Fallen out with share pony’s owner

[J_sarahd]

So I’ve been sharing a Welsh Sec D for a year and a half and we have achieved so much - I.e. taking M&M workers champion at our first county show! He’s really improved with me and I will miss him. But I’ve fallen out with his owner. We went to Aylesford arena eventing arenas and it ended in an argument because he tanked with me and, even though it didn’t knock my confidence, she started shouting at me that I wasn’t as experienced as I thought I was. She’s also got another rider who she thinks is God’s gift to Welsh ponies.

I’m looking to find my own pony and I’ve found a few that I’m really interested in going to see. But how do I approach this with pony’s owner without causing more arguments? I love the pony to pieces but it’s got to the point where it’s no longer worth it because she makes me feel like I basically can’t ride at all, despite what we have achieved!

 

[Shavings]

how about some thing along the lines of " i feel its time i move on to pastures new and i want to thank you for allowing me to learn and grow with him"

 

[Red-1]

I would not feel bad, I would just hand my notice, presuming you have a notice period. If she asks why simply say that you feel you are not the right rider for her pony so don't want to ride him/her again.

I would also thank her for the good times, such as being champion M&M at a County Show.

No need for further fall out, as you never know, you may one day end up on the same livery yard. small world the horse world.

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

I would suggest you say something along the lines of thanking her for the experience you've gained via the "share" arrangement, and express what a lovely pony he's been and how much he's taught you, but you now feel the time has come for you to move on as you really would like to have your own and you really feel that you couldn't devote the time to this pony anymore either now or in the foreseeable future; and therefore you feel the only fair thing to do is to relinquish the Share arrangement.

You need not say anything else.

It might help to send her a letter to make it "official", i.e. saying that from such-and-such a date you will be relinquishing the Share. I don't know what sort of contract, if any, you may have signed, but bearing in mind there is a little bit of tension between you, I would suggest the more impersonal way of sending a letter, might perhaps avoid the occasion where you are in face-to-face communication and where conflict might erupt.

Just my suggestion anyway, for what its worth.

 

[SpringArising]

If she asks why simply say that you feel you are not the right rider for her pony so don't want to ride him/her again

I wouldn't say this as it suggests the OP isn't good enough when that doesn't sound the case at all.

IIWY OP I'd be honest - say that you love the pony and care for him very much but you're upset you two have fallen out and would rather move on if there is going to be bad blood. It doesn't have to be passive aggressive or malicious, but I do think sometimes honesty is the best policy. It might give her something to think about as well.

 

[LaurenBay]

In all honesty you don't have to explain yourself. I would just say you wish you end the agreement, if you feel you must give a reason then I'd just say you are looking to by your own.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

I would just say thanks for letting you share him but you want your own pony now.

Simple and nothing to argue about

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

I wouldn't give one single untruthful excuse at all - honesty always best policy I think and why should you lie, that takes you to the same level as the rude and awful sounding owner! I would just say more or less what you said in your OP - you have had a great time with the pony who you care for very much and have enjoyed seeing him improve with your riding, but you are finding her aggressive and unfair criticism is undermining your confidence and pleasure seeing the pony improve etc. etc. and you will now be using the valuable experience and knowledge you have gained during the loan period to source a pony of your own so will therefore be terminating the arrangement at 'X' date.

As others have said I would put it in writing regardless of having a formal agreement in place or not. Human nature being what it is, be prepared though for her to react badly and terminate the loan instantly on receipt of said letter, have all your hasty and final retreat plans set up and ready to act on immediately. Good luck, sounds like owner didnt deserve you anyway.

 

[gallopingby]

There are always at least two sides to every story. You’ve had a nice time riding the pony but it sounds as if it’s maybe time to move on. Best to be polite, you’ve had the opportunity to ride someone else’s pony. Have you paid the entry fees contributed to costs or just enjoyed riding? Everyone has off days and maybe you were both a little fragile that day. Don’t burn all your boats!

 

[indie1282]

Tell her that you have enjoyed sharing him but you are now in the position where you are going to buy your own. Simple!

 

[JFTDWS]

There are always at least two sides to every story.

Indeed - judging by your previous posts, this is very much an ongoing issue, and not a one-off event. Perhaps you're just not a great match. Since you're looking to get your own, just politely say you're moving on and thanks very much for the last 18 months (and hope she doesn't see these threads!). It would be very unwise to be too frank with her - it really is a small world.

 

[Goldenstar]

Basically say Thank you and goodbye . It’s not necessary to explain anything .