Does confidence come back?

hurricane124

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I had a really unfortunate incident with a less than ideal riding school last year. I was riding a horse who was too much for me and it bolted with me and I got thrown. Ended up with a broken pelvis.
I'm now mostly healed and cleared to ride again. I've found a lovely local RS and been having a mix of group and private lessons. I desperately want to continue riding but I'm terrified
I replay the fall in my head a lot and I can't help thinking about how much worse it could have been even though that's not particularly productive!
I've been riding a steady RS horse but I feel like I can't trust her. She's doing absolutely nothing wrong but whenever she does anything it spooks me. She nodded her head the other week and it sent me panicking! Last week we went out and in an open field I asked her to trot then panicked because it felt too fast. I keep panicking and forgetting how to ride e.g. folding forward.
I'm getting a bit frustrated because I want to do the things I know I enjoy but then I walk away from lessons feeling like I've been pathetic.
I've done everything practical I can to help me feel safer - the school are aware of my experience and are being fantastic, I've replaced my helmet and bought a body protector which I'm wearing every week (even though I can't help but think I still would have broke my pelvis even if I was wearing it!).
Is this something that gets better with time? I want to enjoy riding again and it's not only affecting my rising but also the rest of my life because I still feel very angry and fixated on what happened.
 

Meowy Catkin

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Yes it does came back. My personal experience is that you need to start small and do things that you are completely comfortable with. Once you have had a few successes with the small thing, you can do slightly more (still keeping in your comfort zone) and then keep building on that.

The idea is to build up a huge bank of positive experiences that completely outweigh the bad one. You need to have experiences where you aren't worried or panicking, just happy, enjoyable and successful ones.

I think that you are pushing yourself to do too much and because this is causing negative experiences, you aren't able to move away from the bad experience. Does the Riding School offer horse care courses? This could be a way to start building up good experiences around horses. You will also get more relaxed around them. I wouldn't ride until a head flick or nod is something that you take in your stride. Set yourself up to succeed.

Good luck. :)
 

Rumtytum

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First off, being bolted with is bloody awful, add on a broken pelvis and no wonder you’re suffering anxiety. There will be other posters who will give good advice on retraining your mindset. All I would say (and I’ve been there although not as bad as you), is stick to where you feel marginally comfortable (perhaps that’s in the school rather than an open field) and don’t do anything like trotting until you are absolutely ready. Is there a mechanical horse anywhere near you? I really rate them and no way is it going to spook or play up. Good luck, you’ve had a horrible experience but you can get over it.
 

canteron

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Try hypnotherapy to speed the process - it help you to ‘dull’ the memory when it isn’t helpful! You were unlucky and need the help of a good horse and instructor to put the risk involved into perspective. Karl Greenwood has a free download of how to cope with bucking bolting and rearing which might help as well.
 

Denbob

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I'm so sorry to hear about your accident and no wonder you're worried, I've come off recently far less drastically and my confidence has taken a real hit so fair play to you for persevering! For me it's about doing little and often, if I leave it too long between I build up reasons not to ride and psyche myself out!
It's so important not to overface yourself, it's all about building a positive mental experience - don't compare yourself to where you were 'before' because that doesn't matter, it's great to have goals to work towards but the key thing is focusing on what you need now. Mechanical horse is a good suggestion, help you build up your riding fitness and technique so when you do ride you feel more physically secure. Also agree with the groundwork/care suggestion.

Not a cheap option and don't know where you are based but have you looked at rider confidence courses? I have a friend who tried these and it really helped her.
https://www.horsebackcombat.co.uk/courses/rider-confidence-lessons/
 

dogatemysalad

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Yes, it does come back. Firstly, it helps to have a riding instructor and well schooled horses that inspire trust. Then, determination and hard work. As your riding improves, your confidence will follow. It's hard if you are paying for lessons and not riding in between, but it's still very doable. Don't expect too much of yourself, and never compare yourself to anyone else. This is your journey.
Riding is a bumpy kind of progress, sometimes you feel it's going great and then the next time, you come away feeling hopeless. There is absolutely no reason why, with practice and the right support, you can't regain your confidence and enjoy being in the saddle again.
 

RachaelJC

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Yes, it comes back. I had a bad riding accident that ended up in major abdominal surgery. The key to getting back into riding was to go at a slow pace, slower than I really wanted, until I felt absolutely ready to go further or so frustrated with myself that I just thought 'sod this, I'm doing it!' (whether that be faster, ride somewhere different, ride a different horse, etc.)

And you're doing better than me after your accident - the first time I got back on afterwards I was on the lunge and started sobbing uncontrollably when going at a very slow trot/jog and kept apologising through tears and asking the instructor to keep him trotting...and I had an audience! I can laugh about it now, but it took me two months of twice weekly lunge lessons and then another month of walk and trot flatwork before I was ready to canter again.

What I'm trying to say is, be gentle with yourself and realise that your fear is there for a reason - it's trying to keep you safe, whether your fear is logical or not.

So, I'd second other suggestions such as mechanical horse sessions, ground work sessions, NLP/hypnotherapy sessions, improving general fitness and core fitness (to make developing a good seat easier), reading/studying about the biomechanics of riding so you know how the horse and your body moves during riding, also lunge lessons and, when you're ready, lunge lessons without stirrups and reins to further develop your seat so that you have confidence in your ability to stay sat should anything else ever happen. Then when you've done all of that, start jumping small as it helps you refine balance.

It will come back if you want it to, and remember that if at any point you really aren't finding it fun anymore, just take a break completely.
 

OrangeAndLemon

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Not a cheap option and don't know where you are based but have you looked at rider confidence courses? I have a friend who tried these and it really helped her.
https://www.horsebackcombat.co.uk/courses/rider-confidence-lessons/

Have to admit, just reading the book helped me. I didn't think it would, started reading it assuming it wouldn't change a thing. I didn't think it had. The next day I did my first solo hack around the farm ride. No idea how it worked but it did.

OP be open and honest with your instructor and yourself. They can support you better and work with you. It takes time but it is worth it so keep going. Doing something that scares you is true bravery.
 

ls0311

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Would you be up for having a couple of lessons on the lunge? You may find it gives you confidence that the instructor has control of the horse and you then only have to worry about yourself. I know it can seem like a few steps back but it can actually be really useful no matter what confidence/ability level you're at, and may also help you build trust in the horse you're riding too.

May be worth trying, and if you're not enjoying it they can always unclip you and you can carry on as normal :)
 

Surbie

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It does come back. I had nowhere near the accident you did, came off jumping while out hacking and had shod hind feet fly by a whisker above my face. I was terrified for years. Couldn't even consider getting back on.

I've gone really slowly, too slowly for some people who were watching from the sidelines, and stuck with where I was comfortable till I was happy going further. I've had 2 great instructors to help, as well as some amazing liveries on both yards I've been on who helped enormously to get through things, particularly hacking out again, which once had me crying & shaking at the prospect of going out.

I am still often nervous, but I am over the moon that I am back on. Am going to the Windsor Fun Ride next weekend on my first horse - you can get there, just don't feel you have to rush it. From my experience I'd say make sure you surround yourself with supportive people who know when to push and when to back off.
 

windand rain

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Think you are doing more than you are ready for but confidence comes back slowly and with few or no setbacks you need to spend time on the ground around the horse then just sit on it then get someone to walk beside you either with or without a lead then off lead on your own and go at your own pace as slowly as you need. If you push yourself too much you will tense up and everything will go a bit stiff and scary baby steps. My old girl is restoring a young lass to riding after her own horse nearly killed her and she was carted off to hospital in an ambulance she bounced better than you but still didnt ride for months and didnt think she could get on she is cantering around with no reins only 2 months after getting back on. Fortunately the pony takes care of her. The child is a bit overconfident on her but she will always take care of her
 

Muddywellies

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Yes it can come back. I’m speaking from experience when I say it’s not easy, you have to work hard at it and give it time. But you can get most of it back if not all of it.
 

huskydamage

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I had nothing like the injury you had or recovery time, but I have fallen off and broke my arm before and recently broke my nose as my horse went over a jump and threw her head up. I wasn't confident jumping anyway so that really knocked me back. That was over a month ago and I'm pretty much back to where I was before now (except my nose looks a bit weird underneath 😂) . I just pushed myself to carry on doing small things that were easy for me on a regular basis and gradually building back to what I did before. Basically just make sure you are having an easy positive ride each time and keep going. As time goes on you will forget it and realise the many times you ride and it goes well far outweigh the mistakes. You fell off and were unlucky how you landed it can happen to anyone.
 

WandaMare

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After an accident where I broke my leg, I found riding a very, slow, lazy horse worked best for me. I had to really work to get him into a trot lol but he helped me remember all the reasons I love riding and that really helped.
 

NinjaPony

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Yes it does come back. But it takes time, patience and determination. I was bolted with several years back, and it was only my love for the mare who did it that kept me going. My desire to keep riding was stronger than my fear in the end, but it has taken a lot of time.

I shared a really safe little mare and had a lot of lessons, starting very very slowly. The problem with bolting is the loss of control, which is hard to explain. Bucking/rearing etc usually has a cause/explanation whereas bolting is usually so sudden that it takes you by surprise. It still remains in the back of my mind sometimes. And given you had such a nasty injury, I’m not at all surprised that you are scared, who can blame you? Be kind to yourself, and find an instructor who wants to work with you and help you.

There is light at the end! I now compete, ride on my own, hack on my own. I still find hacking tests my confidence, so now I wear an air jacket put hacking which definitely gives me more peace of mind. I really hope you can find a way forward, but if you need a break then don’t beat yourself up about it. Horses can be dangerous and being afraid when you’ve been hurt is a natural response.
 
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