Expectations of 'bonding' with your horse detrimental to horse ownership?

[Meowy Catkin]

Just some ponderings I had the other day and I wondered if anyone else had any thoughts.



When I was around seven years old I saw 'The Black Stallion' for the first time and marvelled at the scene where Alec is rescued from the island but the Black is left behind... only for the Black to swim after the boat as he was so desperate to answer Alec's calls to come to him.

A dramatic scene but IRL even at that age I wouldn't have ever expected a horse to swim after me like that. No one who taught me ever used the word 'bond' to describe the relationship between a horse and its owner/groom/rider but there were clear expectations. I was told that if there was an issue, it was always the human's fault. The human should have predicted the issue, handled it better, trained the horse better etc... So when issues arrived you looked at what was happening in a practical and calm manner and worked out what you could do better.

The deal was clear, the horse's welfare was the human's responsibility and it included everyday basics such as food and water plus compatible turnout companions, shelter in inclement weather, exercise, veterinary care and importantly good training (which also made sure the horse was rehomable if the need ever arose).

Horses recognising and neighing at their owners/grooms was normal. I was encouraged to find when grooming if a horse had an itchy spot that they enjoyed having groomed etc... the horse was never treated as a machine and violence was not tolerated.


So...
Has this expectation of developing a magical 'bond' with your horse actually been detrimental to new horse owners?
Have their expectations of horse ownership been skewed into something unachievable?
Would they be better off just using good basic horsemanship (of whatever flavour) and let the relationship with their horse develop naturally over time?

 

[Auslander]

The moment someone uses "bond" or, even worse, "unbreakable bond" - I immediately think they are completely clueless about horses.

I love my horse to bits, and I know he would follow me to the end of the earth...if I had a carrot. He likes hanging out with me, because I am the bringer of good things - but if we were attacked by a tiger, he wouldn't hesitate to leave me in the jaws of the tiger, and skedaddle at high speed.

He's a horse, and I am a person. We both bond very nicely with our own species.

 

[ponynutz]

When I was younger I was always upset I couldn't have the perfect bond with my pony. As I've got older, I've realised we do in fact have a pretty good bond - because she's a horse, not a dog!

 

[Meowy Catkin]

Yes I'm sure I'd be Tiger food!

I suppose I was thinking that new horse owners are in a way being set up to fail or to feel like failures when they don't quickly develop an 'unbreakable bond' with their new horse. They might be better off and more successful with lower expectations. I'm not saying that people should only ever expect cupboard love (although that is a reasonable thing to expect ) and no more at all ever, ever and that anything beyond that is delusional. I think as you look after and/or ride the same horse over time you do build a good relationship, but it is not built on magic.

 

[be positive]

I agree the term is used by inexperienced people or those trying to gain something from those inexperienced people, I have only seen it used fairly recently and that goes along with the increase in ownership and the various 'trainers' that have come along to benefit from teaching their, often dubious, methods.

I want my horses, or any I have worked with, to trust me, I also want to trust them, I am under no illusions as to how far that would go, they would all disappear when the Tiger came into view but most will allow me to do pretty much anything I want as long as I ask nicely and they understand the question

 

[AdorableAlice]

Yes to all three situations.

Horses all have different characters and needs. One of my old hunters always stood stock still and waited for me when we parted company. I always wondered why. He was incredibly loyal to me and would push the others away from me when loose in the paddocks. He was an ID. His mate was a Welsh D, he always cleared off when we parted company (very frequently) and would jump with the field until someone caught him and found me wallowing in the mud somewhere. At home he wouldn't lift his head when I walked into the paddocks.

The forum seems to have a lot of threads about how to 'bond' with youngstock, and terms like 'fur baby' make me shudder. There must be so many young horses made tricky by inappropriate early education.

 

[ycbm]

Has this expectation of developing a magical 'bond' with your horse actually been detrimental to new horse owners?

Yes, very detrimental..

Have their expectations of horse ownership been skewed into something unachievable?

Yes completely unachievable.

Would they be better off just using good basic horsemanship (of whatever flavour) and let the relationship with their horse develop naturally over time?

Yes without a doubt, much better off.



My personal bugbear of this 'bond' is the number of people I hear of keeping horses which are totally wrong for what they need, or which ought to be pts on welfare grounds, because they have such a 'special' bond with them.

.

 

[Polos Mum]

The need for instant gratification and quick fixed is endemic in all sorts of areas of life not just horses.
Doesn't make it right but it's something wider than just the horse world.

Old fashioned horse world was hard work, for people and horses did a lot more work too
For my 50p's worth lots of horses are in such light work (my own included often) that they don't get enough training / reinforcement / bordum relief and that causes issues (esp if not on group turnout)

 

[cobgoblin]

I blame Heartland.

But seriously, I think the word 'bond' could be replaced by 'trust'.

 

[Cloball]

But seriously, I think the word 'bond' could be replaced by 'trust'.

I disagree I think it used to replace training. Eg. I don't need to put boundary's in place and train my horse because he will do what I want because we have a 'bond'. A horse isn't going to cease to be horse because you have a 'bond' it is still going to exhibit horse behaviours and expecting it to do otherwise is ignorance.

 

[cobgoblin]

I disagree I think it used to replace training. Eg. I don't need to put boundary's in place and train my horse because he will do what I want because we have a 'bond'. A horse isn't going to cease to be horse because you have a 'bond' it is still going to exhibit horse behaviours and expecting it to do otherwise is ignorance.

LOL... I never said it should replace training.
.

 

[shortstuff99]

I think new owners romanticise or don't realise what a bond with a horse looks like, but scientifically horses are as good at (if not better) understanding and interacting with humans then dogs. So there is a 'bond' or 'connection' there. But, like with dogs, correct training still needs to be done. Not training a dog correctly will lead to as many issues as not training a horse correctly.

Here are some studies on it .

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-62940-w

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-018-26892-6

 

[canteron]

I blame Heartland.

But seriously, I think the word 'bond' could be replaced by 'trust'.

I agree with this. To me bonding means I have the horses full attention at all times, even if there is a hot air balloon landing on the field next door!

 

[paddy555]

and terms like 'fur baby' make me shudder. .

you should try dog sites. They all have "fur babies". They buy their "fur babies" birthday presents and the "fur babies" buy their mummies mother's day presents.

Finished puking yet!

 

[DabDab]

I don't think the concept of bonding with a horse is wrong, but I do think the how and the why have been distorted by dubious trainers and 'influencers'. Ultimately with people new to horses, they don't know what they don't know and there are so many cultivated pictures and videos not just available but pretty much shoved in people's faces these days. And those that don't have a good idea as to the reality behind the image with often fill in the blanks with, um, magic.

I'm very close to Arty, in a way that is quite hard to describe, but with my other two I have what I would describe as a well functioning relationship (despite having owned Dabs for far longer). To want to feel emotionally connected to a horse I don't think is a bad thing, but I don't think it is particularly necessary or in any way and end in itself, but unfortunately a lot of trainers have been telling impressionable people that it is some kind of prerequisite to being able to train them.

 

[DabDab]

I think new owners romanticise or don't realise what a bond with a horse looks like, but scientifically horses are as good at (if not better) understanding and interacting with humans then dogs. So there is a 'bond' or 'connection' there. But, like with dogs, correct training still needs to be done. Not training a dog correctly will lead to as many issues as not training a horse correctly.

Here are some studies on it .

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-62940-w

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-018-26892-6

Thank you - you said it scientifically far better than my ramble.

 

[Cloball]

LOL... I never said it should replace training.
.

Sorry I think I misread you, I thought you meant- that's what you thought when people talk about their bond. Not you personally.

I do wonder what people mean when they talk about going off to bond with their horses. Like specifically. What does an unbreakable bond mean.

 

[Lintel]

I have an unbreakable bond with the Hipo.

If I'm carrying a feed bucket.

?

 

[ycbm]

I agree with this. To me bonding means I have the horses full attention at all times, even if there is a hot air balloon landing on the field next door!

To me it means I have this but they are allowed to be a bit surprised by the hot air balloon, I don't want a robot (and I'm sure you didn't mean that either) .

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

When I go to get mine from the field his ears are the only sign he knows I'm there. He stays firmly fixed to the task of eating. When literally anyone else goes to get him in, he cheerfully wanders up to them.

If I was worried about a mysterious bond between us I'd have given up early on.

I know he is happy to see me (or the potential to earn treats) but I don't think I'm the only important human in his life.

 

[Upthecreek]

Many people don’t really understand what a bond is and it makes me cringe sometimes when people talk about the unbreakable bond they have with a horse that is usually walking all over them (sometimes literally).

If you are the leader your horse will look to you for direction and reassurance. This isn’t because they love you it’s because they have learnt that this keeps them safe and secure. Many people like to think that they have a relationship or ‘bond’ with their horse that no-one else could have, but some horses have multiple owners throughout their lives and seem to develop good relationships with different owners. Confident and consistent leadership is ‘the bond’ in my opinion.

 

[RHM]

Someone on my yard today said they wanted a foal as they would develop a better bond....

 

[shortstuff99]

I'm not quite sure what kind of bond I've got with one of mine but whenever anything scares her she hides behind me ?.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

I have always been taught that we have a duty to ensure that our horses are safe to be handled by anyone, can be ridden by anyone (within reason, obviously) and would walk into a fabulous new home if we were ever in a position where we had to sell.

I remember my riding instructor drilling the importance of manners into us, and I couldn’t have been more than seven. She used to tell us that if the pony wasn’t behaving, it would be sold on and on, and end its days like one of those fly-grazing, cart-pulling cobs! ?

There was far less focus on “bond” or this concept that someone is the only one who can ride a horse. It was all about safety and manners.

And actually, I remember doing absolutely terrifying things like galloping across fields in headcollars, jumping hedges bareback and wearing a hat for lessons and if we went to a show. Maybe we were very lucky that there weren’t more accidents but we didn’t have nappy, spooky, silly horses to contend with. Maybe “quirky”, to reference another thread, but generally they were easy, well-mannered and they made life so much fun.

I hope Mim is like that. Although I will be wearing a hat and absolutely no hedges!

 

[scats]

I suppose it depends how the word bond is interpreted. I believe I had a very close relationship with the Diva, but I was under no illusions that if a lion came calling, she’d have been out of there without even a backwards glance in my direction!

It is largely cupboard ‘love’ with a horse. The provider of food, the one who turns them out with their mates in a nice field of grass, the one who frees them from their stable after a night in...

My girls whinny when my car pulls up... because they know they’re going to get a need fulfilled by my arrival. It’s nice to think that they are excited to see me, but the reality is that they are more excited about what I represent whether that be food, grass or a treat. They humour my daft ways with largely good grace though, such as my weird desire to plant my lips on their faces...

 

[ycbm]

I once rescued (bought back at a higher price) a horse from someone I sold him to who had starved him. My husband drove him home. He told me that as he turned up the hill in the last 4 miles to home, Tetley whinnied, which was something he never did. He recognised, at the end of a four hour journey, that he was 'home' and somewhere safe. That, to me, is a bond.

.

 

[Cortez]

The minute I hear all that "bond" stuff it's an instant indicator that we are in woo woo territory, and life will be much more difficult from there on in. All I ask any horse I work with, either my own or one in for training, is that they listen to me, trust me and are comfortable enough with me to try and do what I ask. This is generally much easier than getting the same sort of response from their owners. I don't want a mythical bond, I just want things to happen, in a good way. My somewhat woo woo friend insists that all my horses "love" me and we have "an unbreakable bond", which is nonsense & just makes me feel like puking, TBH. Her horses run over the top of her, but they are respectful of me (more bond stuff, says she, but easily explained by the fact that I wallop them whenever they get in my face).

P.S. I have had some horses that remember me, years after they've been sold, but that's just because they are good eggs

 

[shortstuff99]

P.S. I have had some horses that remember me, years after they've been sold, but that's just because they are good eggs

And that you have an unbreakable bond ?

 

[be positive]

I blame Heartland.

But seriously, I think the word 'bond' could be replaced by 'trust'.

I used the word trust earlier and that it works both ways, to me it is the training put in that builds the trust.

I was in a field this evening grooming an old pony who is still losing the last of his coat, while grooming him my big horse, who had a very traumatic experience at the hands of others several years ago, he returned having lost trust in everyone had almost a breakdown mentally but we quietly got back on track, was resting his chin on my shoulder and gently blowing in my ear, a few years ago he would bite defensively and took months to get over the bad experience, to deal with him now is a pleasure and he is well worth the £1 I paid for him just to see the look of trust in his eyes, luckily I can trust him as he is a big boy and I was not in the safest position stood between the two of them.
I would not call it a bond as he is equally content with his equine friends and I would not want that to change, he is a horse and still needs to be treated as such.

 

[JFTDWS]

I don't want a mythical bond, I just want things to happen, in a good way.

^ This. I want my horses to be happy, relatively speaking, in their work, to be happy with me in their space and to accept when I need to to do things they might not like. I want them to have an easy life - and that means they need to make their own lives easy, and mine too, as much as possible.

I also actively want them to be happy on their own too. One NH trainer used to rave about their horses pacing/field walking / screaming its head off and being entirely unhappy when they weren't with the horse. That to me is an utter failure for that poor horse.