Does anyone suffer with lack of confidence? Help please!

Sandylou said:
My confidence is at rock bottom atm and need some advice on getting it back please :o
Thanks
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we`ve all been there. Try setting goals that wont scare the life out of you, but will push you out of your comfort zone. Then acknowledge them as acheivements.

Eg. If hacking frightens you - just go to the end of the drive, then next time go an extra 100 yards.

Just dont push yourself too far and risk giving yourself a fright.

What would you like to do, that your confidence stops you from doing?
 
sprite1978 said:
we`ve all been there. Try setting goals that wont scare the life out of you, but will push you out of your comfort zone. Then acknowledge them as acheivements.

Eg. If hacking frightens you - just go to the end of the drive, then next time go an extra 100 yards.

Just dont push yourself too far and risk giving yourself a fright.

What would you like to do, that your confidence stops you from doing?
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Hey, thanks for replying. All good advice thanks.
I just want to be able to take my horse out hacking without thinking of the dreaded 'what ifs'. I want to do fun rides, le trec and go to local shows and do clear round so it's not like I'm aiming high and I know my boy is capable (although still a little green).
I just feel rubbish cos my boy isn't bad and hasn't really done anything to make me think otherwise! My confidence has just flown away for a holiday me thinks!!
 
a friend of mine really suffers with low confidence around horses, she recently went and got hypnotised - and it seems to have helped her no end - I'm always a bit sceptical about that sort of thing - however there is a noticeable difference in her attitude and she is getting on her horse and doing things that would normally worry her no end.
 
What Sprite said, and try and get on every day if you possibly can, even if its only a matter of tacking up, getting on and walking a few strides, then getting off again.

Also, get somebody to lead you if that would help (and don't worry about what people think/say).

Have never tried hypnotism, but there are a few of us at the yard I'm at who would not mind giving it a go.

By the end of the summer you will be tearing around all over the place and probably hunting next winter!!!
 
I've done all of the hypnotism thing and not very effective for me (but I am really cynical). What I found was that when the right horse came along the confidence fairy used to come at night and top it up. I remember being in a lesson and turning to my instructor saying 'God I feel so.... normal'. Couldnt beliieve it 2 weeks ago when I hopped on after all the snow had gone - first ride for him in 6 weeks and I didn't even lunge (he's only 5).

Where I still go wrong is in keep going back to it. Its kind of like 'my name is scary mare and I have lost my confidence'. Now people always fuss round me at shows and it makes things so much worse. I'm rambling now...

Find the right horse and don't let people fuss. If I have one more 'ooooh you did soooo well, how do you feel' I think I'll scream but I know its well intentioned just draws attention.
 
I suffer from regular crises in confidence. My current state of mind can veer towards the 'oh why do I bother, I'm c**p anyway...' Then my OH calls my bluff and says 'well, sell the darned animal then' and I'm, like, 'No way! I LOVE riding!!'

You are not alone - I think we all doubt ourselves and our horses sometimes. I don't think it would be right if we just blazed through with complete and utter confidence that everything is 100%. Then, how would you learn??

And it wouldn't be safe. A friend of mine (who is a fantastic rider and goes out and does loads) said that she's always a tiny bit scared when she rides. That way, she is on the lookout for anything that could happen and takes steps to prevent it. My instructor has a very similar approach. When I bought my current horse, even though he's a total gentleman, she advised me to ride him with a martingale for the first couple of months 'just in case'. On the roads, I look ahead to see if there's anything that he could potentially spook at, just so I can keep my leg on if necessary. I always wear hi-viz and always take my phone and tell someone where I'm going.

Yes, even though my horse is bordering on police-horse solidity and calm on the roads, every time I ride out, I'm a tiny bit scared too. It is my brain's way of keeping me and my horse safe. There's nothing wrong with it.

As others have said, take yourself back to basics a bit. Set yourself little, achievable, goals, but don't beat yourself up too much if you don't meet them today. Tomorrow is another day.

And don't listen to people who try to bring you down.

At the end of the day, our hobby is supposed to be fun (and we bluddy pay enough money into it every month). Have fun, enjoy your horse. Revisit how you are feeling in 3 months from now - I bet you it will be loads better!
 
scarymare said:
Find the right horse and don't let people fuss. If I have one more 'ooooh you did soooo well, how do you feel' I think I'll scream but I know its well intentioned just draws attention.
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I would find that rather patronising!

I suffer with lack of confidence, probably due to the fact that I have not ridden much since having children. I have only managed to get out for a ride once or twice a week since, but I am sure that if I had the chance to get out more my confidence would return, probably not to what it was though.

Find a good instructor who is sympathetic but not patronising, ditch the pratronising friends and get out to some fun rides - I find they do me and my confidence the world of good!
 
I highly reccomend using a lead rope! I'm much better but I've had falls where I've been reduced to jelly trying to get back on. So I get some one to lead me till I can cope alone again. I'm getting to the point of jumping again so it does work. :)
Good luck!
 
Some good advice so far.

No practical advice from me as far as things to do with your horse goes!

But I think you would find 'Perfect Confidence' by Kelly Marks a useful book to have. Sound practical advice with exercises that will help improve your confidence.

Hope things work out OK.
 
Well having suffered from a lack of confidence for 5-6 years now I can say you hit highs and you hit lows. I'm going through another low again but the last time I rode I decided to try something else. I tried to picture/pretend (maybe seems childish but helped) that I was someone else that was really confident in general life and for once I decided to be firmer. Thats half my problem, I let horses get away with anything with me so then they continue to take advantage and its just a spiral down hill.

I've sort of given up on the whole set small goals as I've done that for so long and I get extremely disappointed if I don't reach one, my last one was to walk in hand (I'm confident on the ground) up our little path which isn't even near the main busy road but I haven't managed that... Rambling again!

brighthair I think it was suggested someone, but I can't remember her name! I'm considering giving it a go :)
 
It takes time to get your confidence back. I lost mine over a year ago and its finally coming back.Just have someone lead you around until you feel ok on your own.I had my horse bolt with me,heck of a fall,didnt get back on,lost my confidence.Then I decided to Send horse off to be proffessionally broken in,best decision ever made..When it came to me getting on him,I was shaking.She got on him first then I got on and then I was lead AROUND THE stable.Eventually I was able to ride him without the lead rope and she walked out with me. It will come back eventually.
 
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I still suffer with my confidence but it's getting a lot better due to great advice on here :)

I find what works for me, is not actually intending to do anything, just make the decisions that feel right to you at the time, and also just try not to worry about what anybody else thinks because everybody has confidence wobbles, some people just may not admit it! ;)

Good luck :)
 
sprite1978 said:
we`ve all been there. Try setting goals that wont scare the life out of you, but will push you out of your comfort zone. Then acknowledge them as acheivements.

Eg. If hacking frightens you - just go to the end of the drive, then next time go an extra 100 yards.

Just dont push yourself too far and risk giving yourself a fright.

What would you like to do, that your confidence stops you from doing?
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Excellent advice.Thats what I did,went to the end of the drive and back. Take baby steps. Tell you what helps me: Taking deep breaths TO RELAX.Works for me. If you dont feel confident to ride then just sit on the horse for awhile.Take it slowly Imstill working on getting my confidence fully back as I still have the fear of horse taking off,but he wont now.But Im still wary.
 
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I know exactly how you feel having returned to regular riding a couple of years ago and then taken some knocks and set backs (mainly due to picking a couple of unsuitable horses). It has taken time but I found on Sunday that I was really grumpy because I hadn't been able to ride! (Believe me that is a first in about 20 years!) Things that have helped: a lot of advice on here and knowing I'm not alone, baby steps, only doing what I feel confident to do on that day, riding with a friend & gossiping the whole way, not thinking about where I am or what could happen but keeping my mind on how I'll feel riding calmly back into the yard, having someone nearby when I'm schooling to chat to. I've found it's lots of support and lots of small things. Really, really good luck and just thing of those warm spring days when riding is just perfect!
 
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