Driving myself up the wall!!!

[benson21]

God, I dont know where to start!
Over the weekend 2 of my friends went to the beach for a ride. I have read on here that some are starting riding again after a break, and I say good for them!
I dont want to ride again. I have no desire at all to get on another horse, I am more than happy with Donovan and playing around with him.
So why do I feel sooooo envious of others who are, or just about to start riding?
The thought of getting on a horse now sends me cold, I have a real sick feeling, and I KNOW I dont want to do it, but I am so jealous of the people that do want to.
Is it normal to feel like this?
I am sitting here in tears because I dont want to feel like this.

 

[touchstone]

Well I may be off the mark here, but to me it sounds as if you are saying that you don't want to ride as a protective mechanism; I think the fact that it bothers you that others are off riding and you aren't means that the truth is you'd rather be riding, but can't face the nerves that you have.

It might be worth just allowing yourself to maybe sit on your horse for a minute or two, and then get off again - no pressure, no having to do anything, just what you feel comfortable with, but then again stretching yourself a little every time, and before you know it you'll probably be ambling along.

The trouble is that we can often hold onto fears from past events and the only way to overcome them is to get on and do.

Of course if you really don't want to ride then that's fine too! But going by your reaction I think you'd rather be happy being able to ride if you want to.

There is a book by Susan Jeffers called 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' which might be helpful, and having someone you can turn to if needs be for support and encouragement would be good for you I think.

Don't feel bad about feeling as you do - it sounds perfectly normal to me, whatever normal is lol!

 

[MrsMozart]

Ditto TS.

You have been through hell, so your mind is going to be doing its damnedest to protect itself.

Sit on something quiet somewhere safe.

 

[ChesnutsRoasting]

Well I may be off the mark here, but to me it sounds as if you are saying that you don't want to ride as a protective mechanism; I think the fact that it bothers you that others are off riding and you aren't means that the truth is you'd rather be riding, but can't face the nerves that you have.

It might be worth just allowing yourself to maybe sit on your horse for a minute or two, and then get off again - no pressure, no having to do anything, just what you feel comfortable with, but then again stretching yourself a little every time, and before you know it you'll probably be ambling along.

The trouble is that we can often hold onto fears from past events and the only way to overcome them is to get on and do.

Of course if you really don't want to ride then that's fine too! But going by your reaction I think you'd rather be happy being able to ride if you want to.

There is a book by Susan Jeffers called 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' which might be helpful, and having someone you can turn to if needs be for support and encouragement would be good for you I think.

Don't feel bad about feeling as you do - it sounds perfectly normal to me, whatever normal is lol!

This^^^.

Give yourself a break, you have been through an horrific experience, it will come in time, there is no rush.