NACD
Member
Hi all,
I'm a long time reader, but a first time poster so I hope I'm posting in the right place!
I'll *try* and give you all the short version of my back story and hopefully some insight as to why I'm asking this question:
I starting riding before before I could walk (I don't actually remember that far back but it's what I'm told anyway!) my Mother had a brilliant way with horses, she really gave me the bug from an early age. We didn't have vast amounts of money; But we were always riding and around horses for as long as I could remember, despite being a qualified riding instructor herself (although not practicing when I had arrived) she said it was really important I had good tuition and ensured that I did and it paid off, by the time I was in my teens I was quite the rider and she was delighted! Mum and I were more like sisters - my Nan (her mother) bought me up, there was never a specific reason why, I just gravitated towards my Nan as a more maternal figure, she was the most loveable person to this day I have every met. When I was 15/16 my Mum was diagnosed with MS, it progressed incredibly quickly and my time spent at the yard and in the saddle was getting few and far between. Fast forward two years and Mum had really gone downhill and I just had that feeling that I should be spending as much time as possible with her, even if it meant leaving my beloved hobby completely on the back burner for a while! It was the right thing to do, she passed away when I was 18 so I'm delighted I got that time with her. I decided to take a few months off from riding, it almost felt a bit too raw not being able to speak to Mum about it. 6 months goes by and I've got myself up together with the support of my incredible family I'm back in the saddle and thinking of Mum and smiling rather than crying, hurrah! A year to the day my older brother passes away, me and my family are completely devastated, within 6 months my poor Nan has a heart attack, she survived but was diagnosed with accute heart disease and vascular dementia, my focus immediately turns to her and I couldn't even think of returning to riding as I was constantly worried, as with Mum, I cared for my Nan for as long as I could, for about 4 years in total then she really started to deteriate quite quickly, I was so sad on the days that she didn't know who I was, I had my Dad for support and we got on like a house on fire! I was the only girl so we had a real 'Daddy - Daughter' type relationship. But there's nothing like a motherly relationship, it can't be replicated, my Nan was my source of strength, my teacher, my counsellor, my role model, and above all the most perfect best friend I could ever of wished, and although she was (just about) physically here, that sassy, loving, quick witted soul wasn't, it was losing her before she died and I couldn't comprehend it, i wasn't ready for her to leave me - albeit a rather selfish way of thinking, I had no idea what I was going to do without her. That dreaded day arrived a few days later at which point I had been well and truly swallowed whole by depression. I couldn't really tell you what happened in the following months, it was a blur, thankfully I had an incredibly understanding boss who offered support which went above and beyond. My dad and I remained as close as ever, he suggested I went and stayed with him for a few months I thought it was the perfect idea and I was so looking forward to be able to see him for an extended period of time, he lived in Ireland so I would only usually get to see him for a long weekend every couple of months. We had it all planned out back in March last year, I was on the phone to him for nearly 2 hours full of excitement one evening, the first time in so long I'd felt excited, I even woke up the next morning feeling excited! That same morning I received a phone call and learned my dear old Dad had a massive heart attack and didn't make it, if I thought I'd felt before that I'd been swallowed whole by depression, but it didn't even come close to this and how I still feel now.
Suffice to say, I'm ready for a bit of fun and focus back in my life; something that I can do for me! I'm just really interested to know
I'm a long time reader, but a first time poster so I hope I'm posting in the right place!
I'll *try* and give you all the short version of my back story and hopefully some insight as to why I'm asking this question:
I starting riding before before I could walk (I don't actually remember that far back but it's what I'm told anyway!) my Mother had a brilliant way with horses, she really gave me the bug from an early age. We didn't have vast amounts of money; But we were always riding and around horses for as long as I could remember, despite being a qualified riding instructor herself (although not practicing when I had arrived) she said it was really important I had good tuition and ensured that I did and it paid off, by the time I was in my teens I was quite the rider and she was delighted! Mum and I were more like sisters - my Nan (her mother) bought me up, there was never a specific reason why, I just gravitated towards my Nan as a more maternal figure, she was the most loveable person to this day I have every met. When I was 15/16 my Mum was diagnosed with MS, it progressed incredibly quickly and my time spent at the yard and in the saddle was getting few and far between. Fast forward two years and Mum had really gone downhill and I just had that feeling that I should be spending as much time as possible with her, even if it meant leaving my beloved hobby completely on the back burner for a while! It was the right thing to do, she passed away when I was 18 so I'm delighted I got that time with her. I decided to take a few months off from riding, it almost felt a bit too raw not being able to speak to Mum about it. 6 months goes by and I've got myself up together with the support of my incredible family I'm back in the saddle and thinking of Mum and smiling rather than crying, hurrah! A year to the day my older brother passes away, me and my family are completely devastated, within 6 months my poor Nan has a heart attack, she survived but was diagnosed with accute heart disease and vascular dementia, my focus immediately turns to her and I couldn't even think of returning to riding as I was constantly worried, as with Mum, I cared for my Nan for as long as I could, for about 4 years in total then she really started to deteriate quite quickly, I was so sad on the days that she didn't know who I was, I had my Dad for support and we got on like a house on fire! I was the only girl so we had a real 'Daddy - Daughter' type relationship. But there's nothing like a motherly relationship, it can't be replicated, my Nan was my source of strength, my teacher, my counsellor, my role model, and above all the most perfect best friend I could ever of wished, and although she was (just about) physically here, that sassy, loving, quick witted soul wasn't, it was losing her before she died and I couldn't comprehend it, i wasn't ready for her to leave me - albeit a rather selfish way of thinking, I had no idea what I was going to do without her. That dreaded day arrived a few days later at which point I had been well and truly swallowed whole by depression. I couldn't really tell you what happened in the following months, it was a blur, thankfully I had an incredibly understanding boss who offered support which went above and beyond. My dad and I remained as close as ever, he suggested I went and stayed with him for a few months I thought it was the perfect idea and I was so looking forward to be able to see him for an extended period of time, he lived in Ireland so I would only usually get to see him for a long weekend every couple of months. We had it all planned out back in March last year, I was on the phone to him for nearly 2 hours full of excitement one evening, the first time in so long I'd felt excited, I even woke up the next morning feeling excited! That same morning I received a phone call and learned my dear old Dad had a massive heart attack and didn't make it, if I thought I'd felt before that I'd been swallowed whole by depression, but it didn't even come close to this and how I still feel now.
Suffice to say, I'm ready for a bit of fun and focus back in my life; something that I can do for me! I'm just really interested to know
