Eating disorders and horses?

[ShowJumperBeckii]

Please go easy on me, taken alot for me to write this and and i only wanting a tad of advice.. (i won't go into details i'll get ust get to the point..)
I'll finally admit i have an eating disorder (anorexia).. But my worry is the horses, how do i cope with the whole keeping him fit and ridden everyday and all the mucking out poo picking etc etc.. i know there is simple solutions like loan/sell etc but as always its far far easy said than done and my horse is the happyness in my life at the moment so getting rid would obviously seem stupid plus i was so looking foward to eventing next season
But if anyone else has suffered and had horses at the same time how did you cope? PM if preferred

Many thanks

 

[AnneCam]

ridden everyday

???

Do you think he'd really mind a bit of an easier winter until you're feeling better?

No knowledgeable advice for yourself but didn't want to read and run.

Get well soon

 

[Burmilla]

What is making it difficult to do the tasks you name atm? Not enough energy or strength because not enough calories going in? Are you having any professional support with either your horse or your eating probs? I have a bit of a problem with eating, too. I try to balance out the calories in/used up and eat enough of "good" (like not sweeties, chocs, biscuits and cakes cos I then feel mentally and physically c**p) food so that I can do what I want to with horse. However, he is on a very good livery yard, so I dont need to muck out or poo pick! I have thoughts that he would be "better off" with someone else who would do much higher level competitions than I do, but we have fun, he is well and happy, so I try not to beat myself up over that! Balancing things is always the answer, but easier said than done. Hope you get lots of support and positive ideas here. Anorexia is a nasty disease, akin to depression. People who have not attempted to live well whilst experiencing either or both, tend towards the "pull yourself together, self indulgent attention seeking" response. Not helpful. Good luck!

 

[LauraWheeler]

Did you get my PM? Not shore if it sent.

 

[Wagtail]

Are you on any medications? Mirtazapine is an excellent drug for anorexics as it really stimulates the appetite and is also an antidepressant.


You do not need to ride your horse. He will not mind so long as he gets turnout and company. Good luck getting well.

 

[muddygreymare]

I'll PM you, let me know if you don't get it

 

[Littlelegs]

I don't know much about eating disorders, but I suppose it depends how badly effected you are & what, if any progress you are making treatment wise. On the one hand, forcing yourself to eat enough to ride etc could help. Or it could become yet another obsessive way to calorie burn. In which case turning the horse away could be better, but still seeing it regularly as your inspiration to get well. Hopefully others will have more specific advice, good luck overcoming it. Whilst I'm no expert, I've watched two close friends go through it, & I realise how horrid it can be.

 

[Malin100]

If he makes you happy, try thinking of him as your reward. I.e. if I eat enough today then I'll have energy to spend time with him. Whatever you do, think of it in terms of your horse. Work towards you being healthy for eventing etc. It wasnt the exact same situation (I didn't have a horse at the time), but this way of thinking has helped me!

 

[Polos Mum]

I can't comment on your personal circumstances but lots of eventers have 2 ish months off over the winter with no ill effect. My boy used to go 'home' to his owner (from the proffessional yard he was on while competing) where she just turned him out and he had a physical and mental rest.
I'm sure there isn't a quick answer for you but in the short term is there a nice grass livery option for him over this winter? to give you a break. He will only be better for it I'm sure.

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

You need to remember that muscle weighs more than fat. If you're exercising horses every day and doing yard chores you're going to build muscle. So if you're getting heavier it doesn't mean you're getting fat.

I don't know if you weigh yourself. If you don't a guide that you're underweight is your muscles. The body digests carbohydrates, fat and protein. If you're not eating enough food (fuel) the body will use its fat reserves. It's unlikely you have any, as an anorexic. If there's no fat available, the body starts breaking down its muscles (protein). This hurts in a constant dull ache kind of feeling. It's a clear sign the body needs more fuel. Ideally you don't let it get to this stage.

Whatever weight, size or shape you wish to be, this has no bearing on the body's need for fuel. You wouldn't expect a car to run with no petrol, however lovely it looked sitting on the driveway. The body is a machine of sorts, each cell has an engine.

With taking care of the horses I would factor in regular breaks. If you want to ride an hour a day, consider two half hour sessions.

 

[ShowJumperBeckii]

Thank you for your replies, i struggle with if i muck out i won't have the energy to ride but if i ride i won't be able to go anything else without the feeling asif im going to ust drop to the floor at any minute.. and it scares me incase i pass on while on the horse, hes a big 16.2hh warmblood who feels the need to throw in a few roadeo moments far to often or if i collapse while no ones around, its not ust my saftey i'm worrying about its also his!. I could go intlo the grass/part livery root but feel i'm having to give up on him and its my fault (but obviously i'm not doing this to myself on purpose!)
Of course i don't have to ride everyday or anyday but i do feel bad im not giving him enough attention but maybe thats me over worrying about him, cause im sure he won't mind a nice winter break
I won't go into details on a public thread but i am seeking some form of help at the mo but no im not on meds, i mean don't get me wrong i'm not silly i know about the whole food is energy and music/fat weight etc plus i'm not allowed near a pair of scales, and its hard to ask how to cope because most of the time i get answers like 'eat more' and its hard to say i wouldnt be asking for youre help if i was able to ust 'eat more' if that makes sense?
Will reply to PM's now
Thanks again X

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

Right now, the last thing you need is for your horse to move on.. he is your pillar of strength at the time when you need him the most. You may lack in physical strength atm, but your determination to get better is all you need to keep going, along with your four legged friend xx

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

Might I ask what bedding he's on? Is there any way to make having him easier?
Easi bed is a light bedding (wood based), you may find that easier to work with, than shavings and straw.. also using small buckets or a hosepipe to fill his main water bucket. Take a friend with you maybe? Or advertise for a sharer?

 

[Blythe Spirit]

I dont have any advice as such but I just wanted to say I understand cos I have been there - about 6 years ago. My horses helped me get better although for a time the yard work became part of a punishing diet and excercise regime - if one lost a shoe I would obsess that not riding for one night would make me fat. But in the end I found that having other things to focus on like schooling them gradually helped me not need to be in control of every calorie in and out. I would suggest perhaps making sure you are not alone with the horses in case you faint - but I also think you should keep them. If you want to get better then you probably will find a way at least to get better enough to enjoy the horses if not to go to the yard Xmas dinner (which I still cannot face)! You can do it - anorexics are very determined people horse riders often are too - turn that to your strength and I hope you find your own path through this. Best of luck

 

[Happytohack]

I think you are incredibly brave admitting you have a problem. That is a huge step in the road to recovery. Your horse is your lifeline, so please don't think about parting with him. I just wanted to wish you good luck.

 

[brighteyes]

See if you can find a sharer who understands his needs and yours - maybe an older person?

I think he might be a very important feature in your life and to let him go would be unhelpful in the long run. You have him to get better for

Good luck x

 

[claribella]

Im so sorry to hear about your ed. You have a hard journey ahead but actually admitting that you are ill is a major thing so well done

Dont get rid of your horse right now. Horses are healers. My girl has helped me through the recovery of both anorexia and bulimia. She has always been there to listen. Just being with your horse will be a rock for you at this time and he/she will be there for you to cry with, tell all to and generally just listen when you need to vent esp if you choose to get treatment.

Depending on how low your weight is, Im not sure whether you shoul choose to ride. I find I didnt start passing out until my weight was ridiculously low and my heart rate was irregular and infrequent. If you do ride then dont go alone.

Is there any way you can get some help with the yard duties or just bite the bullet and do what I know you said you didnt want to but put your horse on grass livery for the minute. Its so much easier and will pull less calories out of your body.

I really feel for you but jut want to encourage you. I lived with an ed for just over ten years. It ruled my life and controled every part of me. I had two bouts of councelling with a ED clinic and was almost admitted to hospital. I got to a point during the bulimia where I coulnt keep anything donw because my body just bought it back up again instantly. I understand that its a living hell and I believed that I would never ever be free of it and I would prob die because of the damage I was doing to my body. Whenever anyone told me stories of how they had recovered from an ed, I always thhought that was nice for them but I honestly believed that it was diff for me. I can say now that I am free of it entirely. I no longer count calories, avoid going out with friendds if it revolves around food, I eat what I want when I want including chocolate which was an aboslute no go for me, I no longer rely on my safe foods and very eat them anymore. There is hope that you can get through this. It isnt easy an you may have days where you feel like youve gone backwards but keep going, you will get there. Try to stay determined and believe that you have the strength to do it. Big hugs for you. Stay strong an if you want to pm me just to get it all out then I would be really happy to listen

 

[hollyandivy123]

sorry for the short reply.......................think what you would say if you had to advise someone else who had another medical problem say an acute viral attack, which left them feeling tired after a small amount of energy expenditure, you would advise them to rest to recover properly before trying to keep going at the same level as before. this is the situation you are in, you need to get yourself well first then think of the horse, let him go a bit hairy and turned away for a couple of months work on yourself and then re focus on the horse.

would he turn into a happy hacker for a while?

 

[ShowJumperBeckii]

Thank you for all your lovely replies/advice and PM's
As iv metioned in some of my PM's i struggle to talk about my problems so sorry this isin't much of a reply but i am greatful that you took the time to share your problems/give advice and best wishes!
He is bedded on shavings as he eats straw and his bed is such a mess it works out cheaper!,will look into easi bed and see where it is stocked though thank you!
Only thing about a sharer is that no one at the yard wants to ride cause hes a nuthorse so now being winter and him being a bit of the high strung side i don't want to be dealing with the stress of fiding the right person but yes a good option too look into..
He will hack if you enoy having to hold on tight as most the time no legs or only 2 legs are on the ground..
But thanks again guys appreciate the help Xx

 

[AntxGeorgiax]

Being ana and having horses doesn't mean you're a bad anorexic? If you were pro anorexia you'd want to ride more surely? Horses are fabulous, versatile creatures. Whether you ride to earn a living, ride for pleasure, ride to keep fit or just enjoy the company of one another they can make the world a better place. I know for a fact I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for my horse!
If they have winter off, not a prob. It's the nice brushing and cuddles and the general looking like a tramp and smelling like horse wee that's the best part

 

[YorksG]

If you think about what you would do to get your horse fit for work, you would look at exercise and feed, making sure that he had the best quality of both to produce a horse that could do the job he needs to do. It may be worth looking at doing the same for yourself, given that you are already aware that you are not 'fit' (as in good enough physical shape) to do the work required for your horse. It might not work, but if you are already calorie aware etc. then it may be worth researching what calorific out put riding etc use and ensuring that you have 'fuelled up' enough to do the job.

 

[Ahrena]

I really feel for you, its such a hard thing to live with.

Do try and use your horse as motivation. When I went into recovery, it amazed me how much more I enjoyed my horses. Whilst I was ill, they were a chore as I was always cold and tired (but 'had' to ride for my exercise)...but when I started eating more I was AMAZED by how much I was suddenly enjoying them.

 

[ShowJumperBeckii]

I do ride him but hes been broken with one illness or another thoughout the whole of this year plus has been having chiro and massages recently but as i said to said at the start of my thread i won't go into details about the amount of calories or exercise i do as that's not what i'm asking.
I was only asking how people coped due to me worrying about mine or my horses safey ie. im on a hack i passed out and what could happen to my horse them kind of worries.
Thank you Xx

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

A sharer doesn't have to ride, just help out.. there are people out there who just want to be around horses, riding is just a bonus. You never know though, that person just might be the one who can cope with your horse's ways in the saddle, you just have to word your advert carefully, and have someone with you at the time of said person coming to see him, who can help you vet their capabilities.
I know a lot of people who don't actually ride, they just have big four legged pets, who live in the lap of luxury.

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

Another suggestion... you need one wheel barrow, two large tug buckets, and a pair of marigolds.. instead of putting the muck straight in the barrow, fill the tug to a level your comfortable with (lifting wise) and put it in the barrow (don't tip it in, just 'put' in), use the gloves to help you pick up any loose droppings, rather than the shaving fork. Save that for the wet patches.
Then you can drop the muck straight onto the muck heap without having to shovel it on.
Instead of building a full bed that runs three quarters down the stable, leave a foot long gap, along the length of the back of his bed, then make it go half way instead of usual. Do you have matting? If not, invest in it, then you won't need as much. If you prefer deep littering, try to avoid doing a full muck out until the weekend, and just poo pick all week, then take someone to help you when you do take the wet patch out.

 

[Celestica]

Although I have barely any energy at times, it is the horses that keep me fighting through this dreadful disorder. If you begin to consider leasing the horses then maybe it is what is best for the both of you as a temporary aid. Stay strong darling <3

 

[ShowJumperBeckii]

Thank you everyone Xx