Easier to just sell horse :(

[noblesteed]

Hi all,
I am about to have a big self-indulgent moan so be warned!!!!
I have had my horse coming up 4 years and he is just fantastic, we had a very difficult start and loads of problems to overcome. He isn't the easiest horse but we have built up a great relationship, both of us had confidence issues which we have resolved, and I trust him with my life. He is great fun to ride and we just enjoy what we do - which is a bit of everything. He is one in a million and I could never replace him. I have just had my first baby and I rode him through pregnancy until my back couldn't manage it any more, then dealt with him right up til the birth and he has been so gentle. He has been ridden by a teenager who is a total novice and he has REALLY looked after her and been a total star.

HOWEVER I am just getting to the point where I can't cope any more with the people that I have to deal with in the horsey world. I had my baby boy 6 weeks ago and these past 2 weeks have been starting to go back to the farm and do things with my horse. The loaner is going to become sharer and we are going to share horse once I am fit enough to ride again, so she is happy about that. But it seems everything I do now (with MY horse) is wrong, according to the other people on the yard who have been 'supervising' my loaner. My horse has come down with a mild bout of lami - it turns out that he had had his grazing muzzle removed by a lady on the yard as 'he just eats through it anyway'. So he is on box rest - I have to rely on the people at the yard even MORE now as I can't manage a horse on box rest who lives 10 miles away as well as a 6 week old breastfeeding baby... I can also ill afford all this as I am now onto state maternity pay and my husband is forking out for everything else house-wise so we have no spare money other than what I had saved up to tide horsey over til I return to work in september.
I have been at SO many bitchy livery yards in the past, I thought this place was different cos there are only a few of us and it's a private farm... Yesterday again I just got tutted at, snapped at and had eyes rolled behind my back.

I just don't think I can be bothered with all the hassle any more, because every yard seems the same. I had had a **** pregnancy , a traumatic birth - nearly lost the baby, been treated like dirt by my boss at work and several colleagues because of it (having to get my union in on that one) and now this... In order to keep my horse I will have to go back to the workplace I now hate (unless I can find a job in the meantime), but I am starting to feel like it may not be worth it, having to work with negative people in order to be able to afford to keep my horse with negative people.

I love my horse so very much though so I need to weigh up my options, like I said I can never replace him once he is gone. He is 13 now so if I do decide to sell it will have to be this spring. I am sure he would find a nice home but he is very quirky and I couldn't bear the thought of him being sold on in his later years, so it would have to be to a forever home, and I doubt it would be easy to find one of those.
My plan had been to eventually get a schoolmaster pony for my son and rent or buy a field in which to keep both horses. But I am not sure if I want my son being made to feel as rubbish as I have over the years!

hmmmfff

 

[McNally]

Snap!
Firstly congratulations on the birth of your son!
When i was pregnant my situation was almost the same sounding, i rode as long as i could but then had problems and had to stop. The yard i was at tried to take over my horse at one point screaming y/o on my door step telling me no one was allowed to ride my horse after she saw a friend who was going to share.
Baby born, horse stood on a nail....long box rest etc EVERYONE butting in- I needed to walk my horse in hand but there were the "dont leave the baby" gang and the "let her cry its not long" gang I could do nothing right and hated going there.
My boss messed me round no end so i didnt get maternity pay and like you my partner was having to foot the bills.
It was a nightmare.
Eventually i found a paddock to rent by myself (there was a pony next door) It was a hundred times cheaper, no one told me what to do. I gave my horse time off (it dosent hurt!)
I did end up putting him on loan as he was difficult and i didnt feel as confident with a baby.
What im saying is dont give up. He's your horse and your baby and its seriously the best feeling going for a ride with your child.
Be strong and do what ever YOU feel is best. Good luck xxx

 

[D66]

Congratulations on the new baby! Sorry you're having a tough time with people at the yard. I haven't had to deal with livery yards but have found some horsey people unfriendly. To be controversial, in my opinion/experience show jumping is the worst discipline, pony club was very variable, showing was alright and driving is very friendly.
Before you sell your horse consider that your feelings may be due to some post natal depression.
Good Luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[PinkCob]

Congratulations on your new baby!!
Don't let people get you down, that's my mistake. He's your horse so your responsability and you know best. Don't listen to the others. Trust me, they're jealous.
I really feel for you and it sucks that you've had a hard time with baby. Maybe just loan the horse out while you get yourself relaxed and back on your feet.

Don't worry everyone on here is supportive. PM Me if you need a moan :}x

 

[Littlelegs]

Just ignore them & if they interfere tell them to mind their own business. If you feel beholden to them cos they're helping out can't you work it so you & sharer do it all between you so you aren't dependent on them. Seems a bit extreme to sell just because of people at the yard. Maybe put off any decisions on selling till you are back in a normal routine.

 

[Archangel]

Exactly the same thing happened at a livery yard I was on, single woman had baby and had horse, she brought baby down to yard and the hostility she faced from the other women (who had children) was unbelievable. I found her in the feed room in tears saying she had a new baby, was on her own and it was difficult enough without everyone being mean. I think they expected her to sit at home in a maternity frock singing a frigging lullaby all day long - I believe they were just jealous because she was coping so well.

Personally I would just flip and tell everyone to be a bit more supportive - for crying out loud, you are just asking for a bit of support for a few weeks not 18 years!

Good luck and I hope it all settles down soon. Honestly, stand up for yourself and ask them to stop cawing away like old crows
Not sure 'cawing' is a word

 

[HazyXmas]

Really sorry to hear that your having a tough time at the moment. My advice is to just hang in there a bit longer before you make any decisions. I've had four children & it's very hard with a small baby, in fact i think weeks 6 - 12 are the hardest.

You need to put yourself & the baby first at the moment, would it be possible for your horse to be turned away for a few weeks?

Good luck, hope you feel better soon

 

[Quantock-cob]

First of all congratulations on having a beautiful baby boy...try to enjoy this precious time when he is tiny, as before you know it he will have turned into a hulking teenager with smelly socks

I can't believe the people at your yard can be so horrible - they must know how hard it is for you to cope with a tiny baby. But the baby will get bigger and less dependant on you and soon you may be able to leave him with a babysitter so you can enjoy some time with your horse. It would be so sad for you to sell him now, after all the hard work you have done with him. As someone suggested above, can you find someone to loan him for a few months until things are easier for you?

If you do sell him, don't beat yourself up about it. Lots of people have to sell their horses due to changes in circumstance, and there are always loving people out there looking for good horses. Just take your time to find the right person - or perhaps loan him to them first so you can visit and check he is happy. And in the future you can buy another horse that you will love just as much.

Good luck, but remember at the end of the day it is your decision - it's easy for us to sit and preach to you about what you should do, but only you will know what is right for you. xx

 

[WandaMare]

Hi you do sound as if you are having a particularly tough time just now so might not be the right time to make any definite decisions. I think it also puts a big pressure on things when they are on box rest so this can't be helping. You have developed such a wonderful bond with your horse it would be a shame to give that up, I always find my horse a huge support through difficult times. My advise would be to hang in there and take really good care of yourself while all the negative stuff is going on. Maybe put him on loan for a year or two but please, please don't let those horrible good for nothing sad bossy losers at your yard put you off owning your horse.....if they can't even support you when you've just had a baby then they aren't worth even thinking about. If any of them tuts or says something snide again then totally lose it with them, don't worry about how it looks, sounds or anything just really go for them and get it all off your chest, you will feel a lot better and they will think twice about crossing you again. Good luck things will get easier so hang in there xxx

 

[Paris1]

If you know the people well enough perhaps if you Twll them how they are making you feel I'm sure they'd be sorry. Sometimes people just dont think.
I wouldn't make any decisions whilst you feel everthing is bad. Your horse is for you to enjoy. And so is your baby. Congrats.

 

[Mince Pie]

And you can blame your hormones if anyone says anything about you being stroppy!

IS your loaner/sharer able to help out at all? What is your YO/YM's stance on all this?

 

[indie999]

Congratulations on the new baby! Sorry you're having a tough time with people at the yard. I haven't had to deal with livery yards but have found some horsey people unfriendly. To be controversial, in my opinion/experience show jumping is the worst discipline, pony club was very variable, showing was alright and driving is very friendly.
Before you sell your horse consider that your feelings may be due to some post natal depression.
Good Luck whatever you decide to do.

My first thought Baby blues....also as we are meant to be superwomen I think you have a case of too much too soon! Tired etc you have only just had a baby! If you like the horse you might feel worse if you sell the horse. I would wait 6 months to a year to recover from baby etc. Can you loan him ie to private home for 6 months or a year etc for someone else to enjoy? Grazing muzzles urggh whoever took it off should be in dog house someone did this to a friends horse and it colicked and died! People are so thick sometimes.
Just tell whoever is getting on your nerves "Did you know I had just had a baby"? Experienced owner and dont want any meddling. I would be livid re the muzzle(makes me mad for you reading that bit..as they have made your horse ill). Loan or full time share(ask the person sharing if they want to take horse on full time etc OR perhaps they can find someone to share with. I think you could regret more if you get rid of horse at moment with hormones etc. Dont be hard on yourself and enjoy your baby. No one is superwoman.

 

[touchstone]

I'd agree with the others, give yourself more time, you've been through a lot.

I'd also look around for a paddock to rent locally, even try asking some farmers if they will allow you to graze your pony in with their stock or if they can spare a bit of land for you to rent. It makes a huge difference not having people interfering if the sharer is able to help with the workload.

I'd also ask people at the yard not to interfere, taking a grazing muzzle off was a stupid thing to do.

I also think that a few months down the line you would regret selling once you have the time and energy to get back into riding.

Good luck, and congratulations on the birth of your little boy.

 

[Tiffany]

Firstly congratulations on your son

If you wanted advice I am sure you would ask someone you know and trust. People should concentrate on their own horse unless asked for help.

I would be absolutely furious if someone had took it upon themselves to take off my mare's grazing muzzle off - it's on for a reason did she not realise that?

Please don't let these people make you part with your horse who obviously means the world to you.

 

[Magicmillbrook]

Congratulations - I wondered if you had had it yet - I am due today!

Gahh - how annoying. I wouldn't make any rash decisions right now, you will still be tired and hormonal, if your sharer/loaner is still being OK try to make use of her a bit longer. Once you get past 12 weeks you will start to feel more normal. The women sound like a right bunch of old bags - just try to ignore them. It probably makes them feel more important to be poking their noses in.

 

[sula]

I agree with others who have said not to sell your horse at this point. It may be when things don`t seem to overwhelming that it is the right decision but just now you have so many things going on that a rational decision is probably nigh on impossible! With hormones raging I think rational decisions are always impossible!

On a practical note, I wonder would it be worth putting a notice up regarding your horse and your way of managing him, stating what you want and asking all other liveries to defer either to you or to your loaner regarding any decisions about your horse - including the muzzle. Whoever did that should share the cost and workload of your horse being on boxrest. Don`t make any decisions just yet; this time will pass.

I, too, offer my congratulations on the birth of your son! You say you had a difficult delivery and nearly lost him. As well as the possibility of postnatal depression, or `baby blues` don`t under-estimate the effect and trauma that a difficult delivery and the fear associated with the threat of losing him can have. There are so many studies regarding the effects of this kind of trauma and the need to deal with it just as you would post traumatic stress associated with other kinds of trauma. Speak to your midwife or GP - they should be able to point you in the direction of groups or individuals who can help with this very specific form of trauma.

Lastly, be kind to yourself and don`t set your expectations too high, there`s time for that later, if need be. For now, enjoy the little moments with your lovely young son, these will offset the not so good moments and help put things in balance. Accept whatever help is offered but be sure not to compromise things that are important to you - once you`ve decided what they are!

You`ll get through this, one day or one hour - maybe even one minute - at a time. But you will get through it. Then you will know what and if any decisions need to be made.

 

[PinkCob]

Congratulations - I wondered if you had had it yet - I am due today!

Congratulations!
Loads of people are having babies. Good luck!

 

[Honey08]

Its a tough one really, as the horse can't be loaned or sold, or even turned away until the laminitis has been controlled, and you also say that you're having to depend on these people as you can't do it yourself with the young baby - so I guess you are going to have to bite your tongue and lay down firm ground rules regarding the laminitis nursing..

Once the laminitis is better you can have a proper think about what to do. You do have a lot on your plate, and will do for the next couple of years really, so it wouldn't be the worst decision if you did sell him and give yourself a break.. There will always be others that want help/shares with their horses..

Hope you feel better soon and that he gets better. This will all sort out, one way or another..xx

 

[mandwhy]

I just don't understand these horrible interfering people on livery yards! It's like they have reverted back to high school bullying! I am sorry you are having such a tough time, hopefully once the horse gets better maybe you could think about putting him on full loan rather than selling. Most of the horses I have seen for full loan have been rubbish and I think he (she?) sounds awesome! Nothing wrong with a bit of quirk I think you need to make it clear you are back on the scene and that you appreciate them looking out for him and helping your sharer out but now you have had the baby you are making decisions on management. It will be hard, I know you don't need a confrontation right now. Try to be friendly about it to start with, maybe a polite notice would be a good idea but try not to fuel their nastiness!

Do you take the baby down there? With your partner as well maybe for moral support/baby holding? Surely they won't be able to resist a coo at the wee bairn or are they total bitter old hags?!

 

[Tonibird83]

Don't despair! It's still really soon after having your son so don't make any decisions yet 'cos your hormones will be all over the place!

Some people are just t**ts! Ignore them/swear at them/tell them to mind their own business or best yet, offer them advice on how to look after their horse or point out what's wrong with what they're doing!

I was working full time in a very stressful job, heavily pregnant and had a 2 year old child and was told I didn't ride my horse enough by a lovely lady (ahem) on my yard. I cannot print what I told her but it ended with, "get a job!"

Why not let the loaner keep him on for a bit longer until you get the swing of it? Breastfeeding is VERY difficult and tying, I'm still doing it 6 month's on! Just enjoy being with your baby and don't pressure yourself to be superwoman because you'll end up making yourself ill.

If you could move him to somewhere else, you'd prob still need someone to loan him as you might not get enough time for him for a while yet

PS if you want to PM me to rant, feel free anytime xx

 

[Ladydragon]

I just don't think I can be bothered with all the hassle any more, because every yard seems the same. I had had a **** pregnancy , a traumatic birth - nearly lost the baby, been treated like dirt by my boss at work and several colleagues because of it (having to get my union in on that one) and now this... In order to keep my horse I will have to go back to the workplace I now hate (unless I can find a job in the meantime), but I am starting to feel like it may not be worth it, having to work with negative people in order to be able to afford to keep my horse with negative people.

And....breathe... Congratulations on the new arrival, they are such a gift... Exhausting but amazingly special too...

It sounds as if there is more than just the issues surrounding your horse on your plate at the moment... And, like others, I can't help but wonder if the current overload on top of the normal chaos our bodies go through after childbirth and being a new mum is tipping you a little towards some post natal depression... Just enough to knock your confidence and make everything appear a little overwhelming at the moment... Perhaps not, but be conscious of the possibility...

Please don't make any big decisions until you know you've got both feet on the floor and can look at the whole picture rather than feeling forced into anything... Could you extend the loan a little longer? Do you have options to move yards? Can you take the baby with you when you go to the yard - they quite conveniently sleep anywhere and once b/feeding is established you can express and take a bottle with you... Can you take mum, hubby, friend, great aunt gertie with you as a bit of moral support so you can present a firmer 'persona' to the gang at the yard? How well do you get on with your sharer for support?

Pass the buck to the union for as much as you can - it's what they're there for... I don't know the circumstances but if returning would be detrimental to your health, is constructive dismissal an option? Keep an eye out for other jobs or courses that might catch your eye without putting the pressure on as proper job hunting...

A new baby means you have to dig in and live on fresh air in a bit of a zombie state for a while anyway... Molehills can become massive mountains... But it really, really does get better... Venting and sounding off occasionally might be enough to get some perspective on things, but please, if you do start to get concerned about coping with everything on your plate, have a word with your health visitor or GP just incase you need a little help to muddle through this stage... Easier said than done but try not to become too stressed and enjoy the little fella - time passes so quickly...

 

[claribella]

Congratulations! So sorry you are having a rubbish time at the moment. You sound like you are just doing too much. Having a baby is a huge adjustment no matter how many you have and breast feeding is pretty tough going at times too let alone having a pony to deal with on top of that. I would just say to not domanything drastic at the moment. Your hormones are all over the place, I would imagine you are tired and both of these things can warp your view on life. I went through quite an emotional time a little while a go and thought getting rid of Bella was the only thing I could do. I couldn'tt think straight and looking back now I wasn't thinking straight because I know now that I would have regretted it big time. Could you not put your pony out on full loan for a minute until you have some time to think and get your life back a bit. The baby stage goes so quickly and you will have a bit of time back before you know it so yeah take some time to think.

 

[showaddy1]

Read all, some very good advice... 'a new baby, breastfeeding and hormones' + 'horse trouble' are not easy, but dont give up.... you may in the future decide to sell but not yet, not when your adjusting to the change.
As for other ppls opinions, filter the crap from the good and carry on... sod what other ppl think!
Dont be hard on yourself, as long as you, your baby and the horse are all safe and well then life is good xx

 

[Parker79]

Also like to say Congratulations! sounds like you have had a really tough time...I think there is some fabulous advice on here so far.

Sorry - this is long

Firstly...sleep deprevation is used as a form of torture! so remember that when you try to be superwoman and do everything! do not underestimate the power of sleep, the worry that a newborn brings (especially if you nearly lost him) and the fact you are breastfeeding too.

I found that as soon as I had my daughter people felt it was ok to suddenly comment on things...its very strange...there is a reason for it but I wont go into it now. Enjoy your son, try to block out the people you find negative and prioritise.

Who cares what those people think.....do you like them? do you value their opinion?.

It is hard when you feel paranoid in a yard, or you feel people are rolling eyes...just be careful that it isn't partially your own sensitivity at the moment...I was very much like that...I had severe PND and would 'mind read' and panic that I was doing everything wrong.

Regarding the grazing mask...how dare they! I would do as someone else suggested...put up a sign on his stable and on the board explaining that the grazing mask must be left on and speak to YO.

If you generally like the yard and the YO is supportive then stick it out for now...if the YO is not supporting you then maybe you should have a word for now...moving your horse at this time would be too much for you I think.

Regarding should you sell....I would give yourself 6 months...I do not think its a good time to make decisions, perhaps you could ask your sharer if they will take on more at the moment to help you.

Good luck...hope it works out.

 

[AmyMay]

What are you being criticised for? Not having the vet to your lami horse perhaps?

 

[Parker79]

What are you being criticised for? Not having the vet to your lami horse perhaps?

confused? it doesn't say she didn't get the vet?

 

[mystiandsunny]

I would stick it out until the lami is gone, then move. Regardless of the bitching, they made your horse ill by interfering with his management and the YO did nothing. It's not safe for him there. I'd go with the pony + horse + field idea as soon as you can. The pony could have a child loaner until your baby's old enough, and you get out of livery yards into the peace and quiet of your own space. Fields with shelters that can be stables if lami etc are around, as are small yards if you're very lucky. Being on your own is amazing. So peaceful, quiet, you only have around the people you want to be there - bliss!

 

[AmyMay]

It does on a previous post Parker.

 

[Always Henesy]

And....breathe... Congratulations on the new arrival, they are such a gift... Exhausting but amazingly special too...

It sounds as if there is more than just the issues surrounding your horse on your plate at the moment... And, like others, I can't help but wonder if the current overload on top of the normal chaos our bodies go through after childbirth and being a new mum is tipping you a little towards some post natal depression... Just enough to knock your confidence and make everything appear a little overwhelming at the moment... Perhaps not, but be conscious of the possibility...

Please don't make any big decisions until you know you've got both feet on the floor and can look at the whole picture rather than feeling forced into anything... Could you extend the loan a little longer? Do you have options to move yards? Can you take the baby with you when you go to the yard - they quite conveniently sleep anywhere and once b/feeding is established you can express and take a bottle with you... Can you take mum, hubby, friend, great aunt gertie with you as a bit of moral support so you can present a firmer 'persona' to the gang at the yard? How well do you get on with your sharer for support?

Pass the buck to the union for as much as you can - it's what they're there for... I don't know the circumstances but if returning would be detrimental to your health, is constructive dismissal an option? Keep an eye out for other jobs or courses that might catch your eye without putting the pressure on as proper job hunting...

A new baby means you have to dig in and live on fresh air in a bit of a zombie state for a while anyway... Molehills can become massive mountains... But it really, really does get better... Venting and sounding off occasionally might be enough to get some perspective on things, but please, if you do start to get concerned about coping with everything on your plate, have a word with your health visitor or GP just incase you need a little help to muddle through this stage... Easier said than done but try not to become too stressed and enjoy the little fella - time passes so quickly...

So well said.
I agree with all of the above. Don't rush into anything.
Congratulations on the birth of your son.

 

[NeverSayNever]

I'd agree with the others, give yourself more time, you've been through a lot.

I'd also look around for a paddock to rent locally, even try asking some farmers if they will allow you to graze your pony in with their stock or if they can spare a bit of land for you to rent. It makes a huge difference not having people interfering if the sharer is able to help with the workload.

I'd also ask people at the yard not to interfere, taking a grazing muzzle off was a stupid thing to do.

I also think that a few months down the line you would regret selling once you have the time and energy to get back into riding.

Good luck, and congratulations on the birth of your little boy.

^^^^^ this is basically what i was going to write.. poor you, what a horrible way to feel Please dont give up on your horse just now, in a few months if you feel the same then fair enough. Id do everything I could to get away from this horrible lot at the yard and surround yourself with supportive friends only. Im due my first baby later this week and Im so glad my 2 ponies are in a field at my house... my Sec D mare is having a wee break now and she has her shettie pal for company. If Id been on a yard dealing with know it alls and unwanted opinions up until now Id have turned into a rocking, dribbling mess! Congrats on your wee boy and dont be too hard on yourself, you have a lovely long summer ahead of you.