Dont know what to do

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sylvapak

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Posted this in common room aswell.. not too sure why.

Haven't had the best of times with Belle recently. Nothing to do with her, shes lovely and the best thing thats happened to me. But i think shes too good for me.

A friend came over to stay ad rode Belle and she looked amazing. First time i've seen anyone good ride her. I asked my mum if she looked like that when i rode her, and she bluntly said no. So now i definately know that i am not a good enough rider for her, or pretty much any horse now.

So ive been thinking whether to sell her or not. Rode her today and to start off with she was really lovely, and i was thinking that i would be posting a self indulgent post on here. But no. After that thought came into my head, it all wet wrong. I was deserate to find something to end the session on. But it took about an hour. She was just rushing off, falling in and out, and not stopping. Tried jumping but she was getting in deeper than ever, and however much i tried to make her back off, she would stick her head in the air and nearly knock me out. In the end i shoved a 3ft jump up and she felt nice so i could finally, soaking wet, get off. I've never wanted to get off before.

Girl that rode her said that she she wanted to buy her and would give me £4500 fo her, which is a grand more than we paid fo her.

I dont know what to do.

And to make thngs worse, got lungeing, riding, equitation theory and husbandry exams tomorow at college, all of which i am bound to fail. Ive never known tutors wanting you to fail untill now. Its awful!

anyways, i know theres not much you lot can do. But if i did sell her i defo wont get another one. And to think i was wondering about getting another a month or two ago.

also, apologies for any spazzy words, my keyboard isn't working to well, and making me even more annoyed
 
Horses don't know if their being wasted or not.
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Having a horse with talent, just gives you more to work with. By all means sell her if your not enjoying riding anymore, but not if its because you think she would go further with someone else, your horse will neither know, nor care.
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Dont beat yourself up about it, none of my horses are out there doing stuff, they could be but i dont have the confidence to take them there! We all get bad days and to see a different person riding her and you "feel" better than you, then it will be hard.

Only sell her if you feel you no longer enjoy riding her, as after all its suppose to be a bit of fun.
 
Okay, so I read your response in CR and it seems that you really do want to make it work as you care deeply for the mare. Does she feel the same about you? Do you feel that you have a connection? If so, then it is more than likely you can rejuvenate your relationship. As you say, why not try something new with her; do lots of varied and exciting things with her. What does she enjoy doing? Can you indulge her somewhat?

The idea of going training may be a good one. A change of scenery for both of you may be just what you need to get that spark back again.

As PBS says, horses don't understand potential - this is a man-made idea. Horses are perfectly happy being happy.
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Don't beat yourself up over it. Most good riders aren't born they're trained. If you are having problems then get yourself a quality instructor & they'll be able to help you sort out the problems you have.

As regards your friend riding her better than you......well so what, there are always better ridsers around who can get more out of a horse than possibly you can at the moment, everyone has to statt somewhere.

You have to decide what you want to do....if you want to continue riding then sort out an instructor to help you. If you don't then sell, pocket the money & walk away happy. The decision is yours & yours alone.
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Thanks, thats cheered me up a bit! I want to keep her i think we've just lost the spark. Have moved to a different yard recently, but its not working out there and i dont feel welcome there as its a someones house. And lss i think Belle is a bit bored as she has two other horses to look at if shes lucky. so will definately move her back. she was really happy there now i think about it.

I think we need something to relight the spark again. even if its just concentrating in something different. Have spent too long trying to sort her canter out and i think we need to do things that may improve her canter, like changes and lateral movements. Also, have been offered to spend the summer in cornwall to train (both of us) and i think i will do it as i think it will be a good experience for us both.
 
Take a deep breath.
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You sound like a great owner who takes good care of your horse and wants the best for her. That's all she honestly cares about.

I would also advise trying to connect with a good trainer who can help you build your skills but who also can give you confidence. Your summer schooling opportunity sounds great so make the most of that and then, when you return in the fall, try to find someone to help you at least now and then. It's very hard to keep perspective without outside input and it's tough to make progress without at least some good instruction.

I had a fantastic horse when I was younger and people were always telling me he was too good for me. I even had a team selector call me and explain why I should sell the horse cheaply to a prospective team member! I did quite well on the horse and I learned a TON but everyone said he could go to the Olympics with the right rider.

Today he is 24, still sound, has been a fantastic schoolmaster for a whole string of people who have positively shot up the grades with him and he lives a lovely life surrounded by people who dote on him. I'm not saying the people who wanted him wouldn't have treated him well but I'm pretty sure his life has been a whole lot more pleasant because his health wasn't used up in the name of ambition. I don't think he sits around and wonders "What if . . ?"
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Lots of us have horses who are far more talented than we are - well at least I know I do! They don't care as long as they are well looked after and loved (which it sounds like yours is). A good instuctor will help but don't put too much pressure on yourself. You ride for fun, so enjoy and stop worrying about what anyone else thinks.
Hope everything works out.
 
Why would you sell a horse that is clearly ideal for you.

You should see Amy when a professional rides her - she's like grand prix dressage pony, doesn't mean I was ever going to sell her. But it gave me immense pride to see her going so, so beautifully for someone else.

Get a grip
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and enjoy your lovely girl
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I agree with anybody else who has said that the horse doesn't care especially about the level at which it is being ridden, so don't let anybody use that as a line to bully you into selling.

All you have realised is that your horse has potential to do more if you want to, and the training opportunity you have this summer may well take you forwards..it would have been pointless to do it on a horse that you couldn't possibly improve on, after all.

At the end of summer you will both be working better and that is the time to assess whether you want to carry on with her
 
I can totally sympathise with you because this is just how I feel about my horse. I have been told by so many trainers that he could make a superb SJer or excel in dressage. He's only 6 and not mature for his age so he needs bringing on properly and I feel out of my depth because I don't possess the skills to do the job properly.

When I see one of my trainers, or a friend who is a much better rider and competes regularly, (I hate competing) ride him he goes like a dream and it makes me both proud of him and sad that I can't coax that performance out of him myself at this point in time.

I have had a couple of people ask if they could buy him and they have offered me a lot of money tbh but I just love him too much and he is the right horse for me in so many ways so I couldn't bear to sell him. I am having training over this summer too and really hoping that it boosts my confidence sufficiently to make me feel "worthy" of my own horse!

Let me know how you get on!
 
Has the horse done alot in the past (school mistress)?? I think an experienced horse will teach you alot if you dont feel adequet for her. and as long as you have a bond and are enjoying it, i think you may miss her when shes gone?! Maybe get some lessons in or a trusted professional's advice. At the end of the day shes yours and if you want to keep her -keep her. If not thats fair enough.
 
I wouldn't make any decisions at the moment.You sound under a huge amount of pressure.I would take your exams, you may well do a lot better than you think and this will boost your confidence, and go for the training in Cornwall and see how you feel after that. In the meantime just have fun with your horse and don't worry.Oh and read some sports physcology (sp?) books, there are some good ones about and they may alter the way you think and see things.
 
I can completely empathise. I am often being told how fantastic my horse is, which makes me very proud, but then I worry like mad that I'm going to let him down. It sounds silly, but it had never occurred to me that he doesn't care about fulfilling his potential! So thank you everyone, I've just had a moment of realisation.

I've really lost quite a bit of confidence with my riding after having a lesson with a new instructor. I used to love schooling, but didn't school for 3 weeks, just hacked. I finally braved the school this week and discovered I wasn't quite as crap as I thought. So much of riding is in the head.


My horse has been such a challenge, but in keeping going I've learnt so much about riding. Horses with ability are never straight forward and I think having moments of self doubt is part of the deal. Those moments though mean making a break through is that much more satisfying.

Stick with it, it will be worth it.
 
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