Ever felt like giving up on your horse? *Long feeling sorry for myself post*

RubyFrench

RubyFrench

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I purchased my horse beginning of Feb, advertised as a summer project, although was told I could plod about around the fields.

So I rode him in the school a couple of times just to make sure he wasn't going to be fizzy or dangerous (he had been out of work for 10 weeks at the time, and moved to a new yard) but he seemed fine, very placid and was quite impressed at him after having lots of time off (I do think he was out of work longer, as he had dropped a lot of condition). So I started to go out on short hacks, walk only, with 2 friends and he was an absolute star, didn't seem phased by any traffic, did jump at some dogs barking behind a gate (but so did the other two!) and was really happy with him.

A couple of weeks in he bucked me off, out of the blue, just come off the road into the 'drive' up to the yard. Really unnerved me as it was so unexpected. Was told to get back on him immediately so as he didn't 'get the better of me' so I did, he was shaking like a leaf as he had frightened himself, the second my bum was in the seat he did it again, so I decided to lead him the last few minutes home.

Decided not to ride him again until I had a new saddle (I had been using an old saddle he came with, that I was told fit him, and suspected it probably didn't fit as well as he had lost condition). So he had a few weeks off while I got some money together and brought the saddle off the previous owner, who had purchased it for him, and had it fitted). Tried him in it for the first time in the school (softer landing ;) ) and he promptly bucked me off after about 2 minutes. Total confidence breaker.

Had the 'back lady' out and was told he had two old injuries, and was generally sore and had tension in numerous areas *sigh*. So he is still off work whilst I feed him up, walk him out and supposedly lunge him (both myself and the horse are crap at this).

Sorry for the long post, just feel like I have brought something that is beyond my expertise (i.e. bringing him back into work) and that I don't really know what I am doing. When do I decide it is time to get back on him again? I feel scared of the thought, and considering paying someone to do it the first few times! Keep leafing through adverts at similarly priced horses that are 'ready to ride' and require no expertise.

.......oh did I mention he has a personality to die for, and think he is a real softy, and potentially a great horse????
 
if i was in your position i'd give him the benefit of the doubt and try and sort out his soreness. I'd spend the time doing groundwork, lunging and games with him, which will help build your bond and trust.


I saw this as someone who is in the same position with an unrideable horse for the next few months. I got a NH person out and im actually finding the groundwork exercises fascinating.
 
paddi22 said:
if i was in your position i'd give him the benefit of the doubt and try and sort out his soreness. I'd spend the time doing groundwork, lunging and games with him, which will help build your bond and trust.


I saw this as someone who is in the same position with an unrideable horse for the next few months. I got a NH person out and im actually finding the groundwork exercises fascinating.
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Thanks paddi, I have never considered nh with him, that might be something to look into!

Can you recommend any games/books/websites I could have a look at??
 
I'd have my confidence knocked by all those things too, however the fact that there is a clear reason why he reacted would hugely soothe me. If I knew that treating him would remedy his explosive bucking, I would be happy to follow the advice of my physio/vet etc about what to do and when. I'd consider getting some help with the lunging though: perhaps a trained instructor or a well-practiced friend. A lot of people pay others to ride their horse, and most of them IME still have those nerves getting back on themselves, sometimes with the pressure of seeing them ridden well by someone else.
Do what will help your confidence most, and don't worry about people make of it 80)

Don't give up, but do remember there is no rush: take things at your own pace. You can clearly see the great in him: you will have no prouder feeling than when you've turned that potential into reality 80)
 
If you can, get someone whos good at lunging/long lining to help you, or have a couple of lessons on lunging and long lining from a good instructor, use the time and the lunging to help you build up his strength, develop proper muscle and topline, and you can perfect your lunging skills, :D spending time working him from the ground doing carrot stretches to help with developing his flexibility will also reap its own rewards if carried out well. If you can get your hands on a massage pad, theyre great for helping with aches and pains, good luck
I really hope you get things sorted out :)
 
Why dont you get some one to show you how to lunge him properly, it will help him build up the correct muscle and you can see any tension. An instructor will also be able to help you decide when to get back on him and possibly will ride him a few times. If he has a good personality then I would carry on with him and sort his physical issues before getting some one to help you to start riding him again.
 
Ask your instructor [your may need to find a more experienced person]to show you how to use two reins to long rein, as this will allow you to work on his transitions and his outline, I do hope you have not been sold a "project" to me a project horse is something to avoid!
Can you ask previous owner to take him back?
 
First of all I would get the soreness issues sorted out, it will probably take more than one session with a physio. Get the saddle re-checked by your physio although it may have been made for him, he will have changed shape since and it may need the stuffing altering or an extra thick numnah if he has lost condition since it was made.

Go onto the Intelligent Horsemanship website and you will find lots of help on there, plus a shop where you can purchase books, cds etc. There is also a list of IH trainers and if there is one near you, you could have a few groundwork lessons to get you started and they may be willing to hop on board for you when he starts being ridden.

It's horrible when something like this happens and dents your confidence, but you know it is pain related and not personal, so once the source of his pain is removed you can both start over again.

A saying that helped me in a similar situation "Feel the fear, but do it anyway!" It worked for me.

Good luck and keep us posted.
 
If the soreness is his only problem then its probably worth persevering with. After all you bought him knowing he would need bringing back into work and were bound to hit a few problems, so it would be a shame to give up with him :)
I agree with what everyone else has said, give him some time and see if he improves. Meanwhile its a good opportunity for the two of you to bond doing some ground work and a good opportunity for you to practise your lungeing skill!
 
Hi, poor you, it is so devastating when it goes so wrong and you just don't want to be part of it. Hopefully though one day you will get to a good place with him and it will be all the better for having been so dark at this point.

Firstly, definately get some help but be really picky about who you use.

Secondly, why don't you do some clicker training with him while he isn't being ridden, it is a good way to bond and you can then use it for practical purposes.

For example, my horse lost confidence in the mounting process due to an incident. I used clicker training and within 2 sessions I could jump on and off and bang stirrups about etc with complete abandon. Best of all it was a really non-stressful happy way to do it and meant that after the first session I didn't need anyone about to help.

Lastly, it might be worth having a chat with the vendor, (I suspect you haven't been told everything) and seeing if you can really find out why he is a 'project' and what really happened. Clearly you will have to do it tackfully, but it may help you pinpoint exactly what you need to work on.

Good luck.
 
Been there got the T-shirt

I really feel for you as I know what it';s like to have your confidence knocked and people niggling on at you.

Have you got a good instructor? whom you trust and is not a bully? . if so you need to sit down with them and talk it thru. if your horse has a great personality - then I think you're on to a winner (as in my book thats the most important thing). ;)

If not get a good instructor, Good ones are worth there weight in gold,. they will help you with your ground work (lunging etc) and getting you back on.

My thoughts are the first saddle has hurt your boy and having the "new saddle" on has reminded him of the pain, so probably a few lunge lessons with tack but no rider would benefit (also get this saddle checked by a saddler just incase it too doesn't fit). once your horse is going well onthe lunge with tack get yourself a couple of lunge lessons - I used to be soo embarrased about going on the lunge as an "experienced" rider but thanks to an excellent instructor, I have now realised sooo many benefits of it. start slowly, and keep setting small acheiveable targets you'll soon find your confidence and relationship with this horse going only one way UP,

Best of luck
 
Miss L Toe said:
Ask your instructor [your may need to find a more experienced person]to show you how to use two reins to long rein, as this will allow you to work on his transitions and his outline, I do hope you have not been sold a "project" to me a project horse is something to avoid!
Can you ask previous owner to take him back?
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I was sold him as she said she had no time for him, or the money. He was only a project as she had brought him 7 months earlier as a hack, and then stopped riding him due to "other commitments", so he had been out of work for a while. Theoretically I wouldn't have thought a horse would need reschooling after 10 weeks off, but as I said I suspect it was a lot longer due to his condition, and it also raised a thought that "I wander if he had been doing this with her, hence why she is getting rid of him". I hope that wasn't the case.

Victoria: Re- needing support. I am on a livery yard, but go up at quiet times due to my shift work and wouldn't really know who to ask for help :(

I know horses aren't perfect, and owners gloss over the minor details when selling them but I have discovered since having him that a) he is not brilliant at hacking on his own (granted I have never rode him, only lead him the route we usually hacked, and he would call out, jog, go tense, then relax, then repeat!) infact, he does this when leading him to the yard sometimes!! and b) he is not easy to catch, previous owner said she kept a head collar on him for convenience, i now know she was lying. this isn't a big issue as i can quickly grab his head collar and clip his rope on, rather than chasing him round the field!)
 
Please don't give up. I've totally lost my nerve as I've had 5 years away from riding and horses and silly me went and bought a monster sized very green baby. But like your's he is a lovely type with a fantastic temperament. First time on him in the school, and only my second time on him, he threw a succession of very big bucks and proceeded into a flat out gallop between A and C. Thankfully I managed to stop him just before he was about to vault over the menage fence with me half out of the saddle. Not a good start for either of us. He then had a few weeks off due to a sore back, which was as it turns out was an existing problem not helped by my saddle pinching him. We seem to think that is why he bucked as he had never done it before with his previous owners. He then had a few weeks off while the physio sorted his back and I waited on my new saddle to arrive. I was terrified to get on him and made every excuse under the sun to avoid riding him. Luckily we have a very experienced male rider of about 17 stone at the yard who happened to have a saddle that fitted and insisted I ride. As I was so nervous he was more than happy to hop on my boy and try him out first. After an initial bit of napping (i think more from the shock of having someone heavier than 9 stone on him) he was fine and I hopped on and had an impromptu lesson followed by a short hack on my own on a long rein. Really helped me (and my boy's) confidence. I'm very lucky to have a great group of people at my livery that always seem to be on hand to help out, open gates (too difficult to get on and off 18.2hh pony), shout encouragement and are generally there if and when I need them. It has made such a difference. I think too that it took a few weeks to get the bond and trust thing happening between the two of us, but now we have that we a both much more chilled out and neddy and I are really enjoying our schooling and hacking.
Good luck. You'll get there in the end and when you do you'll be glad you stuck with it, promise! :)
 
Been there got the t-shirt too. But you say in the opening post you got him as a summer project... its bearly even spring yet! How can you give up on him already?

Don't give up yet, I agree get learns on long reing and lundging, get the treatment for his back, he may need a few physiobck man ect sessions on that anyway.

After working on that and getting the go ahead from the vet/specialist i'd start with lunging/long reining with a sit on him towards the end see how it goes and then gradually change the percentage ratio around so you are riding longer than lundging untill you have the confidence to get straight on him.
 
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ossy said:
Been there got the t-shirt too. But you say in the opening post you got him as a summer project... its bearly even spring yet! How can you give up on him already?
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I'm not the type to give up, and like I said he is a real sweet boy. But I am starting to be a bit sceptical about why she sold him, and that he may have done something like it before because she was reluctant to ride him for me, but I made her ;)

I don't currently have a riding instructor, that will be my next mission once he's had a few more sessions with the phys!
 
Don't judge him yet, it is such early days, he hasn't had time to settle he is likely to be tense out hacking on his own in a strange place. It takes months and months to build a partnership. Lots of good advice already, good luck
 
Ok, let me get this straight: you bought a "project", he has turned out to be more than you can handle - sounds to me like you are ready to join a very large club indeed: the "Overhorsed Club"! How experienced are you? Can you get some professional help? If you havn't done any previous schooling/re-schooling then you will need some major help. Horses are very quick to find out EXACTLY how much they can get away with, and you can fiddle with their backs/teeth/saddles/groundwork as much as you like, this doesn't mean it will have any effect on what are BASIC SCHOOLING issues.
 
Cortez said:
Ok, let me get this straight: you bought a "project", he has turned out to be more than you can handle - sounds to me like you are ready to join a very large club indeed: the "Overhorsed Club"! How experienced are you? Can you get some professional help? If you havn't done any previous schooling/re-schooling then you will need some major help. Horses are very quick to find out EXACTLY how much they can get away with, and you can fiddle with their backs/teeth/saddles/groundwork as much as you like, this doesn't mean it will have any effect on what are BASIC SCHOOLING issues.
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Good grief! I was wondering how long it would take before we got the "over horsed" comments. :rolleyes:

I have a 17.1hh ex point to pointer who I am having to get NH help with as he likes to nap when you ride him off road (still in the racing mindset).
Does this mean I am over horsed?
I have been riding over 30 years and am a very experienced rider, but I still have confidence issues - especially as I am a mum to 3 children now.

OP - I understand how you feel. Ditto getting some outside help and spend more time bonding with your horse. Don't lose heart.
Be absolutely sure there are no pain issues first and then get someone with bags of confidence and experience to help you get started.
Sending you much support and wishing you only success and happiness with your new horse. :)
 
Cortez said:
Ok, let me get this straight: you bought a "project", he has turned out to be more than you can handle - sounds to me like you are ready to join a very large club indeed: the "Overhorsed Club"! How experienced are you? Can you get some professional help? If you havn't done any previous schooling/re-schooling then you will need some major help. Horses are very quick to find out EXACTLY how much they can get away with, and you can fiddle with their backs/teeth/saddles/groundwork as much as you like, this doesn't mean it will have any effect on what are BASIC SCHOOLING issues.
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Actually, most folks with half a brain rule out pain, when they have horses that throw up issues, its not " fiddling" its good management and lays the foundations for working with the horse.
Her horse has been seen by a professional who has said his back is sore in certain areas and she is asking for some help working through this, and it needs adressed before attempting any schooling on board , the op has had some good advice here, so of youve not got anything helpful to say to the op just wind your neck in and jog on
 
I've not only considered it, I did give up on one and it was the best decision ever. ETA - She was a right PITA though and also unsound.

RubyFrench said:
Sorry for the long post, just feel like I have brought something that is beyond my expertise (i.e. bringing him back into work) and that I don't really know what I am doing. When do I decide it is time to get back on him again? I feel scared of the thought, and considering paying someone to do it the first few times! Keep leafing through adverts at similarly priced horses that are 'ready to ride' and require no expertise.
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All horses sound perfect on adverts, in the flesh its a different story. ;)

Yeah, just pay someone to get him going for you. Pro's are so much fitter than most of us and the good ones stick to horses that can have us mortals on the deck. Its nothing to be ashamed of and it will break the cycle of you and your horse damaging one another's confidence.
 
Cortez said:
Ok, let me get this straight: you bought a "project", he has turned out to be more than you can handle - sounds to me like you are ready to join a very large club indeed: the "Overhorsed Club"! How experienced are you? Can you get some professional help? If you havn't done any previous schooling/re-schooling then you will need some major help. Horses are very quick to find out EXACTLY how much they can get away with, and you can fiddle with their backs/teeth/saddles/groundwork as much as you like, this doesn't mean it will have any effect on what are BASIC SCHOOLING issues.
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*ignoreeeeeeee* thanks for your opinion but i will choose to ignore it :D
he was sold to me as hackable, but would benefit from some lessons kind of project.
 
Flame_ said:
tbf, "project" in an advert usually does mean "issues/screw-up".
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that is what i have come to the semi-conclusion of in this case. but i will give him the benefit of the doubt. (any one who meets him would see that he would never do this to be nasty, but out of pain, so i am suggesting that the previous owner lacked inclination to get to the route of his soreness and just sold him on).
 
RubyFrench said:
Sorry for the long post, just feel like I have brought something that is beyond my expertise (i.e. bringing him back into work) and that I don't really know what I am doing. When do I decide it is time to get back on him again? I feel scared of the thought, and considering paying someone to do it the first few times! Keep leafing through adverts at similarly priced horses that are 'ready to ride' and require no expertise.

.......oh did I mention he has a personality to die for, and think he is a real softy, and potentially a great horse????
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For what it's worth... I don't think there's any shame in being aware of your skill level and being able to acknowledge you might have over extended yourself...

Having said that... I do think you need to give your boy a little more time... Get saddle and back totally sorted and find a RI that'll give you some confidence and be willing to hop on board first... You'll be in a much better position to work out if you've bitten off a bit more than you can chew or if you've both got the potential for a great partnership... :)
 
I totally agree Marydoll.
Shoot me for saying so (as I'm normally not one to say what she thinks), but heck here goes.....
I thought the forum was for horse lovers, owners, riders, whatever to share their collective experiences and hence help each other out. It seems sadly that a select few tend to use the forum as a means to simply put down and chastise those of us foolish/brave enough to admit we don't (and might I add), will never know all there is to know about our equine friends.
Owning a horse is an ongoing learning experience and such I'm not too proud to ever seek assistance from this forum when in doubt. I've owned 6 horses in 30 years and would consider myself fairly knowledgable and an experienced rider, however but I would never, ever be so bold as to expect I will ever know it all nor ever post a disparaging reply to anyone seeking help. Why would I when I've still got plenty to learn myself.
It really saddens me when a fellow horsey person posts a question obviously seeking help and they are subject to negative comments.
Sorry, but it really gets on my goat. For goodness sake, let's all be a little more supportive and give constructive feedback, not use this space to berate someone for god forbid, not having all the answers.
 
Gusbear said:
I totally agree Marydoll.
Shoot me for saying so (as I'm normally not one to say what she thinks), but heck here goes.....
I thought the forum was for horse lovers, owners, riders, whatever to share their collective experiences and hence help each other out. It seems sadly that a select few tend to use the forum as a means to simply put down and chastise those of us foolish/brave enough to admit we don't (and might I add), will never know all there is to know about our equine friends.
Owning a horse is an ongoing learning experience and such I'm not too proud to ever seek assistance from this forum when in doubt. I've owned 6 horses in 30 years and would consider myself fairly knowledgable and an experienced rider, however but I would never, ever be so bold as to expect I will ever know it all nor ever post a disparaging reply to anyone seeking help. Why would I when I've still got plenty to learn myself.
It really saddens me when a fellow horsey person posts a question obviously seeking help and they are subject to negative comments.
Sorry, but it really gets on my goat. For goodness sake, let's all be a little more supportive and give constructive feedback, not use this space to berate someone for god forbid, not having all the answers.
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lets go overboard shall we?

The OP has said herself she's losing confidence here and has been sold a horse she suspects may have more potential problems than she was given to believe and her frustrations are completely understandable.

i dont think Cotez was 'making disparaging remarks or being negative' however. she has a valid point altho perhaps made a little bluntly but thats hardly unusual on here. Being over horsed which is what the OP has admitted to herself is nothing to be ashamed of and can happen to any of us.
 
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