Feel a bit mean - made my 'livery' cry!!!

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Jericho

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I feel awful because I made my young livery cry on the phone just now.....

The story is....
Young girl (16yrs) in village was desperate to have a shetland pony as a pet. She helped me out now and again with my 2 horses so she knew a little about horses but is really a complete novice. I agreed with her that if she wanted to she could keep a shetland at mine in return for help with the poo picking (all 3 horses) on a daily basis. Plus she pays £20 a month to cover cost of hay and she pays any other costs such as farrier, worming etc. I organise everything else including holding her pony for farrier as she never is available to come, unloading hay deliveries, worming, moving the fencing, building a shelter for her pony. (The shetland is a bit high maintenance in that it rubs everything and breaks fences and is a bit bargey etc). However she has taken to going away for weekends with her boyfriend (every other weekend) and her very non horsey mum walks over and poo picks instead (but doesnt check the pony). This weekend she rings up Friday ans said that she left to go to her boyf early and wouldnt be up but her Mum would be down on Sat to pick up. She has just rung up to say she has just got back and its too dark to poo pick up and did I want her to still come down??!

I explained that fine not to poo pick but really she should be more committed to checking her pony is OK. Now I wouldnt not make sure the pony had water / hay etc but I feel thats not the point. If she kept the pony else where she would be charged for 'services' or if she rented a field she would need to check it every day and I explained this to her..... and she burst in to tears, said sorry and she felt really bad etc.

Am I being unreasonable?? Should horses be checked every day ? Do you think it is alright to not go up to see your horse if you know someone else would have done hay and water anyway???

When I had a horse at yard when I was her age, I cycled there every morning and night to do everything and still paid £15 p/w diy. Do you think I have been a bit hard on her? I just want her to realise that having a pony is her committment and she shouldnt rely on me to make sure everything is OK. Life would be simpler without the shetland and our privacy wouldnt be so compromised i.e. someone on premises (her, her mum, her boyfriend and occassionaly other friends) so I feel I am doing her a favour by letting her keep the pony here - and all I get is her poo picking in return.

ho hum sorry for the ramble - just wondered if I am a total meany and this happens to other people......
 
You are absolutely right in instilling some responsibility this girl. Let's face it. 16 is a difficult age for many girls with horses/ponies - with many previously 'horse mad' children giving up in favour of a social life and boys.

Don't feel too bad. She was crying because she knows you are right and she's feeling guilty.
 
Don't you dare feel guilty. When she wanted a pony she has to understand they need seeing to morning, noon and night. Or at least morning and night and at 16 she need to realise this. I would also be saying when you go away you need to organise someone to come and check pony and do not just expect me to do it.
 
Heck I feel old. I'd have never been allowed to go away with my boyfriend when I was 16!
Anyway, she needed a kick, so don't feel bad about it.
 
Don't feel bad! I had a 17 year old girl who kept her horse at my yard and wouldn't come down every day to check on it or look after it and I kicked her out! Hopefully this will have given your girl the kick up the backside she needs!
 
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Heck I feel old. I'd have never been allowed to go away with my boyfriend when I was 16!
Anyway, she needed a kick, so don't feel bad about it.

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Me too!!!!
 
My younger sister and i have a horse each and she is at that age where her social life and boys have outgrown her interest in horses. I'm left doing all the poo picking, feeding and general checks etc...

Like you, i've had nice words...she listened...but it didn't click with her, i even threatened to sell one of the horses, which doesn't bother her as she knows i wouldn't. I've lost it with her a few times over the matter, and she too started crying. Like you i felt awful...but needs must! My sister was crying because she knows i'm right and feels bad.
I can understand your frustration with this girl. However, i feel you've gone about it the correct way. You've not been nasty. Perhaps becoming firmer with her and setting out clear rules/guidelines is what she needs. You could suggest that she starts taking more responsibilty of her pony, with the farrier etc. The lack of responsibility she has (although its very nice of you) is making her lazy! If she expects you to do things and knows you'll do them (because you're nice) then shes taking advantage of your good nature.
Shes old enough to know better but too young to care.

Be firmer with her.
I can sympathise with you...it is annoying!
 
Made her cry? I'd have said if you aren't down here EVERY weekend and more besides, I will shoot it and send you the bones. Sorry, but she is 16 and taking the piss. At 17 I'd have given my right arm to stare over a gate at a three legged donkey.
 
I would not feel one little bit guilty. Firstly I cant beleive at 16 she is allowed to go away with the boyfriend! I would have a word with the mother, explain the pony is a nuisance and if she doesnt start paying him a bit more attention, then she can look for some where else to keep it. IMO it seems a complete waste of having it she doesnt seem to spend any time with it.
 
Ditto all of the above.

like someone else said at that age I was on my bike twice a day EVERY day (otherwise my dad threatened to sell my pony) doing it all for myself.

She's taking advantage, nipping it in the bud was your best bet.
 
Thank you all so much for the support! I just felt so mean, it had been brewing up all day in my head because I was just waiting for 'that' call again and I had gone over and over what I was going to say and usually I just say oh OK dont worry and this time I didnt. Feel a bit sorry for the pony really because it doesnt have much of a life (its only 3) and I really think she needs to do more with it. The girl says she is devoted to it but I think actions speak louder than words.......
 
Don't feel guilty! Don't let her get to you with her crocodile tears! when i was 14 i had a year off. Both my sister and I had ponies and when i was 14 and she 17 Mum refused to look after them for us so we both gave up and at 15 Mum said I could have another horse if i looked after it myself. Been like it ever since and I have never looked back! My sister gave up coz she couldn't be bothered. If she can't come down and look after it then she shouldn't own a horse. They are not toys they are animals and they need checking every day. If she was my daughter I'd tell her to get a friggin grip, and if she wants to go and spend time with her Boyfriend then get rid of the Shetland. Don't let her take the piss but I'd have words with her Mother too and then she can hassle her about looking after it aswell.

My friend had a horse in that situation at that age and no one ever told her how to look after it and she has two horses now that are left weeks without being looked at, fed, rugs checked, etc. It's really bad but now she thinks all horses can be kept like it so there you go. If your 16 yr old doesn't get better chuck her out.

Sorry about rant but it really annoys me when people think horses can be kept like this. If you don't have the time, money or are willing to give up other parts of your life you should not own a horse.

Rant over! sorry
 
I know what you mean about the pushey bargey shetland pony breaking the fence - I have one of those!

But seriously, I'd be insistent that she keeps her end of the bargain. If you told her that her pony is effectively on full grass livery because you're doing most of the work and want £50 a week for it, she might think again!
 
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