Family expecting me to help with other family members horse

[Mary3050]

Hi guys,

I feel I am stuck between a rock and hard place. A family member who has a horse slipped in the shower a week or so ago and has broken her leg . When they used to go on holiday If I wasn’t busy I would see to there horse as it was often only for a few day . However my life commitments changed so it became difficult for me to do this now. Anyways the new horse is also very difficult if not dangerous . Has been known to kick and is aggressive in the stable. It’s kicked me before in the stable so I have avoid doing anything with it since .

However, now I am getting bombarded to help with the horse from different family members. I have said it’s a kicker and dangerous so I won’t do anything with it. The YO has agreed to do the basics feed, muck out turn out and nothing more not that I blame her for that. How I have been asked to go apply cream to its legs apparently it get mud fever . I have said to the owner I am sorry I am too busy . I then get a call from a closer family member saying I should go do it I am being difficult and stupid. When I said it kicks they just said be careful. When I said I am busy they said I should cancel my weekend plans with my horses .

I am just being difficult ? Or am I doing the right thing? I just feel I can’t afford to be off work injured or not be able to take care of my own if I get hurt . It’s not like it’s 10 mins away . It’s 25 mins each way . There are no lights and it’s not a busy yard if something went wrong . It’s owners don’t want to spend the money paying someone to do or sort the hirse

Any advice?
Many thanks

 

[Spottyappy]

Tell the family member that they can pay for a groom if they feel so strongly about things. But, an unpaid groom is one thing you are not.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Owner should pay YO to put the cream on, it's not your responsibility, especially when it's 25 mins away from you. I'm not actually suprised that it's kicking if its legs are sore but that's not your problem. If no-one can get near it, I can recommend tea-tree oil spray as a treatment, which means that you don'thave to touch the legs. It can still kick though.
Stick to your guns!

 

[Flowerofthefen]

If the yard was a few mins away I might consider showing my face to keep the peace but its a fair drive costing you time and money. And you are quite right to be worried about the horse kicking. Stick to your guns.

 

[Landcruiser]

My advice would be to stick to your guns, for the reasons you have stated. And don't feel bad about it - you don't want to get injured (especially at your own cost ie time and petrol)

 

[Clodagh]

I would give one reason and stick to it. More than one, however valid, tend to weaken your argument.
Say I’m sorry I cannot help and stick to it. Be strong!

 

[milliepops]

I generally move mountains to help people when they are in a fix but there has to be a recognition of what you're doing, and managing dangerous behaviour is a bit much. So i'm with the PPs who say you shouldn't have to do this.

it's easy with hindsight to say that the horse's behaviour should have been dealt with before this all happened... you'd have to be upfront with a paid freelancer anyway so finding someone willing to put themselves at risk of getting booted might be tricky! it's a lesson to all of us to make sure our horses are safe to be around.

Has the horse actually already got mud fever or is the cream as a preventative? if the latter than i'd say it can go without tbh.

 

[Mary3050]

I generally move mountains to help people when they are in a fix but there has to be a recognition of what you're doing, and managing dangerous behaviour is a bit much. So i'm with the PPs who say you shouldn't have to do this.

it's easy with hindsight to say that the horse's behaviour should have been dealt with before this all happened... you'd have to be upfront with a paid freelancer anyway so finding someone willing to put themselves at risk of getting booted might be tricky! it's a lesson to all of us to make sure our horses are safe to be around.

Has the horse actually already got mud fever or is the cream as a preventative? if the latter than i'd say it can go without tbh.

It’s been an on going issue with its behaviour many people on the yard don’t want to go anywhere near the horse as they are concerned it will hurt them . I believe it’s a preventative I thought it doesn’t need doing . They also want me to go purchase a product to put on it because it’s ran out of the other stuff ?. No mention of them paying for it !

 

[Berpisc]

No and even more no. Do not be guilt tripped into doing this for all the reasons you have stated. Keep it simple, as Clodagh says and do not budge.

 

[Gloi]

Tell them that you are scared of the horse and you are not going to handle it. If it is on a yard they can sort full livery out while the owner is recovering. I'll bet they wouldn't do your horses if it was a you that was injured.

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

Heck no! Just keep telling them no. This sounds like a long term commitment if the owner has broken a leg. Why should you put yourself out and risk injury? That would be really stupid given you have your own to care for-who’d do them if you were injured? I’m appalled they’re asking you!

 

[SEL]

I did someone with a difficult horse a favour once and got hurt. It was one of those situations where I wasn't badly hurt, but enough to shake me up and realise I'd had a close call.

After that I politely told them they needed a freelancer who carried proper insurance etc. I'd stay clear in your situation otherwise you'll find you're doing more than trying to apply cream if the YO doesn't particularly want to look after it. Breaking her leg is a shame but we all have to be prepared to fork out for help when we're ill

 

[ihatework]

Tongue in cheek - how about suggesting a family rota, each family member does a shift of cream application. You don’t need to be horsey to slap a bit of cream on a leg right ?‍

 

[Errin Paddywack]

Stick to your guns. If this was an easy horse to handle and on the same yard as you, no problem but as it is no way on earth would I be prepared to help in this situation.

 

[PapaverFollis]

Nope. Tell them to do one. 25 minutes each way to put cream on a horse that is going to try and kick you for your troubles. Unreasonable. Completely unreasonable.

Yard owner will keep the horse alive.

 

[Esmae]

I wouldn't do it OP. Just say no. If they are in a hole they need to pay someone to sort it out.

 

[Gusbear]

Tell them you’re Covid positive and to bugger off. I did something similar recently when I was ambushed by a ‘friend’ I hadn’t heard from since pre Covid. She was wanting to stay with her brood, her extended family/friends simply to use my home and my pool as a convenient holiday resort. I casually mentioned I have a non kid friendly 44kg shepherd that attacks visitors and eats children. Plus pool is full of acid due to an algae problem. Advised they’re more than welcome if they’re game to challenge the dog. Strangely never did get a reply. Cruel but effective! Tell said family members you/close contact are positive, you are in isolation and sorry but all bets are off. Bloody cheek of some people.

 

[PurBee]

Ask yourself - would this person with the broken leg do the same for you, if you had a broken leg? Would they drive an hour a day to sort your kicking horse?

I find the people who have expectations, have expectations they are unwilling to fulfil themselves if the boot twas on the other foot - especially family members! ?

 

[PapaverFollis]

Is it just me who thinks that 'slipping in the shower' might be a cover story for 'horse kicked my leg to c**p but I'm telling that to the person I'm trying to guilt into looking after said kicking horse for me' ???

I'm very old and cynical all of a sudden I find.

 

[ycbm]

Say no and keep repeating it until they stop asking.
.

 

[SO1]

I think that the problem is it is a difficult horse. If it was an easy horse I expect other liveries on the yard may have offered to help with the cream.

I was on a yard where a livery broke her ankle and could not afford to pay for full livery for 6 weeks so the other liveries did a rota to help her. She had a very easy horse.

I think you have to stand firm and say the horse is dangerous which why none of the other liveries or friends will do the cream and you should not be expected to take the risk and do it yourself. Explain if it did not kick you would have offered to do help at weekends.

The only way to be sure the horse won't kick you when applying the cream is to have a 2nd person holding up a leg which maybe hard to find a helper if the horse is agressive.

 

[Jenko109]

Im a firm believer in not doing anything you do not want to do. Be that going on a night out with friends when you dont fancy it, hugging people you are uncomfortable hugging or indeed helping out with something you dont want to help with.

I dont think you should need to give a reason. Saying I dont want to, should be enough.

Stand your ground.

 

[Arzada]

You are definitely doing the right thing by saying no. Your health and wellbeing come first. Stick to one reason. As it I see it there is one very good reason at the top of the list of reasons. Stick to that one reason. You must become that broken record. Eg 'I can't look after the horse because it kicks and is dangerous. I cannot endanger myself.' End of. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

 

[norolim]

I don't think you're being difficult at all. If you're not comfortable with something and have said no, then that should be the end of it.

I think if they are desperate, they need to find someone willing to do what they're expecting you to do and pay them for it!

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I think that the problem is it is a difficult horse. If it was an easy horse I expect other liveries on the yard may have offered to help with the cream.

I was on a yard where a livery broke her ankle and could not afford to pay for full livery for 6 weeks so the other liveries did a rota to help her. She had a very easy horse.

I think you have to stand firm and say the horse is dangerous which why none of the other liveries or friends will do the cream and you should not be expected to take the risk and do it yourself. Explain if it did not kick you would have offered to do help at weekends.

The only way to be sure the horse won't kick you when applying the cream is to have a 2nd person holding up a leg which maybe hard to find a helper if the horse is agressive.

I really wouldn't geti nto the 'horse is dangerous' conversation. Simply tell the relatives that you don't have an hour a day to spare, that is the one thing that no-one can provide/suggest any mitigation for- and even for the easiest horse in the world, it would be too far to travel every day for 6 weeks. IME they need cream put on twice a day, anyway.

 

[PeterNatt]

Your safety is the first priority. Who is going to pay out and look after you if you have a serious accident? Keep well away from this horse!

 

[Tiddlypom]

Is it just me who thinks that 'slipping in the shower' might be a cover story for 'horse kicked my leg to c**p but I'm telling that to the person I'm trying to guilt into looking after said kicking horse for me' ???

I'm very old and cynical all of a sudden I find.

That's the first thing that came to my mind, too.

I'll join you in the cynical club.

 

[Melody Grey]

If the behaviour is so extreme and the cream is a treatment, then the owner needs to pay a vet and nurse to visit and apply it under sedation. If it’s a preventative, it’s not essential.

definitely stand your ground!

 

[Leandy]

It’s kicked me before in the stable so I have avoid doing anything with it since .

This is a perfectly valid reason as are your other time commitments. I do think you need to show sympathy and be polite as this is family and they have had a presumably somewhat painful and inconvenient accident. The horse however is having its basic needs met by the yard owner and so should be fine. You could help by suggesting suitable freelance help or alternative livery for the owner to contact if they need more help than the yard owner will give. Of course if the horse is difficult then that could be a problem but it is not your problem to solve.

 

[nagblagger]

Has she ever helped you out before - or would she if roles were reversed? Just being devils advocate.
Maybe ask her to pay for your petrol and insurance for you (just in case), she will soon find the YO's care is adequate and you haven't actually refused to help.