Fears of mounting and dismounting

[bkneil]

Hope someone can help. I’ve ridden all my life and my youngest daughter is pony mad. My eldest daughter is 13, overthinks everything, loves animals but is not that into riding (horses are big and scary) though she does enjoy a hack occasionally. She can be a bit of a hermit so I’m trying to encourage her to come out more as I think it will be good for her to spend more time outside. She’s fine once she’s on but has a massive fear of actually getting on or off… to the point of tears. Our pony stood like a rock today while she dithered over getting on and stressed herself. But she did enjoy the ride, coped with a big spook well without drama- any ideas on how I can help her overcome her fears of actually getting on would be much appreciated ?

 

[Gloi]

Have you got a substantial mounting block she can use? Would that help her confidence?

 

[EllenJay]

You need to find out what exactly about mounting/dismounting she is scared of. Is it that the pony will move, is it that she is worried she can’t put her leg over the back of the saddle, is it a long way down etc. until you know what her actual fear is, you can not address it

 

[bkneil]

Yes I have steps, a large concrete wall and mounting block.
I think her fear is that she’ll fall. She’s an anxious girl anyway liable to imagining the worst that could happen. It’s like she thinks the pony will shoot sideways as she’s midair.. which has never happened. Dismounting she seems to think she’ll go over backwards. Like I said , she’s fine actually riding but has fixated herself on just this bit. I made her get off on grass today- she still got upset but was much better. I haven’t tried that getting on yet as I hadn’t thought of it before

 

[Fjord]

Dismounting onto a tall sturdy mounting block might help. For getting on, she might be better if she can get high enough to just step over, until her confidence improves.

 

[Keith_Beef]

Get a set of step ladders.

Have her go up a couple of steps and then jump down.

Repeat this a few times.

Then get her to go up a few steps higher and jump down. When she is confident that she can jump down from that height, have her go up a bit higher.

Every time she gets confident that she can jump down without injuring herself, have her go up a bit higher and eventually she'll be at the height of the horse and should no longer be afraid of dismounting.

 

[bkneil]

Get a set of step ladders.

Have her go up a couple of steps and then jump down.

Repeat this a few times.

Then get her to go up a few steps higher and jump down. When she is confident that she can jump down from that height, have her go up a bit higher.

Every time she gets confident that she can jump down without injuring herself, have her go up a bit higher and eventually she'll be at the height of the horse and should no longer be afraid of dismounting.

That’s a good idea. If she’s confident she will land on her own 2 feet that might be a big help. Thanks

 

[Red-1]

Are you sure she wants to ride? She may simply enjoy horse time without riding.

I have known a few kids go through this. The ones who persisted in riding into teenhood and beyond were the ones who were allowed to simply enjoy being with their ponies. Then, one day, they decided to ride again and were unstoppable.

The ones who were pushed all gave up once they became a teen. I suspect they rode because it pleased the parents.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Get a set of step ladders.

Have her go up a couple of steps and then jump down.

Repeat this a few times.

Then get her to go up a few steps higher and jump down. When she is confident that she can jump down from that height, have her go up a bit higher.

Every time she gets confident that she can jump down without injuring herself, have her go up a bit higher and eventually she'll be at the height of the horse and should no longer be afraid of dismounting.

Please don't, this is dangerous advice! As she jumps off the steps could easily move and cause a serious accident, stepladders are not meant to be jumped off and we don't jump off horses in the same way, anyway!

The advice to mount and dismount with the help of a mounting block is good, I've done that ever since breaking my ankle (not on a horse). In addition, she would probably appreciate having someone hold the pony as she mounts and dismounts.

 

[Wishfilly]

Does she like spending time with the horses? Would she enjoy taking one of the ponies for a walk in hand? Or just coming up to the yard to groom etc?

If it's just about getting her out of the house and doing things, and she likes animals, then perhaps just spending time with the horses to start with is the way to go?

If she actually wants to ride, I would definitely let her dismount onto a block if that would help. How does she feel about leg ups?

 

[bkneil]

Are you sure she wants to ride? She may simply enjoy horse time without riding.

I have known a few kids go through this. The ones who persisted in riding into teenhood and beyond were the ones who were allowed to simply enjoy being with their ponies. Then, one day, they decided to ride again and were unstoppable.

The ones who were pushed all gave up once they became a teen. I suspect they rode because it pleased the parents.

 

[bkneil]

Honestly I’m not sure yet. She’s very introverted and given the chance would live in her room. I’ve never pushed her to ride, I’ve seen too many parents do that, this was her first time out for a while. She had a meltdown the other night thinking she’s lazy and never does anything- I pointed out I offer all sorts of things but she always says no, she told me I have to take her anyway! I worry about her anxiety taking over but she loves animals and I think time outside doing anything is good. When I mentioned a ride she was ok, didn’t say no and was much brighter yesterday evening, telling my husband about his big spook, a lamb that we had to get back to its field after it escaped and followed us and she wants to rename the pony as Jack doesn’t suit his personality. She’ll never have the horsey bug but wants to come again in a couple of weeks. I just want it to be a positive experience.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

It's hard when it is psychological. I do have a good reason to have issues with mounting but managed to somehow be fine with my chestnut mare right from the start (she was my first post spinal injury horse). When I tried her, I saw that she was good to mount and she also has a nice full mane. Having a horse that stands well, the reins (accident was mounting for a lunge lesson and the reins were twisted up in the throat lash) and some mane to hold while mounting has just made it a non issue. I have trained my others to stand properly for mounting too. I'm not sure that I could ride a hogged horse these days as my mental list of 'what I need to be fine' would have a missing item on it.

 

[smolmaus]

She had a meltdown the other night thinking she’s lazy and never does anything- I pointed out I offer all sorts of things but she always says no, she told me I have to take her anyway!

Impressive self awareness for 13. Good on her. She's spotted that her brain will try and self-sabotage with the anxiety and is telling you how to help. Psyching yourself up to take the first step, getting the initial momentum, is always the hardest bit when you're anxious so a little push might be just what she needs.

 

[Supercalifragilistic]

How would she be if you suggested some games like ‘round the world’ and ‘scissors’? They might help her to be confident moving around (and to) the saddle,Obviously only if you are sure that your pony will stand like a rock, and so long as the idea doesn’t scare her.

 

[Red-1]

Honestly I’m not sure yet. She’s very introverted and given the chance would live in her room. I’ve never pushed her to ride, I’ve seen too many parents do that, this was her first time out for a while. She had a meltdown the other night thinking she’s lazy and never does anything- I pointed out I offer all sorts of things but she always says no, she told me I have to take her anyway! I worry about her anxiety taking over but she loves animals and I think time outside doing anything is good. When I mentioned a ride she was ok, didn’t say no and was much brighter yesterday evening, telling my husband about his big spook, a lamb that we had to get back to its field after it escaped and followed us and she wants to rename the pony as Jack doesn’t suit his personality. She’ll never have the horsey bug but wants to come again in a couple of weeks. I just want it to be a positive experience.

Bless her, growing up can be so hard.

If it were a horse, I would do advance and retreat, so go to the mounting block (no intention to mount) and then walk away. Then go to, up one step, back off and walk away, up 2 steps, walk away. Be on the top, pat pony, back off and walk away. On the top, pull on stirrup, back off and walk away. On teh top, bash saddle, back off and walk away etc etc etc, until she is confident in each situation.

I would imagine that would work for a human as well, as I know that, when I train a tricky mounting horse, it helps me feel confident in each stage with that horse before moving on.

I have done the same with riders getting back from an accident (not with me, I used to be a confidence coach so met loads of riders who had fears) where the first ride they will literally faff getting on, sit a moment and get off, or maybe walk 4 steps so they can dismount onto the floor. Usually they soon wanted to do more. But if they didn't, we didn't until they wanted to.

I tried to be the one pacing it so slowly that, in the end, they would just get board with the speed we were going and ask to do more. Boredom being the opposite of being petrified.

I think it put them back in charge, of what they wanted to do, rather than being told to so XYZ.

 

[cauda equina]

Is there any way she could practice 'mounting' a gate or fence, to get her muscle memory switched on and working away from the pony?

 

[Meowy Catkin]

Part of the training I do with mine to get them good to mount is getting them to stand properly until asked to move off. I also practice making a mistake. They stand and I'll 'mount badly' eg touch their side with my foot, or flap about, stop halfway, dismount and then remount. It makes me feel more secure knowing that they are used to it not going quite right and that they'll wait for stirrups and girth to be sorted before moving off.

 

[Quigleyandme]

I wonder, is someone holding the horse’s head/stirrup whilst your daughter mounts and dismounts? Would doing so and offering quiet encouragement help her get over her anxiety?

 

[milliepops]

Part of the training I do with mine to get them good to mount is getting them to stand properly until asked to move off. I also practice making a mistake. They stand and I'll 'mount badly' eg touch their side with my foot, or flap about, stop halfway, dismount and then remount. It makes me feel more secure knowing that they are used to it not going quite right and that they'll wait for stirrups and girth to be sorted before moving off.

between yours and red's post you've described what I'm doing with my 2 at the moment. one tricky to mount (fidgety and then bogs off sometimes humping) and the other has only been sat on a handful of times.
our little routine gives me the confidence that they are in the right headspace and also means we rehearse a positive experience instead of accepting whatever I get dished on the day.
after a couple of rides where the one would scuttle off and put his back up i found i was getting a bit windy about getting on, so the advance and retreat thing red mentioned helped me settle that down. and i def bang about on the youngster a bit, too much quiet riding won't do him any favours. knowing your horse can cope with not-perfect experiences is a good confidence boost.

I get where Keith was coming from. being nimble and confident on your feet helps. I find it very disconcerting getting off onto a mounting block because you can't see where you are stepping to so i prefer to know I can land well