certainly don't have to canter at all if you don't want to. I'm sure if George really wants to canter then he'll let off some steam himself in the field. I don't exercise my cob nearly as much as I should but we're both happy with what we do and that's what counts. If I owned a thoroughbred type then it may be different as I think they generally need more exercise and stimulation but my cob suits me for my 'happy hacking'. What I don't like is other people putting pressure on me to do more, I don't interfere with what they do so I wish they'd leave me to do my own thing. Everyone has their own goals.

 

[Chumsmum]

I used to feel like this but have had a change of heart in the last few months - if I don't want to do something, I don't do it but now the pressure is off I find I WANT to do more things.

Do the things YOU want to do, push the boundaries now and then and enjoy, you are doing fine

 

[Gorgeous George]

George doesn't get excited cantering but he is big and unbalanced so it can make it seem like he is going fast. He is an absolute gem in traffic and no worries there, BUT if he sees something he doesn't like he stops and puts his head up and I can feel him tense - I used to just take this in my stride, until back in Jan he span and started galloping and I fell off at speed and he galloped into a road

- both unhurt thank god, but I think this is where some of this is coming from

Normally I am a confident happy person but this is getting to me.

 

[merlinsquest]

You should only do what you feel able to do with confidence and to be happy.

So long as you are tense about something then george will feel that tension and be tense himself...... stick to what you feel safe with and be happy with that

I spent two years afraid to canter in a group, because merlin would put his head down and leg it.... with his head on the floor and me about to go over it..... It has only been since I have been hacking with Piebaldsparkle that this has changed.... he is so good now that I worry that he has no get up and go anymore.... when infact he has just turned into the horse that I always wanted

I also am a bit reluctant to jump now after a bad fall XC which resulted in my hip ligaments being very badly damaged..... I now feel very up tight when faced with jumps, even though I really enjoy it when I actually take part

During the winter I beat myself up about not wanting to ride as it was wet, cold and horrible.... merlin lives out 24/7 so it was easier to leave him in the field...... he was happy, but I felt that I was wasting him.......

I think everyone has wobbles, some bigger than others.... but we all worry.

Just stick within your safety zone and it will increase with time...... push yourself out of your zone and it may all come down on you

If you are not the type of person who gets a kick out of danger, then you should keep where you are happy and be happy with that.

Sorry, long, boring and rambly, but makes sense to me

 

[JoJo_]

I've had my mare 8 weeks and I feel like i've been pressuring myself. Like I must enter some shows by the end of summer as I have no transport and can only hack to the equine college that has some shows but if I leave it to winter the evening ones will be too late and it will be too dark to hack on the road there.

Also i've been pressuring myself to ride 6 days a week cuz my mare put on weight from the lush grass and needs to lose it. Also when I ride I feel bad when we have some bad days schooling and she wont listen to me and work correctly. And I know im a bit inconsistent cuz she can be so strong and fight with me (she spent a year with a novice rider previously so is like 'I dont want to work in an outline as that is too much hard work than running around with my head in the air') so I end up getting frustrated and give in to her stubborness but thats usually after a long day at work too.

But saying that I have really good days like today where we hacked out for the first time today and she was an angel on the road and went for canters around the fields and even a real gallop for the first time. Then I felt brave enough to try getting through the gates on the way back to the farm. Last time I tried about the 2nd week I had her and she just backed away from the gates. But today we managed two!! Im so pleased with her today. Its like we are really building trust and a bond.

Sorry for the long babble. Cookies for getting this far.

 

[flowerlady]

Do you have anyone with what I would call a nanny horse. That can go out with you and when george comes up against anything that makes him tense up you can push him on with the other horse in front. He is less likely to bolt again. I know everyone says just do what you are happy with and don't push yourself. I'll probably get slated for this! But if you turn around everytime he tenses up I worry that he will start to nap more and more until you cannot get him out and that will make you more nervous. Or can you ride a nanny horse and get someone more confident to ride george with you there to see that if your more confident to push him on he will become alot better. It's just reading your post it sounds to me like you would like to be more confident to ride him through it. Sorry if I'm wrong GG maybe it's just the way I'm reading between the lines. Am I right? I used to be like you when I had my lad 17.1 Hanovarion x Irish Draught he could spot a plastic bag 1/2 a mile away. Started riding with another girl on the yard. After a while my confidence came back in droves and had some right laughs he then used to nanny quite a few horses on the road and youngsters. A girl in the village where I live who had competed at Burley even asked me if we would nanny her young stallion out on the road. Sadley before we managed this my lad had to be retired due to a sacriallic injury (untreatable).

 

[lauraanddolly]

I have had my horse 7 years, she is the 1st I have owned and I still think all the things you have listed, in fact I was going over the she needs more work one about 10 mins ago! Bottom line is yes you are pressuring yourself too much. Over the years with my horse I have found it very therputic(sp?) to have a plan of things we will do in a week, but if a day gets rained off or I feel tried after work or whatever I have trained myself to not stress over this. Mine like george doesn't go mental if given a few days off together, so it is no big deal, we just make it up on the next day I can. I've proberly just rambled and made no sense, so sorry if I have, hope it can be of some help though. Just a quick note on the cantering in company, find yourself a nanny safe horse to partner you and george, you will love it and will be doing out in no time. Not that this means you have to canter every hack, I don't always I think its good for them they don't always expect it then! Very best of luck

 

[Gorgeous George]

yes flowerlady you read between the lines correctly! I do want to be more confident and ride him through things, and as you say I don't want to start teaching him to nap

there are other people on my yard to go out with, but a lot of them don't work so aren't there when I am (I do funny shifts). It looks like though that my very good and experienced YM is willing to ride George out a hack for me so that may well help.

Thanks

 

[FinellaGlen]

I know exactly how you feel because I am just the same. I try to give Finella a varied work load and then spend ages worrying that I am still doing too much schooling and not enough hacking. I enjoy schooling best but she prefers hacking. I have never cantered her on a hack because we only have one hacking track and it is either on the lanes or between fields with multiple holes caused by rabbits so there is nowhere to actually canter. So that gives me something else to worry about!

I hope that your YM rides the lovely George out for you and that your confidence (which I have always thought is pretty good compared to mine actually!) improves to its former level and even surpasses it.

 

[Sprout]

Oh PLEASE dont be hard on yourself.

You are a wonderful, caring owner, and give George everything he needs. If he has enough turnout ( which he obviously does ) he is not going to worry about whether he canters on a hack, and he wont be sitting in his stable thinking he should be at a show that day, if YOU are happy and relaxed then he will be too.

George is your horse, and you can do as much or as little as you like, there are no rights or wrongs with this.

When my daughters were younger, all their friends were out competing, but mine didnt feel ready, so we didnt, I just took them out hacking, and they loved it and learnt so much from doing just that.
Then we had to put their ponies into livery for 6 months while we were moving house, and I felt INCREDIBLE pressure on me to do what others on the yard were doing, and it was miserable, I felt I was being cruel to the ponies, I felt I was a failure as an owner etc etc.
Now, we have moved, we have the horses at home and no one is telling me what I should or shouldnt be doing and I am SO relaxed and happy. Our horses get masses of turnout, we hack out, not every day religiously, but when we want to, and if we want a canter we do it, but if we just want to walk the whole way chatting, we do that and the horses are perfectly happy with that. One of my daughters has got the competing bug, which is fine, my other daughter is too nervous and just likes steady hacks, and that is fine too.

Sorry, I seem to have rambled on a bit, I just want you to feel that it is not only ok, but actually ESSENTIAL that you just do what you feel happy with, dont try to push yourself while you are feeling a little negative because it wont work well.

Do what is right for you, take no notice of what others are doing, take the pressure off yourself and your confidence will creep back.

 

[vikuca]

I agree with flowerlady actually. I think it is a really good sign that you are thinking like this - it means that you want to improve and that you want to address your current lack of confidence. I think it is very important to push yourself and I'm saying this from the standpoint of a rider who gave up completely a couple of years ago due to a complete loss of nerve. As John Wayne once said: "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway" (I love John Wayne!!)
Saying that, I have found that you mustn't push yourself too far as confidence can only be built up gradually. For example, if you decide to go for a hack and are feeling a bit nervous, then give George a really good lunging session for 15 to 20 mins and make him REALLY work - trotting, lots of transitions, canter if he is balanced enough. Don't finish until he is out of breath and a bit sweaty. Then ride him round the school for 10 mins to take the edge off your nerves in a safe area and then go out for a hack.
When you YM takes George out for a hack, do you think she might let you ride alongside on a plod if they have one? If so, that could do you the world of good. You would get to really enjoy a hack on something utterly safe (and you need to remember how it feels to enjoy riding every once in a while!). The other bonus would be that your YM could tell you how she is tackling any difficulties with George. Just make sure you don't feel tempted to swop halfway around - it would mean you would spend the whole time feeling nervous about the swop instead of enjoying yourself and learning.
Finally - and sorry for the length of this post - have as many lessons as you can possibly afford. The better you are as a rider, the easier it becomes to ride in the right way. I found when I lost confidence that my heels came up, I lent forward and I ended up in a sort of foetal position on horseback (if you can imagine that!). The worst possible position to be in if a horse spooks! I only realised I was doing it when I started having lessons ... and I had been riding for 22 years at that time!!
Good luck, and please do keep pushing yourself - you'll end up a brilliant rider for it

 

[Gorgeous George]

Thanks so much everyone, I'm feeling a bit better already, I think tonight George will get lots of fuss and cuddles and then we will go for an in-hand walk because that is what I WANT to do!

 

[Shilasdair]

Well, I've been variously told I should be jumping my 3yo over 1.10m or I will 'devalue her'. I refuse to do anything with her until she's at least 4yo - so she'll be a field ornament until next spring.
One of my others has just turned 4yo...and I constantly hear about what I should be doing with her (I'm just about to start her, will back her, then leave her as she's physically very immature for her age).
And finally, my TB is 19yr old, looks good, and has never had any lameness issues. She's been off work for a long time as I just didn't have time to ride her. Now I'm bringing her back into work, I'm going to walk her in hand for 6 weeks before I get her saddle refitted and ride her (partly because I can't be a*sed tacking up for a short walk session, partly because I like walking) and I get lots of good advice about 'Just get on her and take her out for an hour - she'll be fine'.
Oddly...these are the same people whose horses are all off work (youngsters to 15yr olds) with soundness problems, or who have behavioural issues with theirs ....

....the really good riders at my yard don't feel the need to advise me.
Luckily, I am adept at ignoring people.
S