Fear and children learning to ride

[Reri1826]

My daughter is 7 and desperately wants to ride. My horse is a big veteran warmblood who occasionally does stupid things but is generally a plod. She has been mooching about on him for years happily, but obviously he is not the right horse for her to learn on.

She gets occasional rides on friend’s smaller ponies but she is really frightened by trotting to the point of tears. She’s ok on my boy but he barely moves and just shuffles along for her, so it’s very different to a pony trot.

I’m struggling to help her get over her fear. Part of me thinks she needs to fall off, part of me thinks she will never get back on. I don’t want to push her if she really doesn’t want to do it, but then she gets upset because she’s so frustrated with her fear.

 

[Griffin]

I was quite a nervous rider as a child, I loved horses and cantering terrified me (still not always a fan to be honest). I think I just ended up sucking it up because if I knew that the only way I could be with horses was at my weekly lesson.

Pony trots and horse trots are really different. I remember the first time I got on a horse and I found it really hard because the gap between the beats seemed so much longer.

I am sure you have already tried a neck strap but would a balance strap help? Also, would it be worth her seeing a confident child her own age trotting a horse, then she may see that it's not something scary and that from the ground it's actually quite slow.

 

[Reri1826]

So far she has only managed a few strides, usually holding on to the saddle although a few bareback goes on my boy, but I will try a balance strap - hopefully it will help her feel more secure. Thank you

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Does she actually need to trot atm? Would it be better for her to become really comfortable on different ponies at walk? If she can become competent at steering, walking over poles, identifying which leg is moving etc at walk, she might be happier about trotting, especially if she learns sitting trot before rising trot.

ETA, the trouble with holding onto the saddle at trot is that it pulls the rider forward, out of the saddle, although something to hold on to would probably boost her confidence.

 

[Reri1826]

I’ve explained this to her about holding onto the saddle, she has tried to just keep hold of the reins but within 2/3 strides she’s just too scared. She’s done really well with learning to hold the reins properly though, and how to hold them when shortening them, she’s got that down really well.

She doesn’t need to trot for me, I’m happy for her to walk, she will ask to try then be so afraid. I did speak to her tonight and told her that if all she ever wanted to do was walk that was fine by me, she doesn’t need to do any more than that.

Part of the problem is how much kids tv she watches with people jumping on ponies and riding away, she desperately wants to be like that.

I’ll see how she feels about doing more at walk to get her confidence up first. I think she’d like the idea of doing poles independently and weaving round cones, things like that.

 

[SpotsandBays]

Has she got any little riding friends? I find a bit of “friendly” competition helps. Not even competition but when they see another person of similar age doing more it tends to prompt them.
To be honest if she’s happy just plodding then I’d let her be. She’ll get bored of just walking eventually!

 

[windand rain]

think she needs to ride a backward pony with more whoa than go that way if she stops asking the pony stops trotting might sound a bit odd but the child needs to trust nothing is going to happen unless she asks for it

 

[Reri1826]

Nobody else on the yard her age unfortunately. That would work for her though, I think.

I agree about the steady as a rock pony, I think I’m going to end up taking her to a riding school. I think she’d respond better to someone other than me teaching her too.

 

[Wishfilly]

Part of me thinks it's ok if she sticks to what she is comfortable with. Given time, she may decide she wants to trot after all?

I'd also maybe consider riding school lessons if you can afford them- the riding school environment can help a lot with confidence.

I do think a neck strap or balance strap can be better than holding on to the front of the saddle.

 

[mossycup]

Yes definitely get her to a riding school to ride riding school ponies. Their trots will be very different to a privately owned ponies trot - they learn to be very economical stride wise to do a 'safe' trot - I know my daughter feels a huge difference from the riding school ponies to a chums wee welshie (and I know I have to run 3 million times faster to keep up ?). Plus having a coach teach her will make a massive difference - they will often try harder/be braver!

 

[honetpot]

I some for some children just being with ponies is enough, not everyone wants to ride, which when you think about it logically it is a stupid idea for anyone to want to do.
My youngest daughter fell off twice and broke her arm twice when she was 7&8, this made her a very nervous rider, simple falls, but she just falls awkwardly, she also walked in to the patio door several times. She is so stubborn that even though she was really frightened she insisted on continuing, but it was always at her pace, and the hours I spent walking her around the village kept me fit. The right pony for her was 14.2, she was only eight when she started riding him, but he did as he was asked, and no more, he was big enough that he did things relatively slowly, and enough of him to make him feel stable. So if she has more confidence on the bigger one I wouldn't worry.

 

[Sunnyafternoon]

I agree with the point about other kids. My kids instructor has hated the one on one lessons she’s had to do in lockdown for little kids your daughters age. Says the kids don’t have nearly as much fun, it’s hard work for them because they don’t get the breaks while others have their turn, and they don’t progress as well without the others pulling them along which is what happens when they can see other kids doing things. (Also mine hate me helping them! Much prefer lessons with their teacher!)

 

[Red-1]

I am another who says don't rush a young child but...

If I am teaching a young child, or adult come to that, I start with one person in charge of the horse and one person on either side of the child, holding their knee. That way, you stabilise them in the saddle while they get the feel of the movement.

Once they feel the trot, they can do their up/downs. I only dispense with the two people at the sides once they can reliably do their up downs at the start of trot.

It has never taken more than one session to get the up downs sorted, but I think that is because the horse is sorted and you are taking the fear out of the situation.

The second session would briefly have one on the horse's head and one on a knee, just until you confirm that the feel for the up downs is there.

After that, I start with one person on the horse's head until the rider can get the horse to go, steer and, most importantly, pull up. Then we move onto the lunge until the rider is also tidy.

How this fits into Covid I don't know, but I would stick with walking until the teaching can be done in this way, especially with a rider who is already nervous.

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

You could also try "scarier" things at walk/halt. Like around the world, heads shoulders knees and toes, touch the pony's ears/tail, picking hoops/bean bags off a fence- basically anything to get her used to moving about in the saddle a bit so she doesn't feel she has to tense up rock solid in order to stay on.

Also, I often do a veeeerrrrry slow jog rather than a full on spanking trot, and only for literally 5 or 6 strides at a time to begin with, and lots of transitions. And we have one really nice steep hill on our very short walk round the block- firstly everything is easier uphill, and secondly good luck to the person trying to get more than 5 strides of trot out of a lazy pony up that hill!

 

[Reri1826]

Some great ideas, thank you! She loves a “handy pony” type thing so that could work really well for her and build her confidence.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I wonder if she would find an R-stor, easier to hold onto than the saddle/a strap. If you are doing 'handy pony' would she be more confident knowing that she is only trotting a short distance from one marker to another?

 

[Littlebear]

I used to teach in a riding school, there was always the odd kid like this that would be utterly terrified, sometimes they would only be happy to stand with me in the middle while the lesson went on (with a leader) but they needed me to be a security blanket for them, 9 times out of 10 they would be watching their friends having fun and end up joining back in quickly.
I recall several times the parents wanting to step in and say either get on with it or get off but i always encouraged them to let it be until they felt comfortable and it always worked. Get her into a regular slot at a riding school and i am sure if she wants to do it she will. Sometimes when it would come to their turn to do something i would offer a more basic option to keep them feeling safer. Just needs some patience and understanding (and some friends to watch) some parents would also add private lessons in as extra too but you definitely need the instructor to take all the time in the world, there is absolutely no rush to progress at any particular rate the most important thing is enjoyment which will come quicker if they feel safe and can trust people not to scare them x

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

I used to teach in a riding school, there was always the odd kid like this that would be utterly terrified, sometimes they would only be happy to stand with me in the middle while the lesson went on (with a leader) but they needed me to be a security blanket for them, 9 times out of 10 they would be watching their friends having fun and end up joining back in quickly.
I recall several times the parents wanting to step in and say either get on with it or get off but i always encouraged them to let it be until they felt comfortable and it always worked. Get her into a regular slot at a riding school and i am sure if she wants to do it she will. Sometimes when it would come to their turn to do something i would offer a more basic option to keep them feeling safer. Just needs some patience and understanding (and some friends to watch) some parents would also add private lessons in as extra too but you definitely need the instructor to take all the time in the world, there is absolutely no rush to progress at any particular rate the most important thing is enjoyment which will come quicker if they feel safe and can trust people not to scare them x

I wish you could have been my instructor when I was little!

 

[marmalade76]

It might be all she wants to do. I bought mine a pony when they were tiny, they did lots of LR gymkhanas and mini jumping but never progressed off LR. My daughter will occasionally ride now, a trot round the school or a walk round the lanes but that's about it, riding wise. They will help me at the yard, though, they'll groom, turn out, bring in, fuss and spoil the horses, they see them the same as the rest of our pets, they like them because they like animals. Doesn't bother me, I am grateful for the little bit of help and the fact that they'll hang out at the yard without too much moaning.

 

[Reri1826]

It would definitely be cheaper for me if she doesn’t take a massive interest

 

[marmalade76]

It would definitely be cheaper for me if she doesn’t take a massive interest

Yes, there is that too, I've heard Pony Club is quite expensive now.

 

[thefarsideofthefield]

With nervous children I find that giving them a sense of control can help enormously . What tends to happen with kids on the lead rein is that the leader says ' Shall we trot ? Ok , lets go then ' , sets off trotting and then they decide when and where to come back to walk . The child is left bobbling around on top with not much say in what is happening ! Next time your daughter says she wants to trot say ' OK , we'll trot for 5 steps . Count them out with me ' then trot for 5 steps and come back to walk ( keep it very short the first time ! ) . Then say ' Right , now you decide . How many steps do you want to trot for ? ' , and trot for exactly that number of steps ( even if it's only 3 ! ) . This works on so many levels because
She is now in control of when she trots and how long/short the trot is
She knows exactly when she will come back to walk ( in 5/6/7 strides ) which can help her focus on keeping her balance for X number of strides , rather than feeling wobbly and panicking because she doesn't know when it will stop
Counting out loud will help her with the rhythm and help stop her holding her breath/tensing up
It becomes more like a game - tell her she has to say a different number of steps each time
You will know how confident/secure she is feeling by the number she gives you ( 2 or 20 ! )

Another exercise which gives little riders a sense of control is 'Traffic Lights ' , so Red is halt , Amber is walk and Green is Trot . She shouts out a colour and you get the pony to halt/walk/trot as appropriate . As she progresses you can be the one to say the colour and she gets the pony to halt/walk/trot . You can do this on or off the lead rein . Anything that makes it feel more like a ' game ' will help enormously .

 

[Reri1826]

Great ideas, thank you!

 

[windand rain]

With nervous children I find that giving them a sense of control can help enormously . What tends to happen with kids on the lead rein is that the leader says ' Shall we trot ? Ok , lets go then ' , sets off trotting and then they decide when and where to come back to walk . The child is left bobbling around on top with not much say in what is happening ! Next time your daughter says she wants to trot say ' OK , we'll trot for 5 steps . Count them out with me ' then trot for 5 steps and come back to walk ( keep it very short the first time ! ) . Then say ' Right , now you decide . How many steps do you want to trot for ? ' , and trot for exactly that number of steps ( even if it's only 3 ! ) . This works on so many levels because
She is now in control of when she trots and how long/short the trot is
She knows exactly when she will come back to walk ( in 5/6/7 strides ) which can help her focus on keeping her balance for X number of strides , rather than feeling wobbly and panicking because she doesn't know when it will stop
Counting out loud will help her with the rhythm and help stop her holding her breath/tensing up
It becomes more like a game - tell her she has to say a different number of steps each time
You will know how confident/secure she is feeling by the number she gives you ( 2 or 20 ! )

Another exercise which gives little riders a sense of control is 'Traffic Lights ' , so Red is halt , Amber is walk and Green is Trot . She shouts out a colour and you get the pony to halt/walk/trot as appropriate . As she progresses you can be the one to say the colour and she gets the pony to halt/walk/trot . You can do this on or off the lead rein . Anything that makes it feel more like a ' game ' will help enormously .

This is why a backward pony works so well as they dont need a lead rein and the child has to work to go faster and keep faster if they stop asking pony stops moving yes once confident and wanting to do something they need an easier one but to start the old faithfuls who go only as fast as asked for are the best for beginners

 

[Reri1826]

Just wanted to update and to say thanks for all the advice. I’ve completely ignored trotting and we’ve concentrated on stop/go and steering, both hacking out and in the school.

Her confidence is soaring as a result and she is occasionally pushing the pony she rides into a more forward walk and the occasional jog, which she can then bring down into a walk. I don’t think it will be long before she pushes the jog into a trot of her own accord.

 

[Muddywellies]

Could she go for class lessons with children of a similar age. A fun environment where she sees others (hopefully) enjoying it, I'm sure would help her.

 

[Reri1826]

We are now trotting, and asking to do it again and again! Backing off was definitely the right thing to do

 

[SussexbytheXmasTree]

Yes definitely get her to a riding school to ride riding school ponies. Their trots will be very different to a privately owned ponies trot - they learn to be very economical stride wise to do a 'safe' trot - I know my daughter feels a huge difference from the riding school ponies to a chums wee welshie (and I know I have to run 3 million times faster to keep up ?). Plus having a coach teach her will make a massive difference - they will often try harder/be braver!

This is what I’d recommend. Being taught by a parent is difficult for both sides I think. Bit like driving lessons when you’re not being taught by a family member things stay much less emotional and civil ?.