Fear getting worse not better after an accident ....

[Chinchilla]

After an accident has anyone experienced this? What did you do about it if giving up isn't an option?
Dreading going up to see horses at the moment. Probably just being a wimp and feel ever so guilty about it as they're all sweethearts who wouldn't hurt a fly, but still not sure what to do about it!
Might give more background later for more specific advice but in my experience most other horsey people don't 'get' nerves... With this in mind, can I also ask, how do you ask for help if you're very nervous? (As in face-to-face with a real person rather than on an anonymous internet forum lol!)
Thank you. (and apologies if this is incoherent.)

 

[Midlifecrisis]

On the contrary I think every horsey person have experienced nervousness about some aspect of horsey life. If there is a person on the yard whom you do trust ask them...or text them and explain. Have a squirt of human herbal calmer beforehand. Or find an external freelance helper to work alongside you to regain confidence. Others will be along with better advice I’m sure...but you are not on your own to have nerves.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Actually, I think you would find, if people were completely honest with you (and many are) that most riders have had their own confidence crisis, either after an accident, or the loss of a horse, a 'near miss', perhaps on the road, or even after a non-horse related event in their lives which has affected confidence across the whole of their lives or simply because the start to think 'what if?'
But many of them don't want to admit it because they are trying to 'fake it til they make it'. Some are very good at harnessing the nerves to motivate themselves in competition.
There are loads of confidence threads if you search on here.
IME, the best way to regain confidence is to find a horse that you trust and take small steps, gradually taking more steps.

 

[be positive]

Having worked with horses for rather a long time I have had my fair share of accidents although most have been relatively minor you do still suffer from a certain amount of fear, sometimes flashbacks for a while and can get through it, I think most horsey people suffer with nerves about some aspects they are just better at hiding them and getting on with what needs doing than people in other walks of life that may be able to avoid their fears.

My way of helping riders is to take baby steps, be well prepared, have the knowledge required and plenty of tools in the box to enable them to go a different route if required to get the desired result.
It works for groundwork or general handling as well as riding, know what you want to achieve and have a plan in your head that leads to a successful outcome but one that can be changed if circumstances prevent you going route one, take baby steps and always finish on a good note to build your confidence even if that means finishing early or with the plan only half done, there is always another day.

 

[Red-1]

I think more people that you would realise need help with nerves.

I used to have a confidence coaching business, and used an approach where we recognised that the scared feeling is there to keep you safe, it is your friend rather than your enemy. That being said, it is a wayward friend who possibly has the wrong end of the stick, so we turned detective to find out what needed improving safety wise.

Many times, we have found holes in the schooling/training of the horse or understanding of the rider. Once horses are actually obedient, truly focused on the rider, the issues left. In short, often times people were scared because things were less than optimal. We set about making things better.

Another thing we did would be for the rider to decide not to force themselves ever again to do something that they did not want to. If you know you will only do what you want to, there is no need to be scared. So, for example, if you take the horse to the school to ride and he is uptight, shying, snorting... there is no need to be scared because you know you won't make yourself get on, you will lunge first or ground work, and only get on if and when the horse is settled. Often it is about getting the horse to focus on you.

People used to say "aren't you confident!" and I was, but most of the time I was confident because I would look at a horse that the owner would not get on and confidently declare "I am not getting on THAT! Here, let's lunge first." I would not be talking mindless circles, but using transitions etc until the horse was engaged mentally. Then, I would confidently get on.

Many clients regained their confidence as they became confident to judge what they would or would not be happy to do, realise that the situation would not be forever, and have the tools and a plan of action to improve the focus of the horse and their control.

If someone needed alternative help, then I recommend Jo Cooper, http://www.equestrianconfidence.com/

She can work on the telephone as well as in person.

You say that your location is covered in mud in a cold wet English field somewhere and I think Jo has no objection to be cold and wet, but I don't know if your particular English field is close to her, so it may be a phone call that would be most suitable. She works with NLP and TFT (Tapping) to erase unhelpful feelings.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

Don't underestimate stress and anxiety. If you are struggling, talk to your GP.

Take your time. We're getting close to winter so take the pressure off. Spend some time just enjoying being around them. Do some grooming, cuddling and let them help you relax.

 

[Tiddlypom]

IIRC OP, you suffered a nasty injury after being kicked? No wonder you are anxious being around horses.

Build it back up in baby steps. I was kicked accidentally when I was a teenager (loose horses in a field, and the kick was aimed at another horse, not me). I soon got full confidence back handling them on the ground except when venturing into a field of strange loose horses, when I am still (45 years on) incredibly wary.

 

[DabDab]

Great advice up thread, but just wanted to add that you really need to cut yourself some slack...in all aspects of your life. Xx

 

[Chinchilla]

Great advice up thread, but just wanted to add that you really need to cut yourself some slack...in all aspects of your life. Xx

out of interest what makes you say that ?

IIRC OP, you suffered a nasty injury after being kicked? No wonder you are anxious being around horses.

Build it back up in baby steps. I was kicked accidentally when I was a teenager (loose horses in a field, and the kick was aimed at another horse, not me). I soon got full confidence back handling them on the ground except when venturing into a field of strange loose horses, when I am still (45 years on) incredibly wary.

Correct. It was 11 months ago (or rather 11 months ago, yesterday) and I just feel like I'm going backwards in terms of what I can do with horses.
Not sure if it's because field arrangements have been reorganised so the horse that kicked me is now in the same paddock as mine; because it's winter so the environment is much more akin to what it was like when it happened so I'm remembering / thinking about it even more than usual; or what to be honest!
But the fear/inability to stop thinking about it, is honestly is getting worse so that the number of horses I feel "mostly ok" with can be counted on one hand, and is an ever-decreasing number (at the moment, it's 3; My horse, my pony, the donkey in my profile pic. Nothing else). It's not total comfort either with these either - more a low enough quantity of abject terror that i can function. (lol)
But I can't even express coherently how unbelievably frustrating it is Rationally I know they're not going to actually DO anything bad but ... :/

 

[SpringArising]

All horse people suffer nerves at some point, doing one thing or another. What one person finds scary someone else won't think twice about.

I said to a friend up the yard a few months ago "I think you're so brave getting out there and doing a different test every weekend. There's no way I'd be able to remember where to go!", and she came back with "I think you're brave to ride him every day!' (him being my old horse). Neither of us thought twice about what we were each doing but we both secretly admired the other, and I imagine that is SO common. There is more than likely someone out there who admires you.

Just yesterday on a hack another livery and I were talking - she goes for long, fast hacks every weekend alone and you would never think she's nervous, but she said "Oh I just feel the fear and have to do it anyway, otherwise it would just consume me".

Don't beat yourself up about feeling nervous - 1) It's involuntary and 2) it's 100% normal when we're dealing with big stupid animals!

 

[DabDab]

Because you strike me as a very intelligent, interesting, kind person and yet if you read a post like this OP, it sounds like you are almost a bit disappointed in yourself and you seem to think that other people are much more capable than you are.

We all struggle, and we're all a work in progress, just in different ways. A group of horses in a field is an intimidating thing, because you can't possibly hope to control or read the little body language warning signals of all of them at once, so that's a rational fear. If that rational fear is then spilling over into less rational fears that's also normal and something that there are people out there who can help enormously with (eg in red's post above). You don't need to just struggle on with stuff because you think that you 'should' be able to cope.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

anyone who says they never have any confidence issues around horses are either liars or quite mad. I have on and off suffered with quite major confidence issues and have been around horses since I was about 7 (now 48) and worked with them for many years.
some excellent advice here, I have recommended Jo Cooper many times, another slightly cheaper option would be one of Ben Hart's confidence courses.
fwiw dealing with loose horses in a field shouldn't be underestimated by anyone, even with my two I take precautions and don't take unnecessary risks when it comes to feeding etc as I am always by myself.

 

[Abi90]

I’m currently going through this after an accident 18 months ago. I want scared of hacking and jumping (despite my fall happening in an arena when we were walking to cool off)... you just have to take things slowly and push yourself outside your comfort zone bit by bit!

What really helped me was my horse went away for schooling (different horse) and seeing the pro ride her and then push me to get on and hack, and go to the gallops etc. I felt sick before I got on every time but I knew she wouldn’t let me do anything that she didn’t think the horse would go safely and afterwards I felt great!

 

[sport horse]

I got kicked very badly, hospital job, operation, then two further operations. I was a youngish adult (as oppsoed to an OAP as now!) and my husband and I both competed at a high level. I got back to competing but found that after such a long lay off I was not as good as I had been. My husband was good and able to ride my horses on and off so if one got a bit 'fresh' he would take it over for a few days. I no longer ride much although I am deeply involved in breeding and producing side but from the ground - I farm the riding out to younger people!

I have never totally lost the wariness of the back end of a horse. In my opinion that is not a lack of confidence more an infusion of common sense!! Just plod on doing what you feel happy doing and arrange your life to avoid that which is too difficult. ie let someone else do it!!

 

[Louby]

I too totally lost my confidence after losing my horse of a life time. Over the next few years I had a couple of horses that slowly chipped away at my confidence, then broke my jaw when my horse exploded and launched me in the school, totally out of the blue with no apparent reason for it. I basically threw the towel in, the horse went, I definately wasnt getting back on her, and the next 3 mths were spent recovering. Having had horses all my life, it was all very strange having nothing to do so I stupidly bought an unbacked 3 yr old and spent the next 12 mths playing around with her. I admit I was terrified to get on a horse but a friend let me ride her horse and I was so blooming proud of myself afterwards. My mare was then backed in March, I had to ride her before they let her come home and again, I thought wow Ive done it. It was a bit different when she came home as I didnt really have anyone to ride with and the fear set back in. I would push myself to just sit on her and walk up and down the lane, then went a bit further, all with my husband leading us. Not great I know but I then moved yards and my friend has been fantastic, shes pushed me to do more and we now hack out quite confidently. My main fear is riding in the school, Ive done it once and she was fine but in the back of my head Im expecting her to explode and launch me. Hacking has been great for my baby horse and me too! but the time is coming that we need to start doing a little in the school and Im not looking forward to it but Im sure with the support of my friend we will be fine.
Sorry for the long ramble but I think what Im trying to say, like others have, baby steps, good experiences and the support of a good friend and you will be able to overcome this. I very much doubt I will ever be as confident as I was but we can do this!

 

[JFTDWS]

IIRC OP, you suffered a nasty injury after being kicked? No wonder you are anxious being around horses.

Build it back up in baby steps. I was kicked accidentally when I was a teenager (loose horses in a field, and the kick was aimed at another horse, not me). I soon got full confidence back handling them on the ground except when venturing into a field of strange loose horses, when I am still (45 years on) incredibly wary.

See I don't think this - or the OP's situation - is a lack of confidence - it's just a good dose of common sense. Horses loose in fields are dangerous, particularly in certain situations. It's all about risk management - I would feel very exposed and concerned in a herd I didn't know too, but I'm pretty happy around mine (except if they start being dicks, when I manage situations to keep myself safe first - common sense).

I think that the issue here is that (unless I've misread) your horse is in the same field as the accident, with the same horse that kicked you? That's pretty triggering, and unless there was a very specific circumstance that led to your accident which can be avoided, does sound like a very risky idea. Could you move fields, or yards, to find a safer set up? Fear is there for a reason, in situations like this.

 

[SEL]

Chinchilla. I've been kicked by my witch of an Appy 3 times now. I don't think you should be beating yourself up about not wanting to be near the horse that kicks or only feeling comfortable around your own horses. I regularly have to take a deep breath when the Appy has her evil head on and dig deep to work out the best way of dealing with her to avoid those back legs. That's just common sense and if she wasn't mine I'd steer well clear of her. Plus that's the reason she never goes in herd turn out.

Can you move fields or is it herd turn out only?

 

[oldie48]

any times, we have found holes in the schooling/training of the horse or understanding of the rider. Once horses are actually obedient, truly focused on the rider, the issues left. In short, often times people were scared because things were less than optimal. We set about making things better.

Totally agree with this, what really transformed my confidence with Bisto was learning how to put him round enough and on my aids when I wanted to, rather than when he wanted to. It seems really obvious but most of the time I didn't really have control of him!

 

[Chinchilla]

Sorry for not coming back to this thread...thanks for responses though. It's not just with my horses now though but with work cobs too (two cobs in a field, have to go in and catch one with the other loose).
Going to speak to my mum about moving her horse into a different field though. Feel bad about it but I don't think it's fair on either of them to not get attention they need because I'm being a wuss! Not sure how to phrase it but will think on that over the weekend.
So unfortunate it was her horse, though. He's a sweetie really and 11 months after the accident still comes over for a cuddle and looks faintly disappointed when I tell him to eff off. Poor guy.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Sorry for not coming back to this thread...thanks for responses though. It's not just with my horses now though but with work cobs too (two cobs in a field, have to go in and catch one with the other loose).
Going to speak to my mum about moving her horse into a different field though. Feel bad about it but I don't think it's fair on either of them to not get attention they need because I'm being a wuss! Not sure how to phrase it but will think on that over the weekend.
So unfortunate it was her horse, though. He's a sweetie really and 11 months after the accident still comes over for a cuddle and looks faintly disappointed when I tell him to eff off. Poor guy.

But you are not being a wuss!

It makes me cringe when I see some of the things that happen, particularly on livery yards, in fields full of horses. herds of loose horses, especially the ones who don't know you well are dangerous. IMO no-one should try to do things, such as poo-picking, putting hay out with the horses in the field, particularly if they are the only human in the field - and I am surprised that YOs allow it. I would move your horse away from the kicker, so that the risk is minimised, don't do any work in the field, with the horses there and take every possible precaution to keep yourself safe.
Can you train the horses that you need to catch to come to call?

 

[Tiddlypom]

What is your 'work', OP? Are you a groom?
You mention having to catch up a work cob.

 

[Chinchilla]

Just poo pick/catch/feed a cob for someone a few days a week. he used to live alone but there's now another horse in with him.

What is your 'work', OP? Are you a groom?
You mention having to catch up a work cob.

 

[Michelle1109]

After an accident has anyone experienced this? What did you do about it if giving up isn't an option?
Dreading going up to see horses at the moment. Probably just being a wimp and feel ever so guilty about it as they're all sweethearts who wouldn't hurt a fly, but still not sure what to do about it!
Might give more background later for more specific advice but in my experience most other horsey people don't 'get' nerves... With this in mind, can I also ask, how do you ask for help if you're very nervous? (As in face-to-face with a real person rather than on an anonymous internet forum lol!)
Thank you. (and apologies if this is incoherent.)

Hi fellow faller!!
I had a corker of a fall - horse bolted .... really bolted after hanging on for dear life become to much I fell (more like was launched at great speed) in to a metal fence ..... dislocated shoulder broken ribs torn leg muscles concussion and black and blue head to toe

When I went to get back on I had a total meltdown and didn’t ride for 3 months ...... after I was healed up so In total about 5/6 months

It’s super hard but honestly what I can advise from knowing how you feel and still going through the fear phase is this
TAKE YOUR TIME
It’s your time table no one else’s
Find a patient trainer or friend to be with you some one who boosts your confidence
Try in hand work first, find that love and trust with your horse again
WHEN you get back on (and you will) Walk I don’t care if it’s for 10 mins with your friend trainer walking next to you in the ground - getting on and walking around that is itself is an accomplishment if you have total fear.
Keep your self riding fit so when you do get on your ready for it and you feel stronger in the saddle

If you are not training for a big comp take it slow remember why we do this .... it’s fun and you get to spend time with your buddy (your horse)

I have fears of certain areas or noises or flashbacks and it’s really hard to over come
Even when the horse flicks her head I tense up!!
But I have a trainer who is awesome - she doesn’t push she doesn’t comment she is there for ground support and reassurance
I talk absolute rubbish to the horse as it makes you breathe and you forget to tense up

But the most important thing for me personally that is helping is doing my own thing at my own pace some days I feel like right I’m gunna do this and I have a play around on her
Other days fears gets to me and I walk for 1 hr .... I just walk and talk to my mare

Do what makes you feel ok in the day

All the above is brought to you by the added help of rescue remedy hahahhahahha!!!!

Good luck and don’t give up time is a great healer I’m still far from where I was but everyday to me is one step closer to where I was xx

 

[Chinchilla]

Hi fellow faller!!
I had a corker of a fall - horse bolted .... really bolted after hanging on for dear life become to much I fell (more like was launched at great speed) in to a metal fence ..... dislocated shoulder broken ribs torn leg muscles concussion and black and blue head to toe

When I went to get back on I had a total meltdown and didn’t ride for 3 months ...... after I was healed up so In total about 5/6 months

It’s super hard but honestly what I can advise from knowing how you feel and still going through the fear phase is this
TAKE YOUR TIME
It’s your time table no one else’s
Find a patient trainer or friend to be with you some one who boosts your confidence
Try in hand work first, find that love and trust with your horse again
WHEN you get back on (and you will) Walk I don’t care if it’s for 10 mins with your friend trainer walking next to you in the ground - getting on and walking around that is itself is an accomplishment if you have total fear.
Keep your self riding fit so when you do get on your ready for it and you feel stronger in the saddle

If you are not training for a big comp take it slow remember why we do this .... it’s fun and you get to spend time with your buddy (your horse)

I have fears of certain areas or noises or flashbacks and it’s really hard to over come
Even when the horse flicks her head I tense up!!
But I have a trainer who is awesome - she doesn’t push she doesn’t comment she is there for ground support and reassurance
I talk absolute rubbish to the horse as it makes you breathe and you forget to tense up

But the most important thing for me personally that is helping is doing my own thing at my own pace some days I feel like right I’m gunna do this and I have a play around on her
Other days fears gets to me and I walk for 1 hr .... I just walk and talk to my mare

Do what makes you feel ok in the day

All the above is brought to you by the added help of rescue remedy hahahhahahha!!!!

Good luck and don’t give up time is a great healer I’m still far from where I was but everyday to me is one step closer to where I was xx

This is good advice for people who have fallen off but I haven't fallen off I don't ride anymore actually.

 

[MyBoyChe]

I dont know the whole back story but can you eliminate as many of the circumstances that led to your accident as possible? Do you know why it happened, was it deliberate or a complete accident? If you can isolate as many factors as possible you can then start to build your confidence from scratch again. I dont know how old you are but as we get older we do all become more cautious which can also be seen as a loss of confidence, actually becoming more cautious is no bad thing as long as you can manage it enough to not let it take over

 

[Tiddlypom]

Was it your mother's horse that kicked you?

My work around for my fear of loose horses in a field is to rarely enter one in which there are loose horses. My neds come to the gate when they see me, and I catch them up one at a time to bring them in, even when that means doing several different trips. It's much safer (and better practice) to poo pick etc when the field is empty.

 

[Chinchilla]

Was it your mother's horse that kicked you?

My work around for my fear of loose horses in a field is to rarely enter one in which there are loose horses. My neds come to the gate when they see me, and I catch them up one at a time to bring them in, even when that means doing several different trips. It's much safer (and better practice) to poo pick etc when the field is empty.

Yep, her horse.
Silly question but when I call them over, all the horses come, so how can I catch one without the others being there?
I do poo pick only when everyone is stabled, but it's catching them to stable them that I struggle with. Thanks for all your help/patience with me on this thread though. Honestly very grateful; we're not on a yard per se, just a bit of land with stables that we rent. Which is nice in terms of privacy and the lack of bitchiness but not so nice when you need a helping hand and/or are there alone. (I don't like either of us having to go up alone but it's unavoidable sometimes).

I dont know the whole back story

for MyBoyChe: went to field to go and catch TB in the snow and got to the point of having the headcollar over his nose. Then just as I went to flick it over his poll and fasten up someone sledging in the next field screamed quite loudly. This scared him abd he spun round, bucked and caught me in the face with a hind hoof. It was a complete accident, he was just scared and doing what scared horses do - running away.

I dont know the whole back story

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Yep, her horse.
Silly question but when I call them over, all the horses come, so how can I catch one without the others being there?
I do poo pick only when everyone is stabled, but it's catching them to stable them that I struggle with. Thanks for all your help/patience with me on this thread though. Honestly very grateful; we're not on a yard per se, just a bit of land with stables that we rent. Which is nice in terms of privacy and the lack of bitchiness but not so nice when you need a helping hand and/or are there alone. (I don't like either of us having to go up alone but it's unavoidable sometimes).




for MyBoyChe: went to field to go and catch TB in the snow and got to the point of having the headcollar over his nose. Then just as I went to flick it over his poll and fasten up someone sledging in the next field screamed quite loudly. This scared him abd he spun round, bucked and caught me in the face with a hind hoof. It was a complete accident, he was just scared and doing what scared horses do - running away.[/QUOTE



How many horses are there in the field?
It does sound as if your injury was a complete accident and 'just one of those things' rather than malice on the part of the horse, which I know doesn't help much but at least you know that the horse isn't out get you next time you go in the field. I wonder if you would find a rope halter quicker and easier to put on in the field. It is almost one movement, rather than having to flip a strap over the head and fasten a buckle. Is it possible for a while until your confidence grows again (which it will) for you and your mum to go together to catch the horses?

 

[DabDab]

In terms of catching horses without getting in amongst them - I just put a headcollar on over the gate* and then drag them out from the others, shutting the gate behind them. Once the horses get into the routine of how things happen I find they start presenting themselves at the gate in turn.

*this has its own hazards as the horse can slam you into the gate if they shoot backwards and you hold on, so I always use a long rope and gloves just in case, but I prefer this risk than being in with them when I'm on my own.

 

[Tiddlypom]

Mine always line up at the gate in the same order, there's a definite herd pecking order, and I don't interfere with this. The first horse will have her head over the gate waiting to be caught, I open the gate a tad, put the headcollar on and lead her through then promptly close the gate before no 2 gets near it. I pop the first horse in her stable then I repeat for the others, one at a time. I currently have 3 neds has been up to 4.
The newbies inc the rescue fosters soon pick what's expected of them. Don't tell anyone , but I use a parelli carrot stick as a third hand to train newbies not to barge the gate.

ETA my method sounds similar to DabDab's, though her method may not have involved a carrot stick! Or she's too wise to let on if it did...

ETA2 I remember the photos you posted of your injury, you got fairly well mashed up. No wonder you are still scared of your mother's horse. Does your mother know how you feel about him?